05.09.19

PW OPINION PW NEWS PW LIFE PW ARTS
Bulletin Board
•ADVICE•
BY PATTI CARMALT-VENER
WHEN HEAT
GROWS COLD
ENJOY THE TIME YOU HAVE
REMAINING WITH A MUCH
YOUNGER LOVER
By Carl Kozlowski
TWO-WHEELED FUN
Bike Week Pasadena returns May 13-18
The 11th annual Bike Week Pasadena takes
place May 13-18.
The event is designed for most skill levels and
age groups in order to promote bicycling as a safe
and sustainable way to access daily errands and
favorite activities. Bike Week
Pasadena is presented by the biking activist
group C.I.C.L.E. and the City of Pasadena.
Participants are asked to bring a working bicycle, lock and nightlights
and to be able to ride safely and brake, change gears and balance while
stopping and starting. Participants under 18 must wear a helmet and
be escorted by a parent or guardian. Children under 8 should be on a
tag-a-long, bike trailer, tandem, or other safe child-carrying device to
participate in the ride.
The week will feature a “Taste of Pasadena” ride from 6 to 9 p.m.
Monday, while Wednesday night is Women’s Bike Night. Next Thursday,
May 16, is Bike to Work Day, with participants invited to leave their cars
at home and cycle to work. Next Friday, May 17, will offer Bike-In Movie
Night, while the week closes with a Pedal Party to the Rose Pedal on
Saturday, May 17. Visit Cicle.org for all meeting times and addresses.
FRESH START
Stowell Learning Center opens in Pasadena
More than 15 million students and families suffer
with learning challenges.
“Sadly, it is a common belief that if you have
dyslexia or a learning disability you’re just stuck
with it and have to learn to live with it or find ways
around it. That is simply not true and not fair,” said
Jill Stowell, best-selling author of “At Wit’s End — A
Parent’s Guide to Ending the Struggle, Tears and
Turmoil of Learning Disabilities,” and founder of Stowell Learning Centers.
On Monday, May 13, Stowell Learning Center opens in Pasadena,
providing hope and real solutions for children and adults with learning and
attention challenges.
Stowell Learning Center opened in 1984 to help children and adults with
dyslexia and other attention and learning challenges become successful,
confident, independent learners. Their experience with thousands of
students has shown that most learning and attention challenges can be
dramatically improved or completely corrected permanently.
Stowell Learning Center is at 572 E. Green St, Suite 200, Pasadena.
To learn more about Stowell Learning Center, visit stowellcenter.com or
call (877) 774-0444. Jill Stowell and Irene Lee, the new director of the
Pasadena Center, are available by appointment for more information and
interviews. Contact Lyn Adelstein at (818) 481-8008.
HELP KIDS BE #SEEN
Five Acres seeks help placing children during
National Foster Care Awareness Month
May is National Foster Care Awareness
Month and Pasadena’s premier foster care social
service agency Five Acres is seeking to raise
awareness of the need to help place Los Angeles
County’s 30,000 foster kids in stable homes. The
#seen campaign seeks to provide striking visual
reminders throughout Pasadena of the efforts to
increase the number of foster parents.
Those interested in helping are asked to get a free “Seen” poster to
display in their place of work, worship or community. The posters are
bright blue, in keeping with the official color of Foster Care Month.
In addition, All Saints Church at 132 N. Euclid Ave. in Pasadena will
be lit up blue on May 20. Those who check out the colorful display are
asked to share digital media posts with the hashtag #seen and tag photos
#fiveacresorg.
Contact Emily Peters at epeters@5acres.org or visit 5acres.org/seen. n
Dear Patti,
My husband unexpectedly passed away 10 years ago. He was only 52 and I
was 45. We owned a very successful company in the athletics support business —
not only was my husband an athlete, but he was also a genius in business. When
my husband died, I was devastated. However, I took over the business and over
the last decade it’s doubled in profitability and size. I’ve had many suitors whom
I’ve enjoyed immensely, but mostly I’ve focused on the firm, creating a legacy in
honor of my husband.
In the last 15 months I’ve secretly been seeing someone who is completely
inappropriate. Kelvin is a nerdy genius scientist who I met at a fundraiser.
I remember on that evening he explained that his name stands for the unit of
measurement for temperature. He’s 32 years old; I’m 55. Kelvin is skinny, pale,
a little weird, and overly intellectual — the antithesis of the athletes working
for our corporation. Oddly enough, in spite of the ridiculous age difference, the
chemistry between us was instantaneous. We became lovers fairly quickly. I was
thinking that this fling would soon burn out but it’s becoming deeper and more
profound. Kelvin is the first man since my husband that has completely captured
my heart.
I’ve never felt so beautiful or alive in a relationship. The sex is incredible. He
always makes me laugh. He treats me like I’m classy, beautiful, brilliant and unbelievably
special — feelings that are totally new to me. In my world, youth and
overt sexuality always win, but with Kelvin it feels like I never have to compete.
I’m not in denial. I know this relationship probably won’t work for the long
term and that I’m headed for complete heartbreak. We are very different and
while we are wonderful together, we would have a hard time living in each
other’s worlds. I know I should I break it off now, so I don’t fall more in love and
become even more attached than I already am. But I hate the idea of going back
to my old life deadened and empty without him.
— Kaylee
Dear Kaylee,
There’s always a risk of heartbreak when you lose someone you deeply love. And,
yes, there’s a greater possibility of that happening when there’s not only a large
age discrepancy, but also different financial and education levels, social statuses,
dreams and ambitions, and dissimilar developmental life stages. The hardship
of sustaining such a fragile relationship is very high. It’s not my place to tell you
whether you should or shouldn’t take a risk. Only you can decide whether you’ll look
back in 10 years with regret for being so romantically impulsive or disappointed that
you didn’t see it through to its end, whenever that may be.
Sometimes in life, a mentor can arrive in a form you least expect, and it seems
like this is the case here. Despite this man’s unusual demeanor and lack of athletic
prowess like you’re used to, he’s coaching you to open yourself up to new experiences,
open your heart, and connect to undiscovered aspects of yourself. He’s supporting
you to value your beauty, sexuality, and intelligence. No matter what happens,
Kelvin has given you invaluable lessons; respect him for that.
While he’s very good at inspiring these lovely parts of your personality, realize
that a lot of what you feel when you’re with him are actually parts of your personality
that can come out whenever you want. It may hurt deeply if and when this relationship
ends, but it will hurt less if you take a fuller and more complete self with
you. Likewise, you’re teaching him valuable lessons he’ll always remember. After
the experience of being accepted and loved by someone he views as classy and brilliant,
he might possibly be changed for the better.
Among the many reasons there’s a strong chemistry is the possibility that — even
if he doesn’t merit a lifetime commitment — the exchange between you two enhances
you both in some fashion. For as long as you stay in the relationship, be respectful
of Kelvin, his feelings, and what he has helped awaken in you. If and when the
honeymoon aspect starts to wear off, don’t respond to him as a broken person needing
to be fixed. Nor should you allow him to do the same to you. Appreciate that
you’ve given each other the gift of feeling what it’s like to be cherished and loved, for
however long it endures. n
Patti Carmalt-Vener, a faculty member with the Southern California Society for Intensive Short Term
Psychotherapy, has been a psychotherapist in private practice for 23 years and has an office in Pasadena.
Contact her at (626) 584-8582 or email pcarmalt@aol.com. Visit her website, patticarmalt-vener.com.
05.09.19 | PASADENA WEEKLY 13