Spring 2019

Upheld by His Hand
Cassandra Neild
Written by Terry Schmidt
The long and winding road to God’s purpose
and plan often goes through dark valleys
until the light of a new day is visible. So
Cassandra Neild would testify as she’s walked
through trial and triumph for over half of her 19
years.
Raised in a Christian home and heavily influenced by a
maternal grandmother who lived by faith, and the only child
of an educator and a librarian, Cass knew what it was like
to be loved and cared for by family and Jesus. But her world
was rocked when her grandmother fell seriously ill when
Cass was 10.
“My parents bought a house across the street from my
grandparents so we could be close,” Cass said. “Our lives
became focused around Grandma’s illness. I would hear an
ambulance in the night, and I would know she was going to
the hospital again.”
Cass’ grandmother was in and out of hospital for 3 years,
creating such an anxiety in Cass that she rarely left home,
afraid something tragic would happen. In the midst of
family trials that resulted in other broken relationships, in
the fall of 2012, Grandma was moved to hospice care.
“I was afraid,” Cass shared. “I prayed, ‘God, if You are real,
Grandma isn’t going to die.’” When she passed away in
November 2012, it shook Cass’ faith critically. “Her death
changed my personality. I was so angry. I thought if I
believed in God, only good things would happen. I felt so
vulnerable and afraid that everyone would leave me.”
Cass’ anger and frustration lead to depression and anxiety,
poor decision-making, and bad behaviour. In her fear of
abandonment, she distanced herself from friends and
family, experiencing constant guilt which perpetuated the
behaviour.
Cass’ grandfather attended a grief counseling class at FAC a
year after his wife’s death and began attending services. He
invited Cass and her family to the Mother’s Day service in
the spring of 2014. Cass was reluctant.
“Church reminded me of Grandma and it was so painful. I
thought, ‘I don’t want to go to a place where they worship
a god that has taken so many people away from me,’” Cass
admits. She was pretty grumpy sitting in the auditorium
that day, but acknowledges she admired the people leading
worship and thought it was pretty cool they could be on
stage showing their talents.
Cass picked up a guitar for the first time when she was 6
and has had no formal lessons. She learned to read music
in junior high and became advanced enough to give private
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