My Last Days on Earth

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My Last Days on Earth
Poetry of love, and death, in time of war
By Moushumi Amour

Dedicated to everyone who did not survive the 2020 global pandemic, and
your loved ones.
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Life Doesn’t Make Us Gods
Life doesn't make us gods
But Love might
Twitter won't make you god
But your photography might
Your words just might
Listen to the sounds
I'm your heart
You're my soul
Together we make love
And hopefully together we can grow old
But life won't be nice
The years won't always be kind
Will mostly be wet of tears and sweat
And worry and sadness
That we carry in our heavy hearts
I'll try to smile more for you my dear
In the morning when we make our coffee together
At night when we feed the cats together
At dinner when we have our words over a hot meal and drinks
I'll try to hide my tears my fears
I'll try to be grateful for these moments
Sometimes I wonder if they're stolen moments
Because this is all I have dear
You are all I have here
You are all I have dear

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Did We Miss The Years
Did we miss the years
When we were hungry and full of youth
Is it too late
To grab the tiger by it's nuts
And I feel dead today
And I feel sad today
For this ball of fire that barely was
Will never have
Again
Had for a short short minute
That ended too quickly
Before I was even born
Before I had the chance to be alive
And I still mourn
Every single day
This sadness will never go away
And the hardest part is that
I have to be okay

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All The Things
We get to be all of the things
Ripped jeans and doc marteens
with the fucking athletic socks
Lush-like girl band in the midst of a portland winter
Red lipstick pan girl who writes all the things
Then flies to LA in between
We get to do all the things
Make music by candelabra high above the city
Come down from the hill
Be a part of this change
Your change
My change
Our change
We get to do all the things
That our soul calls us to do
Take long breaths
And feel the sadness of the shortest days
When I'm gone trying to make my way
When I'm gone writing my days
When I'm far away
And even though we'd much rather be home
In the warmth of our beds
With cozy socks n toes
We get to do all the things
Out there in the wild
Out there in the cold
We get to make a mark on this world

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If We Live to See The Day
The ones who save souls
Are the ones who get to heal
The ones worth following
Aren't what they seem to be
Smart isn't always paired with inner beauty
Street smarts are your best bet
Until your faced with prejudice
And privilege
Then
you can save the world
that is
if you live to see the day
She tried to fight her fears
While you judged her
And then judged me
No one wants to follow you anymore
At least
Not me
You know what you've done
In the face of your anger
In the wake of her death
You've judged a dead girl
You've judged her friends and her world
And in so doing you judged me
And you never said sorry
You'll never say sorry
Too stuck in your own victim hood
Narcissism

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Once I thought
You could save the world
Now I know
You can hardly save yourself

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Just a Few More
Wonder who I am these days
Bushy hair, grays popping out, belly weight so heavy
I try everything
Walking miles
Intermittent Fasting
Then I remember I need to take probiotics, so I spend $200 on vitamins
To help me get through this troubled time
My troubled mind
I'm self-conscious
Overweight
Irrelevant
It doesn't matter
Everything is changing
For better or worse
I still have work
I should feel good
I try to embrace the hair the body
The middle age woes
I get to write
I get to write
And I am happy
But self-conscious and out of style
For days
At least if my legs are thin
I can wear cowboy boots
So there's that
At least
We walk by the houses and apartments
And imagine what it would be like if we lived there

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Portland streets
In the evening
In the sun
In the haze
These summer days
The homeless take their spots
In the crevices in between
Their homes they've created
Amidst this madness
as the sun goes down
barely
My friends seem to act the same
Like this will all just end one day
And we will go back to the way we were
But we won't
I know that
I embrace that
I am slowly letting go
I am almost out from the shore
I am almost out away from the shore
Just a few more
Just a few more
House
I had a house once
I bought a house once
It held the hopes

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Like the weighted armoire
That sat in the living room
For years and years and years
I had a house once
Then one day
I just let it go
Vanish into thin air
I could no longer go
I could no longer hold
I could not go another year
That house became a ghost
An empty host
An ambulism in my ass
A fucking albatross
Around my neck
I once had a house
It gave me hope
And then it
Tore me apart
Oxygen
But I'm so glad we came here like a last-minute bootstrap machine gun and
car load of guitar strings these two cats and the big drums. I'm so glad we live

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here during this quarantinium
I'll take this time
This green light breathing in this oxygen.
Fuck The Man
But I hate the good ole boys
Running rampant around these here parts

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I wanna gotta get to the eastside
But I'm afraid they're everywhere
Unless they're queer
Ugh I'm drowning in disgust
And all the girls in this part
Just this right here
Falling in line
Sucking up
Sold out
I gotta get back
To my punk rock
My love of rock
Queer n glove
And disband to rebrand
Re-band
Because fuck him
Fuck the man
All Us Girls
We used to date girls
Found boys in the new age

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Is it pain
To forget
Is it okay to be fluid yet?
Too many boys
Sometimes I regret
But that's the way
That life got get
Mikasha Who?
Mikasha Manzano
Is everything that
I Left behind
That got misplaced
That got lost in the rubble

like ziggurat stardust
In the air
In my hair
That's right
A plump mom if you dare
Plunom is that a word?
Mikasha manzanita doesn't care
Mikasha manzanilla don't care
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Writing in the Company
Of
Not strangers
Rather friends
Companions
back woods country sides
Filling the well
In backseats
And passengers seats
On air mattresses
On the floor
Under trees
living creatures
Amidst forest fires
Converted sheds in back house
Off the grid
Here I go
Now you see me
Now you don't
I'll keep going
Different roads
Keeps the heady steady
Flow
In the meantime
Till I can fly
No medical aid
Watching every sun rise

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Witch Power
I can feel it swirling
My witch power growing
Don't weaken it with ecstasy
Or amphetamine
Ephedrine or wine
I can feel my body strengthening
Don't weaken it with diets
juice cleanses
fasting and lies
Steadfast dawning
No longer fawning
Embracing the stench
That comes from within
A decaying body
That contains a soul
A spirit that's alive
Wherever it goes

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Suspended In Time
Suspended in time
No water
for my bath
My skin peels
No moisturizer for these dry hands
Marching along
This moment will never be again
I long for home
But their faces
The long nights tossing and turning
I'll never be here again
If I could only stay
But I wanna go
Most minutes of everyday
Unable to stay
Present
Half alive
Barely living
Until you look back
At the life you once had
The days you once lived
Always in hindsight
Always in retrospect
Seeing behind
So well

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Ibiza
Leaving
I'm leaving this country
I'll record this next album
Then I'll go
Where will it be
Why will it be
For music and creativity
Freedom and art
I can work from anywhere
And I will
It's time
After this pandemic stops raging
To see which city calls me
I still think it might just be
Ibiza

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Because, It’s Killing Me
Patience.
They say it's a virtue
I try to find reasons
To move
to change
I came here with these furry ideologies
You
I came here with you
You came here with me
I am dragging through this rain
Trying to make
trying to figure out
Do something in this wake
You leave every morning as
I leap off into the madness
Intoxication
Overworked
Heavy weights of life
Taking me out
Leaving me dry
It's almost done
It's almost over
I am giving up
Throwing in the towel
Just a few more months of this heartache

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Stuck
In the mud
Bouncing in circles
Why can't I let go?
I paid off my debts
I've built an empire
Why must I do more
Why can't I just maintain
What's good is good enough
Support it
Water it
Instead
Always wanting something more
Can you imagine it
Then it shall be
Can you believe it
Then it shall be

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Obsessed
I have become
This obsessed rat in a hole
That doesn't know
You are so much more
Than your resume
Which is fucking extensive
Anyway
You are so much more
Can't be confined
By letters on a web page
Boxed and linked to great big worlds
Yet you've created and aren't satisfied
The pages and pages and pages of profiles
Which mean nothing
And everything
To you