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18 | July 25, 2019 | The wilmette beacon SOUND OFF<br />

wilmettebeacon.com<br />

A Word From The (Former) President<br />

A message from the moon<br />

Posted to WilmetteBeaconDaily.com 2 days ago<br />

John Jacoby<br />

Contributing Columnist<br />

Hello earthlings,<br />

it’s me, the moon.<br />

I’m here to say<br />

that I don’t appreciate the<br />

attention you gave me last<br />

week, the 50th anniversary<br />

of the landing of your<br />

“Eagle” at my “Sea of<br />

Tranquility.” In fact, I’ve<br />

felt aggrieved by you for a<br />

long time.<br />

Tickets on sale Now!<br />

2019<br />

Awards Luncheon<br />

presented by 22nd Century Media and Autohaus on Edens<br />

11 a.m.–1:30 p.m. Thursday, Sept. 12,<br />

Chicago Botanic Garden, 1000 Lake Cook Road, Glencoe<br />

{ Tickets: $55 }<br />

There once was a<br />

time when some of you<br />

earthlings worshipped me.<br />

That was fun — having<br />

folks worship me, and I<br />

didn’t have to do anything<br />

in return. But then some<br />

smart guys figured out<br />

why I emit light, rise and<br />

set, change my shape, and<br />

occasionally disappear<br />

and reappear. That’s when<br />

the worshipping stopped.<br />

Astronomers learned that<br />

I do all these “miracles”<br />

not because I’m a god,<br />

but because of the Big<br />

Bang and everything that<br />

happened afterwards. You<br />

know — Isaac Newton’s<br />

gravity thing and all that<br />

stuff. I don’t mean to stir<br />

up a controversy between<br />

science and religion.<br />

I know that the Bible<br />

says that God made me<br />

(“the lesser light”) on the<br />

“fourth day.” Maybe the<br />

Big Bang was the “first<br />

day.” Hey, I’m no scientist<br />

or theologian. What do I<br />

know?<br />

Anyway, even though<br />

most folks now realize<br />

that I’m not a god, I’m<br />

still an object of admiration,<br />

nostalgia, and<br />

mystery. Artists paint and<br />

sculpt me. Authors write<br />

about me. My favorite is<br />

“Goodnight Moon.” Poets<br />

and lyricist rhyme about<br />

me. If I mention a few<br />

song titles, a melody will<br />

surely pop into your head:<br />

“Fly Me to the Moon,”<br />

“Moon River,” “Harvest<br />

Moon,” “Blue Moon,”<br />

“Moonlight Sonata,” “It’s<br />

Only a Paper Moon,” and<br />

Speakers include a Panel of NS WIB 2018 Winners<br />

• Entrepreneur: Amy Torf, Noggin Builders<br />

• Financial: Elaine Lewis, The Wade Street Group at Morgan Stanley<br />

• Legal: Cynde H. Munzer, Dykema Gossett PLLC<br />

• Senior Care: Margalit Tocher, Home Care Assistance<br />

Tickets available at 22ndCenturyMedia.com/women<br />

“Twinkle Twinkle Little<br />

Star.” (Oh wait, that last<br />

one may not be about me.)<br />

Michael Jackson named<br />

his best dance-move after<br />

me. Lovers go gaga in my<br />

presence. Navigators are<br />

guided by me. Tides are<br />

turned by me.<br />

You earthlings might<br />

ask, “Why do you feel<br />

aggrieved when you’re<br />

so admired?” Well, my<br />

grievances run deep,<br />

and they’re twofold:<br />

First, it was in 1610 that<br />

Galileo, the Italian guy,<br />

discovered that another<br />

planet, Jupiter, also has<br />

moons. In 1610, he saw<br />

four of Jupiter’s moons<br />

and gave them wonderful<br />

names — Ganymede,<br />

Callisto, Io, and Europa.<br />

Later that century, some<br />

of Saturn’s moons were<br />

seen and named — Titan,<br />

Iapetus, Rhea, Tethys, and<br />

Dione. Over a period of<br />

400 years, astronomers<br />

discovered 350 moons in<br />

the Solar System — 175<br />

orbiting eight planets, nine<br />

orbiting dwarf planets,<br />

and the rest orbiting other<br />

bodies like asteroids. The<br />

planetary moons have fantastic<br />

names. I’d love to<br />

Neighbors<br />

From Page 17<br />

Northfield Police Department.<br />

Reporting by Managing<br />

Editor Eric DeGrechie. Full<br />

story at WinnetkaCurrent.<br />

com.<br />

THE GLENCOE ANCHOR<br />

Financing for Tudor Court<br />

streetscape project nears<br />

vote in Glencoe<br />

That’s me in the background. I’ve inspired lovers for<br />

years, but Cupid gets most of the credit. I need a real<br />

name, not “moon,” to be properly honored. And I want<br />

to be left alone. Photo submitted<br />

be called “Titan,” a name<br />

from Greek mythology<br />

that refers to the descendants<br />

of Uranus and Gaea<br />

(heaven and earth). It<br />

also means “extremely<br />

important person” (kind of<br />

like me). But I’m simply<br />

called “moon”, with no<br />

capital “m.” My name<br />

“moon” is so generic. It<br />

gives me no unique identity.<br />

It’s like naming one of<br />

your kids “kid.” You folks<br />

creatively named a baseball<br />

stadium “Guaranteed<br />

Rate Field,” but you can’t<br />

come up with something<br />

better than “moon” for<br />

me? I’m also insulted by<br />

the meaning of the verb<br />

“to moon.” Where did that<br />

come from?<br />

My biggest beef, though,<br />

is your coming to visit me.<br />

You don’t know how to<br />

treat us heavenly bodies.<br />

Look what you’re doing to<br />

earth -- polluting the land,<br />

sea, and air and making<br />

your planet uninhabitable.<br />

I can see it coming. You’ll<br />

do the same to me. In fact,<br />

you’ve already left a bunch<br />

of junk on my surface and<br />

stolen some of my rocks.<br />

As soon as you figure out<br />

how to make a profit off<br />

me, you’ll come by the<br />

millions and ravage me.<br />

One of your nukes might<br />

even blast me out of orbit<br />

and cause me to crash into<br />

earth. Stay away! You<br />

earthlings are unworthy of<br />

your intelligence!<br />

In the coming months,<br />

the Glencoe Village Board<br />

plans to vote on issuing<br />

general obligation limited<br />

tax bonds not to exceed<br />

$1.5 million to finance the<br />

Tudor Court streetscape<br />

project.<br />

A Bond Issue Notification<br />

Act hearing will take<br />

place at the board’s August<br />

meeting, while approval<br />

of the bond issuance and<br />

the bond sale would take<br />

place in September. Construction<br />

is slated to begin<br />

in March 2020 with<br />

completion in July 2020.<br />

The scope of work for the<br />

project includes full-width<br />

street resurfacing, relocated<br />

curb and mid-block<br />

pedestrian crosswalk improvements,<br />

brick paver<br />

sidewalk enhancements<br />

and repairs, lighting, seat<br />

wall planters, site furnishings<br />

and landscaping.<br />

Reporting by Todd Marver,<br />

Freelance Reporter. Full<br />

story at GlencoeAnchor.com.

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