TEST DRAFT 3 With LLaregub footnotes The Boy Who Shot Flimzy Bubbletrumpett- macbook 2

No, you will be shocked and distressed.
Tell us!!!
Oh, very well, but only if you are sure.
We are sure.
Are you sure you are sure?
Yes!
Are you absolutely sure that you are sure that you are sure?
Yes!!
Are absolutely certain that you are sure that you’re sure that…
Tell us!!!!!
That’s enough! I’ll tell you. Are you sitting comfortably?
Yes.
Really comfortable, not just adequately or pleasantly seated? It is a long story.
Just tell us!!!!!!
Right, but despite the strangeness and silliness this is a times a frightening and sad story. But
you insisted, so here it is.
It was a dark and stormy night……
I hear you cry cliché .
We didn’t say anything.
I know you didn’t say anything. I was using a rhetorical device. There will be a lot of
rhetorical and other devices in the story. So pay attention.
It was night and therefore dark. Wind and rain battered the windows of the house. So it was
stormy. It truly was a dark and stormy night. Unlike no other.
I was alone in the house with my sister Dystopia. Your Auntie Di.
No her name is not Diana. Her real name is Dystopia. But when her friends shortened it to Di
other people thought it was short for Diana. She preferred the name Diana. It made her life
easier. So she became Diana. Just as my name is Utopia shortened to You which people often
think is short for Ewan, and I let them.
As I was saying we were alone in the house waiting for the babysitter to arrive. How we hated
that word ‘babysitter’! We weren’t babies we felt quite grown up. Grown up enough to be
able to look after our selves. And in fact our parents, your grandparents, Feckless and
Graceless… 1
Yes, that is their names. Your grandparents. Their real names. Shortly before you were born
they changed their names to Fiona and Terry. I have never understood why. It seemed a
backward step. But maybe like Dystopia it made life simpler for them. It is disturbing for
children when their parents change their names. That is why most children prefer to call their
mum and dad Mum and Dad. In that order. It makes life much easier.
In fact our parents were probably looking for some kind of security guard rather than baby
sitter, but security guards are far more expensive.
But to go on with the story. I shall start at the beginning, go on to the end, and then stop. 2
It was a dark and stormy night and the two of us had been left alone in the house as the
babysitter – horrible word. I always think of a very fat man in a clown costume sitting on a
baby - had not arrived.
! 2