From the Mouth of Babes

1

Sordid Fame
Embracing the Muse Within
Releasing the anger within
Moving forward
Listening to the feeling in my belly
That needs to be heard
To be freed
Too many hours on one thing
The thing that I no longer want
Not sure I want
Too many hours this week on the thing
That I no longer want
Sordid money
A word out of nowhere
2

I didn't even know what it meant
Embrace the muse when it moves within you
They show you the way
A spirit that moves in and out
Should you capture it
It's up to you.
3

Thin Arms
I love my thin arms
Cold skin
Armpit smell
And the heaviness in the air
Even though I ate the poison
Because I ate the poison
I slip into this despair
The poison seeps into my brain
I lash out in anger
The fury expands in my belly
It tightens and contracts
Contracts and tightens
4

Velveteen
Velveteen
Summer and spring
I don't know where I've been
I don't know who I am
What I'm doing
What's this
In between
Velveteen like silk pants
Rubber plants
Pink slacks
Velveteen jacket on your lapel
Shoulder holster
5

You know so well
I'm tired
So tired
Laborious labor
Lifeguard
Afraid
6

For Now
Forget about me
For now
I dare you to
I want you to
In these days
Let the others shine
One day I'll be back
Just when you'd thought
I'd forgotten
Well
You'd forget I knew it
7

But I didn't care
I had to do what was in my heart
The music is in my heart
This song
These words
So go ahead
And forget about me
I want you to
I dare you to
It's all gonna be gone one day anyway
It doesn't matter if it's today
Tomorrow
Or yesterday
So go ahead
And forget about me
8

I want you to
I dare you to
When the lights go down
You'll go home
And think about yourself
But you'll need a song
A song that's in my heart today
Will put you to sleep tomorrow
The music is in my heart
This song
These words
And I'll give them to you
One day
I'll give them to you
One day
9

So go ahead
And forget about me
I want you to
I dare you to
I Will Blow You Off
I will blow you off
I will ghost
I will be elusive
You will know
You will feel
The truth
I will shut the door forever
And yet never say goodbye
10

I will lie and say I'm coming
My actions will be louder than my words
I will never ever show up for you again
Though I might pretend
Give you lip service and hope
But in the end
I will never show
I will never show up for you again
11

It’s Time
I'm problematic this I know
With my drugs cowboy hardware drugstores
Yes I know
It's time to go underground
And learn this guitar
Play some good riffs
Play some covers
12

Find a singer
Find a singer
Find a muthrr fuccking singer
This Noose
I have to extricate myself from you
In my sadness
From your booze
And my drugs
And this noose I've been killing my self with
I have to go
13

I must leave
God I want to run
And be gone already
I want to hide indoors
I want to sink into this hole
I want to must go
The See, The Saw
The See, The Saw
My life is a merry go round
A life of spinning around
Sometimes so fast I get dizzy
Other times boring uneventful
Always relentless
14

I can feel her sadness and her pain
But also I feel my anger and resentment
This see the saw.
What does she see now? Me leaving goodbye.
All I remember is walking home, in the rain, New York City, the curt, the short,
the judgment and my tears she never saw.
My friend, I thought
Abandoned, I felt
Again, like so many times before
I see now. The ambivalence. Maybe disgust. Superiority. And, Me chasing.
Always trying to prove. Seeking. Approval. Where none was to be found.
Never to be found. Disapproving friends disapproving themselves. Not me.
It's not about me. It's only about me if I let their hate around me.
So, I'm making the cuts again. Hard choices. Lost friends. Or, maybe just
taking space. A little distance. Avoid getting too close. For now. Does this
make me a fair-weathered friend? I have my reasons.
15

One day, perhaps, the merry go round will spin back 'round again.
The Years
Seeing my friends age before my eyes
Alcohol and sadness
Loneliness and truth
Savaged by the years
Of late nights
Too much sleep lost
16

Too many things lost
Hope
Friends
Why am I returning to the past? Dead? Lost? I'm not sure why.
Shouldn't I just write?
Why do I sometimes go back. Fear.
Why do I wish to linger? Fear.
Fear I won't be better.
Fear of getting older
Fear of going broke
going for broke
Fear of being less relevant
So irrelevant
But, there is a peace in being a part of the past
17

My work is done
I said it before
I work towards this goal
It's time to pass the torch
So this age, it has sort of crept up on me.
And, this fear is keeping me stuck. But i have to write my stories now.
Not that I am more tired. My priorities have shifted. And, yes, I can say that I
am also tired. Sleepy city. Maybe that's just today.
Simple
She called me simple
And I haven't forgotten
And, I've made a life anything but
18

But, had I not
And, been true to this source
My simplicity would have won the
Pulitzer award
They hadn't wanted me to follow this voice
They were afraid of this voice
Or perhaps it was me
Unsure
Afraid
Scaredy little cat
Not the lioness I am meant to be
Not the Lioness that is meant to be
Languishing in the sun
Lazy following her bliss
Knowing of her course
Knowing of the source
19

Knowing nothing else
But of course
What was simply given
A simple gift
A gift of words
Of emotional outlet
Of honoring the experience
To be taken away by a few single words
Disapproval concerns
Sighs and well...
The fear of being utterly alone
When we dive into the work
Those who are afraid will fall off
And, I guess that was the scariest course
For this child alone in the world
To be labeled simple, only complicated the circuit
20

Turning me into a work horse
But coming back I'm free now
I don't give a damn now
I know what I've got now
Sure, I took the long road to get here
Mostly rooted in fear
Of isolation. Loneliness.
I can do this
And still have lunch dates.
Dinner dates
The occasional drink
The late night extravaganza
I can do this
especially if I do this.
21

The Best of this Nest
22

After 3 long years
Hunkering down
My life in tears
The weight is being lifted
The heaviness this house
It has brought to our lives
The responsibility
The duty
Dutiful and repressed
Oppressed
Depressed
It wasn't like it was
When there was life
And youth
And music
Though I tried to recreate
23

And embrace
So I did
I tried
To make the best of this nest
A life
For cats
Stability
In between drugs and yoga
And dogs and music
And friends downtown
Or in the high desert
Well that last one
Another life lesson
Me trying to make it work
Forced
Square peg no hole
24

Here in this house
This job
This life
Not me
Not mine
But use them to float
To help me float
Instead of as an anchor
25

Desire Will Fuck You Up
I can't find it tonight
Late at night
In these sheets
I don't know it
The how
When the desire becomes bigger than
The drive
They're different you know
Desire wants without knowing
Drive does without caring
Desire cares too much
Drive doesn't give a fuck
26

Desire will fuck you up
Tonight it's on fire
Tonight it's getting bigger
Desire takes over when the path is unclear
Desire is longing
Not near
Empty burning
Blurry
Bellyache
27

Then You’re Screwed
When your will can't be stopped
And your power is overwhelming
And you know you must keep going
Even when they don't like
Especially when they don't love
Give you praise or accolades
Look at you sideways
Probably afraid
It's not needed to assume what
is going on
Some sort of algorithm or blatant haterism
Look at it as flattery
28

Jealousy
I want to
But I can't be sure
Then they inadvertently or not
Take themselves out of the game
Of your friendship
The universe is listening
Are you playing
Are you staying the course
Of your creative path
If so, the ideas will come.
But the fear of loneliness remains.
If everyone else wants to vibrate lower
Than you.
29

Then, you're screwed.
How To Say Fuck You
Sunday sadness
And confusion
When I should be grateful
Is it hormones or a chemical imbalance
Or a deep feeling of being misunderstood
An awakening
An understanding
I've been placating for a long time
My entire life
Emotional labor
30

For all these years
All these fucking years
Self imposed pressure
Trying to figure out how to undo
World imposed pressure
Trying to figure out how to say
fuck you
31

You Should Be Ashamed
You should be ashamed of yourself
Killing a dream
Banishing the hands that feed you
Support you
Hold you up
You should be ashamed of yourself
For wanting more
For not being grateful
For being so hateful
32

You should be ashamed of yourself
For bullying the kind, the sensitive, the lovers, the artists. You should be
ashamed.
For bullying the helpers. The healers. The cheerleaders. The protectors.
You should be ashamed.
Because I'm embarrassed to see you
Saddened to believe it
Scared to see it
Worn and beaten down
a world I can't compete with
I must hold on to the truth
I must believe the truth
Will come out in the end
33

So I Guess I’ll Just Go
This is a story of how I am getting old
How I got old
How we all got old
One day
How I turned the corner
And he was incoherent
Not like in June
34

Or maybe I just never noticed
This is a story of how I want to go home
But I have no home to go to
Anymore
Because its worse to hold on
Than let go
Sometimes
Most times
So I guess I'll just go
35

I Can Be Strong Here
I can come here alone
I can land in the sky without
Your pie
Your eye
Mixed feelings
As we glide over the San Fernando Valley
36

You don't want this home
I don't think I can let go
I have ideas that take flight
In the sunlight
In the bright
They come to life
I can be right
I can handle night
I can be strong
Here
I can be strong here
37

Smile forgiveness that
Only you believe
With your kind words
You can erase
Their fear
She Withdrew
She'll be your friend
She'll love you
Praise the ground you walk on
For now
39

She'll like like like the things
You do
You say
Until one day
You err because you're human
You take a break
You change your mind
You falter
Even though
You invited her
You included her
You paid for things
You saw in her
The things she refused to believe
And
40

Even though you knew
It could end any minute
You tried
Then, like you knew
It would
Her distrust took over
It's larger than life
It's greater than you
She withdrew
It's her not you
But it will sting forever through
As she sees past you
Throws you away
Like lasts night dinner
That failed you and her
Again
41

So true
My Empire of Creation
What if we revered it
42

Instead of shamed it
What if I owned it
Instead of blamed it?
What if I stood where I lived every moment of the day?
What if I never looked back or never look forward and just appreciated?
Can we just be and accept and love ourselves today?
What if we loved it?
every minute of it?
Dead Girls
43

I'm back in my city
Where the dead girls sing to me
Cold gray
Long black coat
black boots slipping
Off
Flipping me off
I still hear you
The train rumbles along
This old town
Glittering lights
Unfamiliar faces in these
Old places
This future
I never saw
Oh I know I do
I still hear you
44

This tube
This tune
I carry you
I still hear you
Dead girls singing
Up to me from
The dark night platform
On these tracks
Way below
They hear me too
They still hear me too
45

Threesome
Threes On
It's time
Go where I want to be
With she and he
She and she
Under the stars
Screaming in the trees
Kiss goodbye for now
Faint smiles in my heart
As I walk away
Every night
As I walk home
Every night
Alone
46

Leave two by two
You two
South by Southwest
Mountains
Spread joy
Love the kiss
Love the kiss
Leave it on your lips
In your mind
Time after time
I come alive
After 9
In bed by 11
Asleep by 12
In your dreams tonight
47

Just for one night
Oakland
Hiding out in Oakland
The sky is aglow and misty
The lingering fog will embrace me
The bustle of the city beneath me
Trees and forest density
Oakland you're a mystery
I see your garden stopped blooming
In the eve of this wintery morning
I see your animals are glistening
Waiting for their warm friend
Oakland you have blossomed
48

Over night it seemed
I was never accustomed to your lavish glow
Deceiving
Curves and hills
You're growing
You're blooming even in this chill
Oakland you have warmed me
In this state that is depleting
In this state that are fleeting
49