Movement 98

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1 TELETUBBIES V THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: YOU BE THE JUDGE What to do on a weekday morning- get up and watch Teletubbies ar 7 .15, or have a lie in for the extra half hour and listen to Thought For The Day at 7.45 instead? As a public service, I have compiled this relatively unbiased comparison between the two programmes to enable the reader to make a balanced decision: TELETUBBIES: Four sprightly babies frolicking in a distant never-land THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Several old geezers blithering on about a distant never-land TT Live in a colourful world surrounded by oversized bunny rabbits TFTD: Broadcast on radio, so you're forced to only imagine the world they live in...brrr. TT Live under the watchful eye of a sun with a laughing baby at the centre of it. TFTD: Commentators often live under watchful eye of a God who hasn't laughed since he was busy smiting the Heathenous Tribe of the Week TOOO years ago. TI Constantly repeat the same activity again and again TFTD: Constantly repeat the same theological point again and again. TI Led by Tinky Winky, a boy who carries a handbag, and therefore something of a gay icon. TFTD: Often features homophobes who probably think Tinky Winky is the spawn of Satan. TI Remember the one where they chased Noo-Noo, the sentient hoover, around the room again and again? TFTD: Remember the one whete some priest from Exeter expounded about how life could be made be,tter if we followed the example of St Athanatius and...well, never mind. TT Catchphrase: "Eh-Oh". TFTD: Catchphrase "..." erm... TI Thought to be incomprehensible to most adults TFTD: Ditto THE WEARING OF THE PURPLE There's cross-dressing and then there's cross-dressing. It would seem that in Ecuador, the Anglican Church has been plagued by one Walter Crespo, who has his episcopal papers from a breakaway sect in the US. Apparently Mr, er, Bishop Cresco been pretending to be a bona fide Anglican Bishop, and doing, well, whatever it is that Bishops do. The thought has occured to me that this could easily happen over here. All you need to be is male, over 55 and of a suitably curmudgeonly disposition. lt'll take a few bob to get the purple cassock and a big Cross, but you could easily recoup the loss from appearances on Newsnight, where lately it seems all it takes is a phone call to get into their rota of cranks who fight for the moral vanguard whenever they need a senior clerical figure to claim the high ground. Who knows. perhaps it's happening already. Do we have proof that Richard Harries is actually licensed? COMING TO A PETTY CLAIMS COURT NEAR YOU This year's Christmas campaign by the Churches Advertising Network, is simply the slogan "Christmase" (note the use of the copyright symbol at the end) This demonstration of pithiness is apparently to make up for disastrous campaigns in previous years where they showed a picture of the Virgin Mary and said she was having "a bad hair day" (which, never mind the religious qualms, is never the most tactful thing to say about a pregnant woman). The idea is to remind people of Christmas's religious origins. And while this may be a laudable purpose, the fact is that no court in any land would support a claim that Christianity can have copyright over that December holiday. Most Pagans would probably submit to the defence evidence that the placement of this holiday in December was done to stamp out their winter solstice celebrations, since the little tyke was probably born in September. What the bright folks at CAN should have done was copyrighted sure-fire, nodispute religious festivals, such as "EPiPhanYo" or "Third Sunday after Tiinityo" CAN follow this dubious slogan with the text "Great Singing. Friendly Atmosphere movcmgnt 24 and Something to Think About, lt's not a Genuine Christmas without Church". lsn't it spooky how much this sounds like a Butlin's holiday camp? IS BEER BETTER THAN CHRISTIANITY? I don't know how we survived before the invention of the internet. How else could inane lists such as this been distributed across the globe along with the subject header: "Fwd: (fwd): Re: Fwd" as though they were decals from various parts of the world. I include this as l've been pondering this myself recently over some Carlsberg Special: Top 10 Reasons Why Beer is Better than Christianity 10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer 9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex 8. Beer has never caused a major war 7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves 6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away 5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged or tortured over his brand of Beer. 4. You don't have to wait 2OOO + years for a second Beer. I I 1 I 3. There are laws saying that Beer lbbels can't lie to you. 2. You can prove you have a Beer 1 . lf you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop. YOU OWE US EVERYTHING, AND YOU'RE UGLY TOO I was thinking about the size of my own student loan the other day then what should come through my letterbox but a brochure from the Royal Bank of Scotland. Along with the pitch on how to use the Royal Bank of Scotland to increase my student debt, it provides helpful tips on how to make a simple bolognese sauce. The Dearing Report never offered this sort of help. What I find absolutely unforgivable about this brochure, however, is their graphic depiction of students as refugees from a Troll Doll factory. I would like to draw particular attention to the female mutant spawn at the far left, who appears to have a thumb growing out of the centre of her hand. Admittedly, none of us may look our best after an '80's night in the Student Union, but honestly, the idea that we look like Slade doesn't exactly give me the will to live, much less rush out to open a student account. THE SERPENT
t lll!8stq$F ffiij'' " "' ri. $' afnid you'll miss out on a masterpiece? Don't worry, SCM resource publications are still available! SCM Publications tackle the vital issues of the day, in accessible, lively formats. Recent titles include: Just Love The Theology of Sexuality God Made Simple An lntroduction to ldeas about God The F-Word A Guide to Christian Fundamentalism No More Mr Nice Guy A New Look at Jesus Significant Others Talking About Relationships Common People Rethinking Christianity & Community f2.oo f 2.00 [3.00 f 3.00 f4.50 f4.50 " Name Address Pu bl ications Req uested I enclose a cheque tmade payable to 'SCM'I for E TO: COLLEGE, 14116 WEOLEY PARK ROAD, SELLY OAK, BIRMINGHAM 829 6LL
Page 1 and 2: fnovefnent I I I I ll ,] I' il I I
Page 3 and 4: It's time to get our Vour hairshirt
Page 5 and 6: Cutting The Crap in Edinburgh lI /A
Page 7 and 8: that not everything about my icon w
Page 9 and 10: The question of gay and lesbian cle
Page 11 and 12: Hope Has Two Daughters \ A /:li; i'
Page 13 and 14: interesting because here in lreland
Page 15 and 16: Virtual Relationships a I ir l R V
Page 17 and 18: apparent." This is plot synopsis ra
Page 19 and 20: a writer you never can go back." Bu
Page 21 and 22: Tim Woodcock reviews Elvis Costello
Page 23 and 24: The writer of Judge Dredd and a bun
Page 25: Rosie Mifes on the collection of wr

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