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canYou Me Maybe a more appropriate title would be “How do you hear me?” Or maybe, “Sounds like…” with the proper charades gesture. Let’s discuss how to add voice or sound to your stories. How do characters speak? What do specific noises sound like? Taking the second question first, it’s not enough sometimes just to write something making noise. To add elements such as mood or emotion, you must show the reader how things sound. You do this by relating the particular noise to something recognizable. For instance, “The rain fell hard against the roof.” This can be spiced up depending on what you’re trying to convey: “The rain falling against the metal slats sounded like a hail of machine gun bullets.” Or, “She sat alone in the cabin. The light rain against the screens was, as many whispers, silently calling to her.” Wind and rain are fairly easy to bring to life. The wind can moan like a dying asthmatic, cry like ghosts from the past mourning their own passing, sing like a teakettle on full alert or whine like an injured animal. Other sounds may challenge the writer. I’ve heard the familiar blatting exhaust of a passing bus described as “snoring” and “farting.” Did you know cats doing the courting dance sound exactly like a crying baby? The similarity is downright eerie. Voices are another area where you can bring the reader closer to your story. In nearly every story I read, I assign a specific voice to each character, sometimes by the author telling me how someone speaks, sometimes with only the character’s description. I have a friend who suffers from multiple sclerosis and as a result she can’t read a book very long before her mind gets tired. So she listens to audiobooks. When we dated, I’d spend hours reading aloud to her. She ended up with someone else, but since then, when I discover a book I think she might like, I’ll record it for her. I’ve heard hundreds of audiobooks and I enjoy them so much more when the narrator uses a different voice for each character. One who reads in a monotone or with no emotion even in the action packed scenes tends to make a good story boring. I’ve developed a standard set of voices for various types of characters when I read aloud. Unless I’m specifically told the person has a particular voice, I usually rely on past experience and descriptions. With exceptions, of course, see if you hear the same voices. Attorneys, especially the adversarial ones, usually have an aristocratic tone. Techno-geeks and some doctors are nasally. Military officers will speak in a bass or gravelly voice. Beat cops and veteran detectives talk out of the sides of their mouths, while their captains are gruff speakers. Preachers are charismatic with maybe a touch of southern. On the other hand, priests are quiet and subdued. Unless specifically mentioned, I usually put a little high-pitched waver to elderly ? voices. Women are, of course, done in a higher voice except when you have a Lauren Bacall type character. Breathy, perky, whiny, nasally, domineering, seductive, grating … the voice depends on the character. Accents are fun, too. Does the Irishman have a Dublin or North Country accent? Is the British speaking in a London or rural twang? Cockney or House of Lords? Is the Mexican high-pitched or raspy? Is the black person speaking in a deep, formal, commanding voice (think James Earl Jones), sassy street slang (think Martin Lawrence or Eddie Murphy), or very distinctive (everybody recognizes Morgan Freeman)? Is the businessman from Mississippi, Alabama, or is he a boisterous Texan with a hat too big to fit inside his pickup truck? Is the Russian a weary ex-KGB officer or his sexy partner (a’la James Bond movies)? The point is to make the reader mentally hear the sounds and the voices by giving them life and distinction. How many books have you read where everybody sounds the same, where you don’t hear any grinding metal gates, nerve shattering creaking doors, Armageddon like eruptions or droning insects like miniature, model airplanes? They’re not very exciting, are they? Give your readers some sound. Their ears will thank you. � Hear noWBy Stephen L. Brayton You can reach Stephen L. Brayton, author of “Night Shadows” and “Beta” by going to www.stephenbrayton.com. 66 Suspense Magazine August 2011 / Vol. 025
Free Lunch By Missy’s gone… Those two words were all Jerry’s wife left for him in a panicked, mid-morning voicemail on his office line. Why she didn’t call his cell, or text him for God’s sake, he didn’t know. It was typical behavior for Nancy, though. The woman just wasn’t capable of making good decisions. He had been stuck in a meeting with the City Council all morning and hadn’t gotten the message until nearly noon. Two full hours wasted because she couldn’t send a fucking text message. He pulled the Blackberry off his belt as he left the office, but before he could scroll through his contacts to find the entry marked home, the phone started to vibrate in his hand. “Jerry Shannon,” he said. His throat was dry and his mouth tasted like dirty sand, but his voice was smooth, unwavering and professional. “Hey Jerry, I hate to bother you, but I’ve got your wife down here at the police station.” “My wife?” he asked. “At the station? Is she all right?” There were so many more questions he wanted to ask, but fought the urge. Remain calm, he thought. Never let them see you sweat. “Everything’s fine, she’s just a bit upset.” The voice sounded vaguely familiar, but Jerry couldn’t quite place it. “Well, I’m sorry if she’s caused you any problems…uh, can I ask who this is?” “It’s Bill,” the voice said. “Oh, Chief Conroy, I thought it might be you,” Jerry said, only partially relieved. Bill Conroy would keep this between the two of them if possible, and only call in a favor or two down the road. “I’m just stepping out of the office now. I’ll be there in five minutes and get her out of your hair.” “No problem, Jerry, just get here before the Mayor shows up and everything will be fine,” he said. “Can you tell me what’s going on?” Jerry asked. There was no reply. Chief Conroy had already hung up. SuspenseMagazine.com Sean Baron 2011 Short Story Contest Submission 67
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