Seedling Magazine

Understand that your
caregivers do want the best for
you
When I first entered my partial hospitalization program, I
felt like the people in charge of my diet were trying to
break me. I thought they wanted me to change my morals
and make me give up on the things I felt most passionate
about. As time went on and I progressed in my treatment,
however, I realized that they weren't trying to convert me.
They were in fact just trying to convince me to eat
anything! As a habitual calorie restricter, it was my mind
which was trying to break me.
attachment.
Many people I was in treatment with saw meat as a safe
food and thus saw it as an inextricable piece of their
psyche. I drew a parallel to this when analyzing my own
pre­recovery diet, in that I saw consuming an almost
entirely fruit­based diet as a way to comfort myself from
the ills of my disorder.
Once I came to understand that certain foods were being
used as coping mechanisms in different ways for different
people, I realized that although I could see the cruelty in
their dietary decisions, it was not the time to be showing
them how they could change. I could save that for later.
Once I realized that my caregivers were looking out for me,
I found it easier to open up in group therapy, and I noticed
that my ability to avoid restrictive urges was improving all
because I felt that others cared.
Mindfulness when eating was
a make‐or‐break factor in my
recovery
Whilst I know that they cared about my wellbeing, I
believe in my heart that they (my caregivers and the
majority of people) are just not in a place where they can
accept new ethical values. This leads me to my second
point.
When I first entered the partial hospitalization program, I
ate robotically. Eating was a hurdle to get over before I
could do things that I placed more value on. When
reflecting on my history of restricting calories, I realized
something that increased my ability to be mindful.
An eating disorder recovery
center is not prime real estate
for converting people to
veganism
I'm very proud to say that in my life as a vegetarian and
then a vegan, I have converted at least 4 people in my
immediate friendship groups or family to plant­based diets.
Because of this, I feel that I am a particularly good
advocate for veganism/vegetarianism. My style of
inspiration is (in my opinion) pretty lax. It generally
consists of showing people that it isn't hard to change your
habits, and exemplifying that plant­based eaters can be
healthy and happy.
Eating according to my values
This doesn't just apply to eating vegan, it also applies to
avoiding more harmful plant foods such as palm oil. I find
that when I end up in a place where I must consume palm
oil or animal products, I try my best to leave my body so as
to feel less like a hypocrite. Less shame. Less guilt. These
feelings of guilt, shame and, hypocrisy were very linked to
my tendency to restrict.
Since leaving the treatment program and resuming my
plant­based diet, I have developed a better ability to be
mindful; thus over time, I experience less and less guilt
when I eat. >
In a place as hostile as an eating disorder treatment center,
my advocacy style briefly went out the window as I was
confronted with a multitude of people who had eating
patterns that I just couldn't understand (they likely couldn't
understand mine either). I was shocked to see people who
had not only a strong taste and tradition­based attachment
to meat, but people who had an intense fear­based
seedling magazine | 9