Agathokakological Tendencies

I am tired.“Come in, come in,” says my boss on a Saturday. So
I go in. Food is rather a nice thing to have,and the job situation
right now is beyond precarious. It’s always been precarious
for creativefields, but at least with design, I thought
I could earn a more stable living than with art. But it’s all
bullshit. Exhaustion is the death of creativity. Capitalism
just keeps people busy with constant distractions.I fell
into a period of depression. That’s a lie. I’ve always been
depressed. But it got really bad.Hustling turned me into
a robot. It’s funny how the phrase “dead inside” doesn’t
feel like a clichewhen everyone is a bit dead. Overwork.
Squashed dreams. Constant bureaucratic bullshit complicating
life, especially with mid-level managers acting just
like the authoritarians they see on TV and in politics.Anyway,
enough whining. It ground me down, so I fell into the
worst depression in my life. All Icould do was lay in bed
and read fanfiction. The comfort of a familiar story w as
grounding whenthe world around me was in chaos. But then
I read a fic that involved socialism, and thenanother, and
then I got a little curious. And now I’m down for the revolution.
Because fuck working six or seven days a week.
Labor laws mean shit when the country is based upon theexploitation
of labor. And I’m finding that as my definition
of what should count as a basichuman right expands, so
does my design. I’m not content anymore to just work away
until I saveenough to open my own business. I want to make
RO -
meaningful work. And maybe work that scares people a little,
at least scares those in power.
I want to break the cycle and seize this moment as an
opportunity for radical change, but I struggled to break
through the talking voice in my head, tormenting me.
One day I’ll have the courage to tear everything down
and rebuild a world of my own making. Till then, I
dream.
NAN
-Cameron