FUR & GRRR: The Funniest Things People Have Said About DOGS
Hours of laughter for dog lovers! Laugh-out-loud humor from Dave Barry • Ellen DeGeneres • Jerry Seinfeld • The New Yorker • The Onion • Paula Poundstone • Steven Wright • Jay Leno • David Letterman • George Carlin • Rita Rudner • Bill Maher • Wanda Sykes • Erma Bombeck • Jeff Foxworthy — and many more. Plus hilarious tweets from folks like you. • Ellen DeGeneres tells you about her dogs’ intelligence — "I’m smarter than my dogs. Well, smarter than one of my dogs." • Dave Barry advises you on the best dog food for your dog — for starters, be sure you get “brown dog food." • Jerry Seinfeld observes: "On my block, a lot of people walk their dogs and I always see them walking along with their little poop bags. This, to me, is the lowest activity in human life. Following a dog with a little scooper.” • The Onion advises on “Choosing the Right Dog for You” — "First, decide which type of dog hair you want to stick to everything you own for the rest of your life.” • The Onion also offers tips for training your dog — including, "Start with simple commands like 'sit' before working your way up to the more complicated ones like 'fill the gaping void in my life.'" • The New Yorker talks about “Things I Want to Ask My Dog” — such as, "That time I came home and the garbage was all over the kitchen floor, and you acted like you couldn’t remember how it happened because you 'live in the moment,' did you actually remember? Be honest.” • Humorist Jack Handey advises: "Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you’re coming home his face might burn up.” And several hundred pages more. TO ORDER: Go to tinyurl.com/fur-grrr-dogs
Hours of laughter for dog lovers!
Laugh-out-loud humor from Dave Barry • Ellen DeGeneres • Jerry Seinfeld • The New Yorker • The Onion • Paula Poundstone • Steven Wright • Jay Leno • David Letterman • George Carlin • Rita Rudner • Bill Maher • Wanda Sykes • Erma Bombeck • Jeff Foxworthy — and many more. Plus hilarious tweets from folks like you.
• Ellen DeGeneres tells you about her dogs’ intelligence — "I’m smarter than my dogs. Well, smarter than one of my dogs."
• Dave Barry advises you on the best dog food for your dog — for starters, be sure you get “brown dog food."
• Jerry Seinfeld observes: "On my block, a lot of people walk their dogs and I always see them walking along with their little poop bags. This, to me, is the lowest activity in human life. Following a dog with a little scooper.”
• The Onion advises on “Choosing the Right Dog for You” — "First, decide which type of dog hair you want to stick to everything you own for the rest of your life.”
• The Onion also offers tips for training your dog — including, "Start with simple commands like 'sit' before working your way up to the more complicated ones like 'fill the gaping void in my life.'"
• The New Yorker talks about “Things I Want to Ask My Dog” — such as, "That time I came home and the garbage was all over the kitchen floor, and you acted like you couldn’t remember how it happened because you 'live in the moment,' did you actually remember? Be honest.”
• Humorist Jack Handey advises: "Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you’re coming home his face might burn up.”
And several hundred pages more.
TO ORDER: Go to tinyurl.com/fur-grrr-dogs
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DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES
TO OWN A DOG?
(DOES A DOG HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE YOUR PET?)
Mixed-Breed Aptitude Tests (MBAT) for Dog Owners and
Dogs
Since many of us have been schooled to believe that only by taking tests
can we really come to know our proclivities and aptitudes, we offer you
the security of that all-American standby, the multiple-choice aptitude
test.
In fact, we offer you two — one for you as a prospective owner and
one for your dog, since it is unrealistic to overlook the fact that although
you may think you have selected the right dog, the dog may not share your
enthusiasm.
A special grading pencil is not needed to take the test — any old
Mongol will do. Circle the appropriate letter for each question.
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