diaries

Locked in with the Monster inside myself
Love the Idea of Isolation until it’s imposed
Love being Alone until I don’t have a choice
Love Time with Myself until I lose Freedom
To escape my Own Being.
Love the Simplicity until that is All that I know
Love watching Films until they make me
Question my Soul.
Love to have my Schedule and manage my Time
Until the Power I have over Myself is almost
Divine.
Love the People I live with until they’re All that I see
Love reading these Books until retaining Knowledge
Loses meaning to Me.
Love caring for People until…. NO. The Forced
Isolation lets my Pain play outside, but it Only ever can
Sprout far enough to Engulf me, I don’t want others getting
Affected; nor by this nor by my Personal Demons.
Losing Escape feels like losing a Sword
As if picking up Gravel to desperately throw in Its Face
In the form of my Books or my Films or my Tools
Desperate Attempt to Stay out of my Own head
Maybe I should get Inside there and do what I feel like I can’t.
Maybe I won’t succumb, maybe I’ll win the Fight
Maybe the nine headed Dragon shall Die tonight
Maybe it all led to This, Facing my fears
Maybe I’ll find out the Dragon is actually Nothing
But really a large Shadow of a harmless Kitten
Whatever I may Find, I fear I have to try Now
Before the Moment is gone
And I’m allowed to leave this Whole town
To seek the Never-ending Escapes once again
Never seeing just how Strong I perhaps really am.