"Life and Pandemic" - Spring 2020

Because You Are Here
“Xingren is almonds, baba. Suan nai is yogurt.”
“Ok, yo-gur. Yo-gur.”
Then he dons his mask, a pair of wrinkled gray gloves, shrugs on his
jacket, and leaves for the store humming to a Teresa Teng song from the
70’s.
I still feel hopeless sometimes. The grass looks a little more dull each
day, the sunlight more blinding than soothing. I’m still in that ugly gray
shirt about eighty sizes too big, a ferocious lion on the front with my
name scribbled in black sharpie underneath its gaping mouth. I am angry,
helpless, anxious, and worst of all, directionless.
But for Baba, he continues to smile and laugh, eyes squinting and voice
cracking when I say something funny. When I appear in the kitchen.
When I look back and smile too—a real one. He’s always said that I take
after him, that no one understands him better. I felt guilty that I couldn’t
understand what he’d meant before, but I think I finally do.
“It’s the best because you have finally returned. Because you are here
with me.”
Kristie Song