Think Like a Monk (Jay Shetty)

But when a family member, a friend, or a colleague is involved, distancing
ourselves is often not an option or not the rst response we want to give. We need
to use other strategies.
Thhe 25/75 Principle
For every negative person in your life, have three uplifting people. I try to
surround myself with people who are better than I am in some way: happier,
more spiritual. In life, as in sports, being around better players pushes you to
grow. I don’t mean for you to take this so literally that you label each of your
friends either negative or uplifting, but aim for the feeling that at least 75 percent
of your time is spent with people who inspire you rather than bring you down.
Do your part in making the friendship an uplifting exchange. Don’t just spend
time with the people you love—grow with them. Take a class, read a book, do a
workshop. Sangha is the Sanskrit word for community, and it suggests a refuge
where people serve and inspire each other.
Allocate Time
Another way to reduce negativity if you can’t remove it is to regulate how much
time you allow a person to occupy based on their energy. Some challenges we face
only because we allow them to challenge us. There might be some people you can
only tolerate for an hour a month, some for a day, some for a week. Maybe you
even know a one-minute person. Consider how much time is best for you to
spend with them, and don’t exceed it.
Don’t Be a Savior
If all someone needs is an ear, you can listen without exerting much energy. If we
try to be problem-solvers, then we become frustrated when people don’t take our
brilliant advice. The desire to save others is ego-driven. Don’t let your own needs
shape your response. In Sayings of the Fathers, a compilation of teachings and
maxims from Jewish Rabbinic tradition, it is advised, “Don’t count the teeth in
someone else’s mouth.” Similarly, don’t attempt to x a problem unless you have
the necessary skills. Think of your friend as a person who is drowning. If you are
an excellent swimmer, a trained lifeguard, then you have the strength and
wherewithal to help a swimmer in trouble. Similarly, if you have the time and