Gone-Girl-by-Gillian-Flynn

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know he loves me.’ I admire Mo’s unconditional love, I do. So I don’t tell her what I have found on Nick’s computer, the book proposal for a memoir about a Manhattan magazine writer who returns to his Missouri roots to care for both his ailing parents. Nick has all sorts of bizarre things on his computer, and sometimes I can’t resist a little light snooping – it gives me a clue as to what my husband is thinking. His search history gave me the latest: noir films and the website of his old magazine and a study on the Mississippi River, whether it’s possible to free-float from here to the Gulf. I know what he pictures: floating down the Mississippi, like Huck Finn, and writing an article about it. Nick is always looking for angles. I was nosing through all this when I found the book proposal. Double Lives: A Memoir of Ends and Beginnings will especially resonate with Gen X males, the original man-boys, who are just beginning to experience the stress and pressures involved with caring for aging parents. In Double Lives, I will detail: • My growing understanding of a troubled, once-distant father • My painful, forced transformation from a carefree young man into the head of a family as I deal with the imminent death of a much loved mother • The resentment my Manhattanite wife feels at this detour in her previously charmed life. My wife, it should be mentioned, is Amy Elliott Dunne, the inspiration for the best-selling Amazing Amy series. The proposal was never completed, I assume because Nick realized he wasn’t going to ever understand his once-distant father; and because Nick was shirking all ‘head of the family’ duties; and because I wasn’t expressing any anger about my new life. A little frustration, yes, but no book-worthy rage. For so many years, my husband has lauded the emotional solidity of midwesterners: stoic, humble, without affectation! But these aren’t the kinds of people who provide good memoir material. Imagine the jacket copy: People behaved mostly well and then they died. Still, it stings a bit, ‘the resentment my Manhattanite wife feels.’ Maybe I do feel … stubborn. I think of how consistently lovely Maureen is, and I worry that Nick and I were not meant to be matched. That he would be happier with a woman who thrills at husband care and homemaking, and I’m not disparaging these skills: I wish I had them. I wish I cared more that Nick
always has his favorite toothpaste, that I know his collar size off the top of my head, that I am an unconditionally loving woman whose greatest happiness is making my man happy. I was that way, for a while, with Nick. But it was unsustainable. I’m not selfless enough. Only child, as Nick points out regularly. But I try. I keep on keeping on, and Nick runs around town like a kid again. He’s happy to be back in his rightful prom-king place – he dropped about ten pounds, he got a new haircut, he bought new jeans, he looks freakin’ great. But I only know that from the glimpses of him coming home or going back out, always in a pretend hurry. You wouldn’t like it, his standard response any time I ask to come with him, wherever it is he goes. Just like he jettisoned his parents when they were of no use to him, he’s dropping me because I don’t fit in his new life. He’d have to work to make me comfortable here, and he doesn’t want to do that. He wants to enjoy himself. Stop it, stop it. I must look on the bright side. Literally. I must take my husband out of my dark shadowy thoughts and shine some cheerful golden light on him. I must do better at adoring him like I used to. Nick responds to adoration. I just wish it felt more equal. My brain is so busy with Nick thoughts, it’s a swarm inside my head: Nicknicknicknicknick! And when I picture his mind, I hear my name as a shy crystal ping that occurs once, maybe twice, a day and quickly subsides. I just wish he thought about me as much as I do him. Is that wrong? I don’t even know anymore.
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To Brett: light of my life, senior
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CONTENTS Cover Dedication Title Pag
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Amy Elliott Dunne: Twenty-Six Days
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PART ONE BOY LOSES GIRL
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little Missouri hometown, in her fi
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some buttons for bartering, trying
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Yes, we thought we were being cleve
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Answer: C, totally C Anyway, the pa
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the one who will end up with a pie
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Without asking, she poured me a dra
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‘Treasure hunt,’ I said. My wif
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‘Paper is first year,’ I said.
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‘Don’t worry,’ I said. ‘It
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‘Amy!’ She wasn’t on the wate
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let me grow up, unencumbered by my
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Andys? No, just kidding, don’t wr
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NICK DUNNE THE DAY OF I waited for
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I was telling Riordan about the str
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need me to translate my English, Co
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‘What anniversary today?’ she a
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Delaware, a state of many rich iden
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NICK DUNNE THE NIGHT OF Boney and G
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was so completely true and I’d ne
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some good friends here? We’d like
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eing monitored, her photo circulate
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glasses, fussy with the table lamp.
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The police finished with their ques
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AMY ELLIOTT DUNNE APRIL 21, 2009 -
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of his own taxi, and he stands in t
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‘Man, my wife, she’s been hyste
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technicality he never saw himself a
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It was silly but incredibly sweet,
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longtime response, the need to remi
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crook of the V of the Robert Indian
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your money.’ ‘Not according to
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I stay where I am for a few minutes
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hit, washed away the Riverway store
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I’m an adjunct professor there. H
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the clue say?’ I let him read ove
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have, more than once.) The quizzes
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touch me again. ‘Oh, okay. Good,
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Desi left school shortly after. But
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great! c) Until a new job comes alo
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grooves beneath his eyes. My mother
Page 90 and 91: NICK DUNNE TWO DAYS GONE I woke up
Page 92 and 93: ‘Oh, come on—’ ‘You’d be
Page 94 and 95: ‘Hear the police are botching thi
Page 96 and 97: missing person notice for Amy, my w
Page 98 and 99: mantra of all attractive women. ‘
Page 100 and 101: four, and it’s spread to the live
Page 102 and 103: shuffling, like my bones hurt, a fe
Page 104 and 105: NICK DUNNE THREE DAYS GONE The poli
Page 106 and 107: around, as if he worried they’d o
Page 108 and 109: played Huck, we were out to dinner,
Page 110 and 111: celebrate us, not a test about whet
Page 112 and 113: hopped in the back, planted himself
Page 114 and 115: was what we had in mind. When we re
Page 116 and 117: signs that read Jewelry and Beauty
Page 118 and 119: I pulled out her photo. The Hillsam
Page 120 and 121: your housewarming? Have you thought
Page 122 and 123: Go grim-faced, her hair in barrette
Page 124 and 125: off and starts moving toward me aga
Page 126 and 127: ‘No, he just said she was afraid,
Page 128 and 129: in town. There are plenty of other
Page 130 and 131: up. I entered the headquarters a fe
Page 132 and 133: ‘Okay.’ She lingered, so I bega
Page 134 and 135: I should add, in Amy’s defense, t
Page 136 and 137: moment. I punished you for being a
Page 138 and 139: genuinely annoying and then swung b
Page 142 and 143: NICK DUNNE FOUR DAYS GONE She was s
Page 144 and 145: her hair? Also: What were Amy’s f
Page 146 and 147: who left the bar early if a woman w
Page 148 and 149: sweater. Don’t be that guy, I tho
Page 150 and 151: the miserable situation, assuming t
Page 152 and 153: shoulder. ‘Maybe—’ I could fe
Page 154 and 155: AMY ELLIOTT DUNNE JULY 21, 2011 I a
Page 156 and 157: Instead, we wait. It takes two hour
Page 158 and 159: NICK DUNNE FIVE DAYS GONE I leaned
Page 160 and 161: ‘Nick, this is a little drastic.
Page 162 and 163: I phoned Go and she said, ‘Well,
Page 164 and 165: ‘You had a very intense relations
Page 166 and 167: didn’t know - you’d think they
Page 168 and 169: ‘It was interesting to meet you,
Page 170 and 171: me full on the lips, and he touched
Page 172 and 173: NICK DUNNE FIVE DAYS GONE I sat in
Page 174 and 175: ‘It’s kind of a woodwork situat
Page 176 and 177: ‘I don’t know what you want me
Page 178 and 179: ‘Not Wednesday night?’ Boney as
Page 180 and 181: south. Amy’s parents had to borro
Page 182 and 183: wife in those photos?’ They gave
Page 184 and 185: AMY ELLIOTT DUNNE OCTOBER 21, 2011
Page 186 and 187: from a night out drinking, and I’
Page 188 and 189: NICK DUNNE SIX DAYS GONE The first
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wasn’t sure if it was Andie or Am
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town, this town that Amy loved, tha
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We both gasped. He held his fist in
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NICK DUNNE SIX DAYS GONE Go pushed
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‘It’s a lot different. But you
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‘You walked all the way here?’
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letters, a beautiful antique wooden
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NICK DUNNE SEVEN DAYS GONE It was t
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‘She was definitely pregnant.’
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pregnant.’ ‘Is pregnant.’ Tan
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Tanner tightened his tie, twisted a
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‘We’ll prep you for the convers
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PART TWO BOY MEETS GIRL
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no blood has dripped where it shoul
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persona because they’re too lazy
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else - than I ever have been before
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a word to the woodshed. ‘Look,’
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The beginning of a wonderful new st
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Amy put in where she’s hidden som
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AMY ELLIOTT DUNNE THE DAY OF You kn
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I’ve always thought I could commi
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event? It was fun, mostly. I’d wa
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NICK DUNNE SEVEN DAYS GONE I had to
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near the door. ‘You are such a sp
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‘Let me go, Nick, or I swear.’
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picked up my story. She has to, I c
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fish. A couple of times now, he bri
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know that. Not for sure. For now it
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cop line, but it’s the truth.’
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flipped Amy off - she wouldn’t le
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ead it, but it’s also another pla
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AMY ELLIOTT DUNNE SEVEN DAYS GONE I
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machine, showing a toddler asleep o
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Needs Me’ is basically a lilting
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watch TV.’ I bring a fresh tomato
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She is looking right at me, and I w
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NICK DUNNE EIGHT DAYS GONE We searc
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‘Lets see if we can reach out to
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‘Hives. Stress.’ I turned away
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smiling. A tear dribbled on his chi
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‘Well.’ Tommy called again for
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anonymous, typed, says: Maybe next
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‘You’re up,’ Greta says to me
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nuances, the structure. Just good o
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finding the angle, exploiting the w
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fish-smuggling ring? ‘I’ am gam
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NICK DUNNE EIGHT DAYS GONE As soon
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as an idea and not really for who s
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oardwalk psychic. ‘No. I have no
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‘Because I realized I’d be stuc
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presence known, and then she was ba
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‘I’ll give it context,’ she s
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just happens to be the coolest girl
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gives me pause. My husband has fini
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goodbye.’ He steps toward me, and
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He pats me on the arm as they leave
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The doorbell rang, and I opened the
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I’m not fucking around here: This
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alternate theory. She has a good re
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She turned the camera on, sat down
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ejuvenative picture?’ Betsy asked
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NICK DUNNE TEN DAYS GONE We spent t
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AMY ELLIOTT DUNNE TEN DAYS GONE I h
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my eyes bigger, my cheeks flushed.
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singers.’ He says the word dubiou
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house. If you feel cramped by me, i
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privacy to heal during this very pa
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make any excuses for it. I let myse
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said. ‘Not gonna bite you.’ The
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She looked startled and held up a f
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AMY ELLIOTT DUNNE TEN DAYS GONE We
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year. ‘My goodness, Desi,’ I sa
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handwriting. ‘You know what else
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‘Is she crazy, Nick?’ Boney sai
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‘The visor hat, that’s an old i
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the bag. He doesn’t like the smel
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to be Amy’s hero, and when I lost
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NICK DUNNE FOURTEEN DAYS GONE I wok
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that—’ ‘Yeah, that would be g
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senses. Those fucking bitches. I’
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AMY ELLIOTT DUNNE TWENTY-SIX DAYS G
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I look at Desi with outright disgus
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AMY ELLIOTT DUNNE FORTY DAYS GONE I
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‘Oh, darling, not silly at all. I
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NICK DUNNE FORTY DAYS GONE Out on b
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I wanted to kill her. Had we been a
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a good man. But … I guess it does
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with creases from being folded too
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B: So he stabbed you? The angle is
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like I was nosing around in somethi
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NICK DUNNE THE NIGHT OF THE RETURN
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to have Amy back? How wonderful do
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hated her. I was afraid of her. ‘
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‘Ha! Never thought I’d hear you
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I paused. ‘That was my original p
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the words she suctioned to me: aver
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possible way. You don’t really lo
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‘Shut up, Amy. I mean it.’ ‘J
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Amy was exactly right. So maybe the
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know, would love to arrest me. But
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NICK DUNNE THIRTY DAYS AFTER THE RE
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more of her lies …’ ‘We shoul
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me, like, actually sleep. It will b
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NICK DUNNE NINE WEEKS AFTER THE RET
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AMY ELLIOTT DUNNE TEN WEEKS AFTER T
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I felt a giant bubble of joy - I co
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Yes, I am finally a match for Amy.
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS I’ve got to start
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laugh till I fall down. The guy who
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ALSO BY GILLIAN FLYNN SHARP OBJECTS
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Copyright A Weidenfeld & Nicolson e
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