25042021 - B/Haram bandits almost succeeding in their mission CAN president warns

PAGE 18—SUNDAY VANGUARD, APRIL 25, 2021
Couldn’t stand his steward having all the fun!!
Bolaji is a cherished
friend I’ve known for
years and he loves a
good gossip. Most of all, he’s
learnt to laugh at himself
from time to time no matter
at what cost. It’s always a
pleasure to listen to him on
the few occasions he finds the
time to phone. When he rang
recently and opened the
conversation with: “Your
Benny has come again o!”
My immediate reaction was;
now what? Benny is Bolaji’s
niece who came to live with
him when his wife Alice, took
a break from their marriage
and went abroad to ‘clear her
head’. Apart from leaving
Bolaji free to live the bachelor
life he said he’d missed, he was
able to bring in Benny, who
Alice didn’t really get along
with, to help run the home.
“Alice is slightly jealous of
her,” Bolaji once confessed.
“The poor girl lost her mother
when she was in the secondary
school and I’d promised my
older brother to take care of
her up to the university level.
Alice saw that promise as
rash, since my brother wasn’t
exactly destitute. Whenever
Benny came on holidays, you
can see how fouled up the
atmosphere was. But I
ignored both of them
especially since our three
children were always glad to
see her. By the time she got
into the polytechnic, she’d
turned into a beauty. Alice
always complained her
clothes were too revealing.
Her make-up garish and she
was always running after the
neighbourhood thugs. As long
as her grades continued to be
good, that was all that
mattered to me.
“When Alice caught me
almost pants down at the office
with one of my ‘friends,’ she
was livid. She said she’d had
enough of my shenanigans
and, as part of her ‘settlement’
she was going away for a
Montessori cause abroad to
help her improve the standard
of the school she ran that
wasn’t even breaking even. I
gave her all the money she
needed and told her not to
worry about the kids, Benny
would look after the home.
She was in such a hurry to get
away she didn’t even mind. I
got the help of a good steward
to make life easier for Benny
and it was as if Alice never left.
Except I now had the freedom
to do as I pleased.
“I was coming home late
one night when I saw Benny
in front of the boys quarters
sitting on a bench with Dan,
the steward. I was surprised.
Benny lived in one of the
rooms in the main house, what
was she doing at the boys
quarters? You remember I
told you all about the incident
and you laughed that they
were just being friends? I
should expect that you said,
as there was no adult
company for Benny to relate
to.”
I remembered the incident
alright. Steward or not Dan
was a sprightly bachelor who
took good care of himself.
Apart from his school
certificate, he did a catering
and house keeping course,
and he was a very good
steward. You could hardly call
him an illiterate. “Oh, does
that qualify him now to be
Benny’s boyfriend?” he asked
then, shooting daggers at me.
They were not caught in any
amorous clinch, so I asked
Bolaji to chill – not everyone
was as randy as he was! Now
he was on the phone, almost
burning the line with his rage.
“Last week, I went to my
town to see to the repairs of
my house,” said Bolaji.
“Benny is of course, at the
Polytechnic and a ‘mama
nurse’ is now looking after the
kids. When I came back last
night, the mama nurse told me
I just missed Benny. I was
shocked. The last time I heard
of her was when I told her on
the phone of my impending
visit to our home town. What
was she doing here knowing I
was away, and why did she
leave before I came back? The
mama nurse had no clue but
told me to ask Dan the steward.
She let it drop that Benny
didn’t sleep in the main house.
I was livid! I summoned Dan
and asked him what Benny
was doing at his quarters? He
needn’t lie, I threatened,
because the mama nurse saw
everything. He told me it was
Benny who called she wanted
to come over since I was away.
‘And where did she sleep?’ I
barked. ‘With me,’ he said,
avoiding my eyes; ‘You mean
Benny left her comfortable
room to spend a whole night
with you in that poky room of
yours? You were at it all night
long with her? No wonder you
were tired when I came in!’
Now I have seen this Dan
character. Quite tall and
good-looking in a rustic way,
any girl would be happy to be
his ‘friend’. Why shouldn’t
Benny avail herself of this
good fortune which was right
under her nose? I told Bolaji
this and he spluttered as he
told me what I could do with
my liberal attitude. “Steady
on,” I said, “put yourself in that
man’s shoes. A potential lover
offered to spend the night with
you, would you drive her
away?” “He’s getting
everything virtually for free
and I’m sure she would have
fed him food from the house
and ply him with my booze,”
he said, still livid. “I’ve never
had any girl offer me anything
on a platter – most of the time,
I have to cajole and pay heftily
before they play ball.”
“You can afford to pay, and
your ‘conquests’ know this”, I
reminded him. “But the only
thing Dan has on his side is
his physique and your niece
wanted a piece of that!” “Now
look here...” “You look here,”
I cut in. “You’re just jealous of
the poor guy. And you can’t
hold it against your steward
for knowing a good thing
when he saw one.”
“If Alice gets to hear about
this, I’ll be in trouble. I’ve
warned Dan not to breathe a
word to anybody. The mama
nurse too.” And what did
Benny have to say about all
this, I asked? “She knew I was
coming back home late last
night and she hurriedly left
before I arrived. I haven’t
talked to her yet. I know
loverboy would have been on
the phone to her. Let her stew
in her own juice until I’ve
cooled off enough to deal with
her. The trollop! Can you
imagine? Spending all the
money to give her a good
education when all she has on
her mind is sex! And with a
steward! Doesn’t she have any
class?”
He hung up after he’d let off
enough steam and I felt sorry
for him. For as long as
Benny’s ‘steward’ delivers,
she’ll be happy to do all the
running – even if Bolaji has
ferocious dogs guarding her!
Between Father
And Son (Humour)
A successful executive
decides it’s time to make a
man of his son so
he takes him down to the
local brothel. The son
disappears into a room with
one of the girls while he waits
outside - but can’t help
listening through the door.
Now the son is very well
endowed and the girl gasps at
the amazing sight. As they
begin the business, he takes it
very gently but the girl begs
for more.
“Just put it in another inch”,
she says and I will “knock
N500 off the price.” So he does
but still she begs for more.
Another inch and I “knock off
another N500”, she informs
him. And so it goes on, the
girl is so delighted with the
man’s performance that she
promises to take off more and
more money. “Please, please”,
she moans till eventually she
cries, “a little bit more and it’s
free”. Now all this time, the
father has been listening
outside the door and when he
hears this, he bursts into the
room and shouts, “Move over
son, leave this to me. It’s time
to make a profit”.
As the Presidency hogwashes Pantami,
Ohaneze warns on Igbo youths
These are most certainly
troubling days in
Nigeria. First, there
are signs that Nigeria is broke.
Under this administration,
which inherited a very robust
economy, Nigeria is now what
people are calling “the hungry
capital of the world.” The
administration came with an
economic idea whose kernel
was, simply put, the
“almajirinization” of Nigeria.
It aimed to equalize poverty,
not create wealth. The
administration alienated the
key economic drivers of the
nation; and then embarked on
a policy of “handouts” which
it said was to “get millions out
of poverty.” What did that
mission look like? Well, here
it is: in the first term, it sent the
Vice-President, the siddonlook
pastor of Aso-Rock, to
various towns distributing
what they called, “Trader
Moni.” Soft loans, they said,
starting with N10, 000 to N50,
000. Skeptics of course saw
through the entire laughable
show. The money was a buyoff
for votes, and since the
elections, “Trader Moni” has
come to a halt. Even Osibanjo
himself must have known that
it was a joke. It was very
unlikely that such pittance
handed to a few people could
start or sustain any business,
or lift anyone out of poverty.
Trading with N50, 000? You
cannot even buy a bucket full
of peanuts to trade with that
money. But the goal was
frankly not to give people
capital for a trade. The goal
was to take cash from the
federal coffers and distribute
to the poor of the North mostly.
It was to give a large swath of
hungry and impoverished
Nigerians, mostly from the
North, chicken feed to keep
them barely alive and hopeful,
and “ranka-dedeing” from
sun-up to sun-down. It is
feudal economics in which
the feudal lord hands out
charity to the very poor who
then go to the mosque to pray
for more of where that comes
from, and thereafter to the
secret Pito bars, for a few
rounds of millet beer. And the
next day, back to the streets
with their hands in the air
panhandling. That is the
administration’s way of
lifting millions from the
clutches of poverty. To give
them “Trader Moni.” It is the
weaponization of poverty. Its
strategy was to buy the
conscience of the extremely
poor who would kill for a bowl
of rice anyway. The sum effect
of this administration’s
economic policy was basically
to suppress the economic
vitality of the Igbo, destroy
their political status, and reduce
their capacity in the affairs
of Nigeria. The administration
always detested the
uppity Igbo: Folks who always
thought themselves better
than everyone else, and
whom the President fought at
war from 1967-1970. It does
seem that nothing else mattered
to the administration
but to teach the Igbo, those
catalysts of the South, some
lesson. Looking at it this way,
the matter would be as simple
as an ordinary, longstanding
enmity. But it goes deeper
than that. What is going on
is a culture war. Nigeria under
this administration is engaged
in a very deep cultural
and political conflict. What the
Igbo represent – “too much
Bukuru,” or “education,”
particularly what they call
“western education,” is what
this federal administration
detests. They think
“education,” particularly the
kind of education which the
South, especially the Igbo of
the South, embraced, is
“haram.” Thus “Boko
Haram.” Western education,
and its purported values, set
forth in the book by the
Egyptian Sayyid Qutb, The
America that I have seen, is
abominable to this cadre
because it is upsetting the
cultural foundations of the
Islamic North, still rooted in
the 18th century Salafist
Nigeria under this
administration is
engaged in a very
deep cultural and
political conflict
mission with its Jihad led by a
General of the Ottoman
Empire – the Shehu
“Othman” Dan Fodio.
Salafist Islam’s call is for a
global jihad; its transnational
agenda is to resurrect the
Ottoman empire and restore
the Caliphate-age Sharia law.
Thus, indeed, the followers are
organized in cells across the
Islamic world fighting and
subverting what they have
described as the Jahiliya.
Even so-called apostate
Muslims are fair game.
Today, a corridor of terror
exists between Syria, Turkey
through Egypt and Libya,
funneling arms and fighters
to West Africa through Niger,
Mali, Chad and Nigeria.
Nigeria is currently its
operational base through
which they intend to secure
Sub-Sahara Africa because
they have a friendly
government in power. It is
fruitless for this
administration to deny this. It
is on record that Boko Haram
chose President Buhari as
their go-between with the
Jonathan administration. It is
on record that the President
described the fight against
Boko Haram by Jonathan as
a war against the North. It is
on record that this
administration has used
amnesty programme to
rehabilitate Boko Haram
fighters. This is why many
Nigerians are not surprised
about the revelations that one
of his key ministers, holding
the
strategic
Communications Ministry,
Dr. Isa Pantami, was not only
a sympathizer of Al-Qaeda
and ISIS in West Africa, but
had preached loudly in
support of Islamic terrorism
both locally and globally.
Buhari certainly knew this
before he appointed him. As a
former Director of Nigeria’s
Directorate of State Service,
Mr. Amachree, quite clearly
asserted that Pantami’s
affiliations were made known
both to the President and to
the National Assembly. They
laid Pantami’s dossier before
Buhari. It did not matter. So,
what happened was not a
failure of intelligence. It was
rather the subversion of
intelligence and a
compromising of the national
security of Nigeria. The
statement released by the
Presidency through Garba
Shehu just basically
hogwashes Pantami, because
it is a rather shitty statement,
if y’all would excuse my
French! Calling the push for
Pantami to be accountable to
his past as a move to “cancel”
him is rather rich with both
irony and bile, and, of course,
it is hokum. And it fails to
answer fundamental
questions about Pantami’s
affiliations and support for a
global terrorist ideology
intent on foisting strange
values on Nigeria. The fight
is on, of course, and Nigerians
must push, not only for the
resignation of Isa Pantami,
but also for the National
Assembly to investigate this
President, because as the
saying goes, “there is no
smoke without fire.” What
does Buhari know, and when
did he know it, that is the
question. It does seem that the
corporate being of Nigeria is
being subverted right from the
very top. The signs are there
that Nigeria is approaching
a reckoning, and this
reckoning, if good sense does
not prevail soon, is another
civil war. I hate to say this, and
I do not use these words
carelessly. Nigeria is, under
this President, fighting for its
life. There are hints that 2023
will not resolve our current
imbroglio, because this
administration is intent on
foisting a national emergency
situation, which might
inexorably provide the
National Assembly full of this
President’s allies the excuse to
assert the National
Emergency protocol. Under
this protocol, if the nation is
at war, as it has now clearly
been forced to be, there may
not be an election, and the
President would be permitted
to extend his administration
ad infinitum, in so far as he
comes before the National
Assembly periodically to
secure an extension of his
emergency rule. The
unfolding of this picture ought
to frighten and awaken
Nigerians, but everyone is
hiding behind political
correctness, and some illusion
that time will resolve
everything. The truth is we
may long be out of time to
salvage the situation. Part of
this push to crisis is currently
on to subvert and undermine
Buhari’s strongest opposition,
the South-East.