Storyline Fall 2020

20 Identity
Storyline
magazine
Fall 2020
42 Belief
14 Failure
31 Service
6 Desire
48 Provision
10 Surrender
36 Healing
26 Trust
22 Forgiveness

Storyline
a note from Heather
I have always been drawn to stories. Growing up, the wonder
of fairytales and other children’s books capturing our
imaginations are wonderful memories. As I grew older, the
fictional “Once upon a time” stories became less captivating
than stories about real people and real-life situations. To this
day, they’re the stories I love to hear. Couple that with stories
that intersect with the living God, and now I’m truly hooked.
Hebrews 10:24 says, “Let us consider how we may spur one
another on to love and good deeds” … and 1 Thess. 5:11 says
“encourage one another and build each other up ...” So often
when I have the opportunity to talk with someone about what
God is doing or has done in their lives, I am spurred on, I am
encouraged, and my faith grows.
At times my deep-seated belief that Jesus is the Son of the
living God and is Himself God has been challenged by others.
I have found that while theology and interpretations of
scriptures can be argued or debated, your story – my story – is
not debatable. What God has done in our lives through Jesus
Christ’s death and resurrection is undebatable. When we tell
our stories we’re reminded of what God has done and how
much we need Him. We’re reminded of how great our God is.
Consider Revelation 12. One day it will be true that “the accuser
of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day
and night, has been hurled down. They (We) triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their (our) testimony.”
We must tell our “God encounter” stories … We must testify
often and ever about the incredible God moments in our lives.
By this, death is defeated and we live.
Storyline magazine exists to help our FAC people tell their
stories. These stories are intended to draw you in, encourage
your heart, strengthen your faith, and let you know that we
walk this journey of faith together … We are not alone!!
Heather Wile
A platform for stories
to be shared here at
FAC: stories to make us
smile, cry, laugh – and
ultimately guide us
towards a transcendent
hope in Jesus in the midst
of a broken world. This
quarterly publication uses
the talent of volunteer
photographers, graphic
designers, and writers.
Storyline is a publication
of First Alliance Church,
Calgary, Alberta of the
C&MA in Canada.
our team
Editor In Chief
Heather Wile
Managing Editor
Cheryl Siebring
Graphic Designers
Deon Watson
Ken Born
Photographers
Quinn Hystad
Enoch Tseng
Jill Hopkins
Ken Born
Postmedia Archives
Videographers
Russell Moore
Paul Nadeau-Bonilla
Story Editor
Cheryl Siebring
Article Contributors
Julie McPhail
Les Bon-Bernard
Tolu Solola
Henry Korthuis
Nathan Kinnie
Helen Liebrecht
Rosalind Coben
Heather Wile
James Paton
Loralee Martin
Briana Southerland

content
06 Desire Julie McPhail
10 Surrender Les Bon-Bernard
14 Failure Tolu Solola
19 The Lord is My Shepherd Henry Korthuis
20 Identity Nathan Kinnie
22 Forgiveness Helen Liebrecht
26 Trust Rosalind Coben
31 Service Ray Matheson
36 Healing James Paton
42 Belief Loralee Martin
48 Provision Briana Southerland
contact us
Phone 403-258-4359
Email storyline@faccalgary.com
Web faccalgary.com/storyline-magazine
Volunteer with Storyline serve@faccalgary.com
Share your story faccalgary.com/storyline-magazine

we are

the church

Desire
“What are you looking for?” John 1:38

While maybe not as much as in
decades past, there still seems
to be an expected order of steps
in life – graduate, find a job, get
married, have kids. For Carter and
me, we were ticking off the boxes;
we got married in 2007 after our
post-secondary education, found
employment, and were enjoying
life as a young couple. Since we
were married young (I was 21), we
wanted to wait a few years before
having kids so we could settle into
married life together first. About 5
or so years in we felt ready for the
next step: start a family.
Well, months passed … and months turned
into years … and we found ourselves
wondering if we could even have kids.
What do you do when what you’re
anticipating will happen … simply doesn’t
come to pass? Can you relate? With COVID-19,
I’m sure a lot of people can relate; you had
plans for something to happen this year only
to have it put on hold – perhaps indefinitely.
For us, there was a lot of tentative but honest
pillow talk. How badly did we want to have
children? Should we get tested for infertility?
Should we explore fertility treatments or
adoption? There was a lot we had to sort out,
not only individually but as a couple.
I remember several years ago Heather
Wile was praying for me during a one-onone
meeting with her in her office, and
she asked God to grant Carter and me the
deepest desire of our hearts. I remember
tears streaming down my face because at
that point I just didn’t even know what the
deepest desire of my heart was anymore.
Did I really want to be a mom? What if I didn’t?
What if I did, but didn’t want to adopt or
pursue fertility options? There was a lot of
angst in my heart. And while Carter and
I were always open and transparent with
each other, we didn’t really talk about it with
others. Sure, our small group knew, and our
7

parents knew without many words being
spoken. A lot was left unsaid with those
around us, and looking back I know it was
emotionally and spiritually unhealthy (for
me at least), but it just felt like something we
didn’t want to broadcast to the world.
And yet, Carter and I came to a place
where we both felt God was calling us to
be content in our circumstances; to be
content with being a family of 2. Neither
of us felt adoption or exploring fertility
options was right for us. (Sidebar: if
you’re facing infertility, the ability to have
children through means such as adoption,
surrogacy, or fertility treatments is Godgiven
and wonderful. It just wasn’t our
journey.) And you know what? God gifted
us with contentment. Period. There was no
desperation or angst; just peace. We had
each other, but more importantly, Christ was
(and is!) enough for us.
Then something clicked into place for both
of us: if it was just going to be the 2 of us, if
having kids wasn’t going to be “the next step”
for us, what did God want us to say “yes” to?
What was God calling us to do and be as a
family of 2? We entered a season of prayer
and a posture of open hands, open hearts
to whatever God wanted for us. We began
thinking about missions, but weren’t sure
what that should look like. Then, when we
were asked if we wanted to go on the 2018
short-term mission trip to Thailand with
FAC, we knew God had our “yes.” I had never
been overseas before, and we had never
experienced a mission trip together before.
It was one big unknown, but our hearts and
hands were open! It turned out to be an
amazing eye-opening experience, teaching
8

us about how big our God is and how He’s
at work in a place like Phuket. On the trip,
we asked ourselves if this was it – if God was
going to call us to something more long-term
overseas. We were open, but didn’t sense
that was our next step.
Then one evening, Sara, one of the team
members, pulled us aside for a private
conversation with the 2 of us. She tentatively
shared that she'd had a dream that she was
babysitting our child. God imprinted Exodus
23:26 on her heart: “ … and none will miscarry
or be barren in your land. I will give you a full
lifespan.” She knew our circumstances with
not having kids, and didn’t know what this
was supposed to mean for us, but she felt a
responsibility to share this with us. We didn’t
really know how to respond; we were in a
place of being at such peace with not having
kids. But we thanked her, and knew we had
to sit with this for a while.
Well, life got busy returning home after the
trip; we sort of forgot about the dream (or
at least it was on the back-burner of our
minds). Fast-forward to July, and I found out I
was pregnant. Let me tell you, I was in shock!
I suppose I shouldn’t have been, considering
Sara’s dream – but there I was, totally in
shock. When you’ve conditioned your mind
and heart to be okay with one reality and
suddenly without warning it changes, it’s a
bit hard to let it sink in! I told Carter and he
was so happy. The happiness for me sunk in
once it became more real to me.
Teagan was born March 4, 2020 – right
before all the COVID-19 self-isolation and
quarantine restrictions came into effect in
Calgary, so we’re super thankful for God’s
timing in her arrival which allowed not only
Carter to be with me during her birth but
also my mom from Ontario. Now she is
nearly 8 months old and absolutely thriving,
and we couldn’t imagine life without her.
But here’s the thing … If God chose not to
give us Teagan, we would’ve been okay. You
see, God shifted our hearts so our greatest
desire became to simply follow Jesus’ lead
in our marriage and in our lives. I know full
well there are people who will never get the
thing they cry out to God for, and that’s hard.
But I truly believe God can take our cries
for a spouse, or children, more finances, or
whatever it is we desire – and transform it
into simply wanting more of Him. Like the
lyrics of the old chorus: “Turn your eyes
upon Jesus / Look full in His wonderful face
/ And the things of earth will grow strangely
dim / In the light of His glory and grace.”
But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient
for you, for My power is made perfect in
weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more
gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s
power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s
sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in
hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.
(2 Corinthians 12:9-10)
Julie McPhail
9

SUR
REN
DER
“What good would it do?” Mark 8:36
I came to Christ in high school. It was actually
as a result of the ministry here at FAC. Early
in my faith journey I was challenged with this
notion of the surrendered life, with the idea
of living life with an open hand; of allowing
Jesus to be not only my Saviour but my Lord.
And through many of the seasons of my life
and our life as a family we've been drawn
into circumstances which required us to
recommit to that.
It’s been 12 years since I joined this amazing
staff and family. I want to talk about the
story that led up to that and how it connects
to this idea of picking up your cross and
following Jesus. I had been a pastor of
another Alliance church here in the city and
when that role came to an end I was given
the luxury of a bit of a break. The plan was
that after that break I would begin to think
through what my next ministry serve would
be. The challenge was that as the end of that
sabbatical break came into view there was
absolutely nothing taking shape in the way of
a next opportunity. Just silence … So, I went
out and got a job in the marketplace and we
continued to think and pray and to just work
our way through what it meant for us that
we might not be aiming towards another
place of pastoral ministry. This was a really
challenging time for us because this was
really the first time we'd been in a situation
where, having left a ministry, we didn't
know where the next one was going to be. It
brought us into a season of real dependence;
of asking, “God, what are You up to? Where
are You taking us?“ And the longer the
silence continued, the more clear it became
that God was up to something that was quite
different than what we had anticipated.
As we navigated our way through this
process we had to come to grips with the
reality that God might be done with us in
terms of pastoral service. So as we prayed
and wrestled with that, we gave it over to
God and said, “If You're done with us in
vocational ministry, that's OK. We love You
and will continue to serve You as You lead
and guide us.“ As we leaned on Him we
came to the strong conviction that there
was still a place for us to serve and so we
just continued to wait. It became clear to me
that God was wanting to do a really different
work in us when I was reflecting on a prayer
that I'd prayed for years. It's an old prayer of
surrender by Charles Wesley:
Put me to what You will ...
Put me to doing, put me to suffering,
Let me be laid aside for You,
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things to Your
pleasure and disposal.
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I can remember sitting one day thinking
about that and it was as though God spoke
to me in the midst of all the silence and
just said this: “Are you still going to pray
that prayer now?” It was quite a question!
The reality was that the answer for us was
yes. We were going to continue to pray that
prayer and we were going to continue to
live life with an open hand – and yet that
meant picking up our cross every day in the
midst of the silence, the uncertainty, the not
knowing. And little did we know at that point
that that was only the beginning.
The long period of time where absolutely
nothing took place continued. No phone
calls, no conversations, and then out of
the blue an opportunity did arise – but this
opportunity was completely outside of
anything that we would have envisioned.

It was on the other side of the country. And
so Dawn and I had to wrestle with what it
would mean for us to be leave Calgary, leave
Alberta. Dawn was born and raised here at
FAC. She's always lived here; I've been here
since 1972. My entire spiritual journey and
our entire ministry life has been here. What
would it mean for us to just pack up and
leave? That was a really interesting time for
us. It was a time when we discovered that
God was on the move and we needed to
make sure that we didn't miss what He was
up to … but it was not without its challenges!
Everything that we knew was here – all our
roots, our family, our friends, all our ministry
experiences, everything was here – so the
idea of packing up and moving to the other
end of the country was a big thing, and it
was quite a wrestle for us. And yet, at the
end of the day we were still committed to
that prayer, we were still committed to living
with open hands. I can remember a cold
November day standing on a mountain ridge
looking out over the Kananaskis. Putting
down all my hunting gear, I just stood there
looking out to the west and said, “OK, God,
if this is the last time I ever see this view I'm
OK with that. I'm good! We’ll do whatever
You want, we’ll go wherever You want.“ I got
home and we talked and I gave those people
the indication that we would be happy to
have a conversation with them – and I never
heard from them again.
Several things came into play in the midst
of all of this that were really super helpful
for us. One was the verse in Proverbs (4:23)
where it says, “Above all else, guard your heart
because out of it comes the wellspring of life”
… We began to realize that this was really a
heart issue for us and we needed to make
sure that we guarded our hearts. Secondly,
it became clearer to us as time went on that
God really was up to something and we
needed to make sure we didn't miss that.
A third lesson for us that was really helpful
was that it reminded us that even though we
would have said that we lived by faith, that
12

faith had been propped up by all kinds of
stability – and now all of a sudden, so much
of that was gone, and so we found ourselves
living in a place of faith and dependence very
different than what had been our experience
for the last number of years.
So, another season of silence … and then
another opportunity came. This one was in
the Calgary area but with a denomination
other than the Alliance. This was another
real challenge for us. Dawn was born and
raised in the Alliance. I was saved in the
Alliance. It is the only thing we'd ever known.
We love this family of churches! We love
what it stands for, we love its heart … and
now to think that we would leave that and
go and serve within another denomination
was really tricky. I'm very loyal, so the idea
of walking away from this family of churches
was just very difficult for me. As we were
working through this Dawn and I ended up
sitting in a Tim Hortons on Macleod Trail
with Mel Sylvester. Deep down I knew what
he was going to say but we just needed
to talk. With many tears we unpacked the
place where we found ourselves … And sure
enough he encouraged us to be open to
where God might be calling us. So, I went
back to that church and I said we’d be happy
to enter into a conversation with them – and
we never heard from them again.
More silence … Now committed to guarding
our hearts, not wanting to waste anything
that God was up to, we were seeing our
faith grow in ways that we hadn't in quite
some time. And then all of a sudden multiple
conversations started happening, one of
which was here with FAC. We focussed on
that conversation and through the course of
time God opened the door for us to come
and serve here.
Our church, the church where my wife was
born and raised, the church where we were
both saved and baptized, the church where
we were married, the church that sent us out
into pastoral ministry in the fall of 1985! And
now here we were, back again! What a gift!!
But the real thread through the story is a
series of surrenders. It seemed like God
took us through several big tests of dying
to ourselves. ”Are You done with us in
vocational ministry?“ “Are You asking us to
leave for a distant place?“ “Are You asking us
to leave this family of churches that we know
and love?“ They were days of picking up our
cross and just following Jesus. Putting Him
and His ways first.
These were examples of big moments in
our lives … And yet I don’t believe the big
moments get handled well if you haven’t
been surrendering as a routine. In the little
things, the mundane things, the things that
you’re not sure even matter.
And the reality is that the story is going to
look different for each of us – those crossbearing
moments are going to be unique
for you and me. And yet, the truth is that as
disciples, as followers of Jesus Christ, we are
all called to this every day – to deny ourselves,
to pick up our cross, and to follow Him.
Les Bon-Bernard
13

Failure
“Do you love Me?” John 21:15
You might know a series of books authored
by ‘Lemony Snicket’ (the pen name for
Daniel Handler) and published some 20
years ago. The series of 13 books called A
Series of Unfortunate Events was classified
under the genre of children’s fiction and was
the source of some controversy amongst
parents and teachers. Handler told the story
of 3 orphaned children, Violet, Klauss, and
Sunny Baudelaire, whose parents died in a
fire, following which they were faced with
fierce persecution at the hands of a distant
relative, Count Olaf. The children suffered
through repeated tragedy, including near
death on several occasions. Some people
could not understand why Handler would
subject his young audience to such dark
and violent themes, but the series went
on to receive much success including
its adaptation into a movie and Netflix
series. Handler’s extreme approach of
exposing children to the reality of hardship,
persecution, wickedness, and death
expressed his attempts to not conform
to what he called “the lily-liveredness of
children’s books” 1 ; Handler wrote the book
he wished he could have read when he was
10. 2 I remember being hesitant myself as a
parent to allow my children to read those
books. There are definitely places we would
all rather not go or even imagine, talk less
of allowing our children to imagine. I am
always reminded that Jesus did not sugarcoat
life for His disciples; sometimes He took
them or allowed them to be taken to places
they would rather not go. It was guaranteed,
however, that when Jesus called them
to places that were new, and sometimes
unwanted, He always had a better plan for
them, a plan to prosper them and produce
fruit in them that was better than they could
have ever imagined. In reality, every Christfollower
must be prepared for such turns in
the journey. My story is about such a time in
my life when my journey took me on a path I
preferred not to imagine, let alone travel.
Not Good Enough
For as long as I can remember, success was
always very important to me. As a child I had
a mental image of a successful person, and
that’s what I wanted to be. Incidentally, it did
not play out as a need to win and I did not
14

enjoy competing with
other people. Rather,
I had big hopes and
dreams, and could be
described as ambitious.
I had high expectations
which I placed on myself
but hardly ever met. As far
as I was concerned, every
unsuccessful attempt to meet
my expectations counted as a
personal failure – just not good
enough. It did not take me long
to compile my dossier of personal
failures, and it just kept growing.

A Safe Place
I met Jesus at the age of 10 years. A deep
faith in the Saviour was nurtured in me, and
Jesus truly became my forever Friend. As
time went on, I had one desire: to please
Him. My place of friendship with Him was
where I felt safe, accepted, and content. Then
as I grew in years, I started to feel the need
to assume more responsibility for my faith. I
felt I had to somehow prove my faithfulness
and my worth. Every time I lived in obedience
to Christ’s commands, I felt I was ticking the
box labelled ‘worthy;’ that I was working
out my faith, and that I was good enough to
receive God’s favour. I felt safe.
A Turn in the Journey
The year 2003 started out really well for
me and I believed I was enjoying that ‘good
place’ in my faith. I was aware I had been the
recipient of a couple of miracles; my father
had given his life to Jesus, my parents were
experiencing deep healing in their marriage
relationship, and Tomi and I had received
news that we were expecting twins. Little did
I know what awaited us. On April 3, 2003, my
uncle called me to tell me he had some news
from Nigeria where my parents lived. He told
me that my dad had been murdered during
an armed robbery. It is difficult to express
what that conversation was like, but I am
sure some people can relate.
Shortly after my dad’s funeral, Tomi and I
went through a miscarriage. I remember
praying and asking God for a miracle that
day, but it did not happen.
In His mercy, God gave us our first child in
2004 – it was amazing! But the years which
followed proved to be challenging for various
reasons. Some of my difficulties were the
result of the expectations I placed on myself
and my image of success, of which I fell
short. I felt that I was failing as a parent and
as a wife, and I found no fulfilment in the
16

work with which I was consumed. We tried to
have more children but ended up with many
failed attempts. I felt like a victim in a ‘series
of unfortunate events’ and unknown to me,
my heart began to gradually change.
Over time, I slowly became what I describe
as a ‘Christian skeptic,’ or an ‘unbelieving
believer.’ I never left the church; yet deep
in my heart, I struggled to believe in God’s
goodness. I continued to muddle through,
but the symptoms of my broken heart
started to show. I lost my joy, my hope, and
my love. Eventually, I felt that my life was not
worth living; then I realized I had reached my
lowest point.
In the Hands of the Great Physician
Have you ever read the book of
Lamentations in the Bible? I have found it to
be a bit of a difficult read, but it is in there
for a purpose and definitely worth a read.
The author expresses some of the deep and
dark places to which a broken heart can sink;
but he also writes:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not
consumed, for His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is Your
faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23)
I am very thankful for the steadfast love of
God. Though I wavered, God’s love was and
continues to be steadfast. There were 2
things God particularly used in my rescue:
prayer (especially worship) and people.
Despite all my buried grief, I was able to
go to Jesus in prayer. What I feel is not just
gratitude that I could pray, but more so
gratitude that God’s door is always open and
available; all we have to do is walk through.
God also sent people into my life for that
season who were able to minister His love
to me. They were people in my worship
community who had chosen to be the hands
and feet of Jesus. I want to emphasize this
because isolation can become the devil’s tool
when we are going through difficult times. The
people who suffer the most are those who do
it in silence; the self-sufficient and independent
who try to put on a brave face. God designed
us to be in community for a reason.
In the place of prayer, Jesus opened up
my heart and changed my perspective. I
realized that I had been carrying a burden
of guilt because I believed that I had failed
as a person. I was also carrying a burden of
accusation against God because I believed
He had failed me; I felt He had not been
there when I needed Him. At the feet of
Jesus, I was able to receive freedom when I
let Him have the burdens which I carried. He
reminded me of His words in John 11:25: “I
am the resurrection and the life; the one who
believes in Me will live, even though they die.”
I realized that our friendship with Jesus
goes beyond this existence all the way into
eternity. His love and faithfulness really do
endure forever. God never leaves us nor
forsakes us; rather, He is always with us on
the hills and in the valleys. My loved ones
had not been lost, they had not slipped
through God’s fingers; but on the contrary,
they are safe in His hands.
17

The Bible describes how Peter was hurt
when Jesus asked him the third time, “Do
you love Me?” As a human physician, I know
what it is like to have to inflict pain in order
to accomplish healing. I am a witness that
God can allow us to go through places we
would rather not, but it is never in vain.
The Gospel of John 21:15-19 tells the story
of how Jesus reinstated Peter after he had
denied the Lord 3 times. It is noteworthy
that every time Jesus asked Peter the
question “Do you love Me?” Peter answered,
“Yes, Lord.” Even when he was hurt, he
surrendered to Jesus and accepted His love.
I believe that in order to access the places
and promises that God has prepared for us,
we need first to say, “Yes, Lord.” When we
surrender to Him, then we receive healing
from the hands of the Great Physician.
Christ Qualifies
I would like to share one final story with
you. I have been babysitting since I was a
teenager and have had some interesting
experiences with it; however, one instance
is particularly memorable to me for all the
wrong reasons, because I think everything
that could go wrong probably did. As usual,
I filed it as a failure on my part; I felt guilty
that I could have handled a challenging child
better than I did. In my mind, I was no longer
interested in babysitting because I had
disqualified myself.
In April 2010, our daughter was born.
Through that experience, God reminded us
that He still does miracles. What amazes me
is that even though I had disqualified myself,
yet God decided to commit another one of
His precious souls to me. When Jesus said
to Peter, “Feed My lambs,” He demonstrated
a principle of God’s kingdom. In the human
kingdom, failure disqualifies; but in God’s
kingdom, Christ qualifies. God has not called
us to handle things on our own, but rather
to walk in partnership with Him. It is He who
does the heavy lifting so that we don’t have to.
Just as Jesus called Peter to follow Him, He is
calling us all today. He calls us not to embark
on our journey alone, but to take His hand
and allow Him to lead. He calls us to be
strong in the face of adversity, knowing that
He will never leave us nor forsake us. He
calls us to be content and satisfied in Him,
because He makes us worthy; with Him, we
are enough.
Tolu Solola
1
Vaux, Anna (December 4, 2001). "Move over Harry Potter". The Guardian. London.
2
Daniel Handler – AVClub.com — Interview by Tasha Robinson, November 16, 2005.
18

1The Lord is my shepherd, I lack
nothing. God looks after me. As a
shepherd He protects me even though I
am not aware of it. My food appears daily,
my head is covered, and I have a bed to
sleep in because of Him.
2
He makes me lie down in green
pastures, He leads me beside quiet
waters, He brings me to Himself; to
a place of tranquility to ease my unrest.
The stream, although it flows, through its
melody of passage, quiets me.
3
He refreshes my soul. He guides
me along the right paths for His
name’s sake. His Holy Spirit lightens
my burdens. His hand holds mine, so I do
not make too many mistakes; so I do not
embarrass Him.
4
Even though I walk through the
darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for
You are with me; Your rod and Your
staff, they comfort me. There are times
when I find myself in difficult situations but
He is always there for me. Evil does not
overcome me, because He has overcome
evil. The staff that He gave to Moses, and
His rod of discipline ... I find comfort in
them because I am forgiven.
5
You prepare a table before me in the
presence of my enemies. You anoint
my head with oil; my cup overflows.
When I am surrounded by those who
would do me harm or should my thoughts
overwhelm me, He makes Himself known to
me. He blesses me in spite of it all, giving me
way more than I deserve.
6
Surely Your goodness and love will
follow me all the days of my life, and
I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever. Because of His faithfulness and
ultimate sacrifice I will feel His presence
every day. My acceptance of Him as my Lord
will lead me into eternity in heaven.
the
Lord
is my
shepherd
Psalm 23 in my own words - Henry Korthuis

IDENTITY
I grew up saturated by the church and accepted Jesus at a very young age.
I’ve been at FAC all my life and was introduced to it through not only my
parents, but my grandparents who started attending well before I was born.
Christianity, and The Way of Jesus, has been preached to me non-stop since
before I can remember. One of the greatest blessings in my life truly has
been my family. My grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, and siblings have all
modelled a life after Christ and have encouraged me to follow Christ for myself.
Along with attending FAC since a young age, I attended Glenmore Christian
Academy from Kindergarten to Grade 9. Upon reflection on my very
“Christianized” life I have realized that although I attended all the church
events, did all the right things, and behaved in the correct manner, I
didn’t actually know Jesus. Quite honestly, one of my greatest blessings
turned into one of the greatest pressures I experienced in my life. With my
amazing family, I felt like I had to behave a certain a way and live up to the
expectations that were set before me.
With no true foundation in Jesus, I ran into some major identity issues in
Grade 8. It was at this point in my life where my closest friends began
to bully me and eventually abandoned me. I was deeply hurt, felt
like I didn’t belong and wasn’t enough. This deep-rooted lie
created many issues for me as I moved into high school. My
teammates on my baseball team in high school always
knew that I was a Christian, but during this period
I got ridiculed lots for being a follower of Jesus.
Because of the lie that I believed – that I
wasn’t good enough – I decided to try to
do anything I could to fit in with my
teammates. This led me to start
watching pornography.
During most of my high
school years I would often

“What's your name?” Luke 8:30
fall into the temptation of watching pornography, which led to me feeling
defeated and empty. However, after high school, God led me to pursue one
of my greatest opportunities that changed my life. After high school I went
to Perth, Australia to do a 6-month program called Youth With A Mission
(YWAM). At this school students spend 3 months dedicated to knowing
God, and 3 months dedicated to making God known. And it was in Australia
where I fell in love with God and where I learned who I was as a son of God.
I learned that in the presence of Jesus all pressure of who I’m “supposed to
be” crumbles at His feet and that nothing I have done can possibly
separate me from the love of God. Jesus met me in my memories where
my deep-rooted lies took shape and showed me His unconditional love.
Growing up, I always had a distorted picture of God, one that looked on
me and expected me to be perfect and criticized me if I wasn’t. In Australia,
I traded that picture of God for one who loves me for who I am.
I learned that God wants to just be with me, and sit with me.
I have always strived to be someone who others expected me to be (family,
friends, teammates) … But what I realized is that God loves me when I am
my true self – my flaws and all. And it is out of this identity as a loved,
forgiven, redeemed, and chosen son of God that I can act and
lead out of authority and intimacy. I am so thankful that
God has redeemed me and shown me who I am
in His eyes. Because it’s in His eyes that I am
made whole, feel full of life, and am at
peace. There’s no need for me to
strive for my heavenly Father; I
simply need to abide in His
overflowing love.
Nathan Kinnie

forgive

ness
“Why should you get credit?”
Luke 6:32
My father was brutally murdered by 2 young men
who were under the influence of alcohol and drugs.
My father lived alone on the farm where I
was raised. He was 90 years old but
enjoyed good health. We often encouraged
him to go into a nursing home so he would
not be all alone, but he wasn’t interested.
He lived about 2 kilometers from the village
where he knew everyone and could visit and
have coffee with friends.
Early one morning while he was sleeping,
3 young men who were on drugs or alcohol
came into the yard to steal gasoline. The
gasoline storage tank was empty. They
thought they should check the house to see
if there was anything valuable to steal. They
broke down the door and entered. Of course
my father woke up and got out of bed to see
what was happening. This frightened the
young men and they thought they should kill
him so that he could not report them as they
had criminal records. They beat him severely
with a hammer and thought that he was
dead and they left for the village to spend
the rest of the day with friends. They weren’t
aware of the surveillance camera on the
property, and were arrested the same day.
My father was, in fact, not dead and drove
himself to the home of my cousin, who took
him to the hospital. He lived a few days but
he died from the beating.
23

We were all shocked and very bitter. We
were asked to provide impact statements
on how this tragedy impacted our lives.
This was an opportunity to share the anger,
bitterness, hurt, etc., that these men created
in us towards them.
It took several years for this to go to trial.
My husband and I always kneel by the bed to
pray in the evenings. One night my husband
said to me, “We must forgive these men that
killed your father." I agreed, as I’d had the
same thoughts; but we were apprehensive
about contacting them before the trial.
People have asked us, "How can you do
this?” We can't in our own strength. God
reminded us that "With men this is impossible,
but with God all things are possible" (Matt 19:
26) and "Nothing shall be impossible to you."
(Matt 17:20)
Two years later at the trial we befriended
the accused's parents and sympathized with
them. The defense lawyer thought this was
the strangest trial where the victims and the
accused's parents befriended each other.
The 15-year-old (Shawn) was charged with
and convicted of first-degree murder. The
19-year-old (Dale) was charged with and
convicted of second-degree murder. The
third person was not charged (though we’re
not sure why).
Now we could contact the 2 men in prison
and ask for forgiveness for the things we
stated on the impact statements and for
their actions in killing my father.
One day as I was working on my flowerbeds,
God reminded me that we had not contacted
the young men and shown forgiveness. It is
God who convicts and gives strength to forgive.
24

We were told that we needed to get
approved to visit someone in prison. This
was more difficult than we thought, but
after several visits at our home from Social
Services (over the course of a year), we
were granted permission to visit them. They
couldn’t understand this and wanted to
know our "motive" as we were the victims.
We visited them twice and it was
encouraging for them and us. They accepted
our request to forgive us for our impact
statements and bitterness shown towards
them for murdering my father. They in turn
asked us to forgive them for the hurt and
harm they created in our lives. We began
writing letters to each other regularly.
We became good friends with the parents
of Shawn. His parents were Christians. We
visited them as often as possible.
Shawn's father passed away when we were
serving at an orphanage in Mexico. They
made us honourary pallbearers as we
couldn't come to the funeral. (This was an
honour to us.)
As we look back to before we chose to show
forgiveness, we remember how bitter and
hopeless we felt when we received the news
that my father was brutally beaten and to
the point of death. I developed a sensation
of fear and could not sleep at night. I had
nightmares where I was seeing someone
enter our home to come and do me harm.
We installed a home security system in an
attempt to alleviate this fear and allow me to
get my rest.
We see how God directed us through this
time … His Holy Spirit prompted us several
times, both before and after the trial, that
we were to forgive and to show love to these
men and to their parents.
So, how does this help me in my life now? I
would have to say that forgiveness probably
helped me the most. Forgiveness prompts
love, and God gives us the desire to love and
obey His Word. I now have a peace that only
God can provide and is providing daily.
Could it be possible that someone can hurt
us so much that we cannot forgive? No,
because we are reminded what Christ did for
us. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Forgive each other as
Christ forgave you.” We are reminded how He
was treated at His crucifixion, for our sins.
God has also given us the desire to obey,
to love, and to forgive and to help others
trust in Him. Ephesians 4:31-32 instructs us
to “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger,
brawling and slander, along with every form
of malice. Be kind and compassionate to each
other, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God
forgave you.”
May the peace of God be with you.
Helen Liebrecht
25

Trust
“Do you believe in the Son of Man?”
John 9:35

I never understood how people could be
angry with God. How could people question
a God who is so powerful, all-knowing,
generous, and so kind? What was there to
be angry about? These were the questions I
asked myself prior to June of 2019. Until that
point, I had assumed that people who could
be angry at God obviously had a lack of faith
because they clearly didn't trust Him and
His plan. Maybe my ignorance was due to
the fact that my plan and God's plan for my
life had always been in alignment. My whole
life, I had known God as a Father ... He had
always come through for me, and I couldn't
think of a time where I had really been mad
at Him. With that said, I had also never had
a situation with high enough stakes that, if
He didn't come through, I would have been
devastated. That is, until June of 2019.
It was a Thursday afternoon, and I ducked
out of work early to go to the doctor. I had
found out I was pregnant the week before,
and I had a pretty good idea of what the
bleeding and cramping I was experiencing
could mean – but I was holding onto every
ounce of hope that I could. God would come
through for me, wouldn’t He? There was no
way that He would let me have a miscarriage,
right?
As I sat in the waiting room to have an
ultrasound the next day, I felt compelled
to open my Bible app. The first thing I saw
was the verse of the day, Philippians 4:6:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in
every situation, by prayer and petition, with
thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
I thought, "OK, if that's not a sign that
everything's going to be okay, I don't know
what is!" I prayed that God would protect this
baby, and felt at peace.
During the ultrasound, I found it odd that
they wouldn't turn the screen on for me to
see anything. Every ultrasound I had with my
first baby, the screen had been on so that I
could see his little feet kicking around. I asked
them to turn it on, and they declined. When
I was finished, the ultrasound tech told me
that she didn't see any sign of pregnancy. I
told her that was impossible because I had
27

taken 2 pregnancy tests 2 days prior, and
they had both come back positive. I was
in such denial. As I drove away from that
appointment, I found myself yelling in my
car, "God, You hold the whole world, so now
would You please hold my whole world?!"
And what I meant was, “God, don't let this
happen.” I was asking – no – begging Him to
stop it. I believed in miracles, so I was asking
for one.
But the miracle never happened. Over the
next few days, that baby left my body, and
without realizing it, I was losing trust in the
One I'd always had faith in.
I never really realized the impact it had on
my faith and view of God until months later,
when we were preparing to go to Thailand
and the topic of Zika came up. I was newly
pregnant with our daughter, Maggie, and
when I learned that Thailand had Zika virus,
I immediately wanted to back out of the
trip. I was angry with my husband when he
suggested that we should go and trust God.
He asked me if I felt like God had called me
or not. My exact response was, "How can you
possibly ask me to trust God? I'm not risking
this baby's life. I'm going to do whatever I
have to do to protect it!" We had never had
a fight like that before. I felt like he obviously
didn't get what I had gone through, because
if he had, then he wouldn't suggest that I
should trust God again.
The next day, I sat down with Briana, the
Share Ministries Pastor, to tell her that I was
thinking of backing out of the trip. She asked
me one simple question: "Do you feel like
God called you to go or not? Because you
said you signed up for this trip because God
called you. So, did He, or didn't He?" Touché.
Those were the same questions my husband
had asked me just 24 hours earlier. Have you
28

ever felt like God was trying to get through to
you, and sometimes He has to hit you over
the head repeatedly before you get it? Yeah
... It was then that I realized my miscarriage
had changed the way I viewed God. After
losing that baby, I began to believe the lie
that God is not trustworthy. I believed He let
me down, and He failed me. I didn't want to
give this new baby over to Him because look
what He’d done with the last one. Without
realizing it, or saying it out loud, those were
the thoughts I had been having about God.
After being confronted with this, I went home
and began to pray – really pray. Honestly.
I told God that I was mad at Him ... I finally
understood how people could be mad at
God. I told Him that I was upset that He didn't
stop it, when I believed He could have. I asked
Him why He doesn't intervene when these
bad things happen. And then I was met with
a picture ... a picture of my baby, dancing at
His feet in Heaven. All at once, He reminded
me that He never wanted the world to be
like this; that this reality isn't what He had in
mind either. He reminded me that He lost
His child too, and He understands. He began
to illuminate the places that He was as I was
losing that baby. I suddenly began to see His
fingerprints all over the situation. I began
to see Him longing to carry me through it,
only for me to push Him away, wanting to do
things on my own. When I cried out asking
Him to hold my whole world, I didn't realize it
at the time, but He was. He was holding that
baby. How wonderful that the first face she
saw when she opened her eyes was the face
of Jesus. He never let go of my whole world.
He carried me, my husband, our son, and our
angel baby. And then in His infinite goodness,
He gave us another baby. Another chance to
trust Him ...
So in church one weekend after that, we
were singing the song, "Raise A Hallelujah."
Normally, for my job, I am sitting in the tech
booth calling cues and pushing buttons. On
this particular weekend, we had a volunteer
director calling cues, and I wasn't really
needed in the booth, so I sat in the seats and
took in the service. It was like God knew I
needed to focus on what He had to say that
day. As we sang the song, the line "Heaven
comes to fight for me" stuck out. I felt like
it was God speaking right to me saying, "I
will fight for you! I have always fought for
you. Can you trust Me again?" It was in that
moment that I decided to put my trust in Him
again and give this baby growing in my belly
over to Him. I told Him I would go to Thailand,
trusting Him with this baby. I knew it would
be a decision that a lot of people would
question. I also knew that if I came back with
Zika virus, and our baby was stillborn or born
with serious birth defects, I would be seen as
incredibly foolish, and I would be devastated.
But I also knew that God was faithful, even
when things don't go the way we think they
should.
I learned that a faithful God doesn't mean
that life is all unicorns and sunshine ... God
was faithful to us, even in our miscarriage,
because He never changed. He never left us,
through all of it. He never left me, even when
I was leaving Him. He was and is faithful,
29

even when I am not. So I knew I could trust
Him in this trip to Thailand. I had to learn to
truly live for an audience of one. I had to fall
so in love with Jesus that I would be okay if I
lost another baby. So I did. I put all my trust
in the character of God, clinging only to Him
… because He was and is the only thing I
couldn't (and can't!) lose. It's really hard to get
to that place … but I also know I couldn't have
gone there without suffering through that
loss. So in a way, I’m thankful for it. I wouldn't
have chosen it, of course, but I am glad for it,
because I discovered my Jesus – for real this
time.
We talk a lot about God keeping His promises
– but I think we sometimes assume that our
wishes are His promises. I assumed that
He had promised us a baby. I assumed He
promised He would protect me from being
hurt. What I've found instead is that He
actually promised to be with me through all
of life's ups and downs, and that one day,
He will make everything new again … and
those promises are what gets me through
every day. He really is such a good Father. I
still can't explain why bad things happen, and
why He doesn't intervene all the time … And I
do still believe He can do miracles. But I also
trust His plan more than I ever have before.
In the same way that my relationship with
my husband has been strengthened over the
years because of the disagreements, tears,
and tough times, so too has my relationship
with my Heavenly Father. As I journeyed
through losing our baby, I came to know
Jesus so much more personally, and our
relationship became even more real. He
became such an intimate friend and Father to
me. There is depth to our relationship now.
He is more than a wish-granter and sign-giver
… He is mine, and I am His.
Rosalind Coben
30

Honouring
Pastor Ray Matheson
Give double honour to spiritual leaders
who handle their duties well.
1 Timothy 5:17

I first became
aware of Ray
Matheson when
I was an 18-yearold
freshman at
Canadian Bible
College/Canadian
Theological
Seminary (CBC/CTS)
some 45 years ago. I
can’t honestly think
of the first time we
met, but Ray was a
friend of students,
so I feel like I’ve
always known
him. At the time, he was the Dean of Men,
developing many meaningful relationships
with the young guys attending the school.
I can think of a number of stories from
students who would say that Ray’s support
in their lives helped bring them into a solid
faith relationship with Jesus. Ray is one of
the most approachable people and that
certainly was the case on campus. He has
many spiritual gifts but the one that stands
out most, wherever he goes, is his gift of
evangelism. Ray loves to talk about Jesus
and it doesn’t matter if you’re the Queen
of England or a pauper – he has time for
you and wants you to know Jesus. The guys
at school so admired him in this area that
they nicknamed
him “One-a-Day
Ray” – which was a
compliment, though
Ray in his humility
wasn’t a fan.
Ray Matheson comes from
good stock … Both Ray and
his dad Lloyd were on staff
at CBC and both of these
men, through their loving
kindness, built into my
unchurched, “un-Allianceconnected”
life as I entered
into Bible school and later
ministry. They saw strengths and potential in
me that I certainly didn’t see or even believe
were possible. To this day, I am grateful for
how they encouraged and loved me.
It was absolutely a thrill to come to FAC
many years later, in 1999, and be reunited
with Pastor Ray and
continue in ministry
together. There are few
people I admire as I do
32

Ray. He is wise beyond words, he is a man
of prayer, and I have learned much watching
him as he so gently travels through the
crowds at a weekend gathering. He knows
most people by
name and herein
lies perhaps another
spiritual gift … I jest
… But how does
he remember all
the names and
circumstances that
people have shared
with him? I’ve sat
with him in prayer
for a troubled soul
or a couple in a
difficult marriage
and marvelled at his
ability to get to the
heart of the matter,
to speak truth into
lives and extend
God’s grace. When
Ray meets with
people, he doesn’t back down from truth
and sharing God’s Word … He believes that
God always knows better than we do. The
recipient isn’t always happy facing the truth
but Ray is always gracious and kind even in
those situations.
that of Congregational
Care for more than 30
years. Imagine caring
for the many spiritual
and practical needs of
a congregation of 400
… Now imagine it with a
congregation of 4000 …
And Ray never stops at
just those who call FAC home. He has been
called to many a bedside of ones who have no
affiliation with our congregation. His phone
number is available to all, day and night.
I often think of Dee and their boys, Dan and
Jonathan, who may be the unsung heroes
Following Jesus by Loving People
Twice at FAC, Pastor Ray has fulfilled the
role of interim Lead Pastor as we have
transitioned in our senior leadership, but
his primary role at FAC officially has been
in Ray’s life. How often has dinner or sleep
been interrupted by a phone call from a
needy parishioner. Many are the sacrifices
made by the Matheson family for the sake of
33

people and their Saviour. We must think of
them when we think of and thank Ray for his
great care and commitment to the people of
FAC and Calgary.
As I have worked
alongside him,
watched him
love people, and
have myself been
ministered to so
often, I find myself
wanting to imitate
Ray. Like the Apostle
Paul who says, “follow
me as I follow Jesus”
(1 Corinthians 11:1),
Ray has given me a
practical example
of what it means to
follow Jesus in life
and in ministry. He is
a pastor to pastors,
and a pastor to all.
tension with an articulate faith in God’s
real presence. They have to say no to every
form of fatalism, defeatism, accidentalism,
or incidentalism that makes people believe
that statistics are telling us the truth. They
have to say no to every form of despair in
which human life is seen in a pure matter
of good or bad luck. They have to say no to
the sentimental attempts to make people
develop a spirit of resignation or stoic
indifference in the face of the unavoidability
of pain, suffering, and death. In short, they
have to say no to the secular world and
proclaim in unambiguous terms that the
incarnation of God’s Word, through whom all
A Life Well Spent
Henri Nouwen, author, theologian, and
minister of the gospel, writes: “The task of
the Christian leader is not to make a little
contribution to the solution of the pains and
tribulations of their time, but to identify and
announce the ways in which Jesus is leading
God’s people out of slavery, through the
desert to a new land of freedom. Christian
leaders have the arduous task of responding
to personal struggles, family conflicts,
national calamities, and international
things came into being, has made even the
smallest event of human history into Kairos,
that is, an opportunity to be led deeper into
the heart of Christ.”
34

Ray Matheson has poured out
his entire life doing just that …
Ray’s coming to FAC in 1988 was a matter of
prayer throughout
a number of years
as Pastor Wendell
Grout, FAC’s Senior
Lead Pastor from
1975-1995, wooed
him from Regina,
Saskatchewan to
Calgary, Alberta.
We are a rich
congregation
because of his choice
in following God.
He has served the
people of FAC and his
Lord so faithfully. I
am certain that there
are surely hundreds
and probably
thousands of people
who Ray has touched
and ministered to in the name of Jesus. I’m
convinced that the streets of heaven will be
filled with those who came to know Jesus as
their Saviour because Ray Matheson shared
the love of God with them.
Read Licia Corbella’s tribute to Pastor Ray
published in the Calgary Herald here.
Heather Wile
35

Healing
“What do you want me
to do for you?”
Mark 10:51

Heather Wile: Hi, James.
James Paton: We’re hiding behind a big screen from each other – this is weird!
HW: (laughs) I know. It’s not like we don’t know each other. Just in case anybody doesn’t know
me, my name is Heather Wile and I interview most of the people for the story videos that you see
throughout the year here at FAC, and so thanks for letting me interview you.
JP: Thank you. Thanks for doing it.
HW: So you and Gillian have been at FAC, back in Calgary, for about 5 years, just a little over 5 years.
JP: Yes, just over 5 years.
HW: You have definitely had some health challenges, have you not?
JP: I was fit and healthy before I came here to join the team and become pastor here … My life’s
been ruined ever since! You guys have made me sick! (laughs)
HW: (laughs) Well, you had a pacemaker put in, oh, I don’t know, 3 years ago?
JP: Yeah, 4.
HW: And then since then – 4. Then since then you’ve developed quite a tremor, and probably
people have noticed a little bit, but why don’t you tell us what happened there?
JP: Yeah, well, the pacemaker thing was exciting in its own right, but that’s long gone – my battery’s
still working, I’m good. But a few years ago I started noticing a tremor in my left hand a little bit – I
noticed it most when I got up in the morning, when I was putting the ties on the curtains and I was
shaking a little bit trying to do it, wondering, “Is this just becoming a middle-aged man" – middle-aged
men do this sort of thing. And for a long time I threw it off and paid no attention to it. But eventually
it was getting challenging – it was getting harder for me here when I was speaking in public …
Some of you would have seen me trembling a little bit. I ended up going to my family doctor, and
he thought it was being a middle-aged man, too, and gave me some pills to try and help that really
weren’t helping very much; and things just kept deteriorating month on month.
HW: It was pretty scary.
37

JP: It was, for a long time. You would have
noticed me on stage trying to hold my hand
behind my back, struggling … We got the new
podium that would help, there were a number
of things – but it was becoming obvious that
there was something seriously wrong.
HW: So, you had a fascinating dream along
the way?
JP: Yeah …
HW: And a few people know about that, but
why don’t you tell the rest of us?
JP: Well, there was one – I usually dream
about being a spy or a superhero – I’m fairly
childish, really, but one night I had a dream
about Jesus, and that’s quite unusual for me.
And in this dream, I was with Jesus and He
was in another healing incident – actually,
2 chapters earlier in Mark, Mark chapter
8, if anybody wants to read it – and Jesus
is with a guy and He touches him, and the
man says, “Oh, I can see people, but they
look like trees walking about.” And so Jesus
touches him again and he can see perfectly.
I was really feeling quite uncomfortable, and
Jesus turns around and asked me, “What’s
wrong, man?” And I told Him … When I was a
younger pastor I preached a sermon which
I thought was a cute title and it says “Jesus
Fails?” with a question mark, because it took
2 attempts. I said, “I’m sorry, Lord …” I was
really freaked out Jesus was gonna be angry
with me. And He burst out laughing, slapped
me on the back, and said, “It’s fine! Nobody
cares!” And I’m like, “Phew! (laughs) Escaped
this one!” And then He turned and looked
at me, and He said, “I’ll heal you, too … but
it will take 2 touches.” And instantly I woke
up – like, wide awake, this vivid dream in my
mind. I woke Gillian up to tell her, I was on
the phone quickly to tell my kids … It was the
most unusual experience, this sort of dream.
And, yeah – quite a dramatic moment in a
38

way that I’d never experienced before.
HW: Definitely. I love it when God speaks
like that and you just know … you know that
it was Him. So, have you experienced either
one of those touches in your life?
JP: Well, at the time I was taking medication
that was increasingly, as the dose was
going up, having a lot of side effects for
me. Some of you’d have probably seen me
– I was suffering from anxiety; depression
was beginning to set in; I had frequent
nosebleeds; my GI system was all over the
place. Often right before I’d come up to
preach my nose would be bleeding – I’d
just be praying it wouldn’t be before I’d get
onstage. I was feeling really ill and definitely
not myself. It was a troubling time for
me. And at the time that first touch thing
happened, our pastors have a prayer retreat
every year – you were there … We went on
this prayer retreat, and I think I’d told some
of you about the dream, but not many. But
you all gathered around and prayed for a
very long time for me. And that day when
you prayed, all of those symptoms stopped
– instantly. No more nausea, no more
vomiting, no more nosebleeds, the anxiety
– everything went away, almost instantly,
that day. I’d never felt so good in such a long
time. And I’d gone to bed sort of praising
Jesus for 1 good day, and the next day was
a good day, and I thought, “Wow! There’s
number 1! This is gonna be fantastic! When
does number 2 happen?” I was so excited
about this, that all these symptoms had
disappeared. The shaking was still there, but
everything else had gone.
HW: So, step 1 – yay!
JP: Yeah.
HW: That’s awesome …
JP: Step 2 …
HW: Now, what about step 2?
JP: Well, by then I’d been referred to
a neurologist, so I’d gone off to my
appointment. And I was thinking, “Maybe
step 2 God’ll miraculously heal me, or maybe
step 2 she’ll give me a bottle of pills, and I’ll
go home, and it’ll be fantastic.” That’s really
what I was hoping for. So I went in that day
to see my neurologist, and they did a bunch
of tests and a bunch of other things … and
that day didn’t go so well. In fact, you were
the first person I think I met when I came
back to work from being there … Gill was
away, out of the country at the time. And she
told me it was a whole lot more serious than
that. All of the signs, the early diagnosis,
were pointing to a condition that was going
to be much more troubling and significant
for me. As far as you could tell, it would be
something that wouldn’t be treatable. And it
would actually considerably shorten my life,
and she gave me a time horizon for it. This is
what I didn’t expect number 2 to be – that I’d
be healed going to Heaven. It was – it just felt
like my world was beginning to fall apart.
HW: It got darker before it got better, hey?
JP: It really got very complicated.
HW: Yeah.
39

JP: She’d sent me for an MRI … That was
going to be the next step, because that
would confirm what was going on – it would
show that there was some deterioration
in my brain structure. Getting the MRI
was fun … Because of the tremor, I had to
be physically restrained, so it looked like
something out of a bad movie, with all these
leather straps tying me down to go into the
machine. A couple of weeks later I went for
the results – fairly terrified, to be honest, as
you might imagine. It’s been hard for our
kids, my wife, telling them this. And so going
for the results was a fairly traumatic day for
me. And she played the video multiple times
and found nothing going wrong in my head.
Which was a great thing.
HW: Yeah.
JP: It’s funny to say there’s nothing in my
head … (laughs) At the same time, then, they
didn’t really know what to do, so she began
different treatments, different protocols of
medicine, and I ended up taking a cocktail
of drugs that she said probably won’t work
but there’s no harm in it. And I’ve been
taking those for quite some time now, and
they have actually helped me considerably.
The tremor’s not disappeared – when I’m
off meds I feel it – but it has significantly
brought it under control. My quality of life
has returned mostly to what it was, and I
can function fairly well. You’ll still see me
shake a bit onstage – I still use the podium
to steady my hand – but I’ve got a whole lot
more ahead of me than behind me right
now, and I feel very encouraged by the way
the meds have helped me, for her insight
and her patience to not give up on me, and
most of all for God for giving me the courage
to press on.
HW: I was just going to ask you that … The
man in Mark 10, he’s persistent …
JP: Yeah …
HW: Do you find yourself being persistent in
that pursuit of complete healing?
JP: It is … I mean, it – I’m grateful for what it
is. I can drive my car again – for a long time
I wasn’t doing that – I couldn’t handwrite,
I couldn’t type – some of you would know
that, I had dictation software … There were
a lot of challenges. Many of those things,
with the rehab centre I’ve been to, I’ve been
able to learn how to do again. I’ve been
very grateful for my physiotherapist and
occupational therapist. A lot of things that
were really hard for me I can do now … I
can walk without tripping or falling, I can
write sort of legibly, I can type again – a lot
of great things have happened. The meds
have very few side effects, they don’t do
what other things have done to me, and they
help a lot. When I wake up in the morning it’s
difficult, if I wake up during the night it’s very
difficult. But the rest of the time I do well.
And it’s reminded me of a couple of things
… One, that God works in all sorts of ways.
And in my journey with this, part of it was
a very miraculous, instantaneous change;
and part of it through taking medicine. And
medicine comes from things that He gave
us in this world in the first place and He
40

gives the doctors the skills. But part of it
also has been a measure of courage to face
a reality that could have been very hard, or
it might be a whole lot better, and nobody
knows the answer to that. But my hope is
in Him and I’ve learned, I think, on the part
of that journey that the healing wasn’t just
from physical stuff, as though He could
stop me shaking – and He can and He has
done. Healing was also taking place in my
heart, my mind, my emotions about what
my life would be, and to recognize that I am
surrounded by family and friends that love
me … that I’m part of this community that
cares for me. And to realize that with God all
sorts of things are possible. So I’ve learned a
ton through all of this. It’s not something I’d
recommend – I wish it was a little different.
But at the same time I’ve discovered far
more of Jesus than I think I ever would have
in any other way.
And I’m so grateful to God that He is, you
know, managing that tremor for you, and
will continue to pray for you in this time
and (for) complete healing. And I also just
want to thank you for being a leader that is
willing to be transparent and share some
of your, you know, inner … inner struggles,
and challenges. Because that helps the rest
of us do life … and so I really appreciate you
sharing that with us. Thank you, James.
JP: Thank you, Heather. Thanks for being my
friend and being there for me when I –
HW: Ditto!
JP: – needed people to surround me most of
all – I appreciate that.
HW: James, it’s – having worked with you
closely for the 5 years that you’ve been in
Calgary, and watching that tremor arrive
and now subside … and to also see you
completely surrender your life, whatever
the outcome, has been really inspiring.
41

Belief
If you had asked me in March, when all of
this COVID stuff began, I would have told you
I wasn’t going to still be alive right now. Selfisolation
for me has always been a warning
sign that I was having a mental health crisis
– one of the last stops before I start thinking
the world would be better off without me in
it. And in this case, self-isolation felt more
like solitary confinement. But it turns out,
COVID-19 was one of the best things that
ever happened in my life.
I’ve been an on-again off-again Christian
since I was a little girl. Growing up, if my
family went to church it was probably
Easter or Christmas Eve. When I turned 18
I started investigating a friend’s church and
got involved with the young single adult
group. The more time I spent in this group
the less time I spent with my family and the
more time I spent with a couple of the men
“Don't you believe?”
Mark 10:51
in the group. One night, I decided I wasn’t
ready to go home and instead hung out at
the apartment of 2 of the guys. It wasn’t the
first time I had been there late, it had always
been OK. But that night, one of those men
assaulted me. I was convinced that no one
would believe that he had done that. We had
a previous relationship. He was well-liked
and I was new.
I don’t remember a lot about that night
– that’s a blessing. I have a vivid memory
of feeling God’s anger, though. I don’t
remember how I got home but I remember
sitting in the hallway in the dark between
my parents’ room and the bathroom trying
43

to decide what to do. In the end I chose to
take a shower and try to wash away what
happened. One of the things I’ve come to
learn is that there is nothing that I did to
deserve that and my parents would have
had my back if I had told them. I didn’t. For
5 years, I only told 1 person. That was the
leader of the church group.
I saw how the man who hurt me was acting
with some of the other girls and I was afraid
for them. So I worked up the nerve to tell
the leader. I haven’t forgotten his words.
They were branded on my brain for a long
time. “I’m sorry that happened to you. But,
had you chosen to dress in a manner more
appropriate for a young daughter of God,
perhaps he wouldn’t have been tested past
the limits of his self-control.” With that, I
thought I knew why Jesus was so angry and I
made a decision. If Jesus was the kind of God
who would be that angry at me for how I was
dressed, I didn’t want to know Him.
For 10 years, I didn’t. I went to college
and then university. I partied. I made new
friends. Eventually, I moved to Calgary and
moved in with my big brother. I didn’t know
anyone in town but him and felt isolated and
alone. And then I found myself back in the
same denomination I had been in before.
There was a lot of apologizing from church
leaders and I felt like it was OK.
About a year after I rejoined that church, I
had gone back to St. Albert. My mom had
injured herself and needed help getting in
and out of bed and Dad needed to go on a
business trip. While I was up helping Mom
I got a text telling me that all young, single
women were expected to attend a talk from
one of the church leaders. I replied and said
44

that I couldn’t leave my mom and was told it
was Jesus asking. I was so mad at Jesus. How
could He ask me to leave my mom stuck in
her bed for 9 hours while I drove back to
Calgary? I had what I call one of my spiritual
temper tantrums and on the other side I had
this clear sense that Jesus wasn’t asking and
it was OK for me to stay with her. When I got
back to Calgary I was sanctioned and told I
was being disobedient. So I left that church
and spent the next year trying to figure out
my own relationship with Jesus. That’s what
led me to FAC.
I’ve always had depression and anxiety
and after the assault I developed PTSD. For
the most part I was able to keep it under
control on my own. Occasionally I needed
medication to balance the brain chemicals,
but not always.
For those of you who have never
experienced depression and anxiety, it is
a lot like being followed around by the old
men from the Muppets. They insult you
from the minute you wake up until you fall
asleep and sometimes they don’t even shut
up then. You can’t pray away a mental illness
any more than you can pray away a broken
arm. Jesus heals, but sometimes He doesn’t
and He has His reasons.
My depression went out of control after my
mom passed. She was my closest friend
and so much of my social life became about
visiting with her or providing respite time for
my dad. Her death left a huge hole and the
life changes I was experiencing overwhelmed
me. I lost sight of my faith and ended up
deep in the shadows of depression.
One night, near the 6-month anniversary
of mom’s death, I made the decision to
end my life. I took care of everything I felt I
needed to, climbed into the bathtub, said a
prayer, and picked up the razor. At that exact
moment, one of the pastors from FAC sent
me a text message. It was simple enough, so
simple he doesn’t remember sending it, just
a basic check-in because he hadn’t seen me
in a while. The miraculous part? He sent back
snippets of wording from my prayer. The
only explanation was God.
I’d like to say that miracle was enough to put
me back on track, but that’s not how mental
illness works and 6 months later I tried
again. This time, no one texted and beyond
Jesus, I can’t explain how I woke up the next
morning. Neither could my doctor. It still
wasn’t quite enough, though.
That February I realized I was so disconnected
from my faith that when asked I wasn’t sure
I still believed in Jesus. Like the apostles in
John 14, I had seen and experienced miracles,
but was still looking for more. I wanted
something different, and eventually I realized
it was time to come home to FAC … Doing life
on my own wasn’t working.
It’s taken 4 more years (and an amazing
Christian counsellor) for me to truly be able
to lay the hurt and the trauma at the cross
and leave it there. I came to realize Jesus will
let me hold on to things; He won’t force me
45

to let it go – even though He knows that’s
what’s in my best interest. I had to be ready.
Jesus doesn’t force us to do anything – He
won’t force you to be free. That’s something
you have to work for – and for some of us, it
is real work.
When I look back over my journey so
far, there are things I wish I could tell my
younger self. I’d tell her that her sickness
isn’t a sin. It isn’t a sin to have anxiety or
depression and they can’t just be prayed
away all the time. I would encourage her
to learn how to tell people that sometimes
praying for a broken arm heals it faster and
sometimes that’s not what God is using it for
… Same thing with depression. Sometimes
prayer heals it and sometimes God is using
it for something else. I’d tell her that it’s
OK to admit that you’re struggling, that it’s
OK to reach out and ask for help. That the
voices telling her that no one wants to help,
that she’s garbage, that she’s a burden –
that they are lies. I would encourage her to
learn how to listen to that Still Small Voice
sooner, because things really change when
you do. I would tell her to learn how to have
conversations with God instead of leaving
Him voicemails. Finally, I would tell her to
find her battle anthems sooner – make a
playlist of the songs that remind her that He
already has victory! The church has one on
Spotify if you need it: https://tinyurl.com/
FACvictorysongs.
Even so, I’m so grateful that things unfolded
the way they did. His way really is perfect.
I’m glad I learned the lessons I did when I
did. I still have depression and anxiety and
PTSD. The things that have happened in my
life are still a part of me, but the difference
is that I’ve given them to Jesus and I let Him
transform the hurt into healing and the pain
into freedom.
Loralee Martin
46

FAC Music
has reached another
milestone moment!
The Ascend Recordings, Vol. 1 - the very first EP created by FAC Music.
The EP features four original songs, written and recorded by FAC
musicians and produced by our very own Odum Abekah.
It sounds fantastic, and we can't wait for you to hear it!
Additional FAC Music releases:
Won't Stop Growin' – Elevate Kids choir, Covenant Award nominee
Psalm 46 (Lord of Hosts) – virtual choir
Unseen God – original single

Provision
“How much do you have?” Mark 6:38
FAC has run a breakfast program in a public
school in Ogden for many years. However,
when COVID-19 hit and schools were closing,
a volunteer who runs the program realized we
had lots of bagels, cream cheese, and other
items in the school fridge. When she went
to clean out the fridge she asked the school
if there was somewhere we could bring the
items where they would be put to good use.
We were directed by the school to drop by the
Youth Centres of Calgary – Ogden.
A simple offer to give the food we had to
the Youth Centre led me to a conversation
about their plan to continue to serve these
kids who needed food support. We both
were aware that many kids in Calgary rely
on school food programs – and now without
school, how would that need be met? With
COVID-19, we knew many programs might
also shut down in the communities to avoid
health risk.
So, I asked God, “What could we do? Do we follow
suit and stop having a presence in the community,
or are there safe ways we could respond?”
God quickly revealed that Harvest Ministries
and our commercial kitchen was available in
a way it hadn’t been available before. There
would be no catering events – our building
was starting to shut down. So I gave Sterling,
Harvest Culinary Ministries Director, a call
– and we were both up for the challenge.
We decided to step through this new and
unknown open door to serve our community.
My conversation with the Youth Centre
was on a Thursday, and by Tuesday I made
the decision to use the remaining school
breakfast program budget to make and
deliver bag lunches to the Centre in Ogden.
Harvest and I agreed to deliver 2 days a
week. We figured we could grow to be able
to deliver 200 lunches a week, but that
would really stretch our resources.
We had no idea what was about to
happen in our city. From that point
on, the ministry grew in insane and
unbelievable ways.
Before COVID-19 I had been challenged
to pray Ephesians 3:20 over my life and
ministry:
48

“Now to Him
who is able to do
immeasurably more
than all we ask or
imagine, according
to His power that is
at work within us, to
Him be glory in the
church and in Christ
Jesus throughout all
generations, for ever
and ever! Amen.”

I prayed to keep my heart grounded on
who was in control as I learned my new
role as the Share Ministries Pastor at FAC.
This scripture began to become more real
and alive in this ministry. Since our meager
agreement of reaching 200 meals a week in
one neighbourhood (Ogden), we increased
to 475 meals per day in 6 pop-up locations
plus 3 Calgary housing sites. One day we
served 896 lunches!
We started with 1 volunteer (Heidi from our
breakfast program) and ended with over 200
volunteers from FAC, the FAC Staff, North
Point Church, Rockpointe Church, Ambrose,
and the Youth Centre! Our volunteer roles
and responsibilities changed and grew
over time. We had site captains, Harvest
volunteers, drivers, site support, bag labellers.
We began offering fun pizza Fridays, pancake
breakfasts, grilled cheese Wednesdays. All in
an effort to show love, care, and community
in this broken world. It was such a joy to see
kids smile as they came to get a special meal.
Connections really began to form with the
community and volunteers.
Meals on Wheels began to donate grocery
packs 3 times a week (over 1,500 grocery
bags a week); Calgary Reads handed out over
16,000 books; Calgary Sports Bank handed out
sporting equipment to kids; Village Ice Cream
donated ice cream; I Can for Kids handed
out gift cards and snack packs to children;
and Sewing Seeds donated masks for kids &
families. We had fresh produce donated from
The Cherry Pit – and so much more! I know I
am forgetting things … but it’s truly amazing
how many organizations came together.
One couple from FAC had the idea to buy
freezies when the weather warmed up to act
as consumable ice packs for the kids – they
50

would go to Costco and load their vehicle to
the brim for weeks! Another mom from our
church made connections to get clothing for
a single mom in need. We brought hampers
to some of the families who needed extra
support as well. Noelle (who is part of the
FAC staff) made the cutest craft kits for
the kids on Canada day; an artist, Rebecca,
used her gifts to create a virtual paint night
for the kids in the lunch program; and
DiscoveryLand made a summer craft kit for
all of the kids for the August long weekend.
We also handed out over 350 backpacks for
kids on September 4 along with a hot dog
lunch to go!
We started out at 200 lunches a week … In
the end we handed out over 47,480 lunches!!
God’s favour was so evident in this whole
season. One major example was in the
beginning of this program. We had not
budgeted for this cost. I was starting to get
very stressed – I realized we didn’t have the
money for a program like this … How could
I ask for money when I knew that COVID
was such an unknown? I had applied for
a few grants – before ministry I had some
experience with this in the US. But I was not
confident – I’d never applied in Canada. One
night when the stress became too much, I
looked at my husband, Austin, and said, “We
need to pray that a grant comes through – I
don’t know how we can keep doing this work
in the community.” So we prayed and asked
God to make a way.
The next day, I was visiting a site where I’d
been notified there was a huge need for
food support … The need was evident but I
wasn’t sure we’d be able to help. This would
increase our output by 75+ meals a day. I
was about to pick up the phone to tell the
Youth Centre we couldn’t respond to the
need we were seeing and I thought we’d
reached the maximum amount of food we
could give out. I was heartbroken because I
just saw how much need was in the Radisson
community, and I felt particularly burdened
for this community. I got in the car and cried
out to God, “Why are You showing me this
when I can’t do anything?!?” Before I made
the call, God prompted me to check my
email – and we had received a grant!!! And
it was from the least-expected place, in my
mind – a program I’d only ever heard of once
on the news out of Quebec. I was reminded
yet again who is in control – if God calls us to
transform a community He will make a way.
God continued to multiply the finances
needed: FAC gave generously to the COVID
fund, the youth group raised money for their
local mission trip, and 2 more grants came
in to allow us to continue to provide food
support for 2020.
Being part of feeding this multitude
of children has been such a humbling
experience – there is so much need in our
city. Each day at the lunch program brought
so much joy as I could talk with kids who
were isolated, parents who were struggling
… And God slowly revealed more and more
51

of my calling to mobilize our church into the
city. I believe that every volunteer could say
the same thing.
I am impacted by several things throughout
this experience and feel I am still processing.
But, if we make ourselves available and
ask God for opportunities to build deep
relationship and share Jesus – He will make
it happen. We’ve been able to provide food,
backpacks, prayer, community, belonging,
and relationship with so many. Simply asking
God to take what we had and multiply it
resulted in so much more than we could
have ever imagined – all for His glory!
When I reflect on all that God has done in
the past 6 months, I’m overwhelmed and
in awe. I know that if I was doing this out
of my own effort, it would have remained a
lunch program in 1 community for max 200
lunches a week. It may not have lasted past
the snow and cold in the beginning weeks. I
also believe I would have grown too fearful
to continue when I weighed the cost of my
own health, the financial burden, or the risk
in the community.
In this particular situation, we had food that
could be used to serve our community. But
maybe for you, God has gifted you with
grant-writing skills, fundraising abilities,
networking, a truck to help a neighbour
move, extra furniture for a new immigrant
family, time to deliver food to someone in
need, or the gift of being an active listener
when you meet someone in distress. In
my personal life, God called me to a series
of crossroads where I had to surrender
my comfort and say yes to putting others
before myself. It didn’t happen overnight. I
daily have to meditate on scripture like this:
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down
one's life for one's friends.” (John 15:13)
Briana Southerland
However, God silenced those fears as I
surrendered and asked for wisdom and
guidance. I know I have nothing to lose, but
I have a city in need of hope and love that I
cannot provide. This ministry was done by the
work of the Holy Spirit and I am humbled and
honoured to be used by God in this hard time.
52

I will not let you fall
Psalm 121:3
Building lives that honour God
12345 40 Street SE Calgary
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