Get Out! GAY Magazine – Issue 412 April 3, 2019

stories / GET OUT! MAGAZINE >> GETOUTMAG.COM
BY IAN-MICHAEL BERGERON
@ianmichaelinwonderland
For my birthday
in February, my
photographer Steve
Brennan gave me a gift
card to Coach.
Anyone who knows me
knows that I love Coach,
and that I’ve always
loved Coach. My first
designer bag was Coach
(a black C-monogrammed
messenger bag that my
Mom bought me when
I was accepted into
college), and one of my
first boyfriends bought
me a brown and beige
C-monogrammed tote
bag that I used all through
college (and still have,
somewhere in the back of
my closet).
I took my gift card
to 5th and 54th, my
favorite Coach store. It’s
my favorite for several
reasons: 1, the revolving
display window; 2, the
leather monkeys on the
staircase; and 3, most
importantly, the giant
t-rex made entirely out of
leather Coach bags.
I didn’t know why I loved
the t-rex so much, but ever
since Coach introduced
their 3D t-rex bag charms,
I’ve been obsessed with
them.
My boyfriend in tow, we
looked around the store.
“Do you like this?” James
asked, holding up a quilted
crossbody.
“Eh, a little feminine,” I
said, scanning the room
for a bag I’d had my eye
on: a little blue crossbody
covered with leather
flowers. When I finally
found it, I flagged down an
associate to bag it up.
“That’s not too feminine,
but the other bag is?”
James asked, perplexed.
I shrugged: I’ve always
had an odd idea of what
I thought looked good
on me and what didn’t,
and what I consider
“too feminine” and “too
masculine” alike.
Waiting to be rung up,
looking at a gold necklace
charm of a t-rex, a memory
of me at five years old
flashed before my eyes:
My dad left me alone to
play, and when he came
downstairs from working,
I’d taken all of Barbie’s
clothes (cocktail dresses in
obnoxious shades of ‘90s
primary colors) and
put them onto my
plastic dinosaurs.
It appeared they
were having the
time of their lives
at a cocktail party.
My dad grabbed
his camera:
Somewhere, we
have dozens of
photos of my
dinosaurs at their
first dance.
I’d been mixing
feminine and
masculine roles
since I was a kid,
and I hadn’t even
realized it. In my
mind, it was always
clear that I was gay
because of all the
Barbies. But there
were the dinosaurs,
the Batman action
figures and the Hot
Wheels (and, again,
my favorite Hot
Wheels were hot
pink and sparkly
purple).
I smiled at the
memory, not just of
Cocktail
PARTY
myself playing with
dinosaurs in Barbie
cocktail dresses, but of my
dad. He loved that I put
the dinosaurs in dresses so
much that he made sure to
photograph it, made sure
to have a memory of it
forever. Both of my parents
made sure to let me be
whoever I wanted to be,
even then.
“I’m so sorry,” I told the
employee as she brought
me the receipt, “could I
get this necklace too?”
PHOTO: STEVE BRENNAN WEARING: COACH BAG