2019 May

50
DERBY LOOK BOOK
Photo credit: Dantana Smith
Things didn’t get much better in regards to how I viewed myself when I went to college. It was the first time in my
life I was around other black students in a large capacity and I appreciated the ease at which, culturally, I fit in. But I
wasn’t expecting another layer of rejection and criticism to be added to my lot in life. I quickly found that the experience
I had earlier in life (where I was ranked based on my skin tone) was a glimpse into the discrimination I would
receive within the black community. People would make statements like “you’re pretty, even though you’re dark
skinned-ded” or “girl you so dark!” I remember thinking that’s so strange because I grew up around White people
and they of course would never say such a thing to me so blatantly. By this point in my life, all of the negative criticism
I received had groomed and instilled a deep belief in my psyche that my looks were not desirable. So I accepted
the feedback and focused my energy elsewhere because even if I believed I was ugly, for me, being beautiful was not
the measurement for happiness and success in life. I had the confidence that, despite my looks, I would be successful.
By God’s grace, I have a strong personality and strong will, which I believe is what helped me to succeed regardless
of my silent self-hatred. I placed value on two things that I could control and do well, my intellect and athletic ability.
I was in National Honors Society, recruited by top institutions such as Howard and Columbia Universities, and
received a full scholarship to run track and field at the University of Louisville. I earned an MBA within five years, all
while maintaining multiple part-time jobs, being a graduate assistant and a record-holding collegiate athlete. I chose
to focus my attention where I knew I could win, and ignore what I believed to be a weakness.
VOME Magazine • APRIL 2019