CCChat-Magazine_Issue-14

Lorna finished with Clark. I was then left with a husband who
expected me to comfort him because his girlfriend had
packed him in. I was so exhausted and ill that when he
suggested that we sell up and move to a lovely village in
Wales, I just let things happen. It was like I was in a bad
dream. I watched as my family home was sold and
everything that I loved just fell apart.
Very conveniently, Clark managed to fall out with my entire
family and my dad around this time. So when my house was
sold, after three days on the market, and everything went into
storage, no-one waved us off or wished us well. No-one
planned to visit us as soon as we were settled. The girls
were wrenched from their schools and friends, their
granddad wasn’t around anymore. They were dumped in a
Welsh speaking school, with an abusive father and a
depressed,ill mother and little baby.
Clark was in his element. We rented an enormous house by
the sea (I daily wanted to drown myself in it). He had
£120,000 in the bank from the sale of our house. He was
king of the castle and lorded it over everyone.
Every morning she would look at me and I would shake my
head slightly. She always looked crushed when I did this, and
I knew I couldn't stay much longer. I was desperate and
frightened.
January 6th 2006
New Years Eve had been especially grim. Michael was ill and
I was nursing him. Clark told me he was going to the pub and
would be back to see the New Year in with me, and I was to
stay up. I fell asleep next to Michael as I had been watching
his breathing. The next thing I knew I was being dragged
down the stairs by my hair to celebrate the New Year. This
time Clark hit me in the face, something he had never done
before. He had always hit me on my body, legs and arms (I
never wore short sleeves).
On the morning of January 6th I woke up with a strong
conviction that I was to leave him that day. I got together the
kids’ favourite cuddly toys, my passport and £120 of child
benefit that I had hidden in a Tampax box. I got on a train in
the village, and changed trains at Birmingham for Darlington.
“After I escaped from Wales to Darlington, he left a message on my mobile which
said, ‘When I find you I’m going to burn you alive and you’ll never see the children
alive again."
He soon started to make enemies in the village because he
would be arrogant, rude and chat up their girlfriends and
wives. I have never felt as lonely as when I’ve sat next to
Clark in the local pub, surrounded by people. They hated
him. One lady asked me why I stayed with ‘that bastard’. I
couldn’t answer. Michael started to have frequent
bronchiolitis around this time due to being a premature baby.
He was diagnosed with asthma and he developed phobias
around meal times. Mealtimes were so stressful in our
home.
Becky was so depressed. She really missed her granddad
and her friends. She couldn’t speak to me because I was
crying all the time. If I wasn’t crying I was hiding from the
neighbours. She looked after Michael when she wasn’t at
school. Clark kept Clare with him at all times. When she
wasn’t at school, she was with him at work (he was self
employed doing property maintenance then), or in the local
pub. She would often be there until two in the morning at
weekends. She was 11.
One night, I went out with some girls from the village for a
meal. I got really drunk and told them all about my life, well
some of it. The next day, I had a near breakdown when I
remembered what I’d said and to whom. I shook for days and
was so scared. It was then I really began to think about the
possibility of escaping. I thought, ‘If I stay, he will kill me’. I
confided in Becky and she began to collect some of
Michael’s toy cars in a bag.
When we got to Birmingham I told the children that we
weren’t going back to Wales. Michael cried so much for his
transformer toys. Becky went pale and put her arms round
me. She was really scared. Clare shouted ‘NO!’ and
repeatedly thumped me in the leg.
I was amazed that I still had money in my purse! I was
determined that this was it. I was quite firm with them all. I
didn’t shout. I think they were relieved I was taking charge.
With all of this money (honestly I’d never had so much
money to myself) I took them for a MacDonald’s (that
diffused the situation) and then got the train to my sister’s
house in Darlington.
Separation was a very dangerous time for us. I honestly
thought that Clark would find me and kill me. After I escaped
from Wales to Darlington, he left a message on my mobile
which said, ‘When I find you I’m going to burn you alive and
you’ll never see the children alive again."
We left my sisters after he had found us and had dragged me
into the street by my hair. She had to call the police. She told
me that I couldn’t live there as her 11-year-old daughter had
witnessed the incident. She was angry with me. She has not
spoken to me since.
Making The Invisible Visible