May-June 2021

New NHEG Heights Magazine Educational | May - June Group 2021
www.NewHeightsEducation.org
Then she drew a large picture of a child on chart paper. She named
the child and said that he was their age and that he was feeling sad
because children in the class were calling him names. After defining a
“put-down,” she gave each student a piece of paper and asked them
to write “put-downs” they had heard students say. Some examples are:
“Nobody likes you.” “You stink.” “You’re ugly.” “Loser!” Then she asked
each child to come to the front, read their words, discard the piece
of paper, and tear off a small piece of the pictured child. She then
discussed apologies and statements that would help a classmate feel
included. She asked the students to say an apology like, “I’m sorry I
said you were ugly,” or words to help him feel better such as, “Would
you like to play?” as they tried to tape the torn child back together.
After everyone had a turn, the paper child appeared somewhat whole,
but tattered. The teacher continued that words cannot be taken back
once they are spoken and that even if you apologize, it will not erase
all of the hurt they caused. Then she had the students make a “NO
PUT-DOWNS!” poster to hang next to the child’s picture.
Another teacher discussed “put-downs” with her students, and then
told them about “put-ups,” encouraging words they could say to one
another. She had the children brainstorm positive remarks they could
make as she wrote them on the board. Then she showed them a box
and form to fill out if they observed another child using a “put-up.”The
observer could write down what was said, who said it, his/her name,
and place the form in the box. The teacher reported reading the “putups”
at group time and providing applause or another commendation
to the reporters and the children named. The forms are then posted
on a “PUT-UP” poster as examples of helpful comments children can
make.
Since many cliques and “put-downs” occur outside of the classroom,
teachers and/or school counselors might initiate a peer helper
program. Training students in the fifth and/or sixth grade to be
playground helpers could decrease cliques in their grades and help
younger children learn peer interaction skills. The educators train the
older students to be empathic, listen carefully (see Educator’s Guide to
Active Listening), and use the steps to solving problems (see Solutions
Through Peer Mediation). Peer mediators help younger children work
through their problems when others call them names, tease them, or
when fights occur. The interaction not only assists younger children in
learning coping and social skills, but the older students gain leadership
skills.
Another way that schools can discourage cliques and “put-downs”
comes from Teaching Tolerance (for activities and lessons see “tolerance.com”).
It is called “Mix It Up” and it helps children learn that they
are much more alike than they are different.
It reinforces the idea to respect others for who they are, not for
what they look like or what they can do. Elementary schools may
“Mix It Up” for a day or week. A “Mix It Up” lunch happens when all
the students are assigned new seats. Some schools provide a list of
questions that the children can ask each other during lunch, such
as: “What is your favorite TV show?” “How many brothers and sisters
do you have?” “What sport do you like to play?” Other activities
could include having the students create an inclusive theme and/or
color for each day, make a class banner to display, or make name
tags with adjectives or strengths that define themselves. The goal is
for students to become more tolerant and accepting of peers (see
Learning the Value of Diversity).
Helping children learn to appreciate individual differences and to
think twice before forming exclusive cliques or using “put-downs”
will contribute to all students being able to trust their school environment
and put forth their best effort.
EDUCATING CHILDREN OF PRISONERS
By Leah Davies, M.ed.
It is estimated that 1.5 million children in the United States have a
parent in jail or prison and this number increases each year. These
children are less likely to succeed in school and more likely to be
involved in substance abuse and delinquent behaviors. A worthwhile
goal for educators, as well as judges, lawmakers, corrections officials
and child welfare workers, is to break the cycle of incarceration
among family members by supporting the needs of the children
involved and seeing that their rights are upheld.
Children of an arrested and imprisoned parent often experience
trauma and instability in their lives. If the child had a meaningful
relationship with the parent, he or she may become emotionally maligned,
unable to trust others and therefore loose the ability to form
healthy relationships. The child’s social and academic development
is often impaired. Feelings of shame, worthlessness and a loss of
identity can result in the child being depressed or exhibiting aggressive
behaviors.
Since there is no formal mechanism by which children of incarcerated
parents are identified to school staff, their needs are frequently
overlooked. At times teachers will be aware of a child’s parent being
imprisoned through parent-teacher conferences or other forms of
communication. When they know a child has an incarcerated parent,
there are ways they can facilitate the child’s learning and development.
The following ideas may be helpful:
1. Provide a safe, stable, and caring classroom environment with clear
rules and expectations.
2. Understand that these children love their imprisoned parent.
3. Respect and accept each child without judgment.
4. Take into consideration their special needs.
5. Reassure them that they can be successful in school.
6. Build their self-confidence by helping them identify their strengths.
7. Provide encouragement and support for them to live up to their
potential.
8. Promote social acceptance and inclusion through modeling.
9. Challenge any prejudicial comments or behaviors by other students
(see Educator’s Guide to Bullying).
10. Understand their feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, and apprehension
about their future.
11. Offer emotional support and a chance for them to express their
feelings.
12. Watch for changes in their behavior and/or attitude.
13. Refer troubled children for counseling to help them address their
concerns and increase their coping skills.
14. Meet with parents, caregivers and/or agency representatives who
provide support and services for these students.
15. Maintain a list of resources and referrals including crisis intervention,
mental health and special services for the children, as well as
their caregivers.
Services for children of prisoners can include:
Group and/or individual therapy;
Skill building activities;
Mentoring;
Social skills enhancement; and
Anger management training.
The emotional development of these children is enhanced when they
feel free to discuss their feelings concerning their parent. Yet, many
adults do not know what to say if a child mentions an incarcerated
parent. If they respond with something like, “What did he/she do?” the
child may interpret the comment as critical and not mention the parent
again. A preferential response would be to say something like, “It’s
hard to have a parent live away from you.” Then if the adult listens and
mirrors the children’s feelings, communication and bonding can take
place. Children are better able to cope with their unhappiness when the
adults in their life discuss the incarceration without condemnation or
embarrassment.
For further information, visit the Family and Corrections Network
website and check out the Bill of Rights for Children of Incarcerated
Parents.
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