Valuing Relationships

VALUING
RELATIONSHIPS
By Marilyn I. James

Valuing
Relationships

Valuing
Relationships
by Marilyn I. James
MIJ PUBLISHING
Washington, DC

Valuing Relationships
Copyright © 2019 by Marilyn I. James
Unless otherwise stated, Scripture quotations are taken from the King James
and New King James Versions of the Bible Copyright 1997, Word Publishing.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed,
or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying,
recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior
written permission of the publisher. Exceptions are given for cases of brief
quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses
as permitted by copyright law.
ISBN: 978-0-9890128-6-7
Printed in the United States of America.
To order copies, please email the publisher at the address below:
MIJ Publishing
Washington DC
youthliftoff@gmail.com

Acknowledgements
I am grateful for the many positive relationships
formulated over the years with family, friends,
educational institutions, organizations, and communities.
Collaborative efforts with these groups over the last 25
years have supported my endeavors to provide academic,
social, career, life skills, outreach and enrichment to
children, youth, and families in the Greater Washington DC
area.
Sincere thanks and gratitude to my husband Anthony,
and sons: Mark, Maurice, and Matthew for your genuine
love and continuous support in all my undertakings.
Thanks also to friends, and church members, for your
inspiration to keep writing. May this book be an
encouragement to achieving the relationships you desire.
--Marilyn James

Table of Contents
Part 1: Noteworthy 13
Part II: Importance of Relationships 17
Part III: Relationships Have Value 21
Part IV: Relationship with God 25
Part V: Relationship with Family 33
Part VI: Relationship with Community 35
Part VII: Hindrances to Great Relationships 37
Part VIII: Benefits of Valuable Relationships 41
Part V: Fond Memories 47
About the Author 61

INTRODUCTION
The saying “actions speak louder than words,” holds
great value and tells us, don’t just say things. Instead,
demonstrate the words being said with positive action.
Throughout life we establish relationships with others
spanning from childhood to adulthood. The adults that
surround children in the early years, are either
inspirational or detrimental. Adults can be positive
influencers and role models to children and young
people by setting examples in the way they relate and
conduct themselves.
This book was inspired by observing two
recent events at Church in Washington, DC. I felt
both proceedings demonstrated genuine kindred
spirit among people and church congregants. The
events were: (a)honoring a Senior Trustee’s
Birthday; and (b) a Special Appreciation and
Anniversary Service for a Church Minister.
Witnessing the outpouring of support for the
honorees by family, friends, and church members,
was phenomenal and very reflective of what good
relationships could mean.

Part I
Noteworthy
Two remarkable events climaxed the Church’s
yearly customs. The first was an auspicious 80 th
Birthday Celebration honoring Trustee Dolores A.
Wright (Trustee Dolores). The Meritorious Awards
Committee presented Trustee Dolores with an
Octogenarian Plaque. Visiting friends donated a
hand-made Church Model surrounded by a host of
guardian angels in her honor. Cake cutting, followed
a sumptuous lunch during which family and friends
paid tribute and spoke highly of Trustee Dolores’
love and care over many years.
At the celebration, Trustee Dolores expressed
gratitude to:
Her family: She was elated that her two sisters,
and three nieces flew in from Georgia for the
occasion; and her brother and a sister came in from
Maryland.
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Her friends: Trustee Dolores felt blessed that
friends came from California, Connecticut,
Massachusetts, and New Jersey to be with her.
Her Church family: Trustee Dolores thanked her
Pastor and Church family for showering love,
support, and encouragement as she continues to
serve God.
Some special people: Trustee Dolores was
extremely appreciative of Gail and the group of 46
family and friends that planned and surprised her
with a Special Birthday Luncheon at the
Congressional Country Club in Bethesda Maryland,
the day before the Church event.
Trustee Dolores acknowledges that she knows
many of her guests since they were babies, and she
is most grateful for their kind words that were
spoken about her. Later that day, after opening her
gifts, and reading the cards, Trustee Dolores told
me, “I felt like a queen.”
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The second event was a Special Appreciation
and Anniversary Service for Rev. Michael G.
Johnson (Rev. Mike). The Meritorious Awards
Committee presented Rev. Mike with an
Appreciation Plaque for his dedicated and faithful
service to his Church, family, and the community;
and the Pastor presented him with a hand-made
fountain pen.
Mentioned during the service, was that Rev.
Mike is dependable, always looking out for his
buddies, and helping out in times of need. During his
turn at the microphone, Rev. Mike thanked his
family and friends for showing up. Some came from
as far away as West Virginia, and others came from
Maryland, Virginia, and Washington DC. He
expressed his appreciation by giving accolades to:
His mother: Rev. Mike conveyed his unconditional
love for his mother, Mary Johnson, who supported
him during rough periods when his life was anything
besides being a Minister. He appreciated her years
of fervent prayers that were instrumental in him
making a complete turn-around to now diligently
serving God.
15

His family: Rev. Mike appreciates his brother,
sisters, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, and other
family members, for their continued support of him.
His Church family: Rev. Mike thanked his Pastor and
Church family for continued love, support, and
encouragement to serve the Lord.
His ‘Homeys’: Rev. Mike spoke highly of his
childhood friends, the buddies he grew up and hung
out with, and his neighbors. He recognized former
classmates and seminary schoolmates, and also
friends from other religious groups.
The outpouring of love during the two events
highlighted that Trustee Dolores and Rev. Mike
truly value their relationship with others, and are
loved by many. Both emphasized that they try to
keep in close contact with family and friends,
maintain a healthy camaraderie, and assist others
when and where needed. Why would they do that?
What is so special about relationships?
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Part II
Importance of Relationships
The Bible ranks relationships as the most
important thing in life. When a Jewish lawyer asked
Jesus, “Teacher, which is the greatest
commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied, “You shall
love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all
your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first
and great commandment. The second is like it, ‘You
shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two
commandments depend the whole Law and the
Prophets.” Matthew 22:36:40. A loving relationship
with God is of greatest importance; but loving
relationships with others is second. The Bible is all
about these two important relationships.
Being in a Church community reminds every one
of the value of loving relationships. People get
opportunities to fellowship and extend their hands
of love to serve others as: Pastors, Associate
Pastors, Ministers, Evangelists, Ushers, Deacons,
Nurses, Missionaries, Christian Educators, Sunday
School Teachers, Singers, Musicians, Choir
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Directors, Trustees, Culinary Staff, Youth and
Outreach Workers, Technicians, and Volunteers.
An important dynamic about genuine
relationships is giving of time, attention, money, or
just a smile. As a Church family, people grow to
appreciate and embrace those they love. Their
words saturate hearts and minds. They do things
that convey love and respect for its members,
families, and community like: Celebrating the
Pastor’s Church Anniversaries and Birthdays.
Honoring founding and long-serving members.
Saluting Senior Congregants, Church Mothers,
Deacons, and other Service Ministries personnel.
Celebrating Homecoming, Family and Friends Day;
Missionary Day; and Youth and Young Adults
Sundays. Hosting Mother/Daughter Tea; and
honoring church members’ family accomplishments.
That is why one of the most effective ways to
give lasting impact to others is by building
relationships with church persons. Being a valuable
friend and caring about each other make it easy to
listen and respect each other’s opinions. Also, during
times of difficulties, there is nothing more valuable
than having support and encouragement from people
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we love. They pray, uphold, support, and are willing
to share our burdens.
In our age of constant connection, information
and opinions are hard to escape. Often we hear
about long lost relatives and friends that show up
during funerals, but when the person was alive and
needed help, these same relatives and friends were
no shows. Relationships are of value and needed
while people are alive. During tribute segments at
Church celebrations, people often compliment the
honorees with words like:
--Dependable
--Unselfish
--Kind
--Committed
--Great Mentor
--Reliable
--Lovable
--Devoted
--Listens
--Shares
All compliments are action words and suggest
that in order to get value from relationships we
must keep them vibrant. Common advice given to
children when growing up is, “you should never take
people for granted.” According to one writer,
friendship is like a bank account. You cannot
continue to draw on it without making deposits.
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Friendship is not a one-sided affair but should be
beneficial for all parties. This advice fits well with
Hebrews 13:16 “Make sure you don't take things for
granted and go slack in working for the common
good; share what you have with others. God takes
particular pleasure in acts of worship - a different
kind of "sacrifice" - that takes place in kitchen, and
workplace, and on the streets.” This reminds me of
a song I wrote called, “It’s The Little Things.”
It’s The Little Things
It’s the little things, that go a mighty long way
The hello, the hi, and the how do you do
It’s the fun and the laughter that make life anew
And the love from the heart, that makes it all true
Chorus
It’s hot lunches, kind gestures
And the smiles that you share
You give courage, you give hope
And our burdens you bear
In joy and in sorrow, you are always there
To comfort and show how much you do care
It’s the little things that go a mighty long way
The chitter, the chatter, and the hot plates of stew
All the calls and high praises when you are not near
Stirring love in the heart, that brings out much cheer
Repeat Chorus
It’s the little things you do, that go a mighty long way.
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Part III
Relationships Have Value
Recognizing value in relationships is important
says Casey Jacox from Kforce Inc., (2014). Below
are adaptions from his definition of VALUE in
relationships.
V is for Vulnerability -- This is an important
character trait that a person should possess.
Vulnerability requires people to have the
humility to admit that they do not have all the
answers, the confidence to admit they made a
mistake and, most importantly, the courage to
speak up when they need help.
A is for Authenticity -- Always be yourself. If
you are trying to be someone you are not,
others will see right through you. If you try to
be something you are not in front of potential
friends, you will also find it nearly impossible
to build any kind of long-lasting relationships.
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Always keep it simple and be yourself if you
want to create more authentic relationships.
L is for Level-Headed – Staying calm during
challenging situations is important for building
relationships. There will be times when things
don’t go your way. Losing control of emotions
can lead to a negative environment. Being levelheaded
means giving others the benefit of the
doubt before you respond negatively.
U is for Upfront -- Being upfront requires an
intense focus on proper communication and
expectation management. There will be times
when you must share bad news with someone.
Will you hold back because of fear? or Will
you address the problem directly? Hopefully,
your answer is to address the problem. People
respect you more when you are honest
regardless of the news. Being honest and
upfront is crucial when you are trying to build
long-lasting relationships.
22

E is for Empathy -- To build strong
relationships, you have to be empathetic and
understand the challenges that people face,
whether they are professional or personal.
Slowing down from the hustle and bustle of
life to check in on a family or friend to see
how their day is going, or to find ways to make
their life easier is critical. Taking time to
occasionally show appreciation, or inquire, will
help show you truly care about people’s
emotions. It will also help you gain their
respect and allow for developing deeper
relationships.
Understanding the significance of VALUE is
the start to forming healthy relationships.
Consistently practicing these qualities, should help
keep them alive.
23

Trustee Dolores cuts her birthday cake.
Rev. Mike receives Appreciation Plaque.
24

Part IV
Relationship with God
God the Father has always desired to have a
close relationship with humans. Genuine friendship
with God has many benefits. As recorded in Genesis
2 and 3, before Adam sinned, God gave him many
privileges. He got to name the cattle, fowl of the
air, and every beast of the field. He had dominion
over all living creation. Then God blessed him with a
helpmate name Eve. Both Adam and Eve knew God on
an intimate and personal level. They talked directly
to Him and walked with Him in the garden.
Abram also benefitted from having a
relationship with God. Abram was a man rich in
cattle, silver, and gold. But most important, he was
a man who had an unfaltering relationship with God.
For example, rather than cause strife between
himself, his nephew Lot, and their herdsmen, Abram
offered Lot to choose what portion of land he
wanted. He said, “Is not the whole land before thee?
separate thyself, I pray thee, from me: if thou wilt take
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the left hand, then I will go to the right; or if thou depart
to the right hand, then I will go to the left.” Abram’s
decision pleased God. And the LORD said unto
Abram, after Lot was separated from him, “Lift up
now thine eyes, and look from the place where thou art
northward, and southward, and eastward, and
westward: For all the land which thou seest, to thee will I
give it, and to thy seed forever. And I will make thy seed
as the dust of the earth: so that if a man can number the
dust of the earth, then shall thy seed also be
numbered. Arise, walk through the land in the length of it
and in the breadth of it; for I will give it unto thee.” Gen
13:14-17.
Then Abram removed his tent, and came and
dwelt in the plain of Mamre, which is in Hebron, and
built there an altar unto the LORD. Because of
Abram’s trust and loyalty, God changed his name to
Abraham, “Neither shall thy name any more be called
Abram, but thy name shall be Abraham; for a father of
many nations have I made thee.” Gen 17:5. “And the
scripture was fulfilled which saith, Abraham believed God,
and it was imputed unto him for righteousness: and he was
called the Friend of God.” James 2:23.
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David also had a close relationship with God. He
did all that God commanded him. God said, “I have
found David the son of Jesse, a man after my own heart,
who will do all my will.” Acts 13:22. Because David was a
true and faithful friend he did what God
commanded. A true friend is always faithful. Psalms
36:5 says of David, “Your faithfulness reaches to the
clouds.” As a result of David’s faithfulness, God was
faithful to David. He shut the lions mouth when
David was placed in the den. Most important, God
made David king over Israel and gave him victory
over his enemies.
Relationship with Jesus Christ
When Adam and Eve sinned, humans became
separated and disconnected from God. Jesus Christ,
who is the only begotten Son of God and shares an
unparalleled relationship with his Father,
volunteered death on the cross to deliver and
redeem human. 1 Peter 3:18 states, “For Christ also
suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous,
to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but
made alive in the Spirit.” Jesus death and resurrection was
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human restoration and reconciliation, bringing life through
the Holy Spirit.”
In order to have a relationship with God, we
need to have a healthy and loving relationship with
Jesus Christ. As explained in Galatians 2:16, there
is nothing we could do on our own that would be
sufficient to reconcile humans to God. No amount of
good works or lawfulness makes us righteous enough
to stand before a holy God. Without a mediator,
humans are destined to spend eternity in hell, for
by ourselves salvation from our sin is impossible. But
Jesus saved us. “For there is one God and one mediator
between God and men, the man Christ Jesus” 1 Timothy
2:5. Jesus represents those that place their trust in
Him before God’s throne of grace. He mediates for
us, similar to what a defense attorney does for his
client - defending the client’s innocence before the
judge. Similarly, on that great judgement day when
we face God, we will do so as ‘forgiven sinners’
because of Jesus’ death on our behalf. “And for this
cause he is the mediator of the new testament, that by
means of death, for the redemption of the transgressions
that were under the first testament, they which are called
might receive the promise of eternal inheritance.”
Hebrews 9:15.
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During his time on earth Jesus had many
friends: disciples, 12 apostles, and an inner circle of
three best friends: Peter, James, and John. Jesus
shared some things with all of his followers and
more personal things with the apostles - for
example, the Last Supper. But he reserved his most
intimate moments for his three closest friends like,
his Transfiguration on the mountain, and his
moments of Agony in the Garden of Gethsemane.
Peter, James, and John knew Jesus best. They knew
about his courage, as well as his fears, and they
knew the price he was paying personally to do his
Father's will. But even with the best relationships
there can be disloyalty. Among his many friends,
Jesus was betrayed by Judas’ kiss, denied thrice by
Peter, and disbelieved by James. John was the only
friend that valued his relationship with Jesus and
stayed at the foot of his cross all the way to the
end.
Because of the relationship between Jesus and
his beloved disciple John, while on the cross Jesus
left his mother in the care of the one person he
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trusted. John 19:25-27 says, “When Jesus therefore
saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he
loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy
son! Then saith he to the disciple, Behold thy mother! And
from that hour that disciple took her unto his own home.”
Relationship with the Holy Spirit
Having a relationship with God the Father, and
Jesus Christ, grants us the gift of the Holy Spirit
as confirmed in, Romans 8:14-16, “For as many as are
led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. For you
did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you
received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba,
Father.” The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit
that we are children of God.” and John 16:13-15,
“However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will
guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own
authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will
tell you things to come. He will glorify Me, for He will take
of what is Mine and declare it to you. All things that the
Father has are Mine. Therefore, I said that He will take
of Mine and declare it to you.”
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After his resurrection, and before he ascended
to heaven, Jesus gave the disciples the Great
Commission found in Matthew 28:19-20. He said, “Go
ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them
in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of
the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things
whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am
with you always, even unto the end of the world.
Amen.”
Jesus knew His disciples could not fulfill the
commission on their own strength and power.
Therefore, Jesus planned to give them the same
power that He had - the power of the Spirit of God.
Immediately after announcing the Great
Commission, Jesus commanded the disciples to not
leave Jerusalem, but wait for what the Father
promised, which, He said, "you heard of from Me;
for John baptized with water, but you shall be
baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from
now" Acts 1:4-5. He further promised: "You shall
receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon
you; and you shall be My witnesses both in
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Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and even
to the remotest part of the earth" Acts 1:8.
The Spirit's role is fundamental to the life of
the believer. When a person comes to Jesus Christ,
he receives Christ into his heart and the Spirit of
God comes and joins with the spirit of the believer.
This indwelling Spirit reproduces the life of Jesus
in the believer's life. As Christians we need a power
beyond ourselves for service and ministry in
Christ's Kingdom. Therefore, forgiveness is key. We
must learn to forgive those that trespass against
us, and not allow arguments, wrong doings,
misunderstandings, and hurt, to blindside us. God
wants us to look beyond those things and heed his
command to love God with all our heart, with all our
soul, and with all our mind; and to love our neighbor
as we love ourselves. By so doing we can establish
and maintain healthy relationships. This is exactly
what Jesus did: He looked beyond our faults and saw
our need so we could have a relationship with God.
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Part V
Relationship with Family
“I just can’t stand my family,” is a familiar
phrase people use. I agree that at times the
behavior of some family members is a lot to endure,
and can sometimes get on our last, good, nerve. But
as difficult as this may be, we have no choice but to
love them. For according to author Ernest Lacey,
families are forever.
Family members are the people who remind us
about what’s important in our lives. For example, our
children are often the reason we work as hard as we
do, that give us the motivation behind our
determination to bypass hurdles, or overcome
challenges and struggles in our careers and
professional lives. Our parents and siblings are
often the people with whom we grew up. They know
us from birth, and often we want to make them
proud. Dr. John Sharry, social worker and
psychotherapist, shares that, the more closely we
are connected to the people we love, the happier we
feel and the more personal satisfaction we have in
our lives. Most people rate moments of connection
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and shared enjoyment with their loved ones as their
most important life experiences.
These important relationships not only include
family and personal friends but also the wider
groups and communities we belong to. Forming
connections and a sense of community with work
colleagues, neighbors and the various groups that
make up our identity such as: sports, hobbies,
religious and community groups, all contribute to our
well-being. Forming a sense of belonging with other
people around a shared mission or identity is a major
contributor to our sense of personal meaning in life.
Our personal resilience is interwoven into resilience
of the communities to which we belong. It is from
the web of our relationships and connections with
other people that we draw our strength. Such
communities can lift us when we are down and give
us the capacity to deal with whatever challenges
come our way.
Being proactive in family relationships and
attending to them even when you don’t feel like it,
is the key to keeping them happy, supportive, and
personally satisfying.
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Part VI
Relationship with Community
Seventeenth-century English author John
Donne penned “No man is an island,” and American
Trappist monk, writer, and theologian Thomas
Merton, took it further and said, “No man is an island
and everyone can benefit from a friendly
relationship.” The below story got my attention
recently:
“His phone rang in church during prayers. The Pastor scolded him.
The worshipers admonished him after prayers for interrupting the
silence.
His wife kept on lecturing him on his carelessness all the way home.
You could see the shame, embarrassment and humiliation on his face.
He never stepped foot in the church again.
That evening, he went to a bar. He was still nervous and self-conscious
from his experience at church. He spilled his drink all over.
The waiter apologized and gave him a napkin to clean himself.
The janitor mopped the floor.
The manager offered him a complimentary drink, and when he left
gave him a huge hug while saying, "Don't worry man. Who doesn't make
mistakes?"
He has never stopped going to that bar since then.
Meant to be humorous, this story could so easily
be true that people at the bar did a better job at
communicating acceptance, forgiveness, and love
than the church folks! This invites the question,
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which experience is someone likely to have with you
if something like this happens - shame,
embarrassment, and humiliation; or grace,
forgiveness, and acceptance?
Meeting Your Community Needs
Just like families and personal relationships,
communities differ and have varying needs. One
person cannot fulfill the gamut of needs that may
exist. To keep a community functional, and relevant,
requires constant nurturing and bolstering with
positive contributions.
Some ways of involvement that improve
community relationships include: organizing an
afterschool program or sports club, tutoring
children, volunteering in a boys or girls scout group,
serving as an officer for a residents’ association, or
helping senior citizens. You may also want to take a
leadership role on a local Advisory Neighborhood
Council, a national organization, a school committee,
or church board. By becoming more involved in
communities, as well as making a difference you also
become the beneficiary as you make supportive
connections and form relationships with people.
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Part VII
Hindrances to Great Relationships
Psychologists talk about 3 obstacles that
hinder great relationships: Communication,
Childhood Wounds, and Vision.
(1) Communication. People do not communicate
so stuff builds up. Someone gets too angry, too
quickly, and the other person shuts down.
Good communication sounds simple in theory,
but at times is very hard to do. It is a skill that gets
better with focus and practice. Each person must
stay on topic and be relatively calm so everyone can
move forward. Communication involves talking about
you, your feelings, your intentions, your worries and
less about the other person. It is about being brave
enough to speak up even if the other person may get
upset. Also, it is important to control your temper
so that the other person is not left feeling
intimidated. This allows the conversation to keep
moving towards an amicable solution.
(2) Childhood wounds. We all become adults
carrying childhood sensitivity to certain things like,
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criticism, feeling controlled, feeling neglected, and
not being appreciated.
People inadvertently trigger these old wounds
when they become or sound angry about something
you said or did; suggest too strongly what you should
do; do not comment on the nice meal or refreshment
you spent hours making; do not respond to your text;
or would rather go out with friends on the weekend
instead of taking you out.
Remedying the situation would take: (1)
recognizing and not letting old stuff get in the way.
(2) Being assertive instead of withdrawing (3)
Controlling anger so discussions may flow (4)
Becoming less sensitive to feelings by choosing
positive responses.
(3) Vision. Everyone has personal needs and
desires.
Adjusting to personal choices and changes that
come with aging and life experiences take time and
effort. Helpful questions to consider are: Does
everyone share enough things in common to make
the relationship work? What is the one thing that
each person can only get from each other that is
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enough to override everything else? Having
foresight of needs and desires and finding
favorable solutions will greatly improve
relationships.
Although not mentioned, I believe there is a 4 th
obstacle that affects relationships. It‛s called
“Forgetfulness.”
(4) Forgetfulness. Many great relationships
have been hindered or lost because of
forgetfulness.
How often has someone been truly good to you:
sharing, caring, saying something nice, or doing
something marvelous for you; then you completely
forget about the person or experience.
Joseph was a victim of forgetfulness. The bible
in Genesis gives an account of Joseph being falsely
imprisoned because of a lie told by Potiphar’s wife.
Then Pharaoh’s chief butler and chief baker were
also placed at the same prison, and Joseph was
assigned to looked after them. During their stay,
both men had dreams and Joseph interpreted the
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dreams. When giving the good news to the chief
butler, Joseph said “… And please remember me and do
me a favor when things go well for you. Mention me to
Pharaoh, so he might let me out of this place. For I was
kidnapped from my homeland, the land of the Hebrews, and
now I’m here in prison, but I did nothing to deserve it.”
But Pharaoh’s chief butler when freed, forgot all
about Joseph, never giving him another thought.
Two years later Pharaoh had dreams that
needed to be interpreted. It was only then that the
chief butler remembered and informed Pharaoh
about Joseph. Pharaoh sent for Joseph, who
willingly interpreted Pharaoh’s dreams. For his
intelligence, wisdom, and faith in God, Joseph was
exalted to the position of Governor over the entire
land of Egypt. Only the Pharaoh on the throne had a
rank higher than Joseph.
In relationships, there will be stumbling blocks
which at times may leave us feeling neglected or
forgotten. That is when we must remain steadfast
and unmovable, always abounding in the Word of the
Lord. Humans forget, but God will always remember
us. God rewards and exalts his people in due season.
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Part VIII
Benefits of Valuable Relationships
Experts assert that strong relationships are a
vital component of health and well-being, and
present compelling evidence such relationships
contribute to a long, healthy, and happy life.
Conversely, the health risks from being alone or
isolated in life are comparable to risks associated
with blood pressure, obesity, and smoking. Mary Jo
Kreitzer, RN, PhD from the University of
Minnesota, in a research article references some
benefits of healthy relationships, and adverse
effects of unhealthy relationships as follows:
Benefits of Healthy Relationships:
Longer Life
People with strong social relationships are 50%
less likely to die prematurely. Committing to a life
partner can add 3 years to life expectancy. Men’s
life expectancy benefits from marriage more than
women’s do.
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Dealing with stress
Support from caring friends can provide a
buffer against the effects of stress. Researchers
found that people who completed a stressful task
experienced a faster recovery when they were
reminded of people with whom they had strong
relationships. Those who were reminded of
stressful relationships, on the other hand,
experienced even more stress and higher blood
pressure.
Being healthier
Strong relationships contribute to health at any
age. Psychologist Sheldon Cohen, found that college
students who reported having strong relationships
were half as likely to catch a common cold when
exposed to the virus. Whereas loneliness among
older adults was a significant predictor of poor
health. Also, a 2012 international Gallup poll found
that people who feel they have friends and family
to count on are generally more satisfied with their
personal health than people who feel
isolated. Moreover, hanging out with healthy people
increases a person’s likelihood of health.
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Feeling richer
A survey by the National Bureau of Economic
Research of 5,000 people found that doubling your
group of friends has the same effect on your wellbeing
as a 50% increase in income!
Adverse Effects of No Relationships:
Lack of relationships or low social support is
linked to a number of health consequences, like:
• Depression. Loneliness has long been commonly
associated with depression, and now research is
backing this correlation up: a 2012 study of
breast cancer patients found that those with
fewer satisfying social connections experienced
higher levels of depression, pain, and fatigue.
• Decreased immune function. The authors of
the same study also found a correlation
between loneliness and immune system
dysregulation, meaning that a lack of social
connections can increase your chances of
becoming sick.
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• Higher blood pressure. University of Chicago
researchers who studied a group of 229 adults
over five years found that loneliness could
predict higher blood pressure even years later,
indicating that the effects of isolation have
long-lasting consequences.
Extensive research by Psychiatrists Jacqueline
Olds and Richard Schwartz, supports the idea that
a lack of relationships can cause multiple problems
with physical, emotional, and spiritual health. They
feel that social alienation is an inevitable result of
contemporary society's preoccupation with
materialism and frantic "busyness."
Valuable relationships take time to build and
much effort to cultivate. They require patience and
understanding because it is critical to garner a
proper perspective of each other’s feelings and
opinions. If you take time to authentically develop
valuable relationships, you will have comfort,
enjoyment, and friendships that are built to last.
Trustee Dolores Wright and Rev. Michael Johnson
seem to have captured the attributes very well, and
are good examples to follow.
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I conclude this book with a poem that was
shared with me. Its author is unknown but the
experiences are very real and can remind us why we
should form sincere and lasting relationships as we
journey through life.
“At birth, we boarded the train of life and met our parents, and we
believed that they would always travel by our side. However, at some
station, our parents would step down from the train, leaving us
on life's journey alone.
As time goes by, some significant people will board the
train: siblings, other children, friends, and even the love of our life.
Many will step down and leave a permanent vacuum. Others will go
so unnoticed that we won't realize that they vacated their seats! This
train ride has been a mixture of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations,
hellos, goodbyes, and farewells.
A successful journey consists of having a good relationship with all
passengers, requiring that we give the best of ourselves. The
mystery that prevails is that we do not know at which station we
ourselves will step down. Thus, we must try to travel along the track
of life in the best possible way -- loving, forgiving, giving, and
sharing.
When the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty;
we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who continue
to travel on the train of life. Let’s remember to thank our Creator
for giving us life to participate in this journey.
I close by thanking you for being one of the
passengers on my train!”
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Part V:
Fond Memories
Trustee
Dolores
with
brother,
Delma
(Bob)
Trustee Dolores with sisters and brother
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Trustee Dolores with Roland and Sis Emma Robinson
Trustee Dolores with lifelong friends
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Fond Memories
Rev. Mike
with
soulmate,
Dena
Mitchell-
Johnson
Rev. Mike with mom, sister-in-law, and brother
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Rev. Mike with daughter, Danielle
Rev. Mike (center with red square)
poses with a group of friends.
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Fond Memories
F
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F
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Fond Memories
C
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C
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Fond Memories
O
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O
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Fond Memories
S
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S
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About the Author
Marilyn I. James is an educator,
missionary, and philanthropist, who
believes there is a divine being at work
in our lives. This authority is within us
if we yield to its call. By yielding we can
develop and maintain fruitful
relationships with God and people
around us. These relationships will help
us overcome obstacles and challenges
we encounter along life’s journey, and
find comfort to fulfill our destiny.
Marilyn serves as Executive Director
of Children & Charity International
where her focus is STEM Education and Mentorship for children and
youth, and community outreach and strengthening of families in the
United States and internationally. She served as NASA SEMAA Family
Café Coordinator at the Science and Engineering Center, University of
the District of Columbia where she coordinated STEM activities for
program participants and parents, and provided program planning and
development services. An advocate for academic enrichment, she
liaisons with government and funding agencies for pre-college programs,
and community partnerships.
Marilyn is most proud of the 20 years she dedicated to providing
services and support to US Military Chaplains and their families. For
leisure, Marilyn utilizes her skills as a poet, playwright, and song writer
to motivate others. She has also authored a Parent’s Guide, “The Early
Years: Helping Our Children Succeed - Tips and Resources to
Improving Language and Reading Skills”; a Children’s Book series
called, “MINGO LEARNS…”; and “It’s Complicated – Exploring the
Depth of Life’s Difficulties and Finding Divine Serendipity”. Over the
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years Marilyn has received commendation for her work from: NASA
SEMAA; Ministry of Education, Ghana; UNICEF; The Kenyan
Government; and the United States Army, Challenge Coin for
excellence, courageous spirit, and compassionate service.
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The author, in Valuing Relationships reminds us that
genuine love and friendship carry commitment and
responsibilities. Relationships should not be one-sided.
We must all do our part to keep them alive and
beneficial for all.
Matthew 22:36:40 says to love the Lord our God
with all our heart, with all our soul, and with all
our mind; and love our neighbor as ourselves.
MIJ Publishing
Washington DC
$7.95
ISBN: 978-0-9890128-6-7