NHEG-Magazine-September-October

www.NewHeightsEducation.org
www.NewHeightsEducation.org
5. Continue normal family routines and schedules by taking one day at a time. Simplify your life by removing unnecessary
stresses. For example, put some projects aside, decline extra responsibilities like being an officer in an organization, and take
care of yourself by getting enough sleep, exercise, and by eating well. Provide yourself and your child opportunities to do enjoyable
things like participating in recreational activities, playing games, taking walks, reading together, etc. Speak in hopeful terms,
and as much as possible model calmness and stability.
Helping Children Cope with War
By Leah Davies, M.Ed
108 108 NHEG | GENiUS Magazine MAGAZINE | September | www.geniusmag.com
- October 2019
Teacher/Counselor Articles
School personnel need to provide a safe, supportive environment where children feel free to discuss their
thoughts and feelings about war. By listening carefully and answering questions on a level students can comprehend,
children will learn that they are not alone in their concerns. Involving students in activities can help them deal with
their emotions. For example, have the children read stories about how other children have dealt with war or difficult situations.
Together make a list of coping skills they can use to deal with their feelings. It may include exercise, singing, reading, talking to
someone, dancing, hugging a pet, looking at pictures, taking a nap, playing a game, riding a bike, etc. Other ideas are to have
them create a picture, poem, story, banner or play explaining their thoughts.
Children are particularly vulnerable if they live in an area where terrorists have been active or if a loved one is in the military.
Provide support groups for these children by having them meet in small groups, once a week. In addition, if students share a
culture with the adversary or hold differing points of view from the majority of students, they may need additional consideration.
Educators need to promote sensitivity to other races, cultures and religions to help prevent stereotyping of any group.
See the article, Learning the Value of Diversity.
The following information may be shared with parents or caregivers, especially those who have a relative in the military.
1. Encourage parents to discuss the war with their child, yet avoid burdening their child with adult concerns. Stress that
they should provide information on a level their child can understand. When adults refuse to talk about the war, a child may
become more anxious and insecure. Since children have vivid imaginations, the scariest thing for a child is not to have any
facts about what is happening. For young children, show them a map or globe and point out where war is being fought. Say
things like, “The war is far away.” Or, if a relative is involved you could say, “Your mom (dad or uncle) is only one of thousands
of troops who are well-trained and well-prepared.” If you don’t know an answer to your child’s question, be honest and say,
“I don’t know, but I will try to find out.” Discourage your child from forming biases against people of certain nations, races or
religions.
2. A child’s need to be heard and understood should be a parent’s primary consideration. When adults talk too much, instead
of listening, they cannot be responsive to the child’s thoughts and feelings. If a child seems hesitant to talk, you could say,
“What have you heard about the war?” “What do you find yourself thinking about when you hear the news?” Or, “What do you
think other children might be worrying about?” Listen with respect to a child’s concerns and ideas and be supportive in your
response. Avoid put-downs like, “You shouldn’t feel that way,” or “You’re just being silly.” Instead, say, “That is a worry.” If the
child seems confused about something, you could say, “That’s important, tell me more.” Validate feelings by repeating what
you hear without judgment. You might say something like, “War IS scary” or “I’m glad you were able to talk to me about this.
It’s normal to feel anxious.”
3. If your child appears to be unusually sad, yet will not talk about what’s wrong, use puppets, do role plays, or read books on
emotions such as Kelly Bear Feelings that encourage children to express emotions in an open-ended way as well as to identify
coping skills. Remember that distressed children may need more physical closeness, so make sure you are available to
provide hugs and reassurance. You could also ask your child to draw a picture or write a story about what he or she is thinking.
Older children may want to keep a diary or journal which they may or may not want to share. If a loved one is involved directly
in the war, have the children make pictures, write letters, or bake cookies to send him or her.
4. If a child’s views differ markedly from the parent, avoid comments like, “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” or
“When you’re older, you’ll understand.” Instead, listen and restate what he or she said and try to understand their point of
view. Ask for clarification in a respectful way. After you have listened, you may want to say, “We see things differently. My
view is...” Rather than saying, “You’re wrong!” When you model respect for your child’s ideas, you are more likely to receive
respect in return.
6. Watch the news only once a day and do not insist that the children watch. If your child becomes upset by a news report, take
time to process his or her thoughts and feelings. You may want to listen to or watch news reports when the child is not present.
In addition, realize that cartoons and other shows that glorify violence can have a negative impact upon your child’s sense of
security. Also, if your child is within hearing distance, be careful what you say to others in person or on the phone.
7. Do not make promises that you cannot keep. Avoid saying things like, “Everything will be fine,” or “Your mom (dad, relative)
will not get hurt.” Instead say, “I don’t know what will happen, but I will do everything I can to keep you safe.” or “We can deal
with anything because we care for one another.”
8. Separation and war worries can cause emotional reactions that contribute to sadness and anger. Moodiness and irritability
are natural reactions to a loved one being absent and in danger. If your child’s reaction is extreme, for example, he or she is
obsessed with weapons, highly anxious, withdrawn, hostile, or exhibits sleep and eating disturbances, you may need to seek professional
assistance. Additional articles that may be helpful include, Helping Children Cope with Loss and Educator’s Guide to
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in Children.
Helping the Sexually Abused Child
By Leah Davies, M.Ed.
School personnel have a responsibility to acknowledge that sexual abuse happens. Since they are mandated by
law to report suspected cases of abuse, school staff need to be prepared to assist a child who has allegedly been
molested.
Child sexual abuse is sexual behavior by an adult or older child including kissing, fondling, sexual intercourse, oral sex, forced
nudity, prostitution, photographing, or other behaviors with sexual connotations. Since children are trusting and look to older
persons for direction, every child is vulnerable to sexual abuse. The frightening truth is that most of the abusers are either a relative,
neighbor, family friend, babysitter or someone else the child knows and trusts. Therefore, a teacher or other school personnel
may be the only adults who can ensure a child’s safety.
The following are some indicators commonly found in situations of sexual abuse. They may raise suspicion, but alone are not
enough to report suspected cases.
Family Indicators
• Excessive parental dominance
• Parental over protectiveness
• Extreme reaction to sex education or personal safety lessons
• Family isolation from community support systems
• Denial of friendships with other children
• Parental jealousy
• History of sexual abuse of either parent
Child Indicators
• Abrupt change in behavior or personality
• Extreme compliance
• Detached, inattentive
• Irritable, aggressive
• Passive or hyperactive
• Self-destructive
• Poor peer relationships
• Withdrawal when touched
• Frequent absence and/or late arrival at school
• Reluctance to return home after school
• Excessive washing or poor hygiene
• Avoidance of restroom or other specific places
• Excessive layers of clothing
• Wearing provocative clothing
• Sexual interest and knowledge beyond what is usual for
child’s age
• Seductive behavior towards children and/or adults
• Persistent sexual play with peers, pets, toys or themselves
• Sleep disturbances
• Change in appetite or eating disorders
• Trauma to the mouth, genital or anal area
• Sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy
• Suicide threats or attempts
• Truancy or running away
September - October 2019 | NHEG Magazine 109