Margins Magazine - Volume 3 Issue 2

MARGINS
I I I . I I

Land Acknowledgement.

Equity Statment.
We shall neither condone nor tolerate behaviour that
undermines the dignity or self-esteem of any individual or
creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive environment
in our physical and digital spaces. It is our collective
responsibility to create spaces that are inclusive and
welcome discussion. Any form of discrimination and
harassment will not be tolerated. Hate speech rooted in,
but not limited to, anti-Muslim, anti-Semitic, sexist, racist,
classist, ableist, homophobic, or transphobic sentiments
and/or remarks will not be tolerated. We all have an
obligation to ensure that an open and inclusive space,
free of hate is established. Any behaviour that does not
demonstrate an understanding of these principles and/or
creates an unsafe atmosphere will not be tolerated.
To recognize the land is an expression of gratitude and
appreciation to those whose territory you reside on,
and a way of honouring the Indigenous people who
have been living and working on the land from time
immemorial. It is important to understand the longstanding
history that has brought you to reside on
the land, and to seek to understand your place within
that history. Colonialism is a current ongoing process,
and we need to build our mindfulness of our present
participation.
The first step is to acknowledge that we, Margins
Magazine & The UTSC Women’s and Trans Centre, are
on the traditional land of the Huron-Wendat, the Seneca,
and most recently, the Mississaugas of the Credit River.
We would like to sincerely pay our respects to their elders
past and present, and to any who may be here with us
today, physically, mentally, and spiritually. Today, these
lands are still the home to many Indigenous people
from across Turtle Island and we are grateful to have
the opportunity to work on this land.
Visual Credits: Shagun Kanwar

Masthead.
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Shagun Kanwar
MANAGING EDITOR
Nadia Adam
EXECUTIVE EDITOR
Alexa DiFrancesco
EDITOR
Farah Ahmad
EDITOR
Ziyan Nadeem
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
Arya Bhat
ILLUSTRATOR
Tashfia Sharar
WRITER
Courtenie Merriman
WRITER
Saman Saeed
WRITER
Sofia Suleman
WRITER
Theevya Ragu
WRITER
Zachariah Highgate

ART AND PHOTOGRAPHY
Amber Haney
Erhan Us
Erica Campitelli
Jen Katshunga
Mary Silva
Nazihah Alam
Rashmeet Kaur
Refat Jahan
Rekha Swamy
Senuri Mahagamage
Shagun Kanwar
Ujwal Mantha
POETRY
Anjali Chauhan
Iman Mahboob
Sabrina Almeida
SHORT STORIES & PIECES
Catherine Alexander
Malika Daya
Contributors.


state of flux.
[verb]
/stāt/ /əv/ /fləks/
1. the action or process of flowing or
flowing out.
2. the rate of transfer of fluid,
particles, or energy across a given
surface.
growth.
[noun]
/ɡrōTH/
1. the process of increasing in
physical size.
2. the process of increasing in
amount, value, or importance.


a note from the
editor-in-chief.
Happy September folks! State of flux and growth represent
all that I am feeling in the midst of the pandemic. I’ve been
indulging myself in the creative arts, constantly trying new
things (banana bread misadventures anyone?), and truly reflecting
about life. Personally, I have experienced a fundamental shift by
slowing down from this urgency to reach somewhere to taking life at
a steady pace to rest, connect, and introspect.
As we continue to study and work from home, it’s so very
important to continue remaining engaged in open dialogue and
collaboration in our virtual spaces. Setting boundaries and establishing
a good routine have worked wonderfully for me in creating a better
lifestyle at home. Spending time alone has also made me realize that
“less is more”, when it comes to cultivating and fostering relationships
with close friends and family.
There has been so much tragedy and loss this year but it’s
important to simultaneously acknowledge our collective resilience
and perseverance moving forward. In this issue, our writers and
contributors explore changes during the pandemic, how creative
organizations like Sisterhood Media & the UTSC Drama Society are
pivoting, and the evolving personal narratives of various artists in
the community. We hope you enjoy reading through this carefully
curated issue that the Margins team has created with so much love.
Shagun Kanwar
Editor-in-Chief
Email: wtcmargings@gmail.com

table of contents.

12
V.I.P.
Photography
Captures Its
Namesake.
18
20
40
44
52
68
Ground & Feather.
Listen & 10-18.
Scarborough: A Book Review.
The Lift & True Story.
Miss Americana, betty, and the Heartbreak Prince.
Welcome to Creative Flow.
Executive Editor Alexa DiFrancesco
speaks with UofT student Vanessa Ip
about her personal business.
72
74
76
Channeling My Emotions Through Creative Outlets.
Be Happy.
Welcome to Drama Society.
Welcome to 
Sisterhood
Media!
24
80
84
90
98
An Artist’s Reflection- Finding Truth in Stillness.
Dictionary Series
In Conversation with: Quarantined Chefs.
Teaching Through an Ongoing Pandemic.
Editor Ziyan Nadeem speaks with
founder Samah Ali about the work
Sisterhood Media engages in & their
future plans, and how they have
evolved in the face of COVID-19.
102
108
110
114
Healing.
The Process of Growing Up.
Hope and Devotion.
Transcending Laminae.
58
Artful Practice.
Writer Sofia Suleman explores the
accessibility of art in creative
institutions, while reflecting upon her
own personal journey and
relationship with art.
116
Escapism and Stillness & Outlets of Resilience.
118
Open
120
Mental Health in Isolation & Know Justice, Know Peace.
124
Purple in the Woods & A Collection of Poems.
130
Sunlight Series.
134
Dachau, 2015 & War is Not Our Storyline.
138 One Month Later.
148 A Shadowed Sky.

BUSINESS MOGUL VANESSA IP IS THE ULTIMATE WEDDING CRASHER.
V.I.P.
Photography
Captures its
Namesake.
a one-on-one interview with Vanessa Ip
by Alexa DiFrancesco
Vanessa Ip is as enchanting as the events she captures. Weeks ago, her classic sophistication
showcased itself almost painstakingly, during a photoshoot to which I’d stumbled in minutes
late. Per her usual wit and composure, Vanessa had shrugged, noticing the lipstick in my teeth.
To her, The University of Toronto Scarborough [UTSC] – her university and that day’s backdrop
– is a setting of leisure; when not in lecture, she clusters its halls with friends, or attracts
new campus confidants via her formally-trained service dog, a mini poodle named Coco.
Contrasting the social unease which manifests in most teenagers, conversing is a casual affair
to Vanessa; years earlier, she’d effortlessly networked the ballroom in which we were introduced.
Hired to photograph the gathering at only sixteen, she’d cruised fearlessly through the room,
being accepted by each table as if she’d been assigned a seat there. I recollect this memory over
our call, and Vanessa laughs. “I knew [the party’s host] through Instagram – that’s how she
contacted me. We were online friends; we’d never met in person. It was really honouring how
she invited me.”
She recounts the story nonchalantly, as if
crashing a stranger’s black-tie event is a typical
occurrence. To her, perhaps, it is. Since that banquet,
the now nineteen-year-old has dedicated
substantial effort to mastering her craft, thus
founding and expanding an empire which she’s
dubbed ‘VIP Photography’ (a clever quip of her
first initial and last name). More recently, Vanessa’s
days have been divided between attending
school full-time and travelling to clients’ venues
of choice.
“[Time management] came as I got more experience
in the industry,” she explains. “I never
thought I would grow so big or get into event
photography. It took me a really long time to
build my style. I like things that are bright and
airy; that fantasy feel. I started putting that into
my photos. I shifted my Instagram and my portfolio
into being more wedding-focused.”
To many her age, weddings are a future occurrence
of low concern. Yet, one swipe on Vanessa’s
page (@vanessaip) confirms her fascination
with them; of her 150 photos, a third are bridal-themed.
This passion is equally appreciated
by her followers; at the time of this interview,
Vanessa succeeds three-thousand. I ask if a large
Instagram audience is a commodity she boasts
of frequently. To my surprise, Vanessa shakes
her head, expressing her discernment towards
the social-media platform.
“I ended up re-starting my account. That
was just to get a fresh start. I was obsessed
with followers and likes; it wasn’t something
that I’m proud of now. Photography and
Instagram photography can become such
a personal thing. We’re put in these groups
and these cliques. It’s really hard at this age,
but you have to keep in mind that you’re
working for your clients essentially, so you
have to be friendly and give it all you’ve got.”
Friendliness is a quality which Vanessa possesses
an abundance of. Rigorous to avoid
such “cliques”, she confirms her preference
of interacting with miscellaneous photographers
and cliental. However, Vanessa
exhibits a sternness in distinguishing
between clients and friends while working.
She attests to the “horror stories” within
her trade: “There are so many instances of
sexual assault and kidnappings. Some photographers
will use nude or erotic photography
as a loophole of shooting nude models.
They’re not seeing it as an art; they’re seeing
it as their own personal gain. Recently,
there’s been a few Facebook groups that
which a bunch of models enter and will safely
talk, and they’ll be a bunch of photographers
who are ‘black-listed’. Models will
say, ‘Oh, this person is acting weird,’ or ‘Oh,
this person was harassing me,’; that sort of
thing.” Vanessa clarifies that, though there
12
13

BUSINESS MOGUL VANESSA IP IS THE ULTIMATE WEDDING CRASHER.
Visual Credits: Vanessa Ip
Visual Credits: Vanessa Ip

Visual Credits: Vanessa Ip
are instances in which she’s felt uncomfortable
because of other photographers, she’s unafraid
to swiftly resolve tense situations. “There are
times I’ve had to step in and say, ‘This is not
okay. Please be friendly and more chivalrous
towards one another.’ But usually, I don’t meet
with people who are rude. They’ll show that
through the planning beforehand.”
The planning she speaks of is her latest venture;
reoccurring photoshoots which Vanessa has
branded ‘Monthly Meetups’. Accessible to both
aspiring photographers and models, the Toronto-based
gatherings are both a networking
opportunity and a chance to gain experience
in the photography industry. “There were so
many instances where I’d seen casting calls for
weddings or portraits, and there were so many
people who would comment on it; [about] forty
plus,” Vanessa remembers, mildly frustrated.
“Of course the client is going to pick the person
with the most experience. It’s really hard to get
experience in the first place, especially with
“It’s precious and it’s
candid. I’m making
sure I capture those
happy moments. Seeing
the client’s reactions are
very fulfilling to me.”
studios [whose prices can succeed a hundred
dollars]. [My friend and I originally] thought
of it as, ‘What if we open it up to anyone? What
if we invited random people and it’s not just
our friends?’ I would book venues for three or
four hours and then split the cost with however
many people I wanted there. It depends how
big the space is, but usually it’s about sixteen to
twenty people around. It’s interesting to see that
many people are willing to pay under twenty
dollars to build their portfolio.”
Likewise, twenty dollars was the cost
of Vanessa’s first paid work (“a cheap
headshot for friends”). The entrepreneur
attests to growth, claiming that becoming
business-savvy has helped her develop
an understanding of the quality she
offers. “I don’t have to work these events
for free or settle for the hourly rate that
someone’s giving me,” she explains.
“As a business owner, I’m determining my
prices. It was important for me to know how
much my work is worth, how much my time
is worth, and use that to create a price.”
“The financial aspect is so big,” Vanessa
continues. “Prom got cancelled and most
of my income comes from that…not a lot
of people are hiring. They’ll have it in their
backyard and take pictures on their phone,
whereas when it’s an actual event at a school,
they’re allowed to have makeup artists and
get their hair and their nails done…it’s not
as big as it was before.”
Being “allowed” to dress up is a freedom
Vanessa is a faithful advocate of. However,
in an era of accessible technology, she also
stresses the necessity of hiring a photographer
to capture the occasions one gets
ready for: “At the end of any hangout, portrait
session, headshot session, the photos
are the only thing that lasts. I’m not saying
‘memories aren’t important’, but it’s having
a third person viewing the event. It’s
seeing yourself in a banquet hall, getting
married, dancing.” She smiles warmly; I
imagine she’s once again channelling her
wedding attraction. “It’s precious and it’s
candid. I’m making sure I capture those
happy moments. Seeing the client’s reactions
are very fulfilling to me.”
Unfortunately, customer satisfaction is a
gratification Vanessa has become accustomed
to living without. She reveals that, due
to the current global pandemic, COVID-19,
the majority of her upcoming business has
either been “cancelled or moved.” Ever the
busy-body, her perfectionism has driven her
to learn a new expertise: “I’m dipping my toes in
retouching. It’s helped me develop my interest in
fashion and close-up photography; more editorial-style.
I’ve reached out to some models to explore
in close-up work. It’s something I’ve always been
interested in; quarantine has helped me practice it.”
I question if mastering an unfamiliarun familar
skill is a process to be fearful of. In an instant,
Vanessa’s face is transformed into a smirk. Those
who haven’t met her could easily misinterpret it
as cocky. But those familiar with her talent know
her confidence is a vast understatement. She deadpans:
No one’s going to see the photo if I don’t
want them to. I’m the photographer and I’m the
model.”
16
17

Ground & Feather.
by Senuri Mahagamage
My name is Senuri Mahagamage and I am a third year student majoring in
International Development and minoring in Anthropology and Philosophy.
My passion for humanitarian work began as a young child with a background
of having family members deeply involved in social work. My current interests
lie in the political aspect of international development and understanding how
different policies and government structures impact their respective countries
and citizens. Although I am not in any fine arts programs, I aspire to integrate
what I learn as a student in the development field with my artistic abilities to
make meaningful impacts.
The feather in my work is representative of the fragility of children. The feather
is portrayed to be grounded in an imperceptible ground, illustrating land that
has been taken away from indigenous communities. The black background is
symbolic of the darkness to the story, the red in the feather is symbolic of countless
deaths and the blue is symbolic of truth.
For the Indigenous children that left too early. For the ones that think they do
not belong. And for those that continue to fight for their land rights.
Inspired by the book Seven Fallen Feathers by Tanya Talaga.
- STM (2020)
18
19

Listen.
written by Courtenie Merriman
Spirit said :
“Take your time,
no one’s rushing you but you .
Trust yourself,
help yourself,
help others.”
Spirit said:
“Remember your history;
your roots and ties.
The smell of your grandmother -
you’ve gotten this far on her prayers -
the laugh of your mother,
the scowl of your father.
Remember your sisters -
all of them.”
Spirit said:
“Remember yourself -
before the pain,
before the start of the end.
Things fall apart,
but you don’t have to.
God has a sense of humour.
We make plans,
we go through the motions.
The start.
The end.”
Spirit said:
“Enjoy the journey.
Let your light guide you.
Dark times are inevitable.
Find your centre,
find your safety net.
Take care of the hurt;
feel it first,
release it slow,
take strides as you go.
Listen to your body,
feel your essence.
You’re not doing as bad as you think.”
Spirit said:
“She’s watching;
she always was.
She watches you
Love
Hate
Grow
Hurt
Heal
Break
Laugh
Cry
Live .”
Tell her I said:
“I remember my first steps;
unsure of direction or balance.
She held me up;
guided me.
She let me fall;
she had to.
I understand then and now -
Necessity.
Gratitude.
Love, Always.
20
21
Visual Credits: Martin Woortman

10-18.
written by Courtenie Merriman
Create
It’s hard to think when you’re constantly in crisis
Cries for help seem silenced
Broke and broken
Owing as much debt to myself as I do to the bank
I was supposed to be taking care of me
I was supposed to be practicing self care the way I preached it
Delivering my soul from evil
But for thine is the kingdom the power and the glory
Does not seem to work for me
Maybe it’s the inconsistent prayers
Maybe it’s because I haven’t figured out how much sage and
incense can clear the negative energy out the room
Dreams never realized
Ambition in abundance
Shooting for the stars,
hoping to land on the moon
Hoping to land on my feet
Hoping i land soon
Making plans to humour god
Holy intuition
Change is in the air
22
Visual Credits: Faye Cornish

Recently, I had the wonderful opportunity to talk with Samah Ali, founder of Sisterhood Media,
to highlight the incredibly meaningful work Sisterhood Media has done, and continue to do for
creatives and audiences all across Ontario. It was necessary for Margins Magazine to focus on
how Sisterhood Media persevered through the difficulties of COVID-19 in order to make media
inclusive and as accessible as possible.
Welcome to
Sisterhood
Media!
a one-on-one interview with 
Samah Ali
by Ziyan Nadeem
Ziyan Nadeem: Hi Samah! Thank you so much
for your time and agreeing to talk with me about
Sisterhood Media as its founder. We’re just going
to talk a bit about what your organisation is
about, how it’s been affected by COVID-19, the
future and how to get involved. Just to start off,
why don’t you tell us a bit about yourself and
how you ended up getting together for Sisterhood
Media, you and your - I’m not sure if its
co-founders? Are you like the solitary founder?
Samah Ali: Yes I am the solitary founder, the
lone founder. I do have a humble team of three
other folks, so we are a lean team of four where
we try to make as much of an impact as possible
for the communities that we serve. We do
have quite a large target of racialised, ethnic and
indigenous folks. We try to partner with as many
organisations that are from those communities
for us to have the maximum amount of impact,
but also knowing our place as Black women.
ZN: That’s great! What brought about the name
Sisterhood Media? When creating this space,
was it meant to empower a particular demographic?
I know you’ve mentioned that Black,
Indigenous and POC are sort of the focal point
of your target demographic.
SA: Definitely! I mean the idea of Sisterhood
Media is that we are focusing on folks that
are from communities not particularly seen
in Canadian media. So we went with the, oh
excuse me, I went with the title, [as] I’m trying
to use more individual language when talking
about the work that I do, because women have
a habit of decentering ourselves and saying we
and us and our. So, I came up with the idea of
Sisterhood Media. I [was] thinking of, you know,
a very familial legacy that I wanted to build. I
believe that when we can consider the growth
of all emerging, mid-career and established
artists, creators, and filmmakers, it is very
much a “this person has done this” and it’s
very siloed, instead of it being more of a
communal win, as rising tides have solved
both. So, I wanted the title to be Sisterhood
Media because I thought it was as close to
familial language as possible and, you know,
unfortunately, Family Channel is very
much associated with a network in Canada,
so it didn’t ring as well. So, Sisterhood
Media was the title and it actually ended
up becoming a very organic way of filtering
people out who don’t get the message
because, the moment we do receive people
who say, you know, “why did you name it
Sisterhood Media,” “it’s not [supposed to
be] exclusive”... they’re just not a part of our
target audience. We welcome all folks, no
matter their gender, and folks who are part
of our audience understand that, and folks
who are not, aren’t a part of our audience.
ZN: I’m not really familiar with Toronto
TV channels, so you mentioned something
about Family Channel? Sorry I didn’t get
the reference, could you expand on that a
bit?
SA: Yeah. There is a Canadian channel that
is called Family Channel and it’s pretty
much Disney [shows] but in Canada. And
so, thinking about the idea, you know, of
having a platform that is formed by us and
distributes our work, thinking about the
language we use, we call ourselves the family,
we [refer to] our community as “hey
fam!”. Family Channel wouldn’t have been
the best thing but it just doesn’t flow and
it also already exists. So Sisterhood Media
was a much better option.
24
25

ZN: It definitely also sounds more badass.
It’s pretty nice.
SA: Thank you!
ZN: What’s your favourite aspect of working
as part of Sisterhood Media? As like a
greater community or whatever you’d like
to call it.
SA: Well I mean working as the founder of
Sisterhood Media is definitely my ideal job.
There’s a lot of things I didn’t consider when
we formed this three years ago, that ends
up becoming a lot of my day-to-day work
like administration, finances, partnerships,
and mostly, emailing folks. Emailing folks
and scheduling - that’s really important.
Outside of that, leading an amazing team, I
am nothing without my team and it’s taken
a while to get here. It started out with me
and then it has slowly grown into a lean
team of four. We do welcome more people
depending on the season and as we are
doing strides of what we can do, it’s exciting
for us to wake up everyday and know that
we are actually making an impact, that our
decisions are something that we can see.
I know for folks who work in larger enterprises
and firms, it becomes very difficult to
see where impact is when your work is part
of an entire machine compared to something
that you see as copy and paste. Working
with a lean team of four, everyone’s
ideas are very considered and expressed
and that’s what you see in the final output
for Sisterhood Media.
ZN: Right, thank you for that. And just the
second part of the question, I think you’ve
answered a bit of this already, but what
inspires you to connect, educate, produce,
and distribute? I saw this on your website,
was it sort of like a slogan?
SA: Yes! Yeah so we consider ourselves, like we
say Sisterhood Media is moving media forward,
and we work alongside activators, producers,
filmmakers and professionals who are also
along the same wave as us, who are trying to
build a coalition of media equity for the future.
So, we know that we work in an ecosystem of
artists and filmmakers and it is quite naïve to
assume that we’re only doing this work when
we are all working together to achieve the same
goal. And so, that’s why we have our slogan,
raise while you rise, because it’s essential for us
to also consider, as we rise ourselves, we need
to raise other people along with us.
A lot of the work we do ends up becoming very
informative off of what people are letting us
know, what they would like to see. So it’s great,
just like I mentioned earlier, to have that immediate
impact, you know, having that assessment
that somebody says, “that was amazing, can you
focus on writing next?” and next time we focus
on writing. It’s not pre-scheduled, months in
advance, that we don’t have the flexibility. We
try to be as flexible and nimble as possible.
ZN: Accommodating, yeah... And that’s a very
important part of getting to where it’s come
to. As I was on your website, one of the first
bold statements you read is “we are dedicated
to distributing media for us and by us”. I find
this to be particularly significant in the processes
of decolonization and the likes, as we
strive to make spaces more accessible. So just
going off of that, could you please share some
of the issues faced by disenfranchised folks
which might have spearheaded the creation
of this organisation?
SA: Totally! I mean the idea of Sisterhood
Media was to have one platform where we were
all united and all of our content is there. And
at the end of the day, you know, capitalism is a
trap, and so serving an organisation in this fabric
is inherently flawed because we are asking
26

people to pay us to serve them. That is in no way
decolonial, that is in no way influential, but it is the
system that we have and we’re trying to do the best
that we can inside of it. One of the main things that
we try to do with our language, with the content, is
to continue to remember that our audience is first,
and that without our audience, conserving our
audience, we won’t exist. If we, you know, sell out
and start to focus on the general media landscape
and anything that can be distributed, there’s no
reason we should be existing - we are specifically
here for racialised, ethnic and indigneous folks and,
by virtue of that, anybody who is marginalised. So,
we focus on LGBTQ+-focused work, we focus on
a lot of ability-focused work and disability work,
and it just continues to go from there.
ZN: Yeah, for sure. I really like how everything ties
back to what you said at the start, about creating
this communal space. And, even though, some
people argue that, “oh the name is so exclusive,”
you know, it’s very much inclusive. Especially, for
the people who are often excluded so, yeah, I really
like that. So, since 2017, you’ve all been part of
plenty of projects and initiatives, as mentioned
on your website - was this arrangement part of a
particular vision or was it just to get things up and
running? Because I remember reading something
about how you started off, or you had a proposed
plan of, I think it was two or three movies, and
like a couple of segments?
SA: Yeah, we started off with productions! From
the productions, we realised that we can make
content all day long, and it won’t actually make
an impact. The real impact is in distribution. So,
what we decided to do from there is evolve ourselves
as a distribution platform and go back to
the main route of one platform that unites us all.
By focusing on Sisterhood Media TV, our product,
and, primarily our streaming service where we
can actually have an impact is knowing the fact
that we have projects that we can make all day but
there’s also many creators that are doing the exact
same thing, and the issue is: there is content but
it is not going places. By having a platform, that
not only we are paying people for them to have
their work distributed, but then also there’s a place
where someone like you can go on and watch that
content, whether it is for a monthly or annual fee
or, having the option to actually have an accessible
membership where somebody else has paid for
your membership for you to be able to access this
30
content, is the most important thing to us. Having all
of that set up was definitely a process for three years
to get there, it was a very colourful journey but it all
achieved the same end goal thus far, and Sisterhood
Media TV is here to stay. Everything we do at this
point is really trying to keep elevating Sisterhood
Media TV for people to continue to have access to
this content.
ZN: I read about Sisterhood Media TV where you
can pay for somebody else to get access to it and it
was just like, wow, this is brilliant! Really good stuff.
This perfectly leads into my next question - could
you please tell me more about your streaming service
Sisterhood Media TV? Was this part of the
plan originally or something that’s been formulated
along the way?
SA: This was part of the plan. We definitely got sidetracked
with the shiny objects that are new ideas and
productions, but happy to be back on the platform
wave. I think it also has really opened up our eyes
to accessible media and what that actually looks like.
We are obviously, as I mentioned, a lean team, so
we’re constantly in the process of getting all of our
content captioned while working with, primarily,
emerging and mid-career artists. Not every filmmaker
has the foresight to caption their film and then, in
addition, has the budget to go in and caption after
the fact, so that’s something that we are actively trying
to pursue, because online media means that we
need to have it as accessible as possible. Economically,
we believe it is important for folks to have access to
this no matter what socio-economic background
they come from. As a result, we have our accessible
streaming program where people who are more
fortunate, or do have extra cash in their wallet, can
actually sponsor membership for another person.
That way, everybody can have a subscription. We
realise that this is simply a band-aid solution, we’re
never gonna be able to fix [it], again, we won’t be able
to fix these structural issues under capitalism and
it’s the best we can do with the means that we have.
ZN: Yeah, like you said, we can’t just dismantle capitalism
straight away, we gotta work with it. So yes,
similarly, could you please elaborate on the accessible
membership program? Again, was this something
envisioned as part of this initiative in 2017
or something that has come to be? Have you found
this to be a success?
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SA: It’s definitely come to be. What happened
last year [was that] we were pre-selling
memberships for Sisterhood Media TV since
it launched in January, and one of the ideas
was to have a bundle deal where we can buyone-gift-one
in the holiday season. Instead of
it being the conventional, you know, buy one
and you give it to somebody, it was actually the
idea that, buy one for yourself and then sponsor
another one for another person. Buy one
for another person you don’t know and we’re
going to handle it. It’s a part of our accountability
process as an actual organisation. So
that was actually really successful, we got quite
a few memberships off of that at the end of the
year. Then when we opened over the past few
months, we’ve just had more and more people
who are enquiring for our memberships.
Naturally, COVID happened, and everybody’s
wallets went empty because things...stopped.
We had a surge of folks who are now at home,
who want content but can’t afford, and these
aren’t options that every streaming service on
the market has available to us.
We knew that it was really important for it to
kind of be set up, and so in June, we actually set
up the portal thinking that, you know, this is
going to be something that will always be able
to live on our site so that if anybody has extra
dollars, they can always come in and they can
pay $5.99 for one month or for an annual year
membership and that will go towards somebody.
But we also knew to prevent the revolving
door of folks who get one month membership
and want to come back for more. We set up the
recurring streaming program where people
can just pay $5.99 a month ongoing and you’re
consistently sponsoring other persons’ memberships.
So that way, it prevents a revolving
door mentality where you can actually give
somebody a membership who applies for it and
they’ll have it! They’ll have it, period, and it’ll
consistently be covered for them and that’s not
something they ever need to worry about. So
that was an organic growth that ended up happening
over the past year.
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ZN: I can see that you guys tackled this issue very
strategically, so I’m really glad it worked out. So,
you would say this turned out to be a success in
the end, right?
SA: Totally! It ended up being very well worth
it, not only for people who have the extra dollars
and want to be able to support Sisterhood Media,
support other folks. But then also the folks who,
you know, are just operating off of free trials, even
myself, I operate off of so many free trials! So the
fact that somebody can pay for it, it’s like, wow.
ZN: It’s a win-win! Love to see it. Right, so, in
choosing your partners, is there a particular criteria
you abide by?
SA: We definitely look into their history. We also
look into them seizing the moment. We definitely
have seen a lot of black squares in the past few
months and we just scroll past that. We don’t partner
with anybody who tries to seize the moment.
We are very strategic with who we select as our
partner, it is important for us as an organisation
that has very specific values for anybody to be affiliated
with our organisation. Not only just our partners,
but also for our filmmakers to have the same
values as us to a certain degree. And so, we welcome
anybody to always reach out to us as a partner, but
we always do a background check.
ZN: Of course, it’s very important because, yeah,
we don’t want any performative activism going
on here. So what are some of the barriers Toronto
creatives are most commonly faced with and
how do you think a greater creative spirit can be
cultivated in our communities?
SA: Oof, good question. You’re all the big questions!
ZN: Yes! Would you like me to break it down?
Would that be better?
SA: That is, I feel like it’s hard to answer about
the plight of a Toronto artist because we are all in
a system that is very grant-oriented, very much
one grant and 10,000 applicants. And that’s hard,
that’s hard to continue our artistic practice, and so,
I feel for all of us. It gets tiring, it gets exhausting,
especially knowing our friends down south
are more liberal with the money that they
invest [in art]. However, everything is privatized
in the States. And so, it’s a different
mentality entirely, but, I feel like we see a lot
more “success” coming out there compared
to what we deal with here in Toronto. What
was the second part of your question?
ZN: The second part was how do you think
a greater creative spirit can be cultivated in
our communities?
SA: I feel like we have the creative spirit, honestly,
I feel like we’re there, it’s actually the
industries and the big systems that need to
meet us there. I mean, because Toronto people
are doers. We have so much talent here
and if we’re not respected, we go to other
places! And there’re so many people who go
to Montreal, who go to Vancouver, and just
like myself, go to the States. And so, we know
our worth. We’re ready and willing to make
things happen if people meet us there. And if
the industry doesn’t meet us there, we’re gonna
continue to have a brain-drain of Torontonians
and our artwork.
ZN: Yeah, I’ve only spent like maybe, the last
two years in Toronto? But just going downtown,
it’s just, especially Kensington Market,
it hits you. It’s like it’s strong, that’s why I love
going there so much. Just moving on to the
latter part of this interview, how can folks get
involved with Sisterhood Media?
SA: We are always looking for new films. We
have a permanent submissions page on our
website where folks that do any type of video
art are welcome to submit to us. We have
our Programs and Acquisitions Director,
Mandeq Hassan, who looks over all of the
submissions and contacts folks back, that’s
one way folks can get involved. Other ways
folks can get involved, obviously, check out
Sisterhood Media TV! That’s a product ready
and there for you. And, more than likely, it’s
actually something that is like a cavern for
content that you can watch that is specifically
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for you. It is always updated bi-monthly. We have
new content coming out and we always get new
TV shows, documentaries and narrative shorts.
We are, primarily, a shorts-run organisation, we
care a lot about short films. We welcome anybody
to, kind of like, dip their toes into content that’s
under 40 minutes.
ZN: I think, especially considering how university
students are, we have a really really big problem
with our attention spans, so short films are the
way to go and I just feel like they’re a bit underrated,
you know? Because i’ve seen a couple of really
really excellent short films and I just love them.
SA: Yeah we love a terse story. Beginning, middle,
and end within 10 minutes. Amazing!
ZN: Right? Just absorb it all up quickly, you know,
problem solved. Right so, how would you say that
the pandemic has affected folks getting involved
and in touch with Sisterhood Media?
SA: We used to have physical events called, What
If Media Looked Like Us, where we travelled
around Ontario and we had a shorts program
that would play and then a panel discussion, networking
and that was great. We had two events
and then COVID happened so we had to, kind
of, cancel anything physical but that ended up as
having flourishing events online. So, people can
participate with our work, there are Skillshares
where we have free resources on the film industry
and we also have our IG live, On the Couch, where
we talk very open-endedly and very authentically
with different racialized and Indigenous folks in
Canada, trying to get to the meat of what it actually
is like to work in this industry, [we tend to
be] very transparent with folks because we find
that, you know, you go to a seminar and they’re
talking all about a film but they don’t tell you
how much money they’ve spent. Just be frank
- your budget was $300,000. Be very specific
because that gives folks an idea of what they’re
getting into in this industry. Also, very locally,
what they’re getting into is the Canadian film
industry. So those are a few ways that people
can always follow and enjoy our work. Same
with Movie Night. Actually we have the next
one coming up on September 5th, and that’s
simply a broadcast of a short-film that was going
to be on Sisterhood Media TV and a conversation
with the directors. We’re always excited
for folks to interact with it because, again, we
are our audience. And so, if we don’t hear from
our audience, we don’t know if we have a good
thumbs up or a bad thumbs down.
ZN: So is this like a new film you guys are showing
on the 5th?
SA: Yeah we’re showing Badassery, it’s a pretty
cool film.. It’s actually a local film about the
female DJs in Toronto and carving out a space
for them and actually highlighting their work. I
saw it a few years ago, we spoke with the directors,
it’s gonna be live on Sisterhood Media TV
in September, and so, we are having a nice conversation
with Sunita and Sarafina, the directors.
It’s going to be co-presented by Sistas in Cinema.
Our lovely digital content manager, Zenab Hassan,
who also runs Sistas in Cinema, is going to
be leading the moderation for the movie night.
Visual Credits: Allie
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ZN: That’s really cool. Clubs like Crews and
Tango really need to get behind hiring female
DJs, because honestly, yeah it’s a bit rough out
there. Just leading off of the last question, what
goals do you have for the year ahead? Has the
team had to re-evaluate and re-prioritise certain
goals for the year due to the pandemic?
SA: Definitely took a mental health break in
April. Things were just moving too fast, so many
changes, it was overwhelming. We were like, you
know what? Let’s just sit down and I think that
was actually where we kind of realised our goals.
Naturally, our word for the year is cultivate
and so we ended up where we were cultivating
physical space in person this year. We have now
evolved that into cultivating an online space
and, you know, the internet is vast and there’s
so many silos. Our work kind of encompasses
North American audiences, so we are trying to
cultivate a large and informative space but also a
very, you know, safe space, very hospitable space
where we can actually have these open ended
conversations about the issues that affect our
communities and not have to apologise for it.
ZN: For sure. So, I know that you work with your
grassroots group Sisterhood Media Projects and
across Ontario, is there any goal of branching
out further possibly? Across Canada? Or maybe
international even?
SA: Definitely! That’s like a 10 year plan. We
definitely want Canada to be within the five
year plan. And then North America - actually
it’s more like Canada three year plan, North
America five year plan and then, North America
and Africa for, at least, a 10 year plan.
ZN: Oh, where in Africa? Any specific spots?
SA: Well my family’s primarily from East Africa,
and so, definitely having major connections
there helps. But not exclusively to any end. I
think the continent of Africa is vast and there
are a lot of countries. It definitely will have to
start somewhere but it’s not going to be synonymous
all over. That’s definitely a 10 year goal
for us to be able to strategically plan for.
ZN: Sounds exciting! Because it’s better than just
conventional “oh yeah, we’ll just go to Europe
or somewhere in Asia” so yeah, that’s really nice.
Are there any projects that you have worked
with, that you have particularly enjoyed?
Or any notable projects you’d like to
mention?
SA: You mean like productions? What are
we talking about for projects?
ZN: Let’s go with productions and like
films and the likes of that.
SA: For production, I mean I really enjoyed
my own personal podcast, making that,
Steeped Tea. Recently, I just pulled it down
from the iTunes Store because we’re kind
of figuring out what we want to do with it,
how we want to re-release it on Sisterhood
Media TV because, although we are a TV
platform, we do recognize that there are
loads of different media that can be taken
up on that space. We’re trying to figure
and re-strategise what that would look like.
So that’s a personal favourite, i’m kind of
biased on that one. I think another project
[would definitely be] Sisterhood Media
original Somewhere In. That released last
year, it was a short web-series, three episodes,
it’s both on Youtube and Sisterhood
Media TV. That was just brilliant because,
you know, it was a cast of all brown and
Black folks and they were all emerging,
most of them were first-timers on the set
and it was brilliant because folks were excited.
They were keen to learn, they learned
a lot. They all got paid for that work and if
you watch the series, it’s beautiful. It’s such
a labour of love and it’s by far the best learning
experience that I had on that production
and also the most rewarding because
you have young people who get to see their
work, have it on their resumé and on their
reel and they’re proud of it.
ZN: Thank you so much for taking the time
to sit down with me and talk about Sisterhood
Media. This interview has been
very insightful and I really look forward
to seeing more people get involved. I look
forward to seeing students get involved and
seeing where Sisterhood Media goes in the
future. Thanks again for talking with me,
take care!
SA: Thank you for having me!
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39

Having been born and raised in Scarborough, I never thought I’d see the day when
a book illustrating some of my hometown’s struggles and successes would be published
and readily available. Yet there it was, proudly displayed in the Indigospirit
inside Scarborough Town Centre. I stared at the cover, displaying a young
black girl running through a subway station, and felt the realism immediately.
Scarborough.
a book review by Zachariah Highgate
Scarborough by Catherine Hernandez, a
Scarborough native herself, takes a look into
the lives of several Scarberians surviving and
attempting to thrive in the east end borough.
Through brief, yet detailed vignettes,
fictional characters share their unique perspectives
as they pertain to the events taking
place. The characters aren’t limited to the
students, parents, and faculty of Rouge Hill
Public School but extend to include characters
living in the larger surrounding area.
Scarborough grounds readers using real
landmarks within the Scarborough region
including the above school and the Orton
Park bridge. The story also highlights the
characters’ unique views and beliefs, drawing
me further into the characters’ diverse worlds.
This was one of my favourite parts about
Scarborough. As an Afro-Indigenous and
Goan individual, I often feel like stories I can
relate to are rarely told, let alone published.
Scarborough pleasantly surprised me, providing
me with a range of diversity that at
times even took me aback. Just as the city
it’s named after, Scarborough is rich in culture
and variety. Characters range in age,
race, and socio-economic status, providing
the reader with multiple perspectives. This
difference goes as deep as their living situations
and the landscapes that surround
them. Furthermore, protagonists express
their opinions and values candidly, allowing
the reader to see how polarizing (and
sometimes racially discriminatory) these
views can be. I found this to be an important
point to touch on. Multiculturalism does
not mean unequivocal unity. As someone
who is mixed, I have never experienced racial
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41

discrimination exclusively from one group
in Toronto. Nevertheless, culture serves
as a valuable learning tool in Scarborough
and I enjoyed the moments where
characters shared specific aspects of their
upbringing. There are also many moments
where characters, despite their differences,
band together for a greater cause.
We see this in the obstacles characters
face as the plot progresses. The challenges
faced in Scarborough are as varying as
the characters themselves, adding complexity
to the overall story. It saddened me
to read their plights and pitfalls, knowing
first hand that none of these problems had
quick fixes. These struggles exemplify life
in many places (like Scarborough) where
socio-economic issues debilitate those
without the resources to combat them and
they make for heart wrenching moments
to read. One character’s mistake while
working on a school project puts them in
a post-traumatic, stress-inducing situation
that they are forced to recover from
alone. Another individual struggles with
recognizing their child’s need for support
in fear that it could result in them
being taken away. One protagonist needs
to hide parts of who they are, scared of
the rejection they might experience if they
are open and honest. Each character finds
support in some way throughout the narrative,
but it doesn’t mean a happy ending
is waiting for them by the time the story
draws to a close. You will have to read
Scarborough to find out what happens, but
it is a page-turner through and through.
A pattern I also noticed throughout the 255
pages of Scarborough was how often characters
employed escapism to disassociate from
the issues they were currently dealing with.
For some characters, imagining different
realities provided a window into their true
desires. For others, storytelling is employed
in a way that unintentionally highlights how
they view themselves. For one character, the
escape is literal and physical, exposing the
double life they lead in order to navigate the
society they live in. These moments add depth
to the characters and the city setting they live
in. Catherine has done a fabulous job of not
only showcasing how Scarborough shapes its
citizens, but also how its citizens reciprocate
these efforts. These instances are incredibly
telling and show how much hope the characters
of Scarborough still have. This hope
propels them forward, with varying results.
Scarborough allows readers into the lives of
complex and candid characters, illustrating the
issues they face on various levels. I felt extremely
inspired reading this book, and recognize
the need for more stories from Scarborough
to be told. I hope to one day service this need
with works of my own, but until then, please
check out Scarborough by Catherine Hernandez,
available now.
Visual Credits: Christian Mendoza
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43

True Story.
by Erhan Us
On memories, self-confrontation and reality.
Erhan Us is a conceptual artist and author, who has participated in more than
70 exhibitions in over 20 countries. He has received over 25 local and international
honorary awards with respect to his NGO presidency and marketing
projects. In his words, “Creating and transferring knowledge have always
been the most honourable mission of being human for me. I dreamed of a
harmonious exchange of consciousness between the artist and the audience.
Artwork should be the object that would raise awareness on; sociology and
ethics, identity, politics/autocracy, manipulated realities, religion and dogma,
corruption, status quo, commoditization, success, self-confrontation, liberties
and women’s rights, instead of it being decorative”.
The Lift.
by Erhan Us
Additions to A. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs; curiosity, belief,
power, creating an enemy, analyze, idea and its steps by mentioning
the transition and stop.
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45

Welcome to
Staff Picks!
All of us at Margins Magazine
have picked out some of
our favourite songs that we
want to share with all of you.
Enjoy!
Visual Credits: Arthur Yeti

EXECUTIVE EDITOR
Alexa DiFrancesco
WRITER
Courtenie Merriman
MANAGING EDITOR
Nadia Adam
WRITER
Sofia Suleman
WRITER
Zachariah Highgate
WRITER
Saman Saeed
Visual Credits: Clark Van Der Beken

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Shagun Kanwar
WRITER
Theevya Ragu
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
Arya Bhat
EDITOR
Farah Ahmad
EDITOR
Ziyan Nadeem
ILLUSTRATOR
Tashfia Sharar
Visual Credits: Clark Van Der Beken

Miss Americana,
betty, and The
Heartbreak
Prince.
written by Alexa DiFrancesco
Taylor Swift’s 2020 Netflix feature, Miss Americana, begins by propelling its
viewers to a confetti-and-glittered-covered stage. In its proscenium, a uniformed
crew resembles a small military force; workers wait restlessly, filling their time
by adjusting lighting levels, drilling commands into headsets, and collecting
costume changes to leave in the wings. Curtains sway in the bustle; with it, a
roar of Swift’s name is released throughout the room. One is left to imagine
the multitude of fans waiting at the arena’s barricade as its volume increases.
Swift, appears moments later, flocked by an entourage of about ten. She shrugs
off a metallic pink robe, revealing a dark, sequined bodysuit. She pauses, smiling
with wide eyes and all teeth, before commanding herself to centre stage.
Striking one hand on her hip and another
above her lips, she slyly challenges
guests: “Are you ready for it?”
Immediately after the concert, Swift sits
crossed-legged on the cushioned sofa
of a recording studio. She’s wearing an
oversized track set, humming to the
background noise of a song from her
2019 album, Lover. One of her hands is
drumming enthusiastically to its beat;
the other grasps a takeout menu. “Do
you eat burritos?” she asks Joel Little,
the song’s producer. He laughs, and she
confesses: “I hadn’t ever eaten a burrito
until two years ago.”
Joel is understandably shocked. In 2019,
the year the documentary was filmed,
Swift was named the world’s highest
earning celebrity; in doing so, she
undoubtedly had access to any burrito
she’d prefer. Swift retaliates the teasing
backlash that follows by throwing
a piece of wrapper towards the booth.
“Literally, in two months, they’ll come
to me with the dates for the next tour,”
she explains, making reference to her
team. “They’ll be like, ‘So you’ll be at
Foxborough Stadium, this date, 2020.’”
Just as in her story-telling, Swift is a fortune-teller;
as she’d imagined, her next
tour – a worldwide spectacle appointed
LoverFest, was booked throughout 2020
(by checking its dates, I learned that
such recording session must’ve taken
place on either July 31st or August
1st; the dates Swift was scheduled to
play Foxborough). What any mastermind
such as Swift couldn’t have
envisioned, however, was COVID-19;
a global pandemic whose isolation
confined fans to their houses and
deemed concert arenas unsafe areas
to gather. “I’m so sad I won’t be able
to see you guys in concert this year,
but I know this is the right decision,”
an April tweet shares. “Please, please
stay healthy and safe. I’ll see you on
stage as soon as I can but right now
what’s important is committing to this
quarantine, for the sake of all of us.”
Days after Swift’s statement, it became
clear her intentions were true; though
physically unable to comfort fans
through events, the singer posted various
social media updates in efforts
to connect with them socially. “Captain
Olivia Benson off duty like-” she
writes to her 139 million Instagram
followers, attaching a photo of one of
her cats propped against a purple pillow.
“My facial expression by 3 glasses
of wine,” she allocates to a Polaroid
in which her brother makes a peace
sign with his fingers and Swift wears
a headband reading ‘Birthday Girl’.
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Most famously, however, she captions a photo of
herself with “Not a lot going on at the moment”;
almost three months to the date of releasing her
eighth studio album, folklore; a record which was
made in such secrecy that her label was unaware
of it until its launch date.
“Before this year I probably would’ve overthought
when to release this music at the ‘perfect’ time,
but the times we’re living in keep reminding me
that nothing is guaranteed,” Swift pens to fans
via Instagram. “My gut is telling me that if you
make something you love, you should just put it
out into the world. That’s the side of uncertainty
I can get on board with.”
As to be predicted from Swift’s crafty lyricism,
“uncertain” is flawless wording in embodying the
essence of her new project. Inconsistent with her
previous work, this album cannot be contained
by either a ‘country’ (Taylor Swift, Fearless, Speak
Now) or ‘pop’ label (Red, 1989, Reputation, Lover);
instead, it experiments the uncharted ground
of folk tale, stream of consciousness, history and
fantasy. Folklore is a delirious state which has
taught its songstress jurisdiction: “Before I learned
civility / I used to scream ferociously / Any time
I wanted” Swift muses of past work in the song
seven.
Similar to that of most seven-year-olds, I was first
introduced to Taylor Swift via a school talent show.
A girl three years above me had chosen to cover
‘You Belong with Me’; onstage, and had delegated
friends to dance behind her. At the end of the day,
I had raced to my mom’s minivan, panting in the
backseat. With the same bright eyes Swift showed
before her performance, I relayed the moment to
my family: “She sounded just like the original.”
She did not sound just like the original. The girl
was in the eighth grade, spitting into a retainer,
while reading printed lyrics. Her singing was
accompanied by an illegally downloaded YouTube
track, connected to the sound system of a public
school gym. Nevertheless, this performance was
my first exposure music I’d been discouraged
from hearing as a child; the kind which bravely
crooned about boys, popularized tomboy flannels,
and homecoming games. Though my mom would
Visual Credits: Getty Images
express disapproval, my perception was defended
through each tune: in her conquests, Swift was
writing the fairy-tale of the public’s coming of
age girl.
Her archetype was effortlessly delicate and country-esque,
she boasted the curly blonde hair and
blue eyes I’d wished to be born with. Though I
could never emulate her physically, I compensated
by devoting myself to her music; my summer
of 2012 was spent entirely at my grandmother’s
house, my time divided between watching Swift’s
VEVO videos and yearning for a boy who lived
down the road. An aspiring writer from a young
age, I was especially enchanted by Swift’s solely
composing and writing every track of Speak
Now. Under this influence, I’d decided to write
songs which mimicked the mesmerizing nature of
this album. When proven unsuccessful, I would
instead embody its values; having my first kiss at
fifteen, and maintaining its “All you wanted was
to be wanted” lyrics.
Swift’s popularity heightened alongside my fascination
of her. In the following year, another
personally-written song, ‘Eyes Open’, would be
featured in the soundtrack of The Hunger Games;
pushing me to pursue the protective, high-stakes
dynamic of a disapproved teenage relationship.
Its successor, Red, became the solidification of
a utopian forever; allusions to new beginnings
through songs such as ‘State of Grace’ and ‘Everything
Has Changed’ accompany the promises of
personal growth made in ‘Begin Again’. 1989 was
released in the midst of my high school career;
to its tune, I recall myself drunkenly flirting
with boys at New Year’s Eve parties. “The best
people in life are free,” Swift swoons in ‘New
Romantics’. In the heights of transforming to
sweetheart protagonist of Swift’s records, I was.
The reestablishment of Swift’s identity via her
Reputation era diminished the trope we’d both
become. An online feud with celebrities Kim Kardashian
and Kanye West had resulted in #Taylor-
SwiftisOverParty; backlash Swift chose to endure
privately. Her career was thrusted into hiatus for
a more than a year; a period in which the songwriter
channelled her emotions into a vengeful,
vindictive record (“Maybe I got mine, but you’ll
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55

all get yours,” ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ sneers). Without her guidance,
I was left to navigate the remainder of secondary school; practice in encapsulating
the All-American girl of Fearless left me without the fury of Swift’s
new character-of-choice. The songwriter strikingly redefined standards of selfworth
through assertions of dominance and references to fairy-tale villains;
I’d abandoned her work because I hadn’t yet reached the same realizations.
Similarly, the soft-spoken assurance of older records no longer provided comfort;
the reason being its pronoun use. While Swift sought to “[ride] shotgun…
in his car” (‘Our Song’) and “have him right the way [she wants] him” (‘Better
Than Revenge’), I found solace in a different archetype.
“I did something bad / Then why does it feel so good?” Swift questions in ‘I
Did Something Bad’; thoughts I’d echo while finishing my diploma. This time,
I hadn’t fallen for the football-helmet wearing, James-Dean-daydreamed muse
she’d urged me to pursue; rather, his place was taken by the sneaker-wearing,
bleacher-filling girl who was usually delegated Swift’s protagonist role. She was
as enchanting, fearless, innocent, haunted, as my favourite writer had promised.
In my newfound discovery, I’d developed an understanding for Swift’s
divulgence into the pop music scene; as I’d done through romance, she’d
owed it to herself to explore the complex dynamics of her persona through
techo-beats and auto-tune. And so I made my return to the ‘unbreakable
heaven’ of Lover.
Although Swift would later admit on country radio that she’d written the song
“from the perspective of a seventeen year old boy”, its story continues to resonate
with me. In the essay “The Death of An Author”, theorist Roland Barthes argues
the intent of a writer’s work is unrelated to its message; upon the release of literature,
the piece adapts its meaning from the interpretations of its audience. Swift’s
refusal to include male pronouns, as in her previous work, makes it easier to construct
LGBTQ+ relationships in its framework. Gone is the trope of the All-American
quarterback; instead, his songwriter is enraptured by an anonymous force.
The ambiguity of their identity are the folk songs Swift creates; with release of
the album, it is her hope that her audience will continue to “pass [it] down.”
Towards the end of Miss Americana, Taylor is shown drinking tea with drag
queens on the set of ‘You Need to Calm Down’ ’s music video. “I want to love
glitter and also stand up to the double standards that exist in our society,” she
tells them, perhaps in reference to the confetti-covered stage featured at the
beginning of the film. When noticing her current settings, she smiles with the
same bright eyes and wide teeth which followed her to performance. Perhaps she’s
absorbing, for the first time, the progression of her career. Picking up a teacup,
she begins to rephrase her statement: “I want to wear pink and tell you how I
feel about politics. I don’t think that those things need to cancel each other out.”
It was a Friday morning at 10:46 am when I was exposed to folklore. I was
exercising before meeting a friend in Downtown Toronto, and had decided to
plank with the album on shuffle. ‘betty’ was the first song presented to me. My
body had hit the ground after hearing the words, “Kissing in your cardigan.”
Whereas Lover hinted support for the LGBTQ+ community through lyrics
such as “Shade never made anybody less gay” (‘You Need to Calm Down) and
a duet with Panic! at the Disco’s Brendan Urie (a bisexual singer), folklore
seemed to align its identity with them. “Hide in the closet / Like a folk song
/ Our love will be passed on,” boasts ‘seven’, alluding to the euphemism of
LGBTQ+ members before professing their sexuality. “Chase two girls, lose the
one” insists cardigan. However, despite these small subtleties, a realization
was soon reached by Swift’s fandom and critics alike: ‘betty’ was the album’s
showstopper.
This truth became apparent to me through its ‘cardigan’ reference because of
its allusion to the name of the second song on Swift’s album. ‘cardigan’ depicts
the passionate romances of Swift’s earlier work; “Kiss in cars and downtown
bars / Was all we needed / You drew stars around my scars / Now I’m bleeding.”
By referencing its plot, ‘betty’ elaborates upon its characters; its tale of “Slept
next to her but / I dreamt of you all summer long” ultimately concludes with
“You know I miss you.” Subtleties such as these profess a message Madison
Malone Kircher best summarizes in her review for Vulture: “Taylor Swift’s
‘betty’ is Queer Canon. I Don’t Make The Rules.’
Visual Credits: Miss Americana (Netflix)
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Artful
Practice.
a critical reflection about the accessibility of
art institutions
by Sofia Suleman
Mind, vision and soul
ignites creativity for the goal
of expression reflecting passion.
A cycle of consumers and makers,
trying to understand the mysteries of the world
buried deep in a cauldron, stirring for eternity.
Creatures of such grandeur and wit and emotion;
cannot fathom co-existing despite the multi-coloured palette.
Though art is the tether of humanity,
it sets us free; forming bridges of solidarity.
Use this outlet,
to celebrate,
Appreciate,
Heal.
Creativity lies in our bodies, with this inkling in our senses
to strive and understand Earth, its creatures and its ideas,
in multi-faceted lenses.
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I’ve always thought that I was “bad” at art - whatever that
means. However, being “bad” at something shouldn’t stop you
from doing it. My dad is “bad” at singing, yet I hear his booming
untuned vocals as I write this; creating a sense of tranquility -
not by his voice, but by the unrestrained space that allows him
to belt out. The word “bad” in many cases is subjective. Being
“bad” at art was a standard, automated response given to those
asking which medium of art I preferred. Instead of saying that I
love to study art, go to galleries, act in theatre, and write, I always
blandly answered that I was more talented in appreciating art
than creating it. Contemporary artist Michelangelo Pistoletto
writes in Art’s Responsibility: “Above all, artists must not be
only in art galleries or museums—they must be present in all
possible activities. The artist must be the sponsor of thought in
whatever endeavor people take on, at every level” (Popova 2012).
In principle, art should have an organic flow, inspired by
life itself evolving of its own accord. Despite this belief, there
were moments where I became paralyzed by my own insecurities
asking myself, “Will people like what I have created?”. These are
the instances in which I wish I could look at my surroundings
and artfully capture the moment, creating intricate images with
the flick of my wrist, incorporating shading and detail, illustrating
a story on paper with an air of certitude. Alternatively, I
also found myself in awe when completing a short story or successfully
working through a play scene with my peers, asking
myself, “Where did I find such inspiration?” Every time I told
someone I was “bad” at art, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In the midst of trying so hard to get my creative groove “back”
I lost the passion, the interest, and the motivation to learn with
and from others. I became scared to allow life to inspire my
creativity; thus inevitably becoming my worst critic and stifling
whatever creativity came out of the woodwork.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, I finally started to
understand that art, in all forms, has a place and a significant
role. Inspired by humanity and its common struggle with the
virus, I have learned that there is no fossilized definition of “good”
art; the artist is essentially empowered to define their respective
creation(s).
I spoke with Sylvie Stojanovski, Siena Heesoo Jang, Lamia
Firasta, and Siham Karamali, the team at Creative Flow, an initiative
generously funded by the UofT COVID-19 Student Engagement
Award. They “work alongside UofT staff, students, artists
and members of the broader community to create opportunities
at the intersection of art, mindfulness and wellbeing.” When
asked about the relevancy of art and art industries in addressing
challenges during the pandemic, they responded that art is
Visual Credits: Jon Tyson
transformative; a tool cultivating self-awareness and promoting
self-discovery. For example, in their most recent drawing workshop,
“participants were encouraged to free draw, discuss their
experience[s], and reflect on the mind-body connection through
the process.” Creative Flow’s mission and its efforts demonstrate
both the importance of cultivating creativity and community.
Organizations such as Creative Flow are initiating programs
to tackle the perceived lack of accessibility to art within the
community.
When I was younger, my parents told me that experiencing
art by visiting cultural institutions - such as museums, the
opera, ballet and theatre - was a luxury and a privilege. These
spaces have always been enlightening, providing more exposure
to ideas and objects from the past, the present and stimulating
discussion and contemplation for the future. However, there
were times in art spaces where I felt excluded because I lacked
context. I had to rely on my own instinct and personal reflection
to take in the work. To make art truly accessible, we need
to strike a harmonious balance between having context and
allowing space for interpretation. Personally, I want to feel that
art is accessible, it can be created, consumed and appreciated
universally; I shouldn’t feel the need to have a degree in Art
History to appreciate art.
Some movies may portray art and its institutions as the
playground for the elite: most obviously, the auctions, where
patrons hold champagne flutes, standing in exclusive circles,
consuming canapés and discussing art while simultaneously networking.
This image depicts a gap between the perceived versus
the actual. For example, should people be expected to know the
difference between the Renaissance and Baroque periods before
entering a gallery? Moreover, do institutions subconsciously
intimidate visitors because of the way art is curated? Before we
are able to answer these questions, consider that the art itself
needs to be detached from the industry, consisting of “curators,
critics and gatekeepers, who surround the art and artists” (Thorpe
2014). Essentially, “Art per se is not elitist, that is a perception.
Art can be challenging, stimulating, thought provoking, difficult
to understand and lots more besides... it could appeal to an
elite group of people, but none of this makes the art itself elitist”
(Thorpe 2014). One of the purposes of museums and galleries
is to serve the community. To serve, not only means to educate
but to be inclusive, and therefore, art institutions need to broaden
their scope in programming by “exhibit[ing] art which they
themselves may not like... fail[ing] to do this and... ignor[ing]
the demands of a community is in reality elitist, and a form of
discrimination” (Thorpe 2014). Consequently, institutions end
up constructing barriers for those they are mandated to serve.
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Visual Credits: www.PabloPicasso.org
Alison Cooley, Assistant Curator at the University
of Toronto Missasauga’s Blackwood Gallery, touches
upon the need for creating an accessible environment
from multiple standpoints: “On a basic level, we think of
accessibility as a question about who accesses the gallery
and its programs, and how. Do they feel welcome in the
space(s) in which our programming happens? Are they
provided the tools they need to engage with the artwork
in the space? These questions guide us in thinking about
accessibility from a programming standpoint, but they
also inform the way we approach strategies for creating
physical access.” To lead with an inclusive mindset, the
Blackwood Gallery has been influenced greatly by projects
such as Carolyn Lazard’s Accessibility in the Arts:
A Promise and a Practice; this guide “thinks through
accessibility beyond compliance—i.e. not just meeting
mandated or legislated standards for how to be accessible,
“Accessibility within
the art industry
means integration
within life and the
human experience.”
but recognizing accessibility as an ongoing conversation
and flexible organizing model that accounts for diverse
needs and diverse kinds of care.” Additionally, the handbook
iterates that both infrastructure and programming
alike need to reflect the community that they want to
attract, as well as addressing “the concerns, needs, and
discourses of said community” (Lazard 2019). Lazard
summarizes the ideal inclusive, cultural space: “it’s one in
which art and culture are not sequestered from the lived
experience of artists and their communities” (Lazard
2019).
Accessibility within the art industry means integration
within life and the human experience. Although
certain pieces of art need to be contained and have a
designated place for storage, many forms of art such as
dance, singing, poetry and photography don’t need to
sit in a bulletproof case alongside a “DO NOT TOUCH”
sign. For example, when copywriter and consultant
James Ardis passed by a statue called “The Chicago
Picasso”, situated in Downtown Chicago, he was initially
shocked to see kids climbing the statue. Although,
when observing the surroundings of the statue, he
remarked that it was surrounded by office state, a historical
landmark, and city infrastructure such as shops,
a movie theatre, a gym, and restaurants. The next day, he
noticed a food truck festival taking place by the statue.
He reflected, “there is truly a sense that entertainment,
food, health, and business are all sprouting from the
seed of the Chicago Picasso... When I think of accessible
art, I think of something like the Chicago Picasso. I
think of artwork that invites people to come and stay
awhile, witness it while doing business, working out, and
hawking cupcakes from their food truck” (Ardis 2018).
Vancouver artist Carmen Papalia began developing a
framework to accessibility, “when a hereditary condition
began obstructing [his] vision” and he was “underwhelmed
by the forms of support he was offered,” as a
non-visual learner (diagnosed as “legally blind”) (Papalia
2018).
Carmen Papalia’s Open Access consists of five tenets:
1. Open Access relies on those present, what their
needs are and how they can find support with each
other and in their communities. It is a perpetual
negotiation of trust between those who practice
support as a mutual exchange.
2. Open Access is radically different [from] a set of
policies that is enforced in order to facilitate a common
experience for a group with definitive needs.
It acknowledges that everyone carries a body of
local knowledge and is an expert in their own right.
3. Open Access is the root system of embodied learning.
It cultivates trust among those involved and
enables each member to self-identify and occupy
a point of orientation that is based in complex
embodiment.
4. Open Access disrupts the disabling conditions
that limit one’s agency and potential to thrive. It
reimagines normalcy as a continuum of embodiments,
identities, realities and learning styles, and
operates under the tenet that interdependence is
central to a radical restructuring of power.
5. Open Access is a temporary, collectively held space
where participants can find comfort in disclosing
their needs and preferences with one another. It is
a responsive support network that adapts as needs
and available resources change. (Papalia 2018).
The tenets motivate “a more open practice of
accessibility” (Papalia 2018) in which creativity is incorporated
in a continuous process, where ongoing dialogue
confronts and dismantles debilitating systems of agency
O
P
E
N
A
C
C
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S
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and power. Oftentimes, when dealing with accessibility, institutions address the bare minimum,
usually tending to the built environment (Papalia 2018). Papilia has emphasized
the approach “isn’t only relevant to a group of people with atypical bodies or minds or
behaviour, but to anybody who is living in relation to other people” (Papilia 2018). Institutions
tend to address the community in a top-down model, where executives who may not
have any experience with the issue at hand, make decisions for the community without
consulting with folks who are navigating the realities of social, economic, and political
inaccessibility (Papilia 2018). Therefore, cultural institutions ought to collaborate and try
to integrate Open Access in their programming with the intentions of making spaces and
environments more inclusive. Valeria Venturo, Artistic Director, for the UTSC Drama
Society said, “Within theatre, I think accessibility encompasses many things – from blind
casting to sensory-friendly performances, handicap accessible seats in theatres, artistic
education not being just for the privileged but normalized as a practice of self-expression
and connection, etc. ... a big part of making theatre more accessible is to start seeing the
power in diversity when it comes to storytelling, creating roles for a bigger array of performers
and writing stories from points of
view that haven’t been highlighted before.”
The art industry must invest resources
to strengthen accessibility and inclusivity as
part of their creative culture. To sift through
the devastation felt during COVID-19 people
have been turning to art as a tool of relaxation,
escapism, solace and hope. Loaves of banana
bread are being baked, canvases painted, sidewalks
covered in chalk, showers booming
with singing voices, and coalescing groups
“a big part of
making theatre more
accessible is to start
seeing the power in
diversity.”
jamming to 80s music on Zoom dance parties from the comforts of home. Paradoxically,
although everyone creates in some form or another, this pandemic has been difficult for
folks working in the industry. Cooley shares: “Early in the pandemic, in the midst of a
massive social upheaval, we recognized the need to leverage some of our existing models
in order to support artists.
At that moment, many artists were experiencing job loss, cancellation of exhibitions
and projects, and other forms of precarity— because the arts and culture industry is a massively
unprotected labour force.” The truth is that even before the pandemic, the art industry was especially
financially vulnerable. However, this pandemic has exacerbated its vulnerability. In 2019,
“funding to the Ontario Arts Council was cut by $10 million dollars. Furthermore, a $5 million
Indigenous Culture Fund was cancelled and the Ontario Music Fund was cut by $8 million” (Parris
2020).
Though artists have been going through a rough time (like many others during this pandemic),
they have demonstrated great resiliency in helping humanity cope. Artists have utilized
social media and technology to connect with folks. Although there may be disparities with, for
example, technology, Wi-Fi access, streaming costs, captioning, and visibility, COVID-19 has
been an opportunity to connect and engage with others. For example, “American children’s book
illustrator and artist Carson Ellis started a quarantine art club on Instagram with daily assignments
for people stuck at home” (Stcherbatcheff 2020). Additionally, musicians from the Rotterdam
Philharmonic Orchestra record[ed] a virtual rendition of Beethoven’s Ode to Joy from their
homes” (Stcherbatcheff 2020).
As I hammer away at this deadline, with John Legend’s soothing voice in the background, I
am reflecting upon my creative journey, with a smile on my face. I have come to the realization that
I am an “artist”; we are ALL artists. The poem written at the beginning was a brainstorm for this
article. If I read those words aloud during the beginning of this pandemic, I would have laughed
at the words written on the page. Though now, I have truly come to believe that “Creativity lies
in our bodies, with this inkling in our senses to strive and understand earth, its creatures and its
ideas in multi-faceted lenses”. Inspiration can come from anywhere and everywhere. Although
I have not been able to produce intricate masterpieces creating intricate images with the flick of
my wrist or learned Spanish on Duolingo during this time, I have learned to be grateful for the
things that I have and the experiences that have shaped me. Cherished memories of visiting the
Louvre for the first time or watching “Kinky Boots” with the Gender Sexuality Alliance in highschool.
I have come to realize that ramps built in museums and braille written in elevators aren’t
enough to make a place and an environment accessible; it takes a lot more. Community input,
dialogue, unlearning, relearning and broadening of one’s worldview needs to be a priority for art
institutions to make their spaces more open and accessible. Artists, both in the industry and the
everyday creator, need to appreciate each other and themselves, because without creativity we
remain stagnant. So today, tell yourself you are an artist. Tell your friend that they are an artist;
because the inspiration to create is boundless.
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WORKS CITED
Ardis, James. “What Is ‘Accessible Art’?” The Writing Cooperative, Medium, 27
Aug. 2018, writingcooperative.com/what-is-accessible-art-a1dcec75cdc1.
Papalia, Carmen. “An Accessibility Manifesto for the Arts.” Canadian Art,
Canadian Art, 2 Jan. 2018, canadianart.ca/essays/access-revived/.
Parris , Amanda. “Artists Are Getting Us through COVID-19. Never Question
Their Value Again | CBC Arts.” CBC News, CBC/Radio-Canada, 3 Apr. 2020,
www.cbc.ca/arts/artists-are-getting-us-through-covid-19-never-question-theirvalue-again-1.5519840.
Popova, Maria. “What Is Art? A Few Famous Definitions, From
Antiquity to Today.” The Atlantic, Atlantic Media Company, 22
June 2012, www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2012/06/
what-is-art-a-few-famous-definitions-from-antiquity-to-today/258871/.
Stcherbatcheff, Barbara. “These Artists Have Found Creative Ways to
Offer Hope amid the COVID-19 Crisis.” World Economic Forum, World
Economic Forum, 7 Apr. 2020, www.weforum.org/agenda/2020/04/
art-artists-creative-covid19-coronavirus-culture-community/.
Thorpe, Mackenzie. “Is Art Still Elitist?” Raconteur, Raconteur Media Ltd., 12
Feb. 2014, www.raconteur.net/culture/is-art-still-elitist.
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Visual Credits: Mike Von

Welcome to
Creative Flow.
Sofia Suleman: Please tell us about
your organization and its mission.
Creative Flow: “We are a collective of UofT
students, whose goal is to build a community
where people feel safe, valued, and empowered
to transform their own lives, and the
world through the arts. We believe that mindful
art practices have the power to deepen our
self-awareness and promote self discovery.
Through our innovative, creative programming,
we work towards destigmatizing mental
health, and creating space for people to
find comfort and happiness in who they are.
We work alongside other UofT staff, students,
artists, and members of the broader community
to create opportunities at the intersection
of art, mindfulness, and well-being.”
SS: How has your programming
evolved in the context of COVID-19
pandemic?
CF: “As of now, all of our workshops are
specifically designed to help people reflect,
discuss, and overcome obstacles they are
facing during the pandemic. For example,
in the first workshop of the summer Creative
FLOW series, generously funded by
the UofT student engagement award, we
discussed feelings of compassion fatigue
and burnout, and explored how to cope with
these emotions through arts based activities
and meditation. More details about our
upcoming workshops can be found on our
instagram or facebook page @creativeflow.
to and our website www.creativeflowto.com”
a one-on-one interview with 
the Creative Flow Team
by Sofia Suleman
SS: How do you define accessibility
within your work?
CF: “At Creative Flow, we define accessibility
as creating spaces where people feel safe, valued,
and empowered to create regardless of
their background, or previous experience in
the arts. We make our workshops accessible
by ensuring that they are free whenever possible,
and making accommodations with people
when necessary in advance of events. For
example, recently we added closed-captioning
to our online workshops to support folks
who are deaf or hard of hearing. At all our
events, we consistently remind participants
that they are able to pause and take breaks
throughout our time together. Additionally,
we ensure that team members are available
to provide emotional support when needed.”
SS: What is the relevancy of art and
art industries in addressing challenges
during COVID-19?
CF: “Art has the unique ability to transcend
language and cultural barriers as it comes
straight from our emotional core. During
these isolating times, it’s more important
than ever for people to be able to recognize
their emotions, speak about their mental
health challenges, and devise practical
ways to sustain their health and well-being.
At Creative Flow, we believe that creating
art is one of the best ways to cultivate
self-awareness and promote self-discovery.
Through our interactive arts- based mindfulness
workshops we use art as a tool for
transformation. For example, in our most
recent drawing workshop, participants were
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creativeflow.to
creativeflowto.com
encouraged to free draw, discuss their experience,
and reflect on the mind-body connection
through the process.”
SS: Do you believe art has become
more accessible during this time? If
so, how? And if not, what are some
ideas do you have to make it more
accessible for consumers?
CF: “Art has become more accessible during
this time in some ways, however, it has also
become more inaccessible in other ways. As
a result of COVID, a significant number of
arts programs have shifted online, which
provides an opportunity for people to make
art synchronously from anywhere in the
world--assuming they have the technology
to do so. For some folks with mental
health struggles like anxiety, connecting
with people online may be more appealing
than connecting in-person as they are
able to adjust their level of engagement in
programming on their own terms through
turning on and off their cameras or mics
as they please. On the flip side, creating in
an online environment can also be daunting
in some ways because there is an aspect
of “performing” while on a zoom call, and
our brains have to work harder to process
people’s body language. We try to make our
programs more accessible to participants
through encouraging them to engage in
our programming on their own terms, in
a way that is most meaningful to them. In
the post-covid world, we also hope to offer
workshops in-person for folks who may not
have had the opportunity to connect with
us online.”
SS: Have there been barriers
for artistic expression during
COVID-19?
CF: “Many artistic disciplines, most notably
theatre and dance, are collaborative in
nature, and enriched by the interactions
and energy of participants in a shared
space. Though we are able to co-create
work online during COVID-19, it looks
different than in-person. For example,
while we might be able to conduct
a brainstorm for a project in the online
space, lack of access to different types of
technology and/or a stable wifi connection
become barriers to full-participation.
Also, the energy you get from an
online zoom call, is just not the same as
in-person. At Creative Flow, we recognize
this and do our best to allot time at
our workshops for interactive activities,
and breakout sessions in small groups.
Post-covid, we hope to offer workshops
in-person as well.”
SS: Given the context at UofT, how
do you propose to deliver your
programming?
CF: “In the Fall and Winter semesters, we
plan to continue offering our programming
online, as UTSC has also made the
shift to offering their courses completely
online. As of now, we are holding all
our programming on Sundays, to give
students a chance to relax, connect, and
make art during a time separate from
their school week.”
Visual Credits: Claire Fischer
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Channeling My
Emotions in
Creative Outlets.
by Rekha Swamy
My name is Rekha Swamy. I became interested in photography when I was
around 12 years old. My photography started as a hobby and then evolved into
my creative outlet as I got older. My work in general draws inspiration from
the simplicity of everyday things that are around me. I enjoy taking photos of
nature, from sceneries to the flowers in my yard. I also like to photograph my
family and friends. Photography has taught me to appreciate the blessings I
have in my life. Refat is from Dhaka, Bangladesh and an architect by profession.
Currently, due to the pandemic, she found Digital art as an outlet for all frustrations.
The artwork itself represents a resilient mind, and how, although it can
sustain on its own, breaks free of its boundaries eventually.
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Be Happy.
by Nazihah Alam
nazihah.alam & one_winter_bear
Nazihah Alam is a second year student at the University of Toronto. She has
been drawing since she was a kid and it has always been something that she
enjoys doing during her free time. Nazihah particularly loves drawing mandalas
and floral doodles. Aside from that, she enjoys writing and hanging out
with family and friends.
Visual Credits: Dzana Serdarevic
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Welcome to
Drama Society.
a one-on-one interview with 
Valeria Venturo Esaine
by Sofia Suleman
Sofia Suleman: Tell us about your
organization and its mission.
Valeria Esaine: “The UTSC Drama Society
exists as a positive and social theatrical
platform for student voices, education,
and engagement through the production
of, but not limited to, live performances,
workshops, seminars, etc. We hope
to provide a setting where students may
grow, engage, and create for their betterment,
self-expression, and as complement
of a well-rounded university experience
and education.”
SS: How do you define accessibility
within your work?
VE: “Within theatre, I think accessibility
encompasses many things – from blind
casting to sensory- friendly performances,
handicap accessible seats in theatres,
artistic education not being just for the
privileged but normalized as a practice
of self-expression and connection, etc.
As an aspiring director and producer, I
think a big part of making theatre more
accessible is to start seeing the power in
diversity when it comes to storytelling,
creating roles for a bigger array of performers
and writing stories from points
of view that haven’t been that highlighted
before.”
SS: How has your programming
evolved in the context of COVID-19
pandemic?
VE: “This year, our season has gone
through some major transformations.
We decided to make our Festival of the
Arts’ three one act plays original works
from members of the UTSC community,
in order to create a dialogue within
us about topics that pertain to us. This
way, even though we do not physically
have the theatre, we’re still bringing the
public a communal space to start conversations,
address big questions, and
share experiences. This will also allow
us to keep in mind the online format
we’re working with as we construct the
show from the ground up, and make the
best of this new medium instead of trying
to adapt something that was always
meant for stage. Our theme this year is
Collective Consciousness, an analysis
of what our collective narrative is and
how individual voices are stifled in the
process of maintaining it. ”
SS: What is the relevancy of art
and art industries in addressing
challenges during COVID-19?
VE: “I think it’s hard for artists to
understand their importance during a
worldwide health crisis, more so than
usual. With so many around us having
lost their jobs, vulnerable populations
being exposed to sickness due to a lack
of resources to avoid it, families being
separated by necessary travel bans, ineffective
government policies and a paralyzed
economy... it’s a dire panorama,
and art seems to be inessential. However,
I think we’re all realizing that this
crisis is very much a wake-up call for all
of humankind. If we don’t find a way to
awaken our consciousness, see the part
we play in taking care of this world and
make it a more just, equitable place for
everyone, it will be very hard to generate
the large-scale drastic change so many
need to feel safe, happy, and free. Personally,
I think this is the role we play
in all of this – as artists, we need to bet
on drama and storytelling as a powerful
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tool for empathy and unification, a way to recognize
ourselves in each other’s struggles and
be inspired by cooperation and solidarity.
SS: Do you believe art has become
more accessible during this time? If
so, how? And if not, what are some
ideas do you make it more accessible
for consumers?
VE: “I believe the online format has definitely
made it more accessible to attend a show, not
being limited by distance or mobility, or any
other particular accessibility issues one might
find when seeing a live performance.”
SS: Have there been barriers for artistic
expression during COVID-19? If so,
please explain.
VE: “For those of us who have done theatre
for many years, it is definitely a barrier not
to be present in the same space as the rest of
the team. A lot of the dynamic of acting as we
know it requires copresence, an exchange of
energy between actors and the audience that
can vary from night to night. To have to adapt
to an online format seems to restrict that sort
of holistic, human aspect of the practice of theatre
– but with creativity and flexibility, many
have managed to still create an atmosphere
with the new tools at our disposal.”
SS: Given the context at UofT, how
do you propose to deliver your
programming?
VE: “This year, our programming will be fully
online. We’re definitely looking to borrow a lot
of techniques and resources the audiovisual
medium has been using forever and maintain
the theatrical aspect by having the shows happen
as synchronously as possible. We’re also
giving platforms to creators like playwrights
and designers, as they are particularly essential
in this format.”
utscdramasociety
facebook.com/UTSCDramaSociety
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An Actor’s
Reflection -
Finding Truth
in Stillness
written by Malika Daya
Photo taken by: Jason Soesilo
The Shell at the Leigha Lee Browne Theatre, UTSC. Directed and written by Nikki Shaffeeullah
Actors Francis Masaba as Greg and Malika Daya as Kamla
You’re backstage, the Assistant Stage Manager is getting everyone in order, there is a
frenzy on the headsets, and a buzz from the audience as they anticipate the start of the
show. Your co-actors are doing last-minute touch-ups, fixing costumes, and are dancing
around to shake off the nerves.
As showtime approaches, the insecurities begin to creep up on you. After months of
rehearsals, after the show becoming a part of your body’s rhythm, you hear those pesky
voices become a persistent force in your mind. What if I fuck up a line? What if I throw
everyone else off? What if they think I’m too fat? What if they think I’m a bad actor?
It’s ironic because many actors use theatre as an escape from reality. We use it to explore
stories, travel to places beyond our depth, to understand the highs and lows of lives we
will never get to live. A moment away from our own. A lifetime explored in several weeks
and a few, short show nights.
If you can get out of your head, that is.
And it is in those moments right before the show begins that you are tested the most.
It’s in those moments you see actors the most vulnerable, trying their hardest to calm
their nerves.
Essentially, you are posed with a mental challenge. What are you going to do to shut off
and focus on the present? To honour the truth on stage and the time you have living in
it? How are you going to enter a state of stillness?
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When many people think of acting, they usually skip out on the meditative aspect of
performance. The training it takes to be truthful and present in a moment is far more
than simply just being expressive in one’s voice and face. The stillness of thoughts and
the commitment to what is happening in the narrative and one’s character’s stakes in
that moment, is what sells a show.
Some of the best actors in the world are those who seek and arrive at stillness, actors
whose artistry itself is a form of meditation. You can try your hardest to imitate sadness,
but acting is not imitation, acting is honesty. And to find honesty, one must be open to
being affected.
As an actor and a director, I have found that my characters’ and my own exponential
growth throughout any artistic process, comes from being in a meditative state of reflection
and openness. It is about allowing creativity to flow through me, as though I am an
instrument of energy. And as ink touches the blank page, as my words and presence fill
a theatre, story is born, and life exists.
Growth is found in these very moments of stillness, when you can control your mind to
let go of what does not exist in the sphere of the narrative and to simply breathe and react.
As an actor, I find the most value in the guided mediations I embark upon. Each rehearsal
and show beginning with the practice of breathing and returning to the present. Reconnecting
to myself, in a disconnected world. Every exhale is symbolic of the release of
insecurity, doubt, and negativity. Each inhale symbolic of love, trust, confidence, and
truth. It is in the moment held between every inhale and exhale that I find self-awareness
and stillness. Where my artistic escapes becomes a corridor into the present.
As our Assistant Stage Manager cues my entrance, this continual practice of presence is
what holds my hand as the curtains come up. These breaths grounding me, allow me to
enter a new world, an escape, where being present is the cure to all my ailments. Where
those pesky voices in my head are silent and all I hear is my heartbeat and all I feel is
the energy of the art.
Malika Daya is an aspiring theatre-maker, looking to build her career in the intersections
of participatory arts and social justice. She has worked abroad in Malawi with the Art
and Global Health Centre who use improv and Theatre of the Oppressed, as mediums
through which youth have the opportunity to have dialogue on topics relating to Gender
Based Violence and HIV/Aids in their own communities. As an artist, Malika has directed
various productions at UTSC’s Leigha Lee Browne Theatre, for TEDxUTSC, and has had
the privilege of facilitating theatre workshops for online global youth summits this summer
during COVID. The value dearest to her heart is, Umunthu - I am, because we are.
malikadaya
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dictionary series.
by Ujwal Mantha
Ujwal Mantha is a fourth-year student doing a double major in Studio art and
Sociology from the University of Toronto Scarborough. He is a mixed media
artist, often oscillating between paint, ink, digital art, and sculpture.
At the moment, his work deals with narratives; The subtle hidden stories in our
everyday lives and the grandiose legends and myths that we situate ourselves
within.
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Visual Credits: Yash Raut

In
Conversation
with:
Quarantined
Chefs.
by Farah Ahmad
In the COVID-19 context more than ever, our relationship with food and the process of
cooking has changed due to the physical and financial restrictions placed on individuals
in efforts to combat the spread of the virus. Quarantined Chefs (Q Chefs) was created by
Maria, Leeza, Mira and Rajpreet, 4 University of Toronto students dedicated to sharing a
pandemic friendly cookbook. Due to lockdown restrictions, Q Chefs acknowledges that
the process of cooking during the pandemic is dependent on our physical and financial
abilities and encourages individuals to submit recipes that include inexpensive and accessible
ingredients.
Farah Ahmad: Could you talk about
what q.chefs is and how this initiative
started?
Q. Chefs: Between us, we were sharing
TikTok recipes and discussing how
much more we have to cook and bake
during the pandemic. Suddenly, we
had more time to invest in our hobbies,
including trying out new recipes,
ingredients and cooking techniques.
Hence, once we heard about the UofT
Covid-19 Student Engagement Grant,
the idea for a collaborative cookbook
came up naturally. The basic idea is
that anyone can submit recipes that
we will compile into a crowdsource
cookbook and share it widely. It’s just a
fun project on our shared experiences
with cooking, and hopefully inspires
people in the kitchen!
FA: How can someone submit to the
cookbook?
Q.Chefs: We had an open call, where
individuals completed an intake form
about their recipe and share some
details. After we received responses,
we sent out a recipe template, asked
participants to fill out the details and
then send back high-quality pictures
of their dish. There was an honorarium
available to offset the cost of ingredients
and to recognize the time commitment
for preparing the dish and
template. We have currently closed
submissions to prepare for designing
and organizing the cookbook to
release in September.
qchefs.uoft E-mail: qchefs.uoft@gmail.com
rajpreetks, Maria_onearth, lzaghrawo, mirahennawy
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FA: Vegan and Vegetarian recipes are recommended;
do you provide alternative ingredients
if a recipe is not Vegan/Veg friendly?
Q.Chefs: We do not offer alternative ingredients
because the recipe is crowdsourced, so it comes
from the participants. However, the cookbook
is a mix of vegan, vegetarian and meat-based
recipes so there's something for everyone! Also,
readers can change the recipes to fit their needs
by supplementing with alternative ingredients.
FA: Could you provide some advice/tips for
beginners learning how to cook?
Q.Chefs: We started this initiative as none of us
are cooking experts but we enjoy doing it and
are slowly becoming better. As the recipes in
the book show, fancy or expensive ingredients
are not needed to make delicious food. Starting
with simple dishes and practicing often are good
ways to get into cooking. We all started following
easy recipes and searching for inspiration
from others, both our families and friends or
searching online. But the most important step
is to get started. That is why we decided to make
a source of inspiration and reference that will
be readily available and created by people with
diverse cooking backgrounds.
FA: As students are preparing to go back to
school, what is some advice you can give to
them to maintain a healthy diet?
Q.Chefs: Meal planning and prepping is
time-consuming and a little monotonous, but
it will prevent the last-minute temptation to get
takeout or order. Planning meals around the
season will also be cheaper, environmentally
conscious and more nutritious. Plan dishes that
you can look forward to making and eating.
Both making a couple of meals from one dish
(cook, pack and freeze) and cooking a couple
of meals in one go will help you save time and
keep healthy and tasty food readily available. I
am a fan of one-pot recipes: they are tasty, easy
to pack, and involve less clean-up. If time or
energy does not allow for home-cooked food,
try to pick meals that are packed with nutrition
and taste.
Visual Credits: Christiano Pinto
FA: Could you highlight some of the challenges
of meal prep during the COVID-19 pandemic.
Q.Chefs: COVID-19 has changed the way we
grocery shop, the way we cook and the way
we have fun. While restrictions are different
across the world for most, last-minute trips to
the grocery store are seen as a risk that are either
impossible or time-consuming. Planning and
limiting the number of grocery store runs has
become a priority. Similarly, going to multiple
stores if one does not have everything needed
means more lines and higher risk to exposure,
so we need to be flexible with our grocery lists.
Similarly, time management is not easy in the
best of times and with the current global state,
it is a lot harder. Try to stay positive and make
cooking fun, experiment with substitutions and
try new dishes.
FA: Some people might find cooking/meal prep
to be a hassle, how do you keep cooking fun?
Q.Chefs: Through our cookbook initiative, we
were mindful of how many individuals find
cooking and meal prepping to be a hassle, especially
as university students. With that in mind,
we ensured that the recipes we received and
planned to share were prepped and done in
a timely manner, required easy to find ingredients,
and offered a range of categories (i.e.
breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, etc). Also,
we believe approaching the kitchen with a fun
attitude and having a global collaboration truly
aided our cookbook process's success. We
couldn't have done this amazing initiative without
our phenomenal quarantined chefs' spirit,
recipes, and support.
FA: What is your favourite cuisine to cook?
Q.Chefs: I love discovering new recipes or
finding different ways to make the same recipe,
especially during this pandemic as I realized
quickly I need to adjust my eating style
to my new living norm. Through this quarantine
experience, my favourite recipe has been
the zucchini brownie which is included in our
cookbook. I fell in love with it because of its
simplicity, feasibility, healthiness, and taste!
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One can modify it to their liking, for example,
they can add more chocolate chips if they have
a sweet tooth, they can remove it completely
and keep it vegan, remove nuts in case of
allergies, and such. I've done this recipe more
times than I should probably admit to!
FA: How is your cookbook incorporating
diverse cultures to represent the UofT
community?
Q.Chefs: Our cookbook aimed to incorporate
diverse cultures to represent the UofT community
through networking and outreach!
We have our amazing graphic designer, Ubahang
Nembang (https://www.ubahang-nembang.com/)
working from Nepal. Our audiences,
supporters, and chefs have also come
from all over the world. We are International
Development Specialists and had to come
back from our Co-op placements in Ghana,
Nepal, Peru, and eSwatini due to the pandemic.
So, we got in touch with people from our
placement countries to truly have diversified
recipes. We also got in touch with different
clubs, associations, and centres in the UofT
community to allow everyone to collaborate
with their delicious recipes or to stay tuned
for our cookbook release! Currently, we have
recipes from Germany, Nepal, Colombia, and
China.
FA: What is the timeline for submissions
and when does your team plan on sharing
a final product?
Q.Chefs: The cookbook is aimed to be
published in the fall season. To date, we
are not collecting recipes so we can begin
designing the cookbook, as submissions
have been open since July. Our group will
be launching the cookbook online through
our social media platforms and printing a
selected number to share on campus.
FA: What is the easiest ingredient to incorporate
into meal plans?
Q.Chefs: Our team loves swapping dairy
products with non-dairy alternatives such
as coconut water, oat milk, vegan cheese,
or making these products yourself. It is
an easy switch to keep on enjoying dairybased
recipes.
FA: What is your favourite food trend
since being in quarantine?
Q.Chefs: The homemade bread trend
from sourdough to banana bread to burnt
baguettes was one of our favourite trends.
Our Tiktok “FYPs" (for you pages) were
constantly filled with videos of people
baking bread. There were so many recipes
online for alternatives when there was a
yeast shortage around March/April. One
of our team members tried to bake dinner
rolls at home and it did not have the greatest
outcome, but it got better with practice.
Visual Credits: sunorwind
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Visual Credits: Fernando Cobelo

AN INTERVIEW WITH
SEETHADEVI NAIR, MOTHER &
SECONDARY SCHOOL TEACHER
Teaching
Through
an Ongoing
Pandemic.
a one-on-one interview with Seethadevi Nair
by Theevya Ragu
While nearly all schools and postsecondary institutions remain closed in North America, in
other parts of the world, schools have gradually started to reopen during the pandemic. With
several countries such as China, France, Germany, Taiwan, and Denmark beginning to loosen
restrictions, different approaches have been taken to allow in-person teaching. Joining this list of
countries is Malaysia which opened their schools in mid-July. The country reported the highest
number of covid-19 cases in Southeast Asia in March and early-April, but now has reduced the
cases to less than a 100.
Although the majority of the conversations concerning reopening educational institutions
during these uncertain times are rooted in challenges faced by students, little is known about
the teachers’ perspectives. This piece aims to highlight the various adaptations and adjustments
that teachers in North America returning to schools may face. Interviewing Seethadevi Nair, my
mother and an experienced secondary school teacher in Malaysia, I share her experiences going
back to teaching in-person classes amidst a pandemic.
Theevya Ragu: What were your biggest
fears about going back to school to teach
during the pandemic?
Seethadevi Nair: “Consciously remembering to
keep a distance from the students and the school
society was my biggest fear.” Nair proclaimed that
potentially being at risk of getting infected with
covid-19 caused her a great amount of distress
during the first few days returning to work. She
also stated that, however familiar you may have
been with a student, there was always that thought
in the back of her mind, of the student being a
possible carrier of the virus. In addition to being
a teacher, the responsibilities of being a working
mother to three children made the fear that much
more startling.
TR: How has the process of teaching
changed as a result of COVID?
SN: “22 years ago, it was all chalk and talk. I could
go close to my students and observe their work, we
were able to sit together and discuss answers as a
team which generated a comfort zone between my
students and I.” With this new norm, she expresses
that she is not able to do any of this.
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TR: How has the workload changed
for teachers now?
SN: “Teachers have turned baby-sitters, as
we’re constantly monitoring each and every
move of the students reminding them to
keep a distance, as a precaution for their
health. However, teachers are now strictly
only responsible for what is needed inside
the classroom. No more supervising or organizing
co-curricular activities after school
such as athletics. Teaching is strictly done
during the school hours in a remote manner.
” This again is a reminder that there is always
a silver lining in every situation.
TR: What changes do you see in students
now with social distancing in
place? Are they less distracted by
each other in class?
SN: “Discipline is now well-maintained
between students as they can no longer sit
together in class. From what I can see, students
understand the material better during
this new norm.” She observed that the students
pay closer attention to what the teacher
has to say, and they’re more focused during
class, making it easier for teachers to deliver
their lesson.
TR: Did you find that there were
major gaps in the student’s knowledge
after a long absence from classes?
Was online-learning effective?
SN: “Leaving the syllabus unfinished midway
through the year and transitioning to
online learning led to a lesser understanding
of the subject material from the student’s
point of view.” For about four months, teachers
were conducting online lessons, which
she felt weren’t effective for students to fully
grasp what the teacher delivers. Additionally,
the Malaysian government-funded schools
did not have the technological means to
transition to remote learning, therefore this
sudden transition to online teaching meant
that many students found themselves lacking
the proper resources to accommodate their
learning (i.e. access to Wifi and computers).
She also felt that this disadvantage created a
challenge in communicating with students
during the lockdown.
TR: How has the attitude toward health
and sickness in schools changed after
lockdown?
SN: “Wash hands regularly, sanitize, and keep
a distance from others, has now become something
that a teacher must say before he or she
starts the lesson.” She mentioned that schools
now required teachers and students to check
their temperature everytime they leave and
enter the school, which sounded intense and
troublesome for many, yet the importance of
this was never undermined. In just a span of a
few months, the attitude towards healthcare in
schools changed dramatically. While students
once had to prove that they were sick during
their absences, now it is compulsory for students
to prove that they are not sick in order
to enter the school.
TR: What do you miss the most?
SN: “Simple, I miss the closeness with my students.
I miss those moments where students
would come to see me personally in my office
for extra guidance, or when we would go over
answers together as a group.”
TR: What was the biggest lesson the
pandemic has taught you as a teacher?
SN: “That a teacher should be prepared for any
sort of situation. That teaching can be done
with or without students physically in front of
you, with the proper technological resources.
As a teacher I believe I have become stronger,
and more confident in my teaching. I believe
being in lockdown has taught both teachers
and students to make use of and create something
fruitful out of what is minimal in our
lives.”
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Dear Reader,
Healing is never really a linear process, is it? Whether it is a physical injury or a mental health
concern, one’s journey to healing consists of taking a step forward only to fall and take several
steps back. Yet, that one step forward is immensely powerful because it puts one on the path to
recovery, even if it does take a while to complete the journey. That’s the reason why they always
say, “Time heals all wounds.”
Healing.
by Saman Saeed
One of the most painful and deepest wounds that numerous people around the world are
currently trying to bandage are the repercussions of the COVID-19 pandemic. People who either
themselves have contracted the virus or have seen their loved ones suffer had a detrimental
impact on their mental health. It is said that outbreaks of infectious diseases often lead to PTSD
amongst survivors (Xiao, Luo and Xiao). Likewise, in the case of this pandemic, survivors report
psychological trauma such as fear of stigma, anxiety related to re-infection as well as infecting
their loved ones (Campbell). That being said, people often tend to ignore the mental health effects
of the virus on the health of those who have lost their loved ones or watched them struggle to
survive against this disease.
It is not easy to watch the people you love struggle against this malign disease. Trust me, I
would know.
It was the 11th of June. I remember watching my phone ring in dread as my mom called me to
announce whether my parents’ viral test for COVID-19 came back as positive or not. The phone
rang once, twice and a third time before my shaky hands finally managed to swipe across and
answer the call. Slowly, I brought the phone up to my ear as I braced myself.
“We tested positive,” my mom solemnly told me. Then, she rambled on about the details but
honestly, my mind was still whirling. The next few days were a flurry of blood tests, CT scans, and
calls to the doctor. On the third day, or was it the fourth, the doctor called to tell us that my dad’s
lungs were affected and that he needed proper treatment. My dad, who had a history of diabetes
and hypertension, was compromised; this thought rang in my head like the siren of an ambulance.
Upon hearing this news, my parents immediately decided to travel to my dad’s hometown;
he wanted to be close to them in case anything happened. Within the next 2 hours I, along with
my sisters, packed everything: our clothes, shoes, books, laptops, my sister’s guitar, some toys for
my youngest sister, our dog’s bed, and anything else we might need. We were unsure of how long
we would be gone for and what we needed, so we just packed all that we could think of. The next
month was nothing but stress. My sisters and I were staying with my aunt, and every phone call I
made to my parents during those initial 14 days were nerve-wracking. Even though they were both
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getting better, considering the nature of this virus it was hard to stay optimistic. Finally, those 14
days passed and so did my sleepless nights. My parents ultimately tested negative for the virus
on the 35th day. I remember that they came over to tell us in person, and when I finally heard
this news, I broke down crying, partially out of relief and partially because I had not cried earlier.
It was one of the hardest things I experienced in my life and I am still dealing with its ramifications.
Over the course of the last month, post their recovery, I noticed myself feeling restless
and fearful. I would spend too much time worrying about the future and my family. I couldn’t
even bring myself to eat much during those first two weeks after we returned home. I would
spend most of my time just sleeping or overthinking. Feeling frustrated, I booked an appointment
with a counselor and later came to realize that I was displaying symptoms of anxiety, as a
result of this traumatic experience.
Based on just my experience, I say that there isn’t enough focus on the mental health impact
of this pandemic, especially for those who have suffered through it or watched a loved one go
through it while fearing for their survival. While hospitals are providing physical treatments for
the disease, there is little evidence of doctors catering to the mental well-being of these individuals
“Practicing meditation,
talking to loved ones, seeking
emotional support from an
online community, or seeking
help from a therapist can
be extremely helpful.”
and their families. This is irrespective of the fact that recent research reveals that 55% of the
402 adult survivors of COVID-19 presented at least one mental disorder ranging from anxiety
to depression to PTSD (Mazza, Benedetti and Lorenzo).
Another important aspect to focus on is coping with loss and grief during this pandemic.
Usually, when one loses a loved one, the natural response is for people to come together and
heal collectively. However, with the lockdown in effect, it is hard to do so. Subsequently, one
doesn’t even get the chance to properly grieve and come to terms with their emotions- if one
cannot accept their emotions, then one cannot heal. While I was fortunate enough to survive
this experience with minimal damage, there are many who are probably scarred for life. Yet,
they have had little access to proper grief management resources and facilities.
I would like to conclude this letter by once again emphasizing that you are not alone. I
know that simply stating this doesn’t do much, so I would like to mention some actions and
resources one can take to help them during these difficult and unprecedented times. In my
opinion, practicing meditation, talking to loved ones, seeking emotional support from an
online community, or seeking help from a therapist can also be extremely helpful, depending
on individual needs. Furthermore, based on expert advice surrounding oneself with credible
facts, attempting to maintain one’s daily routine, emerging in relaxing habits can also cause
an improvement in one’s mental health (Varnum).
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Visual Credits: Finn

WORKS CITED
Campbell, Denis. Screen survivors of Covid-19 for PTSD, say mental health experts.
28 June 2020. 17 August 2020.
Mazza, Mario Gennaro, et al. "Anxiety and depression in COVID-19 survivors: role
of inflammatory and clinical predictors." ELSEVIER (2020).
Varnum, Peter. Managing mental health during coronavirus - experts around the
world share insights. 16 March 2020. 2 August 2020.
Xiao, Shuiyuan, Dan Luo and Yang Xiao. "Survivors of COVID-19 are at high risk of
posttraumatic stress disorder." Global Health Research and Policy (2020).
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Visual Credits: Daniel Barreto

The Process Of
Growing Up.
by Mary Silva
art_.wave
facebook.com/art.wave2019
My name is Mary, a small artist based in Portugal. Nowadays I’m finishing
my course at 3D Digital Drawing: I’ve learned many things since sketches and
illustrations till 3D modelling and animation. Being an artist is not just creating
things, it is above all inspiring others with our creations. It is being creative
every day. It is teaching that art has no wrongs or rights: it is just using
our minds.
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Visual Credits: Melissa Askew

Hope &
Devotion.
by Anonymous
I am grateful for the people in my life.
I am grateful I am taking active steps towards my mental health.
I am grateful to move beyond the stigma associated within my community.
I am brown, quiet and loud, & proud of myself, culture, and heritage.
Healing is ongoing, but now that I am fully aware of my anxiety
and depression, I have decided to go back to nursing, a career that I
always aspired to do on the basis of my faith and personal values. I
have neglected my emotional needs for a long time and was reluctant
to seek help, hiding all this quietly behind closed doors and in
the open, because of the stigma associated with mental health in my
community. One service I am currently accessing is trauma informed
counselling. Faith will always be there but the intergenerational trauma,
emotional neglect, and domestic violence I have faced/witnessed
was crucial to address. I was very much cowardly about addressing
this, but now that I have opened up about my mental health issues, I
hope the women that are usually quiet about issues like this are open
to sharing their stories.
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Mental Health
Resources.
curated by Kaitlyn Boudreault
We would like to take a moment to acknowledge how much the current situations
happening around us have affected our mental health, no matter our race,
gender, age, or sexual orientation. With that said, we hope you find these resources
as helpful as possible. These are just a few, but feel free to check out the resource
documents, curated by Kaitlyn, that are hyperlinked to this magazine.
RESOURCES FOR UNIVERSITY/COLLEGE STUDENTS
• My Student Support Program (MySSP)
• WellTrack
• ConnexOntario
• Healthy Minds
• Bounceback
RESOURCES FOR UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO STUDENTS
• SafeTALK
• Tri-Campus Distress Resources
• Identify Assist & Refer Module
HELPLINES FOR BIPOC
• Black Youth Helpline
• Eva's #GetLoud Initiative
• First Nations & Inuit Hope for Wellness
• Anishnaabe Kwewag Gamig Regional Women's Shelter
World Crisis
Resources.
by Nadia Adam
It is important to continue supporting and advocating for movements such as
Black LIves Matter, to ensure that the momentum does not die down until all the
objectives are achieved. Additionally, the world is reeling with tragedy and loss
during these difficult times. We can only heal once we support our communities.
BLACK LIVES MATTER
A list of petitions, donation resources and sources useful to supporting
the BLM movement.
Bail funds that require monetary donations to support those arrested
while protesting.
BEIRUT, LEBANON
The article lists initiatives and organizations that you can donate to,
to help those displaced by the Beirut explosion.
YEMEN
This article briefly contextualizes what has been happening in Yemen
in what has been described as a devastating humanitarian crisis. This
article also outlines resources where you can donate and help.
RESOURCES FOR LGBTQ2S+
• LGBTQ2S+ Youth Linktree
• Transgender Crisis Lines
• The Trevor Project International
• PFLAG Canada
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Transcending
Laminae.
by Rashmeet Kaur
_rashmeet.k
dissectionoftheself.wordpress.com
Rashmeet Kaur is currently an undergraduate student at the University of Guelph completing a
Bachelor of Science degree with a Bio-Medical Science major. In her free time, she loves to merge
her passion for both the sciences and the humanities through her poetry and mixed media artwork.
Her artwork and poetry have been published in Kaleidoscope.
“I have often struggled with accepting all the different contradictions -
conjured by society - that make me whole. "Transcending Laminae" was created
to escape the boundaries we make for ourselves in trying to compartmentalize
various aspects of our lives in order to feel accepted. It is a depiction of coming
to terms with finding the wholeness of our full selves.”
Visual Credits: Eileen Pan
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Escapism & Stillness.
by Refat Jahan
refatj_art
facebook.com/refatj.art
Refat is from Dhaka, Bangladesh and an architect by profession. Currently, due to
the pandemic, she found herself stuck at home with the urgent need to find outlets
for her frustrations, which turned out to be books. It became the primary source
of escape from all the unexpected negativity, as she delves into her ideal world of
fantasy and wishes.
Outlets of Resilience.
by Refat Jahan
refatj_art
facebook.com/refatj.art
Refat is from Dhaka, Bangladesh and an architect by profession. Currently, due
to the pandemic, she found digital art as an outlet for all frustrations. The artwork
itself represents a resilient mind, and how, although it can sustain on its
own, breaks free of its boundaries eventually.
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Open.
by Erica Campitelli
Erica Campitelli first fell in love with painting in high
school, under the teachings of Michelle Root. It was all
about Monet until Klimt, Pollock, Krasner and De Kooning
were introduced. Her appreciation for art only grew as
time passed, expanding a personal preference for impressionism
to that of abstract expressionism. She took a few
art courses at Western University and the University of
Toronto, although her specialization is in Socio-Cultural
Anthropology. Erica believes we are our experiences.
Inspired by her everyday surroundings, from conversations
with strangers, to viewing other bodies of work, to
hiking, influence takes on many forms.
As Heraclitus said, “the only constant in life is change”.
Whether it be individually or collectively, it happens,
and there’s no stopping it. Change is inevitable, however
growth is what’s optional, as John C. Maxwell stated, or
as Glenda Cloud said, “growth is intentional”. You need
to embrace progress or else the moments will pass you
by, along with the opportunities that arise with them.
The body is always in a state of flux; growing, shrinking,
expanding, just as one’s thoughts are continually being
altered according to new information being learned
and differing perspectives being considered. With the
above-mentioned truth, the only way to flourish and succeed
is to listen to the teachings, accept and adapt.
Over the past few years my physical form has been challenging,
specifically because my right breast has been
developing tiny lumps, referred to as fibroadenomas. They
are non-cancerous growths but ultrasound tests cannot
distinguish them from cancerous ones, hence the need for
more screening. Since I have a mutated BRCA gene, doctors
closely monitor me with mammograms, MRI’s and
biopsies. I have had to accept that I am not in control of
the lumps, can’t prevent them from forming, or influence
the trajectory of their growth. I can only try to eat healthy,
exercise, manage stress, decrease excess alcohol, minimize
hormones, massage the area and check regularly for
changes. I have had to deal with nerve damage and shooting
pains from the first biopsy, and forever wonder if I had
just made different choices perhaps the lumps wouldn’t
have manifested.
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“The only constant
in life is change.”
Acrylic on Canvas | 24 x 36” | 2019.
I was hesitant about getting the first mammogram but it
was a cakewalk. But when the radiologist requested a 3D
mammogram, I had already reached my physical and emotional
maximum, so submitting myself to another test put
me over the edge. According to hospital staff, the amount
of radiation exposure from the test is considered safe.
Although it caused me much anxiety, I found myself agreeing.
I convinced myself it was a necessary evil and consoled
myself with the thought that “it is better to be safe than to
be sorry”. What I read on ecowellness.com reaffirmed this -
“the number of cells damaged is easily repaired by the body
and there are many things you can do to offset the radiation
effects.”
With an upcoming mammogram and MRI, I had to dispel
the negative information I encountered on radiologyinfo.
org about how “low-dose radiation from annual mammography
screening may increase breast cancer risk in women
with genetic or familial predisposition to breast cancer...”
and how “the benefit of early tumor detection of high risk
patients may be offset by the potential risk of radiation-induced
cancer.” Conversely, EEHealth.org claimed that “the
radiation dose used for a screening mammogram of both
breasts is about the same amount of radiation a woman
would get from her natural surroundings in about seven
weeks.”
While in the hospital, I thought about doing an art project
with the ultrasound images as a way of accepting what
is and letting go of what I can’t control. I thought that an
artistic mode of processing and coming to terms with my
reality could be healthy. Since the start of my journey I
tried to understand the reason for the appearance of the
lumps and painfully waited for results, hoping they weren’t
cancerous. I thought about getting copies of the images,
blowing them up on paper or canvas and painting them
with beautiful colours. I thought that the process could help
to brighten my associations with the foreign shapes. Since I
was never able to gain access to the hospital images, I conjured
my own. I was open to change and open to the possibilities
that my project was possible.
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Mental Health in Isolation.
by Amber Haney
ahaneyart facebook.com/ahaneyart www.ahaneyart.com
Amber Haney is a student, artist, and activist local to Massachusetts.
She is currently earning a master’s degree in clinical
mental health counseling and art therapy at Lesley University
in Cambridge, MA. Her work within the field of mental health
counseling has inspired her to affirm the healing potential that
art-making can provide, as a form of communication, expression,
and release. She does this through her work as an art therapist-in-training,
as an artist, and as an organizer for ARTivism
Initiative -- all of which are roles full of passion and purpose.
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This image was created earlier this summer as part of my Phototherapy
coursework. This course introduced photography
and digital manipulation of photography as a therapeutic process.
Each assignment correlated with related mental health
readings and resources which informed my creative process.
Mental Health in Isolation - This piece is a personal reflection
on grief and loss during the COVID-19 pandemic. My photo
features alligators in murky Florida waters, my bed, stormy
skies, the sun, and images of my own body, all of which serve
as symbols for grief during this trying time. As I reflect on
the image, it seems as though my perception of grief focuses
on the fact that despite the danger (or fear) around me, what
I seem to fear for most is myself. For my livelihood. For my
mental health. For my healing in undeniably uncertain times.

Know Peace,
Know Justice.
by Amber Haney
This image was created earlier this summer as part of my Phototherapy
coursework. This course introduced photography and
digital manipulation of photography as a therapeutic process.
Each assignment correlated with related mental health readings
and resources which informed my creative process.
Know Peace, Know Justice - This piece is a personal reflection
and response to the racial justice (Black Lives Matter) movement
and related allyship. As I created, I started with the concept
“unlearn and do better”, specifically as a white person in this
time of unrest. I searched through old photos and found one of
myself as a child painting and thought, I should add myself as
I am today. The introspective anti-racist work that I am doing
now is very much a collaboration with my past self. As I worked,
symbols and meaning fell into place. A peace sign, which felt a
bit cheesy to me at first, is a connection between how I perceived
peace in my world as a child (think: graphic tees adorned with
pink and purple peace signs and hearts) and how I now seek peace
in justice. We are painting atop a newspaper to symbolize that
this moment is familiar; countless reports of racial injustice have
occurred over time (and many unreported) – a note that this is
not a new problem, and it is one that many white people are just
beginning to recognize.
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Purple in the Woods.
by Jen Katshunga
jenkayart
Jen Katshunga is a Scarborough-based community-engaged multidisciplinary writer-editor,
artist-curator, researcher and community worker who uses writing, visual
arts, sound and performance to explore themes of race, genders and sexualities, nature,
spiritualities, African futurisms and temporalities. Her work has appeared in Open
Democracy, Burning House Press, Canadian Scholars and Behind the Numbers.
here. an assorted cacophony of birds con-ver-sing and the sounds i make myself - a
slow dragggging of my feet over diverse rocks and soil, plus the loud friction between
my cracked skin and clothes - is all that registers, i have countered—conquered this
mountain, my aching back scarred /from-to-by/ battle is evidence, yet the mountain is
unshakeable, actually, patient for the next visitor, i am overlooked – a disremembered
memory, like an abandoned lip balm on the public bathroom counter or used piece of
paper idle on the floor, loitering, littering, an unfortunate concurrence, on a loop i ponder
about the mountain, how can i not be against something that has tried to kill me?
i am moving but i am stuck, weighed down by stacks of fatigue, confusion and impossibility,
i am drowning in lack, of choice, but also more, i am still before i must climb
the next, my mind has discovered respite and i am now aware of my breath—sudden,
like hot tea forgotten on the counter, insulated, waiting, i nurture myself by learning
a new rhythm, inside, i am collaborating, air travels in/out/up/down, i was almost no
more here, there, anywhere, outside, my face is all tied up, my limbs are twisted, i seek
escape, to contemplate the hard and noisy thoughts i have not been able to let float by,
surrounding trees remind me to stand tall, to stretch, to loosen my bones and let the
wind push me forward, i wear purple to show peace and devotion to self, purple cradles
my hair and the rest of me, in here i am persuaded to keep moving, and i must and i
will, but i will rest, i will rest, i will rest, i do, so that i can sit in/with the kaleidoscope
of colour/s, blue sky, green leaves, brown trees and live, i know more mountains will
come but so will more purple in the woods.
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Rise.
by Sabrina Almeida
Sabrina Almeida is entering her fourth year in the
Rotman Commerce program at the University of
Toronto, where she is specializing in management with
a focus in marketing. Outside of class, she serves as the
Co-Director of Marketing for Rotman Commerce
Women in Business and is searching for the best cafes
in the city. Her poetry has been published in various
publications such as Acta Victoriana, the UC Review,
and Feminist Space Camp.
Sabrina Almeida
sabrina.almeidapoetry
This city of colour is rising
When the streets are all silent
we are rising
When the cars all stand still
we are rising
In all these ways
the sun rips the colour from skyscrapers
into our vacant corneas,
itching for that little piece
of Heaven
that the glass panes promised the sparrows
The people are all indoors
so we rise
For the colour in the sky
and the shoes on our feet
we rise
For this city of colour that,
I fear,
will one day go grey
I rise
I rise
I, in spite of sunset,
rise
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The Parks Are
Desolate.
by Sabrina Almeida
The parks are desolate
museum paintings with few people passing through
to destroy the gouache,
the still-life study
Atop the rolling hill of warring emerald and straw
sits a woman halfway through her journey,
enveloped in a polyester lawn chair,
surveying the stagnant scene
stretching out before her
For miles you could imagine it going like this:
the lazy hills and plateaus
holding their breath
under the artist’s hand
and the watcher’s eye
A sparrow flies over top of it all,
sighing the notes of midday
that your ear was reaching for
so the journey may continue,
the painting revised
Love in the Time of
Coronavirus.
by Sabrina Almeida
If I sit silently today
it will make no difference -
just as I had sat silently
yesterday
My fingers have already traced
everything that matters here
So I am thinking of you
Romanticizing you
Calling for you
Apologizing to you
Loving you
in a way
I would never let myself
if you were actually here
This is only the loneliness talking,
the spaces between my fingers sorrowful.
I am aching for the storybook version of you,
nothing more.
My fingers keep tracing your name.
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Sunlight Series.
by Shagun Kanwar
shagun.kanwar
These images were taken at the University of Toronto Scarborough’s Valley Land
Trail during the summer months. Throughout the school year, the UTSC Valley
is where I found solace away from the stress of academia and life. From spotting
deer on the path to coming across the prettiest flora, these images were my humble
attempts to capture the vibrancy of this lively place.
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Dachau, 2015.
by Anjali Chauhan
anjalic1434
“Dachau, 2015” is about the trip I took to Europe in high school to learn about the
Holocaust. Museums there would have displays of victims’ shoes and hair, and being
at Dachau, a former concentration camp, gave me a sense of autonomy that contrasted
those displays. I thought about the progress that led me to be there with the shoes and
hair length that I chose. My biggest discomfort was the cold, and when I wanted to leave,
I could just walk out from the gate. Even despite ongoing crimes against humanity, I still
have that privilege of naivety today.
I walk in wearing combat boots and wince when my hair shoots
black across my face with cold wind. A few hours later, I walk out.
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135

War Is Not Our
Storyline.
by Iman Mahboob
zaahraiman
Iman Mahboob is a 22-year-old Afghan Canadian who is an aspiring artist and aspiring
social service worker on her path to engaging in community/social work through art and
activism. Aside from creating music, her dreams are to engage in anti-oppressive and
holistic approaches in the mental health field through the power of art and music. She has
recently graduated from George Brown College and is on the path to study and become a
registered social worker.
The submission of “War is Not Our Storyline” is a poem about the critical lens of the
representation of Afghans and individuals in South West Asia and North African regions
(SWANA) in books written in Eurocentric societies. It covers themes of the future and
resilience amongst challenging stereotypes and stigmatization of ethnic groups within
western media.
I am sick and tired of the words
War torn
Rubble
Terror
Lifeless
smothered in every plot of your colonial fantasy
stealing every happy memory and imagery of my ancestors
replacing the laughter of children on rooftops in the first chapter of your book
to cries of the main character stepping on landmines in the next
I refuse to read the stories that paint away the fluid identities and histories
the same brush paints pain, trauma, and lifeless narratives into single story moments
I refuse to be in your top 10 stories-about-war-and-famine rotting away on your bookshelf
I often think about the future of my people and the power of storytelling
the same power of our folk songs and poetry that dazzle and shine our spirits
I want to read about Afghanistan and not flinch at the words written about us
we are capable of feeling emotions other than pain and fear
we have stories beyond seeking refuge and surviving war
we are not the one-dimensional wounded psyches that harbor your Eurocentric mind
when future storytellers talk about the land we call home I want to see the words
war torn
Resilient
rubble
Pure blue waters
terror
Calming mountain tops
Lifeless
Full of desires, love, and dreams
We deserve better than the single-story narrative that has been far too welcome in your books
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one
month
later.
by Zachariah Highgate
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Waking up to an empty apartment is strange, even though it’s been a month. What’s even
stranger is how full of life it feels, in spite of that. Rhonda Knox tries to ignore it as she walks
to the bathroom, the memories of her humble abode feeling like a prison too close to resurfacing
if she gives them the chance to. It’s even harder feeling the air move with her, reminding
her that she’s the only one feeling its embrace now. She hasn’t gotten used to that yet.
The mint coloured towels her mother bought her immediately catch her eye as she turns on
the bathroom light. They’d been a gift from so long ago and yet she’d only got around to
hanging them up a couple of weeks ago. They add so much to the otherwise alabaster room.
She’s in and out of the shower quickly, feeling as if she doesn’t have a moment to muse or
break out in song. It’s strange how something so simple and fun as singing in the shower had
only become a possibility for her recently. She can’t remember doing that since she’d gotten
the apartment and he’d moved in.
She moves on from that thought as quickly as she exits the shower, drying quickly and throwing
on her day clothes. Brushing her teeth and washing her face reveal how much her skin
has recovered from her recent breakouts. To think she’d almost gotten used to the blistered,
blush coloured bumps that ate away at her once picture perfect skin. She almost smiles at
the thought of not having to wear makeup today. It’s been a while since she’s felt pressured
to do so, and that was before the breakouts. Foundation will do for now. Her therapist told
her to take baby steps, after all.
Her wardrobe hasn’t undergone the dramatic makeover she used to want but she’s trying.
The red (actually maroon) belt she purchased a couple of weeks ago adds a pop of colour to
an otherwise all black outfit. It will have to be enough, the courage to wear brighter hues
hasn’t found her yet. She expects it to eventually, seeing how much she eyes the floral print
pantsuit hanging at the local boutique every time she passes by.
In a flash, she’s out in the city streets, bee lining to the grocery store around the corner. She
hopes to be early enough to get some of the must-have sales that week. Is that excitement she
feels? It can’t be. He said that was weird.
Maybe he’s right.
She bites her lip, feeling a mental battle about to ensue as a myriad of thoughts collide inside
of her mind. She takes a deep breath, remembering her therapist’s advice. This was normal.
This would be normal for some time.
She flips her bouncy, almond coloured curls over her shoulder. They’ve been growing longer
and that’s something she feels she’s allowed to take pride in. She doesn’t miss the heat
damage she used to have or the extensions that pulled at her scalp. She’d never really liked
those, anyway.
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At times, someone she passes will give her a longer look than usual. There’s interest there.
She ignores it for a different reason than she used to. Before, it was willful ignorance and
now it’s fear. If aversion was a person, she’d like to meet them and trade places. To some,
that may seem extreme but she knows better. Stares lead to conversations, which lead to
situations she’d like to avoid. Never again, not after him. She’s learned to mask a lot, but
she isn’t perfect. Some men are impervious to the icy glare she’s developed, so full out
avoidance is sometimes necessary.
She (luckily) makes it to the grocery store without incident, a little victory she doesn’t
have time to relish in with salad dressing half off. The advantage to frequenting this store
means she knows exactly where to go to get what she needs, cutting her “shopping” time
dramatically. She even knows which cashier scans the fastest and looks out for them as
soon as she enters the store. Being in and out meant less badgering from him and a lower
chance of suffering public humiliation. He might be out of the picture, but she still exists
within the frame. A frame that encompasses her neighbourhood, at least for now.
It’s still a struggle to pick up things that used to bring her joy. The fear of them tasting
like remorse or regret is too great and she turns her head before it can bring her to tears.
Self-indulgence hasn’t been a thing for her in quite a while.
Why should you treat yourself?
His words permeate her thoughts like a storm cloud, threatening to rain on everyone’s
parade. She doubts he ever asked himself that, though the question still soars like a ping
pong ball in her mind. Before him, she had no problem getting the occasional treat or two.
The spoils after a long week, she used to think. How quickly his presence had taken that
from her is still befuddling, but she’s given up on trying to understand the intricacies of
him now.
Oh no.
Distracted by her moment of reflection, she’s subconsciously found herself in front of the
cheese section. It’s colder here, and she can’t believe she didn’t notice that sooner.
In front of her sits the gourmet cheeses and her eyes are immediately drawn to the cranberry
goat cheese. If there was ever something she enjoyed, it was that. It’s on sale too, not
that she wouldn’t pay full price for it normally. She’s subconsciously reaching for it when
she stops herself, pulling her arm in and holding it down with her other one in case it tries
to break free again. The memories hit her before she can stop them, reminding her of that
fateful day months ago when he scolded her for trying to pick it up. He’d gripped her arm
tightly and forced her in another direction while onlookers silently watched. One of the
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stockers had looked ready to fight him but was pulled away by another employee before
he could. Sometimes, she saw her potential hero and tried to smile when she did. But it
didn’t change the fact that his yells still echoed in her head occasionally and if she tried
hard enough, she could still remember the words. The humiliation burned a deep scar
into her psyche that day and she still can’t scrub it away. The bruising disappeared after
a few days, but his “apology” expired much sooner than that.
Her arm falls to her side as she walks away from the display. She won’t buy it today, she
isn’t ready for that yet.
After dropping off her groceries at the apartment, she heads to the closest subway station.
She’s meeting her mother downtown for lunch and she doesn’t want to be late if she
doesn’t have to be. The sooner she’s there, the sooner she can leave.
It’s only a few subway stops away, but she still takes a seat. She’s exchanged her reusable
grocery bags for a black knapsack that she carries daily essentials in. It seems a bit overkill
given the fact that she’s only going out for lunch, but it provides her with the security
she needs to head out.
As the subway continues its trek underground, she finds herself getting comfortable. The
familiar rhythm of the train car is somewhat relaxing, and she finds looking out into the
darkness to be comforting as well.
The train is about to close at a station three stops away from the one she plans to get off
at when a tall man barely makes it through the automatic doors. He catches his bearings
and walks to the opposite doors, looking out into the window like she had.
That’s all it takes for her peace of mind to evaporate.
It can’t be.
Her mind is reeling. She hasn’t seen him in a month and yet there he is. She’d recognize
that haircut and posture anywhere. His backpack was different though, and those baggy
jeans didn’t seem like something he’d wear…but she was sure it was him.
Her body recoils on instinct. She can feel her heartbeat racing and her toes curling up
inside her high-top sneakers. Her legs slowly begin to rise and she panics as she realizes
she’s trying to assume the fetal position. It takes all the determination she can muster
to stop her legs mid-rise, leaving them mid-air as she figures out what she wants to do.
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She’s not sure she can escape without detection, but she considers her options. Getting off at the
next stop might draw suspicion and moving to the other side of the train won’t really help her
either. She takes a deep breath and tries to ignore the one word repeating in her mind.
TRAPPED.
She’s going to have to get off at the next stop. If she’s fast enough, maybe he won’t see her face.
Even if he does recognize her, if she times it right, she’ll be out just before the doors close. Then
she can head to ground level and grab an Uber.
But before she can make a final decision, the man turns around to rest his back on the wall beside
the door. He looks up at the ceiling and pants, still recovering from his dramatic jump into the
subway car. As he starts to look down, she winces and begins recalculating her escape plans. He’s
going to see her, and now most of her options are out the window.
She’s going to have to run, whether or not the train is close to the next station.
And yet…as she meets the man’s gaze, she realizes he doesn’t have green eyes. His eyes are a soulless
black, something she found odd even before they started dating.
The man standing across from her on the subway has eyes like the emerald stones her mother has
in some of her rings. They’re bright and beautiful, something she isn’t used to seeing. But they’re
also surprised and confused. She realizes he’s been jolted from whatever thoughts he was having
upon seeing her shaken state.
It’s not him.
Embarrassment quickly makes itself clear on her cheeks and she tries to adjust her seating position
to appear normal. The man, on the other hand, gives her a strange look before clearing his
throat and looking away. She looks around to see that no one’s paying any attention to what just
happened and she can’t help but sigh in relief.
Part of her wants to laugh at how ludicrous the situation is, but that would definitely draw the
attention she’s trying to avoid. The rest of the ride is thankfully smooth, and she tries to ignore
the sympathetic smile the man gives her as she exits the subway car.
With a lunch date to focus on, she tries to put it out of her mind as she heads up the station stairs.
She arrives at the fancy diner just in time, spotting her mother in a booth on the other end of the
restaurant. Greetings are awkward and she can sense tension in the air as she slips into the booth.
She isn’t surprised. The last few months have been tumultuous for both of them, ever since he
tried to destroy their relationship. Her connection with her mother isn’t the only casualty of war,
but it’s the one she wants to focus on now.
“You’re looking good,” her mother says through the smallest of smiles. Rhonda tries to return it
and doesn’t fully fail.
Growing up, she’d been so close to her mother. Now, it was hard to even initiate small talk. Their
relationship is fragile now, threatening to fall apart at the first sign of an argument or accusation.
It was almost better to keep quiet at this point then to say the wrong thing. She could vividly
remember him telling her that her mother didn’t have her best interests at heart. That if she didn’t
distance herself, her relationship with him wouldn’t make it. How desperately had she clung to
him to even believe that? The distancing wouldn’t stop with her mother, either. Soon enough,
she’d severed ties with friends, colleagues, and even casual acquaintances. He’d slowly separated
her from anyone who could have warned or supported her. These were all pieces she would have
to put back together now, slowly but surely.
In spite of that, it’s comforting to know that she can sit with her mother like this. They still have
a long way to go before recovering completely, but they’re moving in the right direction.
Their food arrives and she picks at her meal, slowly gaining an appetite as she begins to eat. The
scraping sound of metal forks against dishes fills the air between them and takes the place of
any conversation that might have occurred, but she’s okay with that. Her mother doesn’t seem to
mind either.
By the time their empty plates have been taken away, she feels lighter and almost happier. The
importance of their meeting is not lost on her, though she knows it will take more than a silent
lunch to get things back to the way they used to be. She still needs to apologize and thank her
mother for supporting her throughout her painful journey. After all, it was her mother that had
told her about narcissists in the first place. Had she not done that, Rhonda might not have escaped.
“How are you these days?” her mother asks apprehensively.
She looks out the window closest to their booth and smiles at the sunlight pouring in. A tear
threatens to roll down her face, but she blinks it away.
“I’m…better.”
Returning to her apartment that evening reminds her again of how empty her living space has
become. The hazy, orange sun bleeds through her blinds and leaves trails of its presence across
the vacant spaces. It’s reminiscent of how she used to feel, empty and cold, even though the signs
were always there. How many times had she entered her abode and not come to this conclusion?
One too many.
But now, that emptiness is inviting and it serves as a blank slate she has the power to paint. All
this vacancy is hers to fill on her own terms now. The possibilities are endless, and they begin
when she is ready to embrace them.
There is no more him. Just her and the happy life she can still have.
Smiling to herself, she drops her backpack and heads to her room to find her phone charger.
As she sends her mom a quick text to thank her for lunch, she decides that happiness is something
she’ll have to constantly work towards if she ever wants to find it again.
It’s closer than she thinks.
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147

a
shadowed
sky.
by Catherine Alexander
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149

In a Venezuelan farmhouse made of stone and wood, Elena skips into the kitchen
in a nightie sewn by her mother. Lace on the gown’s collar and pocket all embroidered by
Abuelita, her grandmother.
Black beans and rice in a cluttered kitchen. Wood stove. Fridge that runs when
power does.
The big house and farm go back more generations than Abuelita can count. Now
there is just one milk cow. Tomatoes in the garden, chickens in coops. A mango tree near
the barn.
Through the kitchen window, Elena spies pigeons on the portico railing. Later she
might be allowed to throw out bits of arepa, corn flat bread.
“Mami and Papi working?”
“Both teaching in the village as usual,” says her grandmother. “How about some
breakfast? Here’s an orange. Shall I slice it the way you love?”
“Yes please, Abuelita.” Elena bites off the fruit from each slice. Abuelita takes the
peelings and creates letters on the table: C-O-O. “See,” she says, “these spell what the
pigeons sing. Do you hear them?”
“I hear, I hear! Can I go and watch them on the portico?”
“Don’t you want breakfast?”
“Please not now, Abuelita. I want to see the pigeons first.”
“Okay, but no further than the portico. I’ll watch you from the window.”
Elena slips arepa bits into her nightie pocket and leaps out of her chair.
“Wait!” says Abuelita. “Give them these rinds, too.”
As soon as Elena opens the door, pigeons scatter. “Wait birdies,”
she cries, opening her palm to reveal arepa bits and orange rinds.
“Just be still,” Abuelita says. “They’ll be back.”
Elena stands like one of the soldiers she’s seen in the city square,
looking from the bus.
Soon a few birds strut down the railing, bobbing their heads. Elena lets treats drop
from her hand. The rush of plumage begins. “That’s all,” says Elena, as she
closes the door.
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After her favorite breakfast of rice with butter and cream, Elena wears an embroidered
blouse and gathered skirt while she plays on the floor. “Coo-coo,” she says to her dollies.
“That’s what the pigeons sing.”
Abuelita says, “You know, Elena, pigeons are really doves.”
“Doves?”
“Yes, love birds. White doves are a symbol of peace and love.”
Abuelita takes out her quartro, a small guitar with four strings, and begins to play
a love song.
“Does Mami love Papi?” asks Elena.
“Of course. That’s why they had you.”
Abuelita’s face has deep, intertwined lines, her flesh has grown loose, but her smile
brings buoyancy to Elena. “What will we do today?” Elena asks.
“First I must milk the cow,” says Abuelita. “You stay here.”
When she’s finished, Abuelita carries a half-bucket of milk, sets it on the portico
and enters the house.
“Now we can play,” she tells Elena. She hands her a cotton bag of seeds for the
birds. They head to the garden to settle under the ficus.
Birds with orange breasts skitter close. ”Elena,” says Abuelita. “Those are turpials,
the birds of our country. Remember I told you?”
“Yes, Abuelita.” says Elena, as she throws seeds. Soon yellow-breasted orioles join
the scramble.
“And see, mi querida, here comes a dusty white dove wanting his fill. Today we
are graced. Let me play a folk tune about their cooing.”
Elena looks up. “But there’s a shadow in the sky.”
“That’s a cloud, Elena. A big one. Feel the wind. Dios mio! A storm is approaching.”
“But I want Mami and Papi to come home before it starts!”
“You must rush inside, little one. I’ll put the cow in the barn.”
Elena takes off to the farmhouse. She can barely close the door against the wind.
Hailstones clatter on the old roof. Lightning flashes across the sky while trees crash the
portico.
Elena runs to every window. “Abuelita! Abuelita!”
Electricity sparks; the house goes dark. Elena sobs, holding two dollies. “Abuelita!”
Finally, her grandmother crashes in the door, blown forward by the gale. She
throws off her wet clothes and grabs Elena. “It will be all right, child; it will be all right.
Let me start the fire and light the candles.”
“I’m scared,” screams Elena. “Mami and Papi will be washed away.”
“That won’t happen. They will be home soon. Don’t worry, little one.”
But Abuelita is worried. If the storm keeps up, the road from the village will flood.
The only way home for her son and daughter-in-law is through the city, where armed
guards attack protesters against the dictatorship. Billboard pictures of the president and
his forces show what no villager wants to see.
“Elena, I’ll make you una taza de caliente, All right?” Abuelita coaxes a smile from
her nieta.
But not for long. As soon as Elena finishes her hot chocolate, she begins to sob.
“I’m scared! What if my parents drown in the flood?”
“Come here, mi presiosa. Let me brush your hair. We don’t even know if there’s a
flood. Your parents could be home any moment. The road may not be washed out.”
“I want to go and find them, now!”
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“Elena, we must stay here and be safe. The wind would blow you away.”
Elena runs in circles while the wind blows against the stone walls, and inside the
room, bringing a loud whoosh. The youngster shrieks. Abuelita distracts her by strumming
the quarto. Soon Elena twirls and sings off key.
“You have rhythm in your feet that’s missing in your voice,” laughs Abuelita.
Elena grabs her doll in a whirling frenzy around the room.
Abuelita barely keeps up plucking her quarto. “Slow down, little love, or you’ll fall
down. You are getting too excited. Settle! Now, my dear, it’s time for a rest. Play in your
room while I clean up a bit.”
After checking the fire, Abuelita paces the only rug in the house, now trampled flat.
She worries that her son Manuel and his wife Blanca will take the road that runs by the
square. She wrings her hands. Pulls at her grey hair. She’s heard that armed guards have
rifles aimed at protesters and passersby. She’d been afraid since Manuel and Blanca began
teaching in the village. But if it weren’t for them, village children wouldn’t learn. Abuelita
warned her son about dangers that floods present, leaving travelers no choice but the road
to the city. And if the torrent continues, the old farmhouse could be in harm’s way.
She hears her cow Pepita mooing; she must have broken out of the barn. All Abuelita can
do is pray she would go back to safety. Winds are too strong for her to venture out.
∞
Putting the child to bed that night proves difficult. Elena tells her grandmother that
guards with guns march on the square.
Abuelita’s gaze widens. “How do you know that?”
“Mami and I went by on the old bus. I saw them.”
“What? You saw them? When?”
“Christmas time.”
“Ay Dios Mio!”
Hiding her fear, Abuelita helps Elena change into her nightie, slips the dolly in the
child’s arms. “You will be all right, mi querida, I am here with you.”
Elena clasps her arms around her grandmother’s neck. “Will my parents be home
when I wake up in the morning?”
Abuelita whispers “God will make it so,” kisses the child and tucks her in.
∞
The night is long. Abuelita pulls out a bottle of rum from the cupboard, pours a
glass half-full, and plops in her armchair with her rosary. After a while, she hears voices
outside, mutterings and the clamor of tumbling rocks. Portents of nature surrounding her
farm, casting a spell. One refill of rum causes her to drop the beads and enter dreams of
serpents and bird-eating tarantulas. Before sunrise she wakens clearheaded. More voices,
deep and calling. She wrestles on her coat, hat and boots, ready to venture outside.
Or so she thinks. After several workouts, she’s blown back by the wind. Once inside, she
still hears voices. She must go meet the forces. Using all her power and more, she makes
another attempt and shoves the door open. Success!
She tromps through muddy ravines and rotting tree trunks, branches that jab her
arms, hail that needles her face. No stars to help navigate. Torrents slam her like a giant
wave. In the distance, the barn has been sliced in half by a tree. Poor Pepita, where is she?
And the mango tree? Abuelita presses both hands to her chest, fighting fear and exertion.
Her movements slow and deliberate. What if she falls and careens down a ravine?
Floundering in the dark, she notices expanding shadows. What are these? Mysterious
creatures haunting her? But their shapes resemble people, her people.
Through the mist, Manuel and Blanca stumble down the road, flanked by two villagers.
Manuel leans forward, cradling his hand. Blanca holds one of his arms, a villager
another.
“Madre!”
Abuelita hears the voice of her only son. He breaks through the line to reach his
mother.
“Manuel, mi hijo, what happened?”
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“Just need a bandage.”
“Let me see your hand.”
“Not now.”
“What happened?”
“Later,” says Manuel.
Abuelita stifles her tears, trembles inside. “Ay Dios mio. Let’s get you into the house
and you can tell me more.”
Then she sees Elena race from the house in her nightie.
“Elena!” cries Abuelita. “What are you doing out here? You’ll get soaked and catch
pneumonia!”
Blanca, drenched from the storm, dashes up to shield her daughter from the rainfall.
Lifting her up, she says, “Here, my beautiful child, get under my coat.”
“Is Papi hurt?” asks little Elena.
“Not to worry, darling. We’ll fix his hand.”
Once in the house, they peel off their wet clothes, piece by piece. Watery mud and
silt all over the floor. Abuelita rushes to revive the fire from the coals. The Venezuelan sun
is just rising.
She hears her chickens chatter. The rain stops.
“Madre!” says her son. “Let me tend the fire. You sit.”
“Not until I see that hand.”
“I already rinsed it. One soldier knifed me, but it’s a clean cut and not bleeding. See?”
“I must wrap it properly.”
“Mami, we need to take care of the villagers first.”
“Of course, my son.”
Abuelita and Manuel dress the villagers’ cuts from knives and slashes from whips.
∞
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“Now my son, tell me everything”
“Okay, Mami. I’ll start from the beginning. We took the road to the city to check on you
and Elena. Four fathers of our students insisted on coming to protect us.”
“How could they protect you?”
“They said they would cover us. I didn’t think they could pull it off. But they did. Now
two are missing.”
“Ay Dios. Did they get shot?”
“I pray not. There were thousands of protestors and security forces in the square. I didn’t
know what was going on. Guards attacked with knives, whips, and rifles. And some National
Guard vehicles ran over the crowd, killing people in their way.”
“They are murderers!”
“Not only that. Police on motorcycles fired tear gas into the crowd. We could hardly
breathe. Where Blanca and I huddled, the fathers of our students kept fighting back, despite tear
gas and rifle shots. We started running, yelling for the villagers to join us. But they wouldn’t.
Finally, two caught up with us on the road home.”
“Gracias a Dios,” says his mother.
∞
In one bedroom, Blanca towels Elena’s hair, and dresses her in warm clothes. The child
begs for una taza de caliente. “Coming up,” says Mami.
They all congregate around the table. Manuel, with his good hand, pokes in the cupboard
for the rum bottle. “Mami, you been nipping?”
“There’s another bottle behind it, son.”
Manuel laughs and brings both bottles to the table.
He addresses the fathers. “I worry about the other two villagers. Were they behind you?”
“For a while, but disappeared. We pray for their fast return. May God hear our prayers.”
“Let’s pray,” says Manuel. Afterwards he lifts his glass. “Here’s to the fathers who
protected us. We owe you our lives!”
“No!” says a villager. “You teachers saved our children. They can now leave our poor
village because they know letters, numbers, and more. Not like their parents. You and teacher
Blanca son heroés! Other teachers always left because of little pay and crime in our village.”
“You are too kind. Blanca and I are honored to be the village educators. May the blood on
the road may someday be our leader’s! Now let’s rest for a while.”
Villagers sleep on the floor. The family scatters in other rooms. Abuelita hears her cow. She
races to the window, but no Pepita. She slips out the door and heads for the barn, half of it still standing.
Inside, the two missing villagers are huddled around the cow.
She runs to them and gives Pepita a hug.
“Why did you not come to the house, amigos?”
“Okay here.”
“No! You are hurt.” She helps them up and on the path home, past the standing mango tree.
The cow plods along for a while, then turns back to what’s left of the barn.
Pigeons and orange-breasted turpials follow, watching the scene unfold.
Abuelita and the villagers trudge into the old farmhouse. The family is up and called to action.
She collapses in her armchair.
“Es la voluntad de Dios, it’s the will of God,” says Abuelita, dribbling tears. “You all have escaped the
regime forces. My precious Pepita will give us milk. I hear my chickens squawking in their coops.
Even the mango tree still stands.”
Manuel leaps up. “And I will rebuild the barn!”
Elena skips into the room in her nightie, completes a perfect pirueta, and climbs in Abuelita’s lap.
Grandmother smoothes Elena’s wispy brown hair and murmurs in Spanish, “How beautiful, my
treasure. May you always be safe.
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Catherine Alexander, Pushcart Prize and Best of the Net nominee, has published stories
in 40 literary journals, including North Atlantic Review, Rosebud (two successive
issues), Bryant Literary Review, Rockhurst Review and won "Jurors' Choice" in Spindrift.
Paul Auster read her story, “Dancing on 74th Street,” on NPR. Jorja Fox from
television’s CSI performed “Backyards” in a WordTheatre production. For fifteen years,
she has taught fiction and memoir at the University of Washington, Edmonds College,
Seattle Public Library, writing conferences, senior centers, and homeless groups. She
now leads a private class in Seattle. Living in Edmonds, Washington, with her cat and
two dogs, she has completed a novel, a novelette, and a short-story collection.
Visual Credits: Emerson Peters
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