GA_070519

glencoeanchor.com news
the glencoe anchor | July 5, 2019 | 7
New Trier alumna returns to town as Josselyn Center speaker
Alan P. Henry
Freelance Reporter
The incidence
of
depression
and anxiety
is of “epic
proportions”
a m o n g
Americans Berman
under 35,
in part because too many
well-intentioned “helicopter”
and ”snowplow”
parents have stripped their
children of life skills, a
noted psychiatrist told supporters
of the Josselyn Center
in May.
Worse yet, “the curve is
straight up,” said Dr. Robin
Berman, a New Trier
graduate (Class of ’84) and
associate professor of psychiatry
at the David Geffen
School of Medicine at
UCLA.
“Anxiety is the number
one concern of teenagers
today: bigger than drugs,
alcohol and teenage pregnancy,”
she said.
She delivered her remarks
as keynote speaker
at the Josselyn Center’s
annual spring luncheon
and fundraiser for Camp
Neeka, the center’s sixweek
therapeutic summer
day camp for children
ages 8-12 where specially
designed programs help
build friendships and selfesteem.
Throughout her talk,
Berman referred to themes
from her best selling book,
“Permission to Parent:
How to Raise Your Child
with Love & Limits.”
“Children used to be
seen and not heard. Now
they are the center of their
parents’ universe. We need
to find a graceful middle
way,” she wrote. “Parents
today seem skittish about
asserting their parental authority.
They indulge children’s
demands, tantrums
and endless negotiations
for fear of hurting their
children’s feelings. Sadly,
this is creating a generation
of psychologically
fragile kids, and parents
are undermining the very
self-esteem they are trying
earnestly to build. ‘Tiger
mom,’ ‘helicopter parent,’
‘the cool dad’— between
these extremes lies a better
way to raise thriving, welladjusted
children.”
“We try too hard,” said
Berman, who lives with
her husband and children
in Los Angeles, next door
to Reese Witherspoon. “As
well-intentioned parents
we went overboard. We lost
our mind.
“The crescendo of crazy
happened in my hometown,”
she said, referring to
the current college cheating
scandal. “I know some of
these characters and they
lost their mind because
they got on the crazy train.”
In the process of “literally
hovering” over their
children lives, and doing
everything for them, and
telling them how terrific
they were, “we were trying
to make our children feel
more known, more seen
and have more self-esteem.
That has been a bust,” Berman
told the sold-out audience
at the Northmoor
Country Club in Highland
Park.
The reality, she said, is
that trying to make kids
feel good “from the outside”
will not work.
“Self esteem is an inside
job. It comes from the inside
so no amount of external
shoring up will ever
help,” she added.
Too often, she said, helicopter
parenting “is giving
the message, ‘you can’t do
it, you need me, you can’t
handle it without me.’”
Berman recounted one
example she recently witnessed
of how helicopter
parenting can make children
feel self-conscious
and anxious. A father was
screaming on the sidelines
of a youth soccer game.
“Your kid is 5,” she remembered
thinking to herself.
“He is not going to
remember this little soccer
game but he will remember
the shame of seeing a
father who couldn’t control
himself.”
Her advice: “Quit taking
it personally. When in
doubt, stay out, check your
ego at the door,” she said.
Young people also face
the scourge of electronics,
Berman said.
“It is the single biggest
mental health crisis of our
era,” she said.
Ten years from now, she
predicted, “they’re going
to say of video games: this
causes addiction,” much as
cigarettes went from cool
to hazardous over time.
“We had ‘Sesame
Street,’ ‘Mr. Rogers,’ ‘Father
Knows Best.’ They
have ‘Beverly Hills Housewives,’
‘Keeping Up With
The Kardashians,’ violence
on YouTube, violent video
games, school shootings.
Last week in our neighborhood
we had three false
alarms in schools where
they were hiding children
under their desks,” she
added.
Full story at GlencoeAnchor.
com.
Find local jobs within
your community.
It’s never been easier.
22nd Century Media now provides an easy-to-use online job search. Find
employers within your area who are looking to hire.
Go to jobsns.22ndcm.com to find your next
career today!
Employer looking to post a position?
We have solutions for you too!