FUR & GRRR: The Funniest Things People Have Said About DOGS
Hours of laughter for dog lovers! Laugh-out-loud humor from Dave Barry • Ellen DeGeneres • Jerry Seinfeld • The New Yorker • The Onion • Paula Poundstone • Steven Wright • Jay Leno • David Letterman • George Carlin • Rita Rudner • Bill Maher • Wanda Sykes • Erma Bombeck • Jeff Foxworthy — and many more. Plus hilarious tweets from folks like you. • Ellen DeGeneres tells you about her dogs’ intelligence — "I’m smarter than my dogs. Well, smarter than one of my dogs." • Dave Barry advises you on the best dog food for your dog — for starters, be sure you get “brown dog food." • Jerry Seinfeld observes: "On my block, a lot of people walk their dogs and I always see them walking along with their little poop bags. This, to me, is the lowest activity in human life. Following a dog with a little scooper.” • The Onion advises on “Choosing the Right Dog for You” — "First, decide which type of dog hair you want to stick to everything you own for the rest of your life.” • The Onion also offers tips for training your dog — including, "Start with simple commands like 'sit' before working your way up to the more complicated ones like 'fill the gaping void in my life.'" • The New Yorker talks about “Things I Want to Ask My Dog” — such as, "That time I came home and the garbage was all over the kitchen floor, and you acted like you couldn’t remember how it happened because you 'live in the moment,' did you actually remember? Be honest.” • Humorist Jack Handey advises: "Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you’re coming home his face might burn up.” And several hundred pages more. TO ORDER: Go to tinyurl.com/fur-grrr-dogs
Hours of laughter for dog lovers!
Laugh-out-loud humor from Dave Barry • Ellen DeGeneres • Jerry Seinfeld • The New Yorker • The Onion • Paula Poundstone • Steven Wright • Jay Leno • David Letterman • George Carlin • Rita Rudner • Bill Maher • Wanda Sykes • Erma Bombeck • Jeff Foxworthy — and many more. Plus hilarious tweets from folks like you.
• Ellen DeGeneres tells you about her dogs’ intelligence — "I’m smarter than my dogs. Well, smarter than one of my dogs."
• Dave Barry advises you on the best dog food for your dog — for starters, be sure you get “brown dog food."
• Jerry Seinfeld observes: "On my block, a lot of people walk their dogs and I always see them walking along with their little poop bags. This, to me, is the lowest activity in human life. Following a dog with a little scooper.”
• The Onion advises on “Choosing the Right Dog for You” — "First, decide which type of dog hair you want to stick to everything you own for the rest of your life.”
• The Onion also offers tips for training your dog — including, "Start with simple commands like 'sit' before working your way up to the more complicated ones like 'fill the gaping void in my life.'"
• The New Yorker talks about “Things I Want to Ask My Dog” — such as, "That time I came home and the garbage was all over the kitchen floor, and you acted like you couldn’t remember how it happened because you 'live in the moment,' did you actually remember? Be honest.”
• Humorist Jack Handey advises: "Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you’re coming home his face might burn up.”
And several hundred pages more.
TO ORDER: Go to tinyurl.com/fur-grrr-dogs
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NAME DAT DOG
You might be a redneck if your dog’s name is Miller Light.
— Jeff Foxworthy
I bought a dog the other day. I named him Stay. It’s fun to call him,
“Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!” He went insane. Now he just ignores
me and keeps typing.
— Steven Wright
They say that you can tell man apart from other animals by his ability to
reason. I think you could also go by last names. What’s his name?
Patches? Patches what? That’s a dog. Don’t waste my time.
— Demetri Martin
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