Holy Hell Pitch8

Holy Hell
Kim Kim Caramele
Eric Carlson
Susan Carlson
Eric Carlson
Susan Carlson

Holy Hell
A Snapshot Description
Did Did you you know know that that every every year the Vatican holds, and and I’m I’m
serious, serious, an an Exorcism Exorcism Convention? Holy Hell is is a a dark dark
comedy comedy that that explores explores what what might happen when two two very very
different different sisters sisters (one, (one, a nun...one a nun...one DEINITELY DEINITELY NOT NOT A NUN) A
decide NUN) to go decide check the to go convention check the convention out for themselves. out for themselves.
Holy Holy Hell Hell combines everyone’s favorite things: things: Adventure, Adventure,
Excitement, Excitement, and and Estranged-Sisters-Reuniting/Teaming-Up-To-
Slay-Demons-And-Cast-The-Mother-Fucking-Devil-Back-To-
Up-To
Hell. Devil-Back-To-Hell. Also, Rome! A wonderful Also, Rome! combination A wonderful of combination Ghostbusters
(both of the Ghostbusters old and the (both new one the old – fuck and you, the new haters) one and – fuck Sister you, Act
with haters) a fine, and The Sister Exorcist Act with finish, a fine, this The film Exorcist might finish, make this you a
little film scared, might make may you make a little you scared, cry (maybe?) make you and cry will
DEFINITELY (maybe?) make and will you DEFINITELY laugh. make you laugh.
I

Meet Gigi and Tamara
two very different sisters
Gigi and Tamara are twin sisters who grew up suuuuper
close, but then stopped speaking to each other after their
first year of college (long story). Tamara was always sweet,
well-behaved, and a bit reserved, while Gigi was the polar
opposite. Outgoing, blunt, and passionately protective of
her sister, Gigi’s propensity for living boldly (if not always
honestly) eventually became too much for Tamara after
both Gigi and their awful (awfulawful) mother were each
caught in a lie that made Tamara say, “Enough is enough!”
So, furious with each other, Tamara (wanting to get as far
away physically and psychologically from her family as
possible) joined a convent while Gigi joined, well, Atlantic
City. Now, years and years later, the sisters still have not
spoken to each other as they find themselves at their own,
very-different crossroads.
II

Gigi
Tamara

Some other fun characters we’ll meet along the way
MOM: Mom sucks. There’s no other way to put it. Tamara and
Gigi’s mom is the worst. Not in a she’s-an-alcoholic-who’sverbally-or-physically-abusive-to-the-girls
kinda way... but in a
very special, narcissistic, selfish, making-a-habit-of-sleeping-withmarried-men-including-your-SOCCER
COACH-thereby-ruiningthe-entire-season-and-your-relationship-with-everyone-on-yourteam-including-his-daughter
kinda way. Mom sucks.
Paulie: As her fiancé/partner/boss, he Paulie and and Gigi Gigi were were on top on top of the of
world the world. Atlantic But City. we soon But realize we soon that realize this charming that this charming tough guy tough is way
guy more is than way just more a than con-artist just con-artist as Gigi originally as Gigi originally thought. thought. Paulie is
Paulie actually is a actually very high-ranking a very high-ranking member of member the Atlantic of the City mob, crime with a
mind syndicate, for manipulation with a mind for and manipulation greed, and a and willingness greed, and to do a whatever
it willingness takes to make to do a whatever (HUUUUGE) it takes buck. to make a (HUUUUGE) buck.
Father Damien: A calm voice of reason with some resentment
bubbling under the surface. As one of the Vatican’s most respected
priests (even though he has a bit of a past), Father Damien is
responsible for ensuring that Tamara and Gigi are successful and
prepared for their hugely important task, and comfortable in their
new roles as Exorcizors (and now that’s a word).
Father Tucci: Grizzled, confident, abrupt, competent... Father Tucci
has been the Vatican’s most successful exorcist for decades. He is
wildly fierce when it comes to the training of new proteges, and
even more fierce when it comes to banishing demons right the fuck
back to hell where they belong.
The Devil: The Devil is the fucking devil!
III

The Devil
Father
Damien
Paulie
Mom
Father
Tucci

Location,
Location,
Location
Holy Hell will feature a number of locales ranging
from the semi-sleazy nightlife of Atlantic City to the
peaceful crispness of a New England Convent to the
legit, straight-up Vatican. And, as demons don’t care
where or who they possess, we will also get to see a
ton of what Rome has to offer from St. Peter’s Square
to shitty apartments, to creepy ruins, to fancy-ass
Villas. Oh, and a dungeon. Definitely a dungeon.
IV

Act I
Act I
When it all changes for Gigi
Gigi has been living in Atlantic City and makes her living
by straight-up scamming dudes at nightclub her finance’s
nightclub by pretending to be an undercover cop then
extorting those who’s wives thought they were out golfing.
Charming! But one night, she finds out that her fiancé isn’t
just a night club owner... he’s also a mob boss. Shit. After
overhearing him refuse to do a scam that would involve
going to the Vatican’s Exorcism Convention (yes, it’s a real
thing), and believing she also witnessed him murdering
one of his associates, Gigi decides to run away from her
fiancé (and life) and head to Italy to run the scam herself.
Having access to all the old, valuable, Jesus-y shit that the
Vatican has to offer AND getting the hell away from her
scary ex? Yup, please. The only thing she’ll need to get into
the convention is...
V

Act I

Recruiting Tamara
Gigi has been living in Atlantic City and makes her living by straightup
scamming dudes at nightclub her finance’s nightclub by pretending
to be an undercover cop then extorting those who’s wives thought
they were out golfing. Charming! But one night, she finds out that her
fiancé isn’t just a night club owner... he’s also a mob boss. Shit. After
overhearing him refuse to do a scam that would involve going to the
Vatican’s Exorcism Convention (yes, it’s a real thing), and believing she
also witnessed him murdering one of his associates, Gigi decides to run
away from her fiancé (and life) and head to Italy to run the scam herself.
Having access to all the old, valuable, Jesus-y shit that the Vatican has
to offer AND getting the hell away from her scary ex? Yup, please. The
only thing she’ll need to get into the convention is...
Mother Superior
I love that documentary where the little girls head
spins around so if we get to do something that will stop
other little girls’ heads from spinning around...
I definitely would like to pursue that.
Gigi
(Whispering)
Does she think The Exorcist was a documentary…?
Tamara
I’m now realizing that yes, she does, she seems to.
Tamara knows that Gigi isn’t really a nun but, correctly assessing that
Gigi still lies as easily as she breathes, agrees to go with her to the
convention only if Gigi promises to always be COMLETELY HONEST
with and around her, unlike she’s been in the past. And present. By
pretending to be a nun to get sent to an Italian Exorcism Convention.
Gigi agrees and so...
VI

VII
VII
The The girls girls arrive arrive in in Italy Italy
So the girls head to Rome. There’s a fun airport scene, and airplane scene,
So
and the
Italian girls
Customs head to Rome.
scene There’s
where Gigi a fun
finds airport
out scene,
that they and
are airplane
actually scene,
not
and
twins Italian
like she’s Customs
thought scene
her where
whole Gigi
life... finds
Instead, out that
Gigi they
is actually are actually
two not
full
twins
years older like she’s
than thought
Tamara. her
Their whole
(awful) life...
Mother Instead,
had Gigi
just is actually
lied to them two full
as
years
children older
because than Tamara.
having twins Their
was (awful)
more Mother
convenient had just
for stuff lied to
like them
sports
as
children
teams and because
back-to-school having twins
nights. was
Cool!
more convenient for stuff like sports
teams and back-to-school nights. Cool!
Mom
I thought you knew. I Mom mean, you were about a
foot I thought taller than you knew. Tammy I and mean, everyone you were else about as a a kid.
foot taller than Tammy and everyone else as a kid.
Gigi
But that’s just cause Gigi I was tall for my age.
But that’s just cause I was tall for my age.
Mom
Well no, actually, Mom
you weren’t.
Well no, actually, Well no, you actually, weren’t. You you weren’t. just old for your
You were just age. old for your age.
You were just old for your age.
Gigi
Gigi
I JUST LOST TWO YEARS OF MY LIFE.
I JUST LOST TWO YEARS OF MY LIFE.
And so the girls arrive at the Vatican where they will be staying. The
And
streets so
leading the girls
up arrive
to the at
joint the Vatican
are almost where
pulsating, they will
replete be staying. with absolute
scammers leading
The
streets
vendors up to the
selling joint
things are almost
to visiting pulsating,
tourists. replete
Things with
like: absolute
Super-blessed
scammers
holy vendors
pope water, selling
glow things
in to
the visiting
dark bible tourists.
bookmarks, Things like:
‘I Came
Super-blessed
To The Vatican
holy and
pope All
water, I Got
glow Was
in This
the Lousy
dark bible MIRACLE’
bookmarks, t-shirts,
‘I Came
and
To
shitty The
plastic Vatican
crucifixes and All
that I Got
light Was
up This
and Lousy
say “Goddd MIRACLE’
Bless t-shirts,
Us!” when
and
shitty
you push plastic
a button crucifixes
on the that
back. light
It’s up
a real and
shit-show say “Goddd
and Bless
Gigi Us!”
LOVES when
it.
you
She push
can already a button
taste on
all the
the back.
money It’s a
to real
be shit-show
made here. and
Tamara Gigi LOVES
however,
it.
She
isn’t can
content already
until taste
they all
get the
inside money
the to
gates be made
and arrive here.
inside Tamara
the however,
Vatican.
isn’t
In wild content
contrast until
to they
the get
circus inside
outside, the gates
the and
Vatican arrive
itself inside
is the
bathed Vatican.
in a
In
kind wild
of peaceful contrast
reverence to the circus
that outside,
is exactly the
Tamara’s Vatican itself
speed. is
Once bathed
inside,
in a
kind
Gigi has of peaceful
to really reverence
work on not that
sticking is exactly
out Tamara’s
like the soarest speed.
of Once
all thumbs.
inside,
Gigi has to really work on not sticking out like the soarest of all thumbs.

The Exorcism Convention - Day 1
After meeting Father Damien who’s nice-ish but pretty weird,
Gigi and Tamara go to day one of the Exorcism Convention
only to find that it is, well, depressingly fear-based. All day
long, lecturers give presentations aimed at scaring people into
not to pissing off God thereby risking becoming possessed by
evil. How can you stay safe from possession, you ask? Well
by avoiding doing things like drinking, smoking drugs, using
profanity and having sex until at least TWO DAYS after your
wedding night (just to be safe). There is basically no practical
instruction on how to actually perform an exorcism. It’s a total
case of possessee-shaming! But despite that, Tamara and Gigi
still manage to have a really fun day together calling people
out of their antiquated and counter-productive tactics. They
continuously raise their hands and challenge almost every
fear-mongering presenter (Gigi with her amazing ability to
read people and Tamara with her belief that true teachings
are centered around fearing the Devil, not God) In doing so,
they make each other laugh for the first time in years. But on
day two of the convention, shit gets real...
VIII

The Real Exorcism Convention
Father Damien pulls the girls aside and explains that he can
see they are special-- Gigi being clever and cunning, and
Tamara having extensive knowledge of the scripture. So he
invites the sisters to join the REAL Exorcism Convention
housed in a far spookier / cooler part of the Vatican. There,
the girls meet their fellow real-conventioners... a group
of reeeaaalll oddballs but like, knowledgeable, badass
oddballs. They also meet their instructor, Father Tucci
who is super intense and has clearly seen some SHIT. Gigi
remains skeptical (certain) that the girls are being furtherscammed
but Tamara is confident (hopeful) that maybe
this whole Exorcism thing is actually real after all. And
to prove this, Tamara volunteers the girls to accompany
Father Tucci on their first exorcism. And it turns out...
IX

Act II
Act II
The The Girls Girls first first Exorcism Exorcism
This shit’s real. When Tamara, Gigi, and Father Tucci get to the house
This shit’s real. When Tamara, Gigi, and Father Tucci get to the house
where the potential possession is taking place, there is a STRAIGHT
where the potential possession is taking place, there is a STRAIGHT
UP DEMON inhabiting a little boy. The demon tries all your typical,
UP DEMON inhabiting a little boy. The demon tries all your typical,
run-of-the-mill demon tricks to throw they girls off their game...
run-of-the-mill demon tricks to throw they girls off their game...
Little Boy / Demon
You mother Little sucks Boy cocks Demon in hell.
You mother sucks cocks in hell.
Gigi
Nice try kid, but our Gigimom’s still alive.
Nice Sucking try kid, cocks but right our mom’s here still on earth. alive.
Sucking cocks right here on earth.
Tamara
Married ones. Tamara Cause she’s awful.
Married ones. Cause she’s awful.
Father Tucci tries to finish the exorcism but it turns out... it wasn’t
Father Tucci tries to finish the exorcism but it turns out... it wasn’t
just a demon... the thing inhabiting the little boy is actually THE
just demon... the thing inhabiting the little boy is actually THE
DEVIL. Wooof. The Vevil kills Father Tucci (pretttttttty easily) right
DEVIL. Wooof. The Vevil kills Father Tucci (pretttttttty easily) right
as he’s being cast away by Father Tucci’s special crucifix which was
as he’s being cast away by Father Tucci’s special crucifix which was
carved from the actual wood of the cross on which Jesus was crucified
carved from the actual wood of the cross on which Jesus was crucified
making it suuuper powerful. Anyway, the girls run screaming from
making it suuuper powerful. Anyway, the girls run screaming from
the house covered in the blood and goop that the Devil spit on them
the house covered in the blood and goop that the Devil spit on them
for fun, terrified but VERY certain now that this is all real.
for fun, terrified but VERY certain now that this is all real.
X

Maybe this won’t be so bad!
So now, being the only two people who had fought (kinda) the
Devil and lived to tell the tale, Gigi and Tamara start being sent
on all of the exorcisms that are called into the Vatican. 1 – to
battle the shit out of demons and 2 – because they know the Devil
will be looking for them, so they’d better find him first! And the
girls get really good at exorcisms... like, crazy good at it (even
though they lost Father Tucci’s special crucifix – ooops!). And is
it TOTALLY fair that every time a demon is defeated and explodes
into a bloody blast of goop and spiders (or scorpions, or snakes,
or [yuck] teeth), it happens to land all over Tamara but not Gigi?
No. It’s probably not super fair. But with each successful outing,
the girls grow closer and closer...their relationship and former
bond well, re-bonding. They are training and slaying demons by
day, and by night, they are sneaking around the darkened Vatican...
playing flashlight tag (the way they did when they were little
girls), sneaking into the kitchens to make smores, then eating
them under the amazing Creation of Adam in the Sistine Chapel.
But most importantly, they are laughing together like they used
to. And with all of this going on, Gigi hasn’t even ONCE thought
about her original scam to steal/sell Vatican shit. And Tamara is
feeling stronger in her faith and is happier and more confident
than she thought would ever be possible. But nothing good lasts
forever...in three-act movies.
XI

Gigi’s past catches up with her... literally.
Gigi soon realizes that that that that ex-fiancé...? ex-fiancé...? The The mob crime boss
who boss originally who originally said no said to the no Vatican to the scam...? Vatican Well, scam...? he’s
Well, actually Paulie's here in actually Rome and here has in been Rome sending and associates has been
sending to each exorcism associates location to each to exorcism steal any location valuable to shit steal left
any behind valuable by the shit girls, left including behind Father by the Tucci’s girls, special-ass including
Father crucifix! Tucci’s Also he special-ass never killed crucifix! that dude Also back Paulie in AC... never he
killed was just that setting dude Gigi back up, in knowing AC... that that was she all would part of pull setting the
Gigi scam up, herself knowing with the that access she would to the pull Vatican the being scam granted herself
with through the her access nun to sister. the Vatican And being now that granted Gigi’s through is wise her to
nun what’s sister. happening, And he now blackmails that Gigi’s her: Either is wise Gigi to agrees what’s to
happening, steal the Vatican Paulie goodies blackmails to turn her: over Either to him, Gigi or he agrees will tell to
steal Tamara the all Vatican about goodies Gigi’s REAL to turn motivation over, or for Paulie coming will tell on
Tamara this trip. all So, about not wanting Gigi’s REAL to destroy motivation the relationship for coming she on
this has started trip. So, to not rebuild wanting with her to destroy sister, she the agrees, relationship managing she
has to retrieve started Father to rebuild Tucci’s with crucifix her sister, in the she bargain. agrees, managing
to retrieve Father Tucci’s crucifix in the bargain.
XII

XIII
Confronting (More than) Demons
Gigi returns to Tamara to Tamara and their and next their exorcism next exorcism together is together a (metaphoric) is a
BEAR. (metaphoric) The demon BEAR. they The are demon supposed they to be are exorcising supposed has to taken be exorcising the form
of has their taken (awfulawful) the form of mother. their (awfulawful) Or so they think. mother. It turns Or out so they that think. it’s their It
actual turns out mother that who it’s has their been actual a legit-demon mother who this has whole been time! a legit-demon
this whole time!
Gigi
Yes, that absolutely checks out. But wait, ew, does
that make us, I don’t Gigi know... demon-babies?!
Yes, that absolutely checks out. But wait, ew, does
that make us, I don’t Mom know... demon-babies?!
Oh, I didn’t birth you. I stole you from a really
nice, loving family. Well, Momfirst I stole Gigi, then I
Oh, went I didn’t back and birth stole you. Tamara I stole a few you years from later. a really
nice, loving family. Well, first I stole Gigi, then I
went back and stole Tamara a few years later.
Oh my God that’s horrible. Why would you do that?
Tamara
Oh my God that’s horrible. Mom Why would you do that?
CAUSE I’M A DEMON. I was gonna eat your souls right after I
took Mom
you but CAUSE then I’M I realized A DEMON. that I was I gonna could eat do far your more souls damage right to you
after I took you but then girls I realized that I could do far
by more just damage being to a realllllly you girls by shitty just mother. being a It’s realllllly been very shitty fun.
mother. It’s been And very fun. satisfying. And very satisfying.
Gigi
That also checks out.
But then, the the Devil Devil appears, appears, pouring pouring out out from from under under the bed the where bed
mom-demon where mom-demon is sitting. is The sitting. Devil The tells Devil Tamara tells the Tamara truth about the truth Gigi’s about real
motivation Gigi’s real for motivation being there, for as being well there, as a bunch as well of other as a bunch messed of up other stuff
that messed Gigi’s up done stuff to that Tamara Gigi’s in done the past. to Tamara But Tamara in the doesn’t past. But believe Tamara any
doesn’t of it. She believe trusts her it. She sister! trusts That her is until sister! Gigi That reluctantly is until Gigi pulls reluctantly out Father
pulls Tucci’s out cross Father (that Tucci’s was SUPPOSED cross (that to be was lost) SUPPOSED and uses it to help be lost) the girls and
uses actually it to CAPTURE help the girls THE actually DEVIL CAPTURE (!!!!!) ! THE DEVIL (!!!!!) !

XIV
Falling out and Melting down
The girls return with the bagged-Devil to the Vatican. But they aren’t in
the mood to celebrate. Instead they get into a huge argument. Tamara is
crushed and feels betrayed by her sister. Gigi apologizes and tells Tamara
that while stealing was her first motivation for coming, her priority changed
almost the moment they got there. Tamara starts to maybe believe her,
but then finds her laptop in Gigi’s suitcase. Gigi tries to explain but it’s
too late, and too much for Tamara to move past. So it’s time for Gigi to
leave. Gigi goes to the airport, dejected and ready to return to the US. But
after having a gross-sobbing meltdown when the ticketing agent asked
when her birthday was...
Gigi
Ya know I don’t even know. It used to be August 11th,
1985 but now... now that’s just my twin sister’s
birthday. Who’s not even my twin. She’s my baby sister
and I took so much from her. And I ruined so much
for her. Which makes sense for me because maybe I’ve
always been a terrible, ruinous person. Maybe I’ve
always been a terrible sister!!
...Gigi decides to make things right. She goes and confronts her exfiancé
once and for all. She gives him Father Tucci’s crucifix as a way of
paying him off / convincing him to leave the sisters alone. After all, with
the Devil being captured, it’s not like they’ll need the cross any more.
Meanwhile, as all this is happening, Tamara looks through the laptop
that she believed Gigi had tried to steal from her and realizes that she
wasn’t stealing it after all... she was actually using it to right a very old
wrong between them. Touched by the gesture and feeling guilty for not
believing her sister, Tamara goes to look for Gigi in order to reconcile.

OOOOOPS!
Gigi heads back to the Vatican to find her sister, but she
isn’t in their room. She goes looking for Tamara and thinks
she hears her voice coming from the Catacombs where the
cell containing the captured Devil is located. She goes to
investigate. When Gigi gets to the cell, instead of finding the
Devil inside, she sees her Tamara! She immediately opens the
cell to free her sister but then realizes, shit... it was actually
the Devil taking Tamara’s form. So the Devil heads upstairs
to the party that’s being thrown to celebrate his capture, and
heads straight for the Pope to try to negotiate a peace treaty.
PSYCH it’s totally to try and kill the Pope. I mean come on...
he’s the Devil. But he’s thwarted by Father Tucci who has
returned as an angel! Tamara and Gigi realize that in order to
fight the Devil, they need to go get the special crucifix back
from Gigi’s ex, so they leave chaotic, ravaged-by-destruction
party to go retrieve it.
XV

Act III
No more Mr. Nice Devil
The Devil follows the girls to the hotel where Gigi’s ex
is staying. He is PISSED that the girls keep thwarting
him and fucking OBLITERATING his best demons, so
he wants to take something important away from Gigi.
Gigi, being the master liar manipulator scammer that
she is convinces the Devil that the person she would
miss the most is not actually Tamara, but her ex. So,
as the Devil kills Gigi’s ex instead of Tamara (sucka!),
the girls escape out into the streets of Rome where the
chaos from the Vatican has spilled over into St. Peter’s
Square. A full battle between good and evil, angels and
demons is now raging...
XVI

Into the Whirlwind
As the Devil and his demons wreak terrible havoc casting down
both civilians and angels alike... Gigi and Tamara try to help Angel
Father Tucci fight, but can’t. He is defeated yet again and explodes
into a torrent of white goop and feathers that douses ONLY
Tamara. As per usual. The Devil then turns his full attention to
the girls and pulls Tamara away from Gigi and towards him. He
then creates a terrifying Whirlwind which incases both he and
Tamara inside. Tamara know that prayer alone can’t help her...
she needs to think fast.
Tamara
Look, I Look, know it I know sounds it super sounds fun super to kill me
fun to kill right me now. right now.
Devil
And torture.
Tamara
Totally, yes, and torture... but if you think
of this of this in in terms of of the the long game... I I can can
actually help you.
And Tamara proceeds to try to scam/trick the Devil into believing
that if he lets her live, she (as a nun) would actually be in a
great position to help the Devil by thwarting further exorcism
attempts. It works. The Devil hears her out for long enough for
Gigi to do what she needs to do outside the whirlwind...
XVII

Spoiler Alert: OK so the girls actually do
manage to banish the Devil back to Hell
Gigi, unable to find a bible is totally shocked and psyched
to discover that all those rituals and recitations that
Tamara has been making her study... well... she’s actually
memorized them and can say them all by heart! And so she
does. Using a combination of Father Tucci’s crucifix and the
memorized words, Gigi is able to OPEN THE GATES OF
HELL underneath the Devil. He and his demons are sucked
down, bringing an end to the fighting and destruction above.
Before the Devil is fully sucked down however, one of his
arms is severed in the floor closing behind him, showering
an INSANE about of blood, goop, and an eternity’s worth
of disgusting shit all. Over. Gigi. Tamara smirks as the
sisters, proud of themselves and each other, make their
way back to the Vatican for a well-deserved rest. On their
way, they make a plan for what’s next... Gigi decides to get
an apartment near Tamara’s convent so the girls can be
closed to each other once again. And will their incredible
foray into the world of exorcisms continue...?
XVIII

Over Credits...
We find Tamara and Gigi in the basement of Tamara’s convent,
speaking meaningfully and confidently to a small group of nervous
and excited nuns and some new oddballs...
Gigi
There are two rules for exorcism training. Rule number
one is you do not talk about exorcism training. And
rule number two is YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT—
Tamara
Okay thanks for that but no. You can talk about it. But
there are a bunch of other rules and a shitload of
demons to face right here in the USA so...let’s get
started!
And with that, Gigi takes something out of her pocket then slams
it down dramatically on the table in front of their waiting
class / audience. It’s the Devil’s severed hand.
Tamara
Oh my God, Gigi... is that—
Gigi
Don’t worry about it.
Cause, ya know, what could go wrong? Then Tamara and Gigi see
the slowest of movements as the Devil’s hand begins to unclench
it’s fist and give the girls... the middle finger. Okay so maybe it was
a mistake to not destroy the thing. Maybe. Definitely. Maybe. Shit.
XVII
The End?