August18

Bell-tower Craik
More tea Vicar?
Me: I was doing an overnight at a hotel
away from home. I took my computer
down to the bar to do some data
entries. I sat down at the bar and I
asked the bartender, What’s the
Wi Fi password?
Bartender: You need to buy a drink
first.
Me: Okay, I’ll have a beer.
Bartender: We have Molson’s
Canadian on tap.
Me: Sure. How much is that?
Bartender: $8.00.
Me: Here you are. OK now, what’s the
Wi Fi password?
Bartender: "youneedtobuyadrinkfirst";
No spaces and all lowercase.
Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble,
but shouldn't that be an even number?
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local
swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and
yelling like the passengers in his car.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually
find me attractive.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are
flashing behind you.
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body... men are so polite they
only look at the covered parts.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer
than the men who mention it.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered
Y?
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's
common sense leaving your body.
I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.
I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel
so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought “Nap Time”
was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a wee holiday.