Trinitonian 16 ONLINE

FEATURE ARTICLE
Because Susan feels guilty. Because Susan thought
things would be different. Because Susan thinks all
of her ‘mommy’ friends have it together. Because
if Susan says these things out loud then Susan is
admitting she has not met her expectations and
then, by definition, is a terrible mother. What Susan
does not know is that her ‘mommy’ friends judge
themselves according to Susan. You get the point.
Brene Brown said, “Vulnerability is not weakness;
it’s our greatest measure of courage.”
Here is a thought: we are allowed to be vulnerable.
Vulnerability requires honesty and this honesty is
refreshing! If you find the courage to be honest with
other moms, it is the most freeing and supportive
experience you will have. Vulnerability is not
weakness; it is accepting that we are imperfect.
We have flaws, every single one of us has flaws,
and that, dear moms, is what makes us perfect.
Despite our imperfections, we are perfect at what
we do. Not all the time. No, not even nearly all the
time. We are human. We have real emotions and
real experiences. The world is a challenging place
but we carry on anyway. Is this not what we want
our children to know?
Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and to admit
that we are flawed gives us the opportunity to grow
and to support each other in the best way possible
– through normalising what we are communicating.
‘I do not care’ is a fundamental aspect of a
supportive village. I do not care if you gave in
today because you just didn’t have the energy
to fight. I do not care that your children would
not go to sleep at my house and so you let them
“It takes a village to raise
a child. Find a village.
Encourage each other and
open your village to others.”
- African proverb
stay awake late just so you could catch up with
friends. I do not care that you let your hair down
and danced like you were 20. I do not care that
you screamed at your child because he threw your
chicken and broccoli bake at you. I do not care
that your child sleeps in your bed or needs you to
rock her to sleep. I do not care that you told me
you hate your child today because it all seems a
bit too much. I do not care.
Unless of course, you care.
In which case I will care enough to tell you that
I have done the exact same things and have
felt exactly the same way on many different
occasions. I will care enough and be courageous
enough to be vulnerable and share my own
experiences. I will care enough to admit that all
children can be completely awful and that this is
normal. We carry on anyway. We love our children
anyway. Honesty allows your village to support you
and to help you understand that you, like all of us,
are perfectly imperfect. Go and find your village,
connect with other mothers, and share your
journey. This is truly the only way to embrace and
experience motherhood.
24 | The Trinitonian