July-August 2021

New NHEG Heights Magazine Educational | July - August Group 2021
www.NewHeightsEducation.org
• There are individuals who care about them and
who can be helpful to them.
• There are things they can do to take care of themselves.
f. Practical Ideas
• Help the children plan where and when they will do
their homework.
• Have them make a list of phone numbers of a
relative, neighbor or other adult that they could
use if needed.
• Help them identify a safe place they could go, if
necessary.
• Provide support such as furnishing school supplies,
teaching a child how to use an alarm clock, providing
a warm coat, etc.
The friendships that develop in these counseling groups and the
knowledge that others live in a similar environment can provide these
students with hope that they can be successful in spite of their family
situation.
3. Increase knowledge and awareness among school personnel of
the existence of these students. Share the behavioral indicators and
discuss ways that they could assist these children.
4. Initiate a tutoring program consisting of empathetic older students
or adults who would serve as positive role models. In addition, they
could help selected children improve their academic skills.
5. Be a referral source for the students and families in need of help.
Resources can include a community mental health center, Alcoholic
Anonymous, Al-Anon, Alateen, alcohol/drug treatment programs, family
support groups, or other services available in your area.
AGGRESSIVE GIRLS
By Leah Davies, M.Ed.
Aggression or bullying can be defined as any action that inflicts
physical or mental harm upon another person. Girls usually differ
from boys in the type of aggressive behavior they exhibit. While boys
tend to inflict bodily pain, girls most often, though not exclusively,
engage in covert or relational aggression. Girls tend to value intimate
relationships with girls, while boys usually form social bonds through
group activities. Aggressive girls often gain power by withholding
their friendship or by sabotaging the relationships of others.
Relational aggression is calculated manipulation to injure or to
control another child’s ability to maintain rapport with peers. For example,
a relational aggressive girl may insist that her friends ignore
a particular child, exclude her from their group, form secret pacts to
humiliate the child, call her names, and/or spread rumors about her.
Examples of manipulation include, “If you don’t play this game, I’ll
tell Sara that you called her stupid,” or “You have to do what I say, or
I won’t play with you.” Children in preschool have been observed excluding
peers by saying, “Don’t let her play,” or using retaliation, “She
was mean to me yesterday, so she can’t be our friend.” In older girls,
the gossip can be more vicious, for example, “I saw her cheating,”
“Her mom’s a drunk,” or “She’s a slut.”
Though often subtle, nonverbal communication of an aggressive girl
is unmistakable. For example, she may roll her eyes, glare, ignore,
turn away, point, or pass notes to a friend concerning the rejected
child.
In 1995, Crick and Grotpeter (1995) found that members of groups
run by aggressive girls appeared to be caring and helpful toward
each other. However, they also observed a higher level of intimacy
and secret sharing in these groups. This closeness puts followers at
risk because the aggressive child is privy to personal information
that she can disclose. They also noted a higher level of exclusivity in
groups run by relational aggressive girls. In other words, the followers
usually have few other friends to turn to if they are rejected by the
aggressive child, hence they continued to conform for fear of being
isolated. They found a higher level of aggression within these groups.
Girls often feel pressured to be compliant and not show negative
emotions. When they cannot assert their true feelings directly, resentment
lingers and their anger manifests itself indirectly. Excessive
relational aggressiveness can become a habit that can cause a
lifetime of problematic relationships. Therefore, a girl who exhibits
this behavior needs adult intervention and guidance. It should be
ing to Crick (1996), relational aggressive girls are disliked more than
most children their age. They exhibited adjustment problems and
reported higher levels of loneliness and depression. These girls often
have difficulty creating and sustaining social and personal bonds. Ridiculed
children have adjustment difficulties, as well. The rejection and
hurt they feel can last a lifetime. They are more likely than peers to be
submissive, have low grades, drop out of school, engage in delinquent
behavior, experience depression, and entertain suicidal thoughts.
What can school personnel do to combat the negative impact of relational
aggression on perpetrators and their targets?
1. Increase awareness among school staff so that they understand
what relational aggression is and discuss ways to combat it. Consequences
for relentless covert aggression will vary depending on
school discipline procedures, the action, and the age of the girls.
Consequences could include a referral to a counseling group or
losing privileges.
2. Observe children in the classroom, at lunch, in the hall, on the
playground, and before and after school, noting students’ nonverbal
reactions to peers. Ask yourself:
• Who is alone on the playground?
• Who is a group leader?
• How do her followers act toward others?
3. Discuss relational aggression with your students to make sure they
know that starting rumors, ridiculing others, and other forms of
covert aggression are not acceptable.
4. Reinforce student social interaction skills through the use of
role-playing exercises, literature, writing assignments, and other
means. Emphasize considering the feelings of others, developing
listening skills, and exhibiting other character traits that are critical
to forming lasting friendships.
5. Help girls understand that conflicts are a natural occurrence in
friendships and provide them with an opportunity to practice being
supportive of one another. Encourage them to honestly resolve
problems through open discussion and compromise. (See Finding
Solutions Through Peer Mediation.)
6. Believe the victim. Relational aggressive girls are skillful at concealing
their bullying. Hence, many educators are blinded by the
appearance of a model student who they feel would never engage
in covert aggression.
7. Understand that having at least one friend buffers a child from
relationship aggression, so facilitating friendships between girls
will help them cope with a relational aggressive child. Encourage
girls to choose friends who are considerate and trustworthy, not
exclusive or mean.
8. Model respect and caring. Assist each girl in developing the belief
that she is a capable person who has many strengths and who
can stand up for herself by reinforcing these attitudes at every
opportunity.
9. Find assistance for the victim and perpetrator. Contact a parent
and/or work with staff to foster their social and emotional
stressed that these girls often have leadership ability, but they need
development. (See Guidelines for Educator-Parent Conferences
assistance to channel it in a positive direction.
Concerning Angry Children.)
For information on how your school can take a stand against all forms
Relational aggression in girls has a negative affect on school climate
of bullying, see Educator’s Guide to Bullying.
and culture, as well as on the perpetrators and their victims. Accord
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