Floodgates 100_Issue1_2019_FINAL

Features
It keeps us going, it pushes us to endure
countless attempts and it motivates us to
look around the next corner, even after
being stonewalled at every turn. With such
grim statistics, is hope only the preserve of
the courageous? Or the foolish?
Our psyche is shaped by narratives that
have a beginning and an end. For couples
struggling with infertility or other health
issues however, there is no end, for as long
as they are determined to have a biological
child, they keep going, even if their efforts
thus far have come to naught. Somehow,
these couples feel “incomplete” without
children.
And this feeling is as real for childless
couples as it is for couples suffering
from secondary infertility. For two years,
Desmond, 41, and Susan, 40, (not their
real names) have been trying for a
second child. Lisa, their only child, is four
and was conceived relatively easily -–
after ten months. Their second attempt has
left them stumped. They have spent about
RM30,000 on western and traditional
Chinese medicines, and suffered two
miscarriages. With the emotional and
financial toll, they have decided to take
a break from the treatments and rely on
essential oils to balance Susan’s hormone
levels.
Says Susan, “If you ask me if I’m willing to
not do anything and just let it be, I would
feel it’s a waste, because there’re only 12
chances a year you can do it! I don’t know
how to let it go.”
At 40, the likelihood of conceiving within
a year is about 44% while the risk of
miscarriage is 50%. As dour as these
figures may be, as long as the possibility
presents itself, the spectre of hope looms
large before Susan and her restlessness
prevents her from finding an emotional
equilibrium.
“I don’t think I’ve found the balance yet,”
she conceded. “I’m still trying to seek it.”
Moments later, she revealed, “The more you
want it, the harder it is to let go, especially
if it slipped through your fingers twice.”
With hope deferred, can couples ever find
their happily-ever-after without the baby
they so long for?
OVER A DOZEN CHILDREN,
YET CHILDLESS
The emotional roller coaster is a common
ride for couples with difficulty conceiving.
Like most, Paul and Beth’s (not their real
names) early marital bliss included high
hopes for a child. They were in their
twenties when they got married and they
tried actively for 10 years to conceive. After
some tests, it was revealed Paul had a low
sperm count.
“We did not seek treatment because of
the demands of ministry and also the cost
factor. We just wanted to trust God for our
best,” recalled Paul, 52. Summing up his
feelings in the early years: “It was not so