Woodbridge Advertiser/AuctionLists.ca - 2021-12-22

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PAGE TWELVE THE WOODBRIDGE ADVERTISER CURRENT JANUARY 2022 CANADA’S LARGEST LOST AND UNCLAIMED FREIGHT ONLINE AUCTIONS CHECK ONLINE FOR CURRENT AUCTIONS WWW.403AUCTION.COM Online@403auction.com WOODSTOCK NOSTALGIA SHOW AND SALE The Reader, The Writer, and The Lion A lion comes across two men, one reading and the other writing. The beast pounces on and devours the reader but ignores the writer. Why? Because, as everyone knows, a writer cramps while a reader digests. The Anxious Poodle Poodle: “My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German shepherd, and I’m nervous as a cat.” Collie: “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” Poodle: “I can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch.” The Impatient Flea Tired of waiting in the back of the line to get on Noah’s Ark, a flea jumps from one animal to another as she moves closer to the front. She leaps and leaps until she lands on the back of an elephant. The pachyderm turns to its mate and says testily, “I knew it! Here they go with the pushing and shoving!” A Penguin Walks Into… A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter, and asks the bartender, “Have you seen my brother?” The bartender says, “I don’t know. What does he look like?” A Panda Walks Into… A panda walks into a bar and gobbles some beer nuts. Then he pulls out a gun, fires it in the air, and heads for the door. “Hey!” shouts the bartender, but the panda yells back, “I’m a panda. Google me!” Sure enough, panda: “A tree-climbing mammal with distinct black-andwhitecoloring. Eats shoots and leaves.” SUNDAY, JAN. 23 9:30 AM – 3 PM Oxford Auditorium & Mutual/Market Buildings • Small Antiques • Old Tin Toys • Dolls • Advertising Signs • Country Store Items • Vintage Paper Items • Bottles • Coca-Cola Collectibles • Books • Tools Often with over 10 vendor tables www.collectorshows.ca A Grasshopper Hops Into… A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, “You’re quite a celebrity around here. We’ve even got a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Steve?” Chicken Prep A man walks into a restaurant and says, “How do you prepare your chickens?” The cook replies, “Nothing special. We just tell ‘em they’re gonna die.” A Duck Walks Into a Drugstore A duck walks into a drugstore and asks for a tube of ChapStick. The cashier says to the duck, “That’ll be $1.49.” The duck replies, “Put it on my bill.” Lunch Break When a squirrel slipped into my house, I did the logical thing: I panicked and called my father. "How do you get a squirrel out of a basement?" I shrieked. Dad advised me to leave a trail of peanut butter and crackers from the basement to the outside. It worked— the squirrel ate his way out of the house. Unfortunately, he passed another squirrel eating his way in. Flying Problems A businessman flying first class is sitting next to a parrot. The plane takes off, and the parrot orders a Glenlivet, neat. The businessman asks for a Coke. After a few minutes, the bird yells, "Where’s my scotch? Give me my scotch!" The flight attendant rushes over with their drinks. Later, they order another round. Again, the bird gives the crew grief for being slow, and the businessman joins in: "Yeah, the service stinks!" Heritage Antique Market at Centerpoint Mall January 1 2022 6464 Yonge Street at Steeles Toronto, Canada heritageantiqueshows.com Just then, the flight attendant grabs the pair, opens the hatch, and throws them out of the plane. As they hurtle toward the ground, the parrot says to the terrified man, "Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings." Two babies are sitting in their cribs… Two babies are sitting in their cribs, when one baby asks the other, “Are you a little girl or a little boy?” The other baby shrugs. “I don’t know how to tell the difference.” “I do,” says the first baby. He carefully climbs out of his crib and into the other crib, then disappears beneath the blankets. After a few seconds, he resurfaces. “You’re a little girl, and I’m a little boy,” he says. “How can you tell?” “Easy. You’ve got pink booties, and I’ve got blue ones.” Fast Friends My husband was driving home from work when he was pulled over for not wearing a seat belt. Two days later— same ticket, same cop. “So,” the officer said, “have you learned anything?” “Yes, I have,” said my husband. “I’ve learned I need to take a different way home from work.” The One About The Stand-in Gorilla When a zoo’s gorilla dies, the zookeeper hires an actor to don a costume and act like an ape until the zoo can get another one. In the cage, the actor makes faces, swings around, and draws a huge crowd. He then crawls across a partition and atop the lion’s cage, infuriating the animal. But the actor stays in character—until he loses his grip and falls into the lion’s cage. Terrified, the actor shouts, “Help! Help me!” Too late. The lion pounces, opens its massive jaws, and whispers, “Shut up! Do you want to get us both fired?!”
CURRENT JANUARY 2022 THE WOODBRIDGE ADVERTISER PAGE THIRTEEN WOODSTOCK MODEL TRAIN SHOW AND SALE SUNDAY, JAN. 16 9:30 AM – 3 PM Oxford Auditorium & Mutual/Market Buildings Featuring many of the Top Model Train vendors from all across Ontario. Southern Ontario's largest model train show with 25,000 sq. ft. of vendor space www.collectorshows.ca NEXT SHOW JAN. 21 TO 23 www.antiqueshowscanada.com WOODSTOCK TOY AND COLLECTABLES EXPO SUNDAY, JAN. 9 9:30 AM – 3 PM Oxford Auditorium & Mutual/Market Buildings A huge assortment of old and new toys and collectibles, featuring everything from rare and hard-to-find items to the latest releases. www.collectorshows.ca Year-End Distressed Multi-Million Dollar JEWELLERY AUCTION Antiques, Collectables, Rare Books, Ephemera Producing Canada’s favourite shows since 1980 www.affordablecreationsto.hibid.com Last Chance • Art & Collectibles • Automotive • Baby • Bikes • Books • Business & Industrial • Clothing & Shoes • Clothing & Shoes • Dealer Lots • Electronics & Computers • Fundraising & Charity • Grocery • Halloween & Costumes • Health, Beauty & Special Needs • Hobbies & Crafts • Home & Appliances • Jewellery • Kids & Toys • Movies, DVDs & Blu-Rays • Music & CDs • Musical Instruments & Gear • Office & Store Supplies • Patio, Lawn & Garden • Pets • Phones • School Supplies • Sports & Fitness • Tools & Home Improvement • Toys & Games • Video Games STOREY'S Online & Live Auctions! 530 First St., London ON N5V 1Z3 www.storeyauctions.com 519-641-2844 info@storeys.ca NHL & MEMORIBILIA AUCTION DEC 29 - JAN 5 TH 7 P.M. SOFT CLOSE A Great New Years sale of rare & unique NHL & sports memoribillia, mixed with nostalgic & collectable items, all from a local collection. GILLANDERS AUCTION SERVICES 647-212-2275 www.g-a-s.ca Rob Sage Online Antique Auctions Quality Antique Consignments BOOKING FALL SALES Welcome www.robsageauctions.com 1-877-797-2135
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