blocked_5

ISSUE 5 

Lazy Knitter’s guide to 

Gift Knitting 

Reflections on 

Learning to Knit 

Who Knits! 

© AndreSueKnits 

Nothing new 

Under the Sun

Editor 

Neil of Uknitted Kingdom 

For all enquiries: 

blockedmagazine@gmx.com 

Cover photography 

© AndreSueKnits 2022 

Cover design 

BS Designs 

Illustrations 

Uknitted Kingdom 

Contributors: 

The Laziest Knitter 

MillieKM Knits 

Murderknits 

Spuds MacKenzie 

Yelena of Scythia 


Karen Juliano 

Liz Clothier Designs 

Laura Neubauer 

AndreSueKnits 

Cezanne Pellet 

Maria D Prokop 

Proofreading 

Cezanne Pellet 

Denise Pettus 

Laura Neubauer 

BS Designs 

Unless otherwise indicated the information, 

articles, artwork, patterns and photography 

published in BLOCKED Magazine are subject 

to copyright ©2022 BLOCKED Magazine. 

All rights reserved. 

BLOCKED Magazine permits the online 

distribution of the magazine in it’s entirety. 

Distribution of any of the contents of this 

magazine are for purposes of sale or resale 

is strictly prohibited.

Dearest readers, 

After a rather hot summer here in the UK, it is finally this knitter’s favorite season. 

The skies are bright, the air is crisp, and there’s a tingle in the atmosphere that signals that 

Halloween, Bonfire Night, and Christmas, will be upon us before we can bind off our latest 

projects! 

Whilst our friends in the Southern Hemisphere are washing and putting away their 

woolies for the summer, we north of the Equator can dust off the moth balls and get cozy, 

enveloped in wool, as we knit/crochet. 

For many, this winter is going to be a difficult one. Energy costs are doubling, even 

tripling, in some countries. The difficult choice of ‘eating or heating’ will be blamed on 

everything from Trump to Brexit via Putin and the pandemic. 

Sadly, there isn’t a lot we can do to affect global energy prices. However, we can knit, 

we can crochet, and we can help ourselves, and others. 

At the risk of teaching granny to suck eggs, there are a few things we can do before 

resorting to turning up the thermostat. 

It used to be believed that the majority of the body’s heat is lost through the head. 

Wearing a hat indoors will stoke your inner furnace. Wear thicker hats outdoors. 

If you keep the pulse-points on your wrists warm, you’ll be surprised how much warmer 

you’ll feel overall. Indoors, a pair of woolen wrist bands will make a big difference. Wear 

your mitts and gloves outside, as my grandmother would say, “to feel the benefit.” 

DK or worsted weight socks are going to keep your toes toasty, and those Stephen West 

shawls can finally be of some practical use, keeping the chill from your shoulders. 

Cuddling up beneath those “Cozy Memory” and “10 stitch” blankets, in addition to your 

hat, pulse warmers, socks, and shawl, is probably going to make you sweat! I guarantee 

you’ll have to remove one of these items even as the snow falls. 

No need to match, no need to look fashionable, just keep you and yours warm. 

Need more woolies and stuck for ideas? We have hats, a cowl, and a pair of mitts 

amongst this issue’s pattern collection. 

Before we know it we’ll be complaining of the heat and sharing What The Forecast?!! 

app screenshots on social media. 

Yours faithfully, 

Neil 


3

The Lazy Knitter’s Guide to 

by the Laziest Knitter 

Gift Knitting 

It’s that time of year again when knitters everywhere 

are looking at the calendar and trying to decide if they 

can get 27 pairs of socks knitted and wrapped and 

under the tree before Christmas. Discussions of “knitworthiness” 

start popping up on social media along with 

cute little patterns that you can knit up in one evening. 

Visions of a cozy handmade holiday inspire many to 

spend every available second knitting away towards 

Christmas morning as the rest of their life (and responsibilities) 

sit on hold. 

Granted, some people plan out their holiday gift giving 

in January and gift knit all year long and are probably 

not feeling any pressure right now. I am not one of 

those people. June is too far away from December for 

me to give any energy towards gift knitting. I want to do 

June things in June. In 

October, my mind 

starts wandering over 

to Christmas but it’s 

not until after Thanksgiving 

that I truly give 

it my full focus. This 

means there’s one full 

calendar month to get 

all of my Yuletide making 

accomplished. It 

takes careful consideration 

to get it done 

without losing my mind. 

What Do They Really Want? 

I learned early that not everyone likes every handmade 

gift. Not even me. As I’ve gotten older, I appreciate 

them much more but that’s not always been the 

case. My grandmother was a crocheter and loved to 

make the grandkids clothes and accessories for the holidays. 

At 7-years-old, I was wishing for a Flip and Fold 

Fashion but instead received a scratchy white crocheted 

hat with built in scarves that dangled from the side like 

dog ears and that had my name emblazoned in blue across 

the front. I loved my grandma but hated that hat. 

4 

Perspective is Everything 

As crafters, we can forget what a handmade item can 

look like to the unacquainted. Remember what a 

Stephen West sweater design looked like when you first 

saw it? Would you ever purchase something like that at 

the store? Even today, I’d likely only wear one of his designs 

to a fiber festival where other people understand 

what it is and why I’m wearing it. When you gift knit, consider 

what the item looks like to a non-knitter. That $38 

hank of speckled yarn might look like a muddy mess of 

a hat to the uninformed. 

Value Systems Aren’t All the Same 

My mother made all her own clothes in high school 

because that was the only way she could afford to have 

a new wardrobe. Today, off-the-rack clothes are cheaper 

than buying fabric. Handmade is now more expensive 

than store bought in most cases but not everyone realizes 

this. Some think that handmade is “getting off 

cheap.” 

For Christmas one year, I made my mother-in-law a 

flannel quilt. (You can imagine the cost of the project.) 

She didn’t ask for it and never showed any interest in 

any of my sewing before but I thought that this soft cozy 

blanket would be a hit. I was wrong. She tried to show 

enthusiasm when she opened it up and pulled it out of 

the box but I could tell she hated it. I’ve never made her 

a gift again. She’s thrilled if I give her anything with a 

recognizable name brand on it. That’s just how she is 

and it works for me. 

If I give her a $20 

box of Waterford 

crystal glasses that I 

found at Ross, she’s 

happy and I’m 

happy. My beautiful 

handmade quilts 

can stay at my 

house! 

Continued on next page...

Lazy Knitter Continued... 

Everyone is Knitworthy 

Knitters like to talk about being “knitworthy.” It 

seems demeaning to me to declare that my mother-inlaw 

is not knitworthy. If she wanted a handknit, I’d make 

her one. She’s worthy. But she doesn’t seem interested 

and past history shows that her gift value system is different 

than mine and that’s okay. It saves me time and 

money to give her things that she seems to appreciate. 

It doesn’t seem right to label her “unworthy” of anything 

for this difference. 

Contemplate the True Cost 

The time you spend knitting gifts is time 

that could go to countless other endeavors. 

There is a cost to the effort of knitting besides 

the materials. This should be taken 

into account as well when you put together 

your lists. Personally, I knit things for 

people when I feel like it. 

I’m largely a “selfish” 

knitter and I make things 

that I want and they get 

finished when I want. 

Sometimes I make things 

for others but usually only when they 

ask or if they’ve admired something 

I’ve made. 

Before you Begin 

Before you wear yourself out handknitting gifts for 

every person you know this year, it’s helpful to ask yourself 

why you are making a person a gift. Is it because 

you think they will love it and treasure it? Is it because 

you are wanting to impress them with your skills and/or 

thoughtfulness? Is it because you found super inexpensive 

materials and it fits into your budget? Or perhaps 

you are a compulsive sock knitter and you have plenty 

of handknitted socks to give away? As with all gift giving, 

the joy is in the giving and not in any expectation of 

receiving something in return. Just make sure that if 

your gift ends up crumpled up on the dirty floor of a car, 

you know that you made it for the love of the person 

and joy of making it and they can do with it what they 

like. 

When the rush and the pressure of the holidays start 

to press on me and the mental images of a beautiful 

homemade Christmas start to lure me 

into frantically knitting gifts for everyone 

I know, I like to stop and remember 

that a bottle of wine or 

chocolate stuffed decorative tins also 

make pretty good gifts. 

5

SNOWFALL 

by MILLIEKM KNITS 

DETAILS & MATERIALS 

Measurements & Gauge: 

Approximately 10.25in/26cm in length, 14in/35.5cm circumference 

to fit a head circumference of 20-23in/51-58cm 

20sts and 30 rows over 4” in the body of the hat pattern using 

US 8/5mm needles, blocked 

Yarn: 

DK weight yarn, approximately 150 yards/137 meters (60 grams) 

Suggested Yarn: Chicken Lady Fiber Arts Americauna DK (100% 

Merino) in color Snowy Day 

Needles: 

Brim: US 7/4.5mm 32 in. circulars 

Body: US 8/5mm 32 in. circulars 

US 8/5mm preferred needles for knitting small circumference 

Notions: 

Stitch Marker, Cable Needle, Tapestry Needle, Scissors, 

Blocking Materials 

GLOSSARY 

CO – Cast On 

Sts - Stitches 

K – Knit 

P – Purl 

K2tog – Knit 2 together 

P2tog – Purl 2 together 

SSK – Slip, slip, knit (slip the first stitch as if to purl and the second stitch as if 

to knit. Return to the left needle and knit together through the back loop) 

CF3 – Cable 3 Forward (slip 3 stitches onto cable needle and hold in front, 

knit 3 stitches, then knit the 3 stitches off the cable needle) 

CF2 – Cable 2 Forward (slip 2 stitches onto cable needle and hold in front, 

knit 2 stitches, then knit the 2 stitches off the cable needle) 

KFBF – Knit into the front of the stitch, do not drop, knit into the back of the 

stitch, do not drop, and knit again into the front of the stitch. (1 stitch has 

been increased to 3 stitches) 

Bobble – KFBF, turn work and purl across 3 stitches, turn work and knit 

across 3 stitches, repeat the last 2 rows once more. Decrease the 3 stitches 

back down to 1 by passing the second stitch over the first and then passing 

the third stitch over the first stitch, leaving you with 1 stitch 

Asterisk (*) - Repeat 

Pattern Notes 

The completed hat will have a slight 

slouch and will fit snug on the head. 

The pattern repeat is worked 5 times 

per round. You can easily adjust the circumference 

by adding or subtracting 

16 stitches. Additional length can be 

added by repeating rows 1 – 18, and 

then beginning the decrease section. 

©MillieKMKnits 2022 

Continued on next page... 

6 

Yarn Snobbery Continued on page 5

Brim: 

CO 80 sts using size 7 needles. Place stitch marker and 

join in the round 

*K2, P2 (2x2 rib) for 3 inches 

Setup Round: 

Switch to size 8 needles *K6, P10 

Body: 

Section 1: 

1. *CF3, P3, Bobble, P6 

2. *K6, P10 

3.*K6, P6, Bobble, P3 

4.*K6, P10 


Rounds 6 – 10 *K6, P10 

Section 2: 

1.*CF3, P4, Bobble, P5 

Rounds 12 – 18 *K6, P10 

Section 3: 


2.*K6, P10 

3.*CF3, P3, Bobble, P6 

4.*K6, P10 


Rounds 24 – 28 *K6, P10 

Section 4: 


2.*K6, P10 

3.*CF3, P10 

Rounds 32 – 36 *K6, P10 

13. *K4, P2tog, P1 (5 sts dec., 30 remaining) 

14. *K4, P2 

15. *K4, P2tog (5 sts dec., 25 remaining) 

16. *SSK, K2tog, P1 (10 sts dec., 15 remaining) 

17. *K2tog, P1 (5 sts dec., 10 remaining) 

Finishing: 

Cut yarn, thread through remaining stitches, and 

close the top of the hat. 

Weave in ends, block, and top with a pom-pom if 

desired. Enjoy! 

• Instagram: @millekmknits 

Tag your progress and your finished hat! #milliekmknits 

#snowfall 

• Contact me: kristyn@slowdownlivesimply.com 

Decreases: 

Use US 8/5mm preferred needles for knitting small 

circumference 

1. *SSK, K2, K2tog, P3, Bobble, P6 (10 sts dec., 70 

remaining) 

2. *K4, P10 

3. *CF2, P2tog, P4, Bobble, P3 (5 sts dec., 65 remaining) 

4. *K4, P9 

5. *K4, P2, Bobble, P4, P2tog (5 sts dec., 60 remaining) 

6. *K4, P8 

7. *K4, P2tog, P4, P2tog (10 sts dec., 50 remaining) 

8. *K4, P6 

9. *K4, P2tog, P2, P2tog (10 sts dec., 40 remaining) 

10. *K4, P4 

11. *CF2, P1, Bobble, P2tog (5 sts dec., 35 remaining) 

12. *K4, P3 

7

By Murderknits 

Is Food to BLAME for 

the Knitting Wars?! 

While I was in the midst of my attack from the 

SJW knitters for not unfollowing Maria Tusken, I 

started to notice a common theme among the 

shrilly women: Their food choices. 

Most people don’t pay attention to other 

people’s food choices, I am not most people. I am, 

admittedly, rather nosy. I like to attend open houses 

to see how strangers decorate. And what's in their 

fridge. I admittedly have what most of the population 

would call a strange diet. I am meat based. 

Ninety percent of my intake is animal protein and fat. 

The remaining 10 percent is coffee. My family follows 

the dietary principles of the Weston A Price Foundation. 

In a nutshell, whole unprocessed foods, full fat 

dairy, animal products, fermented grains and natural 

sweeteners. We try to limit seed oils as much as possible. 

While I was being told I was racist by various 

members of a “knitting community” I noticed two 

common things: 

1.The person throwing the complaint ate a high 

amount of packaged processed food i.e. Oreos, 

chips, candy (mostly Skittles) and soda. 

2. The person is vegan and/or severely limited in 

their intake of animal fats. Could their food choices 

be to blame for their sometimes unhinged, violent 

outbursts? I believe so. 

While doing a basic Google search, one can find 

numerous articles, podcasts and YouTube videos on 

former vegans coming forth and sharing their 

stories. Many have left the vegan lifestyle after their 

mental health tanked. 

I have noticed that the vegan knitters are by far 

the most bitter hags. They spend most their days in a 

cloud of rage fueled by their overpriced nut milk 

Starbucks lattes. They put out calls over social media 

demanding people to call out a designer because 

she wrote a pattern using a rather expensive yarn 

choice. After all, when you spend your money on 

overpriced nut milk lattes, you have little left for 

fancy yarn. 

Would the knitting wars have happened if 

people were eating a traditional nourishing diet? 

Maybe, and maybe not. Watch the key players in the 

attacks and look at their food choices. They have 

more in common than how they voted in the last 

election. 

One doesn’t need to be a doctor to know that 

eating a high amount of packaged processed foods 

makes one feel like a log. Give a kid a package of 

Oreos and wait for the future sugar crash and ensuing 

emotional meltdown. Multiply this by 10 and you 

have adult women demanding another knitter denounce 

a fellow knitter because they knitted a Hufflepuff 

scarf. These women will share the latest Oreo 

cookie flavor in one story and in the next they are 

asking about the local kid-friendly drag shows in 

their area. 

8 

Yarn Snobbery Continued on page 5

CONNECTING 

HEARTS 

by Spuds MacKenzie 



Adult, (Teen: 11 – 19 years old, Child: 3 – 10 years old) 

22 st = 4”, 26 rows = 4” 

Yarn: 

1 skein each Superwash Worsted in two different colors with high contrast. 

Needles: 

US6 (4.0 mm) and US8 (5.0 mm) 16” circular needles and US8 (5.0 mm) dpns 

Notions: 

5 stitch markers – 4 in one color and 1 in a different color 

Tapestry needle for weaving in ends 

Abbreviations: 

K = knit 

P = purl 

St = stitch 

K2tog = knit 2 together 

sm = slip marker 

ssk = slip slip knit 

dpn = double pointed needle 

8 

7 

6 

5 

4 

3 

2 

1 

Cast-On 

With the smaller circular needles, cast-on 120, (96, 72) 

stitches using a stretchy cast-on such as the long-tail caston. 

Joining in the round, place marker. Be careful not to 

twist your stitches! 

Round 1: *k2, p2* 

Repeat this round for 3 (2, 1) inches. Ribbing can be made 

longer if you wish to roll the brim. 

Change to larger needles now. 

Pattern: 

Knit 6 rows. 

Knit chart once. 

After chart, knit 6 rows or until 6.” (5.5”, 4.5”) from cast-on 

edge. 

On Row 6, place markers every 20, (16, 12) stitches. 

The beginning of your round should have a different color 

of marker. 

Crown: You will shape your hat by alternating decrease 

and knit rounds. Switch to dpns when needed. 

Round 1: ssk, (k to 2 st before marker, K2tog, sm, ssk) 

Repeat until 2 stitches before last marker and knit 

Round 2: Knit 

Repeat with Rounds 1&2 4 additional times. 

Round 11: repeat Round 1 

Round 12: (k to two stitches before marker, k2tog) x 6 

Round 13: k2tog 

Cut yarn leaving a long tail. Thread a tapestry needle and 

thread tail through the open loops. Pull tight to close. 

Weave in all ends. Block lightly. 

9

By Yelena of Scythia 

Lady DYE L $ 

10 

D+ 

The inaugural issue of Blocked Magazine published 

an article on customer service and reported 

on Lady Dye’s treatment of a customer named 

“Wendy”. As our dear readers may recall, Lady Dye 

received an email from Wendy who did not like the 

bright, neon colors used in a yarn club inspired by 

“The Golden Girls” television series. Lady Dye proceeded 

to discuss on an Instagram Live video how 

“unprofessional” Wendy when she expressed her 

disappointment in the yarn club in a private email. 

Lady Dye then bragged about cancelling all of 

Wendy’s other orders, including a VIP 

Club membership. She also admitted that 

no one in her East or West Coast 

branches had checked the business email 

for two weeks. So, where is Lady Dye 

now? 

Lady Dye is the subject of Alert post, 

started on May 3, on the Demon Troll (DT) 

discussion board on Ravelry. As of this 

writing, there are 5716 comments on this 

Alert thread. At the time of publication, 

the thread will undoubtedly have more 

comments. It’s almost as if no lessons were learned 

about customer service since the first issue of 

Blocked. 

On September 28, a rather objective summary of 

the Lady Dye “situation” was posted. I found the 

summary to quite thorough, even-handed and welldocumented. 

It appears that for several years, customers 

have had issues with Lady Dye shipping 

pre-orders out in a timely manner, but things started 

to snowball with the Winterpalooza 2022 pre-order 

box. The Winterpalooza box was on sale in November/December 

for a March 2022 delivery. Interesting 

that a winter yarn box didn’t have a promised 

shipping date until the end of winter/beginning of 

spring. 

Lady Dye started receiving emails about the Winterpalooza 

box in April. She communicated shipping 

progress on various social media posts. According 

to the nice summary on DT, on June 1, Lady 

Dye had shipped 270 of 350 boxes (77%). An email 

sent on June 2 claimed that 95% of the boxes (332) 

had been shipped. However, on July 21, 300 of the 

350 Winterpalooza boxes (86%) had been shipped. 

This math is hurting my head. Some customers confirmed 

in August that they had received refunds in 

August. 

In March, Lady Dye announced that she had 

some extra stock of 19th Amendment kits that 

were ready to ship and these kits were listed in 

her shop. As of September 28, these kits have 

yet to be shipped. The 2022 Sock Society subscriptions 

are also experiencing delays. Several 

customers have reported that their Q3 Sock Society 

subscriptions were charged before the Q2 

subscription shipped. 

There are also multiple reports of incomplete 

kits or yarn colors not as described. Many 

of the customers who actually received a Winterpalooza 

box have reported that they only received 

3 full-sized skeins plus 1-2 minis rather than 

the 4 full-sized skeins as indicated in the box description. 

Some boxes are also missing patterns and 

stitch markers. 

Lady Dye customers are also reporting a lack of 

communication or inconsistent communication 

about customer service. According to Lady Dye’s 

various communications over the last five months, 

she has told customers to 1) not email her; 2) send 

her an IG direct message; 3) just kidding, send her 

an email; 4) wait, don’t do that, please fill out this 

form; 5) reply to this particular email but don’t send 

a separate email; and 6) please email this other person 

directly. The various ways Lady Dye has requested 

customers to communicate with her have 

gotten me all tangled in yarn! 

Continued on next page... 

?

Lady Dye - Continued From page 10 

On top of all these issues with individual customers, 

the piece de resistance is that Lady Dye’s 

flagship Local Yarn Shop retailer, Eat.Sleep.Knit, has 

not even received half of a large wholesale order 

made in December 2021. From all accounts, 

Eat.Sleep.Knit is a lovely LYS with fantastic customer 

service. The proprietress has publicly stated on DT 

that Lady Dye owes her $9,952. Since she 

has been unable to receive 

a refund directly 

from Lady Dye, she has 

filed a dispute with her 

credit card company. 

This order included 80 

copies of the print 

edition of the “Candid 

and Colorful” publication. 

This brings us to 

Lady Dye’s foray into 

publishing. “Candid and 

Colorful” was announced 

in early 2021 

and a spring and fall 

edition would be published. 

An e-publication 

would be available for 

$45, while the print 

edition is priced at $50. 

This publication was expected 

to be around 100 

pages. The e-pub was 

published in December 

2021. While the print 

version was promised by 

the end of January 2022, it still has not been 

shipped. I recently ordered the first issue of the new 

ISOM comic book from Rippaverse, a new business 

venture owned by Young Rippa (Eric July), which is 

about the same length as “Candid and Colorful” 

and only cost me $35. I ordered ISOM as a preorder 

at the end of August, and I just received an e- 

mail notification that my order has shipped. Given 

the cost differential of a similar print publication 

size, I wonder what the pages of “Candid and Colorful” 

are made of. Gold leaf? The difference in the 

experiences of those who purchased the print version 

of “Candid and Colorful” and ISOM is stark. I 

am looking forward to Young Rippa’s continued 

success with the Rippaverse. I am also looking forward 

to the amazing indie dyers out there who are 

going to dye Rippaverse colorways! 

Back to Lady Dye. VIP Clubs. Lady Dye 

has annual VIP Clubs with bronze, silver and 

gold tiers. The annual VIP 

Club membership entitles 

members to a certain percentage 

off all orders, an 

electronic subscription to 

“Candid and Colorful” 

(which is supposed to be 

published twice annually), 

quarterly surprises, four free 

patterns, a tote bag and access 

to a monthly craft night 

on Zoom. The math was 

done on the break even for 

the gold tier, and a gold tier 

VIP Club member would 

need to spend $1,700 USD 

in one year to break even. 

Guess how much yarn is 

listed on Lady Dye’s website? 

None. That’s right. 

None. VIP Club members 

have not been able to order 

yarn since at least mid-July. 

Lady Dye’s website states 

that there will be an update 

to the shop in mid-July. It is 

now October and the only 

items available for purchase are the “Candid and 

Colorful” e-publication and Craftivist Craft Night 

sessions. There is no way someone can break even 

with a VIP Club membership unless Lady Dye lists a 

significant amount of yarn in her shop between now 

and the end of the year. Lady Dye announced that 

she is moving from Boston to Providence, Rhode Island. 

Given the fact that she is moving her home, 

moving her yarn shop in Boston and catching up on 

orders from 2021, prospects of breaking even on 

the VIP Club memberships are not looking good. 

Lady Dye - Continued on page 15 

11

DISHIDENT #6 

by UKnitted Kingdom 

12 

PATTERN DESCRIPTION 

Each issue of Blocked will contain a ‘secret’ pattern. The 

design will only be revealed as you knit. The 

instructions might uncover an image; a design, or a 

word/message. 

When using cotton these secret squares make 

excellent dishcloths. If you make 4 or 5 of each square in 

wool or acrylic they can be seamed together at the end 

of the year to make a small Afghan or lap blanket. 

GAUGE & MATERIALS 

Each dishident uses approximately 41 to 43g of 

worsted weight 100% cotton. Follow the yarn 

manufacturer’s recommended needle size. 

DIRECTIONS 

→ Row 1 [WS]: k45 

← Row 2 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 3 [WS]: k45 

← Row 4 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 5 [WS]: k45 

← Row 6 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 7 [WS]: k4, p37, k4 

← Row 8 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 9 [WS]: k4, p15, k8, p14, k4 

← Row 10 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 11 [WS]: k4, p11, k16, p10, k4 

← Row 12 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 13 [WS]: k4, p8, k5, p2, k3, p2, k3, p2, k5, 

p7, k4 

← Row 14 [RS]: k45 


p3, k1, p2, k5, p4, k4 

← Row 16 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 17 [WS]: k4, p3, k4, p23, k4, p3, k4 

← Row 18 [RS]: k45 


p4, k1, p3, k1, p3, k4, p2, k4 

← Row 20 [RS]: k45 


p2, k3, p2, k3, p2, k4, p1, k4

← Row 22 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 23 [WS]: k4, p1, k4, p1, k25, p1, k4, p1, k4 

← Row 24 [RS]: k45 


← Row 26 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 27 [WS]: k4, p1, k15, p6, k14, p1, k4 

← Row 28 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 29 [WS]: k4, p1, k17, p2, k16, p1, k4 

← Row 30 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 31 [WS]: k4, p1, k35, p1, k4 

← Row 32 [RS]: k45 


p2, k5, p1, k4 

← Row 34 [RS]: k45 


p3, k5, p1, k4 

← Row 36 [RS]: k45 


← Row 38 [RS]: k45 


p2, k5, p1, k4 

← Row 40 [RS]: k45 


p1, k5, p1, k4 

← Row 42 [RS]: k45 


← Row 44 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 45 [WS]: k4, p4, k29, p4, k4 

← Row 46 [RS]: k45 


← Row 48 [RS]: k45 


← Row 50 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 51 [WS]: k4, p16, k4, p17, k4 

← Row 52 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 53 [WS]: k4, p17, k4, p16, k4 

← Row 54 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 55 [WS]: k4, p19, k3, p15, k4 

← Row 56 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 57 [WS]: k45 

← Row 58 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 59 [WS]: k45 

← Row 60 [RS]: k45 

→ Row 61 [WS]: k45 

← Row 62 [RS]: k45 

Bind off 

ABBREVIATIONS 

CO 

k 

p 

Cast on 

Knit 

Purl 

TIPS 

If preferred, slip the first OR the last stitch of every row 

to create a neater edge. When purling a stitch immediately 

after knitting a stitch; pull the excess yarn out of 

the purl stitch before knitting or purling on. This helps 

to reduce loose/baggy knit stitches. 

NOTES 

Occasionally a dishident or secret square might not be 

suitable for children and ‘polite company’. Where this is 

the case it will be made clear. This month the designs 

are all child friendly and polite. 

If you would like to receive notifications of our next issue! 

Check out our Patreon! 

www.patreon.com/join/BlockedMagazine 

13

This month’s ‘Dropped Stitch’ is: 

Lady Dye Yarns 

Boston, MA. 

On 02, October 2022, 

Blocked Magazine invited 

Diane Ivey of Lady Dye Yarns 

to respond to the 

allegations made against her 

by several of her 

patrons and customers 

through the 

Demon Trolls thread 

on Ravelry. 

She did not reply. 

©UKnitted Kingdom 

14

Lady Dye - Continued From page 11 

Thus far, Lady Dye has done several IG Lives 

where she discusses “lessons learned”, but this casual 

observer hasn’t seen Lady Dye’s business processes 

change enough to enable her to catch up 

and get back to dying and selling yarn. She has 

taken classes to help her run her business, but she 

frequently states that creatives are not good at business. 

I don’t think this assessment is fair to creatives 

in general. There are many creatives out there who 

run successful businesses. I do business with them 

all the time. One time my favorite indie yarn dyers 

accidentally messed up shipping of an order. I sent 

one email asking about the status. She quickly investigated 

and offered to re-dye the yarn. On top of 

that, she sent me a generous coupon. I don’t even 

want to go into the amount of money I have spent 

with her since this mistake. She is extremely creative 

and is also a fantastic business owner. Her customer 

service is top notch. She does not overextend herself. 

She never makes promises she can’t keep. 

Does that limit her growth? Absolutely. But she has 

a group of extremely loyal customers who will drop 

way too much money on her yarn. 

On to another issue - pattern designers. Based 

on reports on Demon Troll, Lady Dye has been distributing 

patterns without a distribution agreement 

with the designer and/or properly compensating 

them. DT is compiling a list of pattern designers 

who have been impacted. 

One designer, Angela Tong, 

confirmed on Demon Troll 

that Lady Dye had purchased 

one copy of one of 

her patterns and then 

emailed it to her VIP Club 

members. 

It appears that Lady Dye 

hasn’t quite figured out the 

operations aspect of her 

business. This is unfortunate 

because I never want 

to see a small business 

owner fail. I want to see all 

of them be wildly successful. 

Lady Dye may not be my cup 

$ Troll. 

$ 

of tea, but she certainly is others’. I sincerely hope 

that she rectifies the situation with her customers. 

However, with all the refund demands and credit 

card disputes, she may very well be having cash 

flow issues which will make it even harder for her to 

dig out of the hole she has gotten herself into. 

There are various figures being thrown around on 

DT, but to give Lady Dye the benefit of the doubt, 

she owes about $16,000 in refunds to customers, 

the largest being Eat.Sleep.Knit. 

When Blocked Magazine started looking into 

the latest Lady Dye affair, Uknitted Kingdom 

reached out to the person who posted the wellwritten, 

objective summary on Demon Troll to see if 

she was willing to have her summary printed in this 

edition of Blocked Magazine. She politely declined 

and then let Demon Troll mods know, which is entirely 

fair and her prerogative. Once Blocked Magazine’s 

investigation became public, several people 

posted quite lovely remarks on Demon Troll that included 

four letter words and various uncreative insults. 

Apparently, a published news article, on the 

business practices (or lack thereof), of a well-known 

knitfluencer & indie dyer, to make others aware is, 

according to them, “racist”. But allowing a Ravelry 

thread on ongoing business issues with this same 

dyer that has 5716 comments (as-of this writing) is 

not. Alrighty then. News is news. 

Before certain participants in the 

Demon Troll thread protest about the 

lack of coverage of Sherry Tenney, 

never fear! Blocked Magazine contributors 

are hard at work on their investigation, 

and the Sherry Tenney story will 

be covered in the next issue, so stay 

tuned! I am sure they are eagerly awaiting 

the next issue! Also, before these 

lovely Demon Troll posters go off about 

how racist and awful this article is, remember 

that everything in this article is 

taken from your own posts on Demon 

Physician, heal thyself. 

$ $ 

15

Knitting Patterns, Hand-Dyed Yarns, 

Tools, Notions & More! 

www.knittymcpurly.com 

Hand-dyed yarns, Opal yarns, patterns, tools, and notions. 

https://www.etsy.com/de/shop/AnnaKnitterYarns 

New Zealand yarn store. 

Ships worldwide. 

www.skeinz.com 

Knitting Patterns 

https://www.ravelry.com/designers/liz-clothier 

Anne Pinkava 


www.lovecrafts.com/en-us/user/maker/fdba7e1e-93b6-4b6f-9f82-06ef18d0ec8c 


https://galilee-life.com/vendor/deplorable-knitter/ 

16

Amigurumi/Crochet Patterns 

http://www.yankeerose.etsy.com/ 

Wise Owl Knits 

Knitting Patterns and Tutorials 

www.wiseowlknits.com 

Karen Juliano 

Blogger 

& Knitter 

Fabrics, Sewing Patterns, 

and Tutorials 

littleragamuffin.com 

Knitting Patterns: 

https://www.lovecrafts.com/en-us/user/maker/647c869e-a568-4b05-8fb4-b8f868600ec4 

Knitting Patterns and Tutorials 

https://www.ravelry.com/stores/birdie-beanie 

Love Stitched 

https://galilee-life.com/vendor/love-stitched/ 

17

y Karen Juliano 

Knitting Gifts 

Do you save the good yarn for yourself, 

or do you knit gifts for someone special? 

I really enjoy knitting in and of itself, so whenever I 

have the option to knit a gift, that is a big plus. If it’s 

actually requested, I’m ecstatic! Knitting for someone 

else gives me the opportunity to explore colors, styles, 

or sizes that are not my usual thing. After all, how 

many red shawls does a girl need? My sister, on the 

other hand, will never pick red. Finding the perfect 

blue for her makes my crafting world more colorful. 

Now it is true, not everyone is “knit worthy” – I do have 

a few loved ones who have made it clear they would 

prefer store-bought gifts over handmade. The year I 

learned to knit, I made hats for several people in my 

family. My brother opened his, put it on and announced, 

“I look like a repo man.” That didn’t seem 

like a compliment, and I never saw him wear it again. 

Sometimes it’s a gamble. 

Two things I love about handmade gifts. First, no 

one already has it. Second, it will be the perfect color! 

Many a back-to-school shopping trips in my adolescence 

taught me you can’t always find a red sweater. 

Now, I know you may be thinking, it’s just early autumn 

in the northern hemisphere. The pumpkins 

growing in my garden are just beginning to turn orange. 

The holidays are not right around the corner, 

and neither is the first snow. Thoughtfulness takes 

time and planning, and so does shipping. Need I 

point out birthdays 

and new babies arrive 

all year long? 

I feel fortunate to 

have raised three 

boys who appreciate 

knitted hats and 

socks, and have requested 

© Karen Juliano 

whole 

sweaters. From 

time to time, I 

have knitted 

gifts for girlfriends. 

The 

dreaded “boyfriend 

sweater 

curse” – the idea 

that spending 

lots of money 

on yarn, and 

precious time 

© Karen Juliano 

and effort to 

knit a BIG project for someone else tempts fate to 

show you just how fickle relationships can be, I don’t 

worry much about that. If it’s meant to be, they’ll stick 

around. In the meantime, I gave a gift from the heart, 

and those are the best kind. I’m not kidding myself, 

though; if I can use gift-giving as a reason to buy more 

yarn and spend time knitting, I will! 

Last year, I knitted a pair of slippers for everyone 

on my list. I started in September in order to be done 

by late December. I worked from one pattern but had 

to improvise some in-between sizes. Working through 

the pattern so many times allowed me to refine what 

worked best. I ended up with nineteen pairs, as I recall, 

none exactly like the others. Of course, I started 

with the ones that would need shipping. My palette 

had eleven colors, including three blues which I 

wouldn’t have gotten for myself. I understand my 

brother wore his daily. He sent me a picture of his 

holey slippers with apologies – best compliment ever! 

18

BLOCKED 

COWL 

by LizClothierdesigns 



20 stitches per 4 inches(10 cm) 

Yarn: 

Sample knit with Barnyard Knits DK 

in Bandana using approx 65 grams 

© 2022 Liz Clothier Designs 

Needles: 

Needles 3.5mm and 5.0mm 

Notions: 

Tapestry needle for weaving in ends 

Pattern: 

With smaller needles cast on 110 stitches. 

Work Knit 3, Purl 2 ribbing for 10 rows. 

1. Change to larger needles 

knit 1, k2tog, knit 53 stitches, k2tog, 

knit around decreasing to 108 stitches. 

2. Knit 

3. Knit 

4-6. Knit 3, Purl 3 

7-9. Purl 3, Knit 3 

10-12. Knit 3 rounds 

13. Purl 

14-16. Knit 

17-26. On Odd rows, Knit 3, purl 6, On Even rows, knit. 

27-30. Knit 

31. Purl 

32-34. Knit 

35-37. Knit 3, Purl 3 

38-40. Purl 3, Knit 3 

41-42. Knit 

43. Knit 1, M1, Knit 54, M1, Knit around, increasing to 110 stitches. 

Change to smaller needles 

Work Knit 3, Purl 2 ribbing for 10 rows and bind off loosely. 


19

Reflections on Learning 

TO KNIT 

by Laura N 

I did not learn to knit as a child or even as a teen. It 

was just a handful of years ago, in fact, when the last 

of my sons left for college and the house got quiet 

that I decided to take up knitting. I bought “Stitch ‘n 

Bitch” and proceeded to read my way into crafting. 

Reading has always been my primary tactic for learning 

just about anything. With knitting, however, 

reading could only take me so far. I made a lot of ugly 

scarves. 

There is a wonderful yarn shop in my town where I 

would go to stare at the walls of yarn and occasionally 

buy things I thought I needed: yarn (bright and bulky), 

needles (straight and wooden), and of course, more 

books. At the register, I spotted a printed 

paper with a calendar of classes. I took it 

home, thought about it for way too long, 

and continued making ugly scarves and 

an ill-fitting hat or 12. 

I discovered YouTube videos, and they 

helped some, but there is just no substitute for 

three-dimensional, human instruction. I finally enrolled 

in a sweater class at my LYS. This was where I 

met my kind, wise, patient, and funny knitting teacher, 

Carol. I learned so much from Carol. She had an instinctive 

way of knowing exactly how to trigger comprehension 

of the most confusing techniques. (I’m 

talking to you brioche increases and decreases.) She 

never made me feel stupid, even when I asked why I 

should use lightbulb stitch markers to mark my sleeve 

decreases instead of the regular round ones. When 

Carol taught a class, I took it. We shared a love of college 

football and reading, and our conversations over 

the course of those many afternoons and evenings are 

knitted into my mind and heart. 

We crafters spend many hours alone stitching our 

masterpieces. Indeed, we are blessed to be able to 

order supplies online, develop relationships with 

other crafters online, and yes, we can even learn much 

online. However, real human interaction provides 

something unique, something irreplaceable, something 

enduring. Perhaps this is why we love our retreats, 

meet-ups, knit nights, and classes. We love to 

be with other knitters, to see what they’re making, to 

feel their yarns, to learn with and be inspired by one 

another. 

We lost Carol a few weeks ago. It was and is heartrending. 

I am but a drop in the vast ocean of people 

who loved her and whose lives she touched. She 

modeled patience, wisdom, and humor. She presided 

over a table of knitters with varying abilities, 

myriad projects, diverse personalities, and diverging 

opinions, but everyone was welcome. 

We sat under her tutelage, but we 

learned from one another as well. 

Every knitting table is a microcosm 

of a time, place, and culture. That little 

world and the larger one were better 

with Carol in it. She taught me so much and 

I am still learning from her example. 

20

Bloggers 

& Vloggers 

1 

2 

3 

4 

5 

6 

7 

8 

9 

10 

11 

12 

13 

14 

15 

16 

17 

Adventures With Yarn - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbFHj9k5Uxc44g1pnlgiQjg 

For all the latest drama in the fibre world – Fun, quirky, and full of energy. 

Anna Knitter - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkE2h6s400fRkasl6zyX_jg 

A podcast about knitting and crocheting with glimpses of a roman-catholic life. 

Blocked Magazine - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAY880IYHF8gJ8b-UdEWAxQ 

For all the latest drama in the fibre world – including what didn’t make it into the magazine! 

Deprogrammed - https://www.youtube.com/c/KeriSmithDeprogrammed/featured 

Interviews intended to better understand and make sense of her old belief system, Social Justice ideology. Including those in the crafting community. 

Herd knitunity - https://herdknitunity.locals.com/ 

Shepherd and ‘woolfluencer’, a sheep to sweater kinda gal. 

Knitty McPurly - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyIInmPUQGqoohNgUj0Zmow 

A virtual saint! 

Little Ragamuffin - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaogzXKmOJ9FO8fsjurrEcw/videos 

Sewing tutorials of both slow paced and quick speed styles, fun random sewing oddities, Ragamuffin news, and problematic interviews & conversations. 

Murder Knits - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbrSeXmJuT0_BglI_pzi1jg 

If your children watch, they'll become serial killers! 

Politically Incorrect Knitters - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCm8CME6h72cFfQ7ZBNGCj5w 

Topical, informative, and fun! 

Skeinz Diaries - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCswGNOSxnHlPZsQMCC2YHxQ 

Take off your ‘gummies’, put your feet up and prepare for a ‘tiki tour’ of yarny goodness! 

High Fiber Diet - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzQ4cCawQzD6RDfwLhlZ0hQ/featured 

Thick skinned with no “F’s Given!” 

Two Sisters & Some Yarn - https://www.youtube.com/c/TwoSistersAndSomeYarn 

Two sisters and some yarn – is exactly what it says on the tin! 

Wise Owl Knits - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCg8N6NhDdKf44_HigLiP4Ug 

Knitting Tutorials 

ShaunaStitches - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCOfV6wkBgB6288iVQ1V9Ww/videos 

Knitting, spinning, crochet, quilting, and many other crafts are shown and discussed. 

AStitchInTheSky - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCxq6HphzSbjU2lb7t8c6Ww/videos 

Knitting, sewing and all the things in between! 

Texas Peach Knits - https://m.youtube.com/channel/UC1zKQy-8XU8stQfmIzqe92w 

Knitting, crochet, sewing and all the things in between! 

Short Story Long - https://karensshortstorylong.blogspot.com/search/label/Knitting 

Knitting, photography, gardening, quilting, life. 

21

UGLY CATS 

SHAWL 

by Uknitted Kingdom 

Your Cats Are Ugly is a fingering-weight 

shawl pattern. Knit anti-clockwise in a semicircle, 

changing colors to create 3 claw motifs. 

The pattern’s title was inspired by an amusing 

Instagram insult, “All your cats are ugly!” 



6 stitches per inch in garter stitch. 

Yarn: 

60g of fingering weight yarn in a neutral color and 

120g in a contrasting color or in minis/leftovers. In 

this example I used Opal Uni 4 Ply - Black (2619) - 

60g, and 12 Opal minis (10g each). 

Needles: 

4 mm or size needed to obtain gauge. Directions 

are given for 1 circular needles. (I’m a tight knitter – 

Continental knitters might prefer to use 3.5 or 

3.75mm needles) 

I-cord set-up: 

With 4 mm needles, using the neutral yarn, and 

leaving at least a 12” tail, cast on 3 stitches. 

Sl 3 from left needle to right needle. 

K3, Sl the 3 stitches from left needle to right needle. 

Don’t be tempted to pick up and knit right up to the 

end of the i-cord. There should be an i-cord ‘tail’ of 

approx.10 to 15 rows. 

Including the 3 i-cord stitches you will now have 278 

stitches on your needle. 

TIP 

If, when knitting the GSR double stitches, you find the 

stitch appears untidy or loose, knit the double stitch 

through the back loops and wrap the yarn around your 

needle in the opposite direction to your usual method. 

This helps tighten up the slack. On the return row knit in 

your usual method. 

Wedge Style One (main/neutral color) 

© Uknitted Kingdom 

Put the 3 cast on stitches onto a stitch marker (you 

will be working with these stitches at the end of the 

project. 

Continue knitting the i-cord for a total of 290 rows 

(don’t worry if you have more than 290 rows as 

you can unravel these at the end of the project if 

required. 

22 

Section 1 and set-up (main/neutral color) 

With the three i-cord stitches still on the needle, 

skip the first stitch nearest the needle and pick up 

and knit 275 stitches by inserting your needle into 

both legs of each stitch along the i-cord (for a larger 

shawl - increase this stitch count by increments of 

11 stitches). 

Row 1 (WS): slip the first stitch purl-wise with yarn in 

front. Pull up on the yarn to create a German Short Row 

‘double stitch’. K10, PM, knit to last 3 stitches, slip last 3 

stitches purl-wise with yarn with yarn in front. 

Ugly Cats Continued on page 23

Row 2 (RS): k to marker. RM, turn work, with yarn in front 

pull up on the yarn to create a German Short Row ‘double 

stitch’. K10, PM, knit to last 3 stitches, slip last 3 stitches 

purl-wise with yarn in front. 

Continue row 1 and row 2, knitting shorter rows each time 

until you have no stitches left. 

You will be ready to start on the RS for the next wedge. 

Cut working yarn, weave in end. 

(change color here) 

Row 1 (RS): With a 10g fingering weight mini join and k3, 

KFB, k until the first double-stitch. Knit the double-stitch as 

if it is 1 stitch. Continue across the row knitting each double-stitch 

as if it is 1 stitch. At the end of the row pick up 

and knit one stitch from the i-cord tail. 

Row 2 (WS): slip the first stitch purl-wise with yarn in front. 

Pull up on the yarn to create a German Short Row ‘double 


purl-wise with yarn with yarn in front. 








Cut working yarn leaving enough length to weave in to the 

fabric. 

1. Repeat Wedge Style one in CC 

2. Repeat Wedge Style one in CC 

Wedge Style Two (change color here) 

Row 1 (RS): With a 10g mini k3, KFB, k until the first doublestitch. 

Knit the double-stitch as if it is 1 stitch. Continue across 

the row knitting each double-stitch as if it is 1 stitch. At 

the end of the row pick up and knit one stitch from the i- 

cord tail. 

Row 2 (WS): slip the first stitch purl-wise with yarn in front. 

Pull up on the yarn to create a German Short Row ‘double 


purl-wise with yarn with yarn in front. 






until you have worked 6 German Short Rows and have 238 

stitches left including the 3 edge stitches. Knit 235 stitches 

and slip the last 3 wyf. 

(RS) Change to main/neutral color. K to marker. RM, turn 

work, with yarn in front pull up on the yarn to create a German 

Short Row ‘double stitch’. K10, PM, knit to last 3 

stitches, slip last 3 stitches purl-wise with yarn in front. 




Cut working yarn leaving enough length to weave in 

to the fabric. 

Repeat Wedge Style one (change color here) 

Repeat Wedge Style two (change color here) 


Repeat Wedge Style two (change color here) 



Section 2 

In section 2 the pattern 

changes slightly. For 

the entirety of this section 

do not pick up any 

stitches from the i-cord. 

This means the last 

stitches on the neck 

edge will reduce by 

one for every wedge 

completed. The i-cord 

will not be connected 

to the wedges from the 

point onwards. 

- In main/neutral color 

repeat Wedge Style 

One, do not increase or 

pick up. 

- In CC/mini repeat 

Wedge Style One, 

no increase or pick up. 

- In CC/mini repeat 

Wedge Style One, 


Ugly Cats Continued on page 24 

23

Ugly Cats Continued... 


- Beginning with CC/mini repeat Wedge Style Two, 


- In CC/mini repeat Wedge Style One, 


- Beginning CC/mini 

repeat Wedge Style Two, no increase or pick up. 

You are now at the 

middle point. 

Continuing in the 

neutral colourway knit all the neutral 

coloured stitches, knitting the GSR double-stitches tbl as if 

each was 1 stitch. 

When you reach the last neutral coloured stitch, continue 

knitting for 12 more stitches. Turn. 

Knit back to the last 3 stitches. Slip 3. 

K3, knit to the double-stitch, knit the dbl stitch tbl, k11, turn 

(GSR), knit to last 3 stitches, slip 3. 







K3, knit to the double-stitch, knit the dbl stitch tbl, knit to 

the end of the row, turn (GSR), knit to last 4 stitches, Kfb (inc 

1 stitch), slip 3. 

Wedge Style Four 

Section 3 

Wedge Style Three 

Still in the neutral color, K3, k11, turn (GSR), knit to last 3 

stitches, slip 3. 











WHEN YOU REACH THE LAST STITCHES OF THE CENTER 

‘SPIKE’, turn (GSR), knit to last 3 stitches, slip 3. 

(on subsequent style 3 wedges match the height of the 

other spikes. ) 

Change to CC 

24 

Still in the CC color, K3, k11, turn (GSR), knit to last 3 








Continue in this fashion until you run out of stitches, turn 

(GSR), knit to last 4 stitches, Kfb (inc 1 stitch), slip 3. 

Change to neutral color and repeat wedge style 3 

Change to CC and repeat wedge style 4. 

Repeat wedge style 4. 

Change to neutral color and repeat wedge style 4. 

Section 4 

Wedge style 4 

Still in the CC color, K3, k11, turn (GSR), knit to last 3 



Ugly Cats Continued on page 25

Ugly Cats Continued... 






Continue in this fashion until you run out of stitches, turn 

(GSR), K2tog, knit to last 4 stitches, Kfb (inc 1 stitch), slip 3. 

Repeat Wedge Style 4 

Wedge Style three 

In the neutral color, K3, k11, turn (GSR), knit to last 3 












WHEN YOU REACH THE HEIGHT OF THE PREVIOUS 

‘SPIKES’, turn (GSR), knit to last 3 stitches, slip 3. 

Change to CC 









K3, knit to the doublestitch, 

knit the dbl stitch tbl, 

knit to the end of the row, 

turn (GSR), K2tog, knit to 

last 4 stitches, Kfb (inc 1 

stitch), slip 3. 


ensuring to K2tog at the 

neck edge on the last row 

of the wedge. 


ensuring to K2tog at the 

neck edge on the last row 

of the wedge. 


Repeat Wedge Style 4 ensuring to K2tog at the neck edge 

on the last row of the wedge. 









i-cord Cast off. 

K3, slip the 3 stitches back onto the left needle (this creates 

a corner). K2, K2tbl. Slip the 3 stitches back onto the left 

needle. K2, K2tbl. 

Continue in this fashion until there are only 3 live stitches 

on the needle. 

K2, slip the last stitch onto the right needle. Pick up a stitch 

from the garter stitch edge of section 3. Insert your left 

needle into the backs of the picked up stitch and the 

slipped stitch. Knit them together through the back loops. 

Slip 3 back to the left needle and repeat until there are no 

stitches left to pick up. 

Now join the two i-cord edges together using Kitchener 

stitch. Before doing this you might have to unravel some of 

the original i-cord to make the join match. 

Weave in any remaining ends, wash and block. 

Abbreviations 

GSR - German Short Row 

k - knit 

slip 1 - slip one purlwise 

st(s) - stitch(es) 

K2tog - Knit 2 together; a decrease 

KFB - Increase one stitch by knitting into the front of 

the stitch and then into the back of the stitch. 

25

NOTHING NEW 

by Uknitted Kingdom 

UNDER THE SUN 


“What has been will be again, what has been done 

will be done again; there is nothing new under the 

sun.” Ecclesiastes 1:9 

Forgive this heathen of an atheist for quoting Bible 

verses, but I recently experienced something akin to 

this in my knitting life. 

It was a Friday night and I had been happily designing 

a cowl, using what I thought was an original 

idea. Less than 24 hours later, one of my online knitting 

friends showed a pattern she was designing on 

her YouTube channel. It wasn’t the same pattern, but it 

was eerily like the one I was an inch into knitting. Both 

are cowls with a rib that leans diagonally. The realization 

that although not “the stupidest man in all existence,” 

I wasn’t quite as clever as I thought. I looked 

closer at what I had knitted so far. It wasn’t my best 

work, it wasn’t the best choice of yarn for that project 

(King Cole Riot is a lovely yarn but leaves slightly uneven 

stitches), and I wasn’t even sure why I was knitting 

it. My friend’s cowl was better on all fronts. My 

initial disappointment became thankfulness as I put 

the project to one side for a probable eternal timeout. 

The original idea behind the design was inspired 

by a pair of 1972 reprints of “Mary Thomas’s Knitting 

Book” (1938), and “Mary Thomas’s Book of Knitting 

Patterns” (1943). These two gems are a recent find for 

me, and what a find! Like many of the knitting books 

of that era Thomas’s books are text-heavy, photograph 

light, but very well illustrated. The earlier of the two 

books contains very few pithy instructions (a phrase I 

first encountered in an Elizabeth Zimmermann book) 

and, as a result, it is not easy to locate some of her 

best tips and tricks. A thorough reading of the text is 

required. Contemporary row-by-row instructions appear 

to be a relatively new phenomenon. 

Whilst reading Thomas’s first book I was surprised 

to see many ideas and techniques that I had thought 

were invented (or ‘unvented’ as she liked to say) by 

Elizabeth Zimmermann. Thomas’s second book contained 

patterns that were later published in Barbara 

Walker’s “Treasuries.” Zimmermann and Walker are oft 

described as knitting “genii,” trailblazers, and the architects 

of modern knitting. It appears, at the risk of 

being sacrilegious to the memory of Saint Zimmermann 

and Saint Walker, that both were standing on 

the shoulders of their predecessor, Mary Thomas, and 

in turn, Thomas probably took ideas from her predecessors. 

To put this in a contemporary context, at the time 

of writing, many of you will have seen the first clue of 

Stephen West’s latest shawl knit-along, “Twist and 

Turn.” In the first section of the shawl, West walks the 

knitter through the creation of a faux cable. The cable 

is constructed by casting on X stitches and then binding 

off those stitches mid-row. Repeating this process 

forms a ladder effect. The rungs of the ladder are then 

looped together in the same way one would pick up a 

dropped knit stitch. The final plait, braid, or cable is 

very effective and caused awe amongst many of 

West’s fans. 

Under the Sun Continued on page 27 

26

Under the sun Continued... 


Like Zimmermann and Walker, West is lauded for 

being a design genius. However, I remember following a 

free Yarnspirations cushion cover design from 2015 using 

the same technique, only in crochet. In the video below 

the presenter acknowledges this is an old design/technique 

but doesn’t state the source. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q70L3tn2vSw&ab 

_channel=Yarnspirations 

To be clear, I’m not criticizing West’s work but far from 

it. His sense of style and eye for color is truly impressive. 

The knitting world is a better place because of him. 

I do wonder if modern knit and crochet designers are 

actually designers or whether they could be better described 

as “curators.” Can organizing existing stitch patterns 

and tweaking existing forms truly be called 

“designing?” 

A few years ago, a very popular knitting personality 

had a sock design with a toe construction she claimed to 

have invented. After buying the pattern, I could see the 

toe was simply an old technique with a different name. 

The intriguing “Distitch” and “Tristitch” knitting techniques 

described as new”and made popular by Assia Brill 

have been in existence for many centuries. Brill gave them 

a catchy name and made the technique more accessible 

to a wider audience, but she didn’t invent the process. 

https://assiabrill.com/2019/09/10/discover-distitch/ 

To my knowledge, the only new technique that I’ve 

seen in knitting is Sockmatician’s double-brioche and triple-knitting. 

However, just because I haven’t seen these 

techniques before doesn’t mean they’re new. Readers 

may well be aware of other knitters doing much the same 

decades or centuries ago! In fairness, it could be argued 

that these methods are both variations or expansions of 

existing techniques. 

My own foray into the world of designing 

may not be as new or unique as I thought either. 

Before testing my theory I had never seen the 

Fibonacci Sequence used to shape a knitted 

dome anywhere. Someone, somewhere, probably 

beat me to it. Fibonacci himself certainly 

would have if he had been a knitter! 

© 2022 Yarnspirations 

We are all looking for those new, never-before-seen 

tricks and techniques, and new and 

unusual sweaters, hats, and socks. Unfortunately, 

unless humans grow extra limbs, or develop toes 

on our heels, it’s unlikely that any garment we 

knit or crochet will be truly original. And that’s 

OK. 

In 2018, a different designer added a fourth braid 

to the design and currently charges $2 for the pattern. 

https://seeloveshare.it/single-post/faux-cable-knit-crochet-pillow/ 

In some dystopian future, a mutant quadruped will 

vaguely remember hearing of a long-dead bipedal 

relative making magic with sheep’s fleece and four 

sharpened rib bones and, eureka! Knitted footgloves 

will be invented! 

27


SAM HILL 

by AndreSueKnits 



5.5 stitches per inch in stockinette stitch. 

Yarn: 

One 100g skein of worsted weight wool yarn. 

Needles: 

US size 5 or size needed to get gauge. 

Note: Directions are given for 2 circular needles or 

one long magic loop needle. The gloves can also be 

knitted on DPNs by using 2 DPNs in place of the 

front needle and 2 DPNs in place of the back needle. 

Sizing: 

This pattern offers the following sizes and will refer to 

these sizes in the following order: small (medium, 

large.) 

The small size fits a 7” (circumference) hand, the 

medium fits an 8” hand, and the large fits a 9” hand. 

Abbreviations 

sm - slip marker from left needle to right needle 

pm - put marker on your right needle 

rm - remove marker from needle 

m1L - make one left (leaning.) An increase. 

m1R - make one right (leaning.) An increase. 

K - knit 

P - purl 

CO - cast on 

FN - front needle 

BN - back needle 

Pattern: 

CUFF 

Both Versions: 

Using circular needle CO 36 (40, 44) sts. Join for working 

in the round, being careful not to twist. 

Stockinette Version: 

Ribbing: Knit in rib (k1, p1) for 10 rounds. 

Wrist: Knit 17 rounds or to desired length of wrist. 

Ribbed Version: 

Wrist: Knit in rib (k2, p2) for 34 rounds or to desired 

length of wrist. 

Sam Hill Continued on next page 

28

Sam Hill Continued... 

THUMB GUSSET 


Right Hand- 

Set up round: K1, pm, k1, pm, knit to end of round. 

Increase round: K1, sm, m1R, k until stitch marker, m1L, 

sm, knit to end of round. 

Even round: Knit all sts. 

Repeat the last 2 rounds a total of 6 (6, 7) times. There 

will be 13 (13, 15) sts between the stitch markers. 

K1, rm, move next 13 (13, 15) sts to waste yarn, rm, cast 

on 1 st, knit to end of round. 

Left Hand- 

Set up round: Knit until 2 sts remain in round, pm, k1, 

pm, k1. 

Increase round: Knit until stitch marker, sm, m1R, k until 

stitch marker, m1L, sm, k1. 

Even round: Knit all sts. 



Knit until marker, rm, move next 13 (13, 15) sts to waste 

yarn, rm, cast on 1 st, k1. 


Right Hand- 

Set Up Round: K1, pm, k1, pm, knit in established rib 

pattern to end of round. 

Increase Round: K1, sm, m1R, k until stitch marker, m1L, 

sm, knit in established rib pattern to end of round. 

Even round: Knit all sts in established pattern (knit the 

knit sts, purl the purl sts.) 



K1, rm, move next 13 (13, 15) sts to waste yarn, rm, cast 

on 1 st, knit in established rib pattern to end of round. 

left hand- 

Set up round: Knit in established rib pattern until 2 sts 

remain in round, pm, k1, pm, p1. 

Increase round: Knit in established rib pattern until stitch 

marker, sm, m1R, k until stitch marker, m1L, sm, p1. 

Even round: Knit all sts in established pattern (knit the 

knit sts, purl the purl sts.) 



Knit in established rib pattern to stitch marker, rm, move 

next 13 (13, 15) sts to waste yarn, rm, cast on 1 st, p1. 

PALM 


Knit 8 (10, 12) rounds. 


Knit in rib (K2, P2) for 7 (9, 11) rounds. Purl 1 round. 

Both Versions: 

It is helpful to envision the glove as intended for your 

right hand and the stitches on the palm-side of the hand 

are for the Front Needle (FN) and the stitches on the 

back-of-the-hand are for the Back Needle (BN). 

PINKIE FINGER 

Knit all sts on front needle (FN) and k5 (5, 6) from back 

needle (BN), slip next 26 (30, 32) sts to waste yarn—13 

(15, 16) from each needle—CO 3 sts across gap. 

Knit 5 (6, 7) rounds. Bind off. Break yarn. 

Lengthen hand 

Pick up all sts from waste yarn. (26 (30, 32) total sts, 13 

(15, 16) sts per needle.) 

Beginning with BN and new yarn, knit across both 

needles, pick up and knit 3 sts from the base of pinkie 

finger (the previous cast on sts over gap.) Knit 1 more 

round. 


Sam Hill Continued on next page 

29

Sam Hill Continued... 

Note: There will likely be holes beside the picked-up 

stitches on all fingers. These holes can be closed during 

finishing by using the yarn tail to sew them closed 

when weaving in ends. Alternatively, you can close the 

holes by picking up a stitch from the row below in the 

hole and knitting it together with a stitch beside the 

hole. 

RING FINGER 

On BN with working yarn, k4 (4, 5), move next 18 (22, 

22) sts to waste yarn—9 (11, 11) from each needle—CO 

3 sts, k7 (7, 8) remaining sts on FN. 14 (14, 16) sts total, 

7 (7, 8) per needle. 


MIDDLE FINGER 

From waste yarn, pick up first 4 (5, 5) sts and last 4 (5, 

5) sts evenly on needles. Beginning with BN and new 

yarn, k4 (5, 5), CO 3, k4 (5, 5), pick up and knit 3 sts 

from Ring Finger (the previous cast on sts over 

gap.) 14 (16, 16) sts total, 7 (8, 8) per needle. 


INDEX FINGER 

Pick up the 10 (12, 12) remaining sts from waste yarn 

evenly on needles. Beginning with BN and new yarn, 

knit across both needles, pick up and knit 3 sts from 

the base of middle finger (the previous cast on sts 

over gap.) 13 (13, 15) sts total—5 (6, 6) on BN and 8 (9, 

9) on FN. 


THUMB 

Pick up the thumb sts from waste yarn evenly on 

needles. (13 (13, 15) sts.) With new yarn, knit across 

both needles, pick up and knit 1 st (the previous cast 

on st over gap.) 

Knit 3 (4, 5) rounds. Bind off. 

FINISHING 

Weave in all ends and close any holes between 

fingers. 

© AndreSueKnits © AndreSueKnits 


30

By Cézanne Pellett 

WHO KNITS! 

In 1983, a PBS station in Salt Lake City, Utah, started 

broadcasting episodes of the British sci-fi television 

series “Doctor Who” and nerds of the Mountain West 

rejoiced! As I was only five-years-old at the time, I can 

only barely remember a time when my older brothers 

and I weren’t glued to the TV screen whenever The 

Doctor and his companions were on it. You may 

wonder what this random bit of local sci-fi trivia has to 

do with crafting, but I promise, it does relate 

The main character of the show, The Doctor, was 

from another planet, and in addition to his ability to 

time travel using a ship disguised as a 1960s-era police 

call box, he was also able to “regenerate” into another 

body when his current one was damaged, while keeping 

all of his memories and remaining the same person 

inside. As of 2022, The Doctor has been played (officially) 

by 13 different actors, and one actress, since the 

show debuted in 1963. My oldest brother has always 

loved the Fourth Doctor, played by Tom Baker, best, 

and he was far from alone in this. This version of The 

Doctor was a tall, somewhat gangly man with a mop of 

dark, curly hair who almost always wore a long coat 

and a striped scarf which started out at 14 feet long but 

stretched significantly during his seven year run as The 

Doctor. 

The story behind The Fourth Doctor’s scarf is rumored 

to be that the costume designer wanted him to 

wear a scarf, but didn’t know much about knitting or 

yarn. So he had a large quantity of yarn delivered to a 

friend named Begonia Pope, with instructions to “make 

a scarf from it” but very little detail on what was expected. 

Mrs. Pope, being a prolific knitter, just kept 

right on knitting until she had used all the yarn and 

produced a scarf that was over 20 feet long. Due to 

safety concerns, the scarf was cut down to 14 feet before 

filming with it was started, and it had to be cut 

down a number of times in the next few years, due to 

the incredibly stretchy nature of garter stitch. 

My oldest brother shared the Fourth Doctor’s tall, 

lanky shape, and even shared his dark locks with the 

tendency to curl when they got long. He managed to 

acquire a long coat and a hat like those his favorite 

Doctor wore and for a while as a teen, he insisted on 

wearing them all the time, even though we lived in the 

desert where it was frequently over 100° in the summer 

and only very rarely cool enough to warrant a heavy 

coat. But the one thing he couldn’t manage to acquire 

was a 14 foot long knitted scarf. 

When I was 18, I got married and moved to California 

where my new husband was going to college. In 

those earlier days of the internet, it wasn’t always very 

easy to find things you were looking for, but it was 

sometimes easy to stumble over things you didn’t realize 

you were looking for. As my husband was majoring 

in computer science, I had access to the internet that 

many others in the mid-1990s didn’t. I don’t remember 

how I found that first grainy image that looked like it 

was a copy of a copy of a copy but across the top was 

clearly visible “BBC Enterprises - Knitting Pattern for 

The Doctor’s Scarf” followed by a list of colors and 

Who Knits Continued on next page 

31

Who Knits! Continued... 

some numbers. I had no idea how this list would help 

me create a scarf, but I was thrilled at the idea that I 

might be able to give my beloved brother the one 

thing that had topped his Christmas and birthday wish 

lists since he was about nine-years-old. 

Since I was living on a good-sized university campus, 

it was pretty easy to find classes on just about any 

topic one could desire, and after very little effort, I 

found a beginning knitting class. After finding and acquiring 

the yarn and needles specified in the class description 

and printing a copy of the scarf pattern, I 

headed to the first class with visions of a scarf by week’s 

end dancing in my head! When I showed the pattern to 

the teacher, she assured me that by the end of the class, 

I would know everything I needed to know to make the 

scarf, but asked if I was aware that it would be very long 

and would probably take me, as a brand-new knitter, an 

incredibly long time to finish. I assured her that I did 

know how long it would be 

and I intended to make it 

for my brother for Christmas 

that year. The class 

started in mid-October and 

at the time, I didn’t quite understand 

why my teacher 

was concerned about my 

timetable. 

To cut a long story short, 

I finished the class, and became 

even more hooked on 

knitting than I was on Doctor 

Who, and did give the 

scarf to my brother that 

Christmas…though it still 

had the needles in it because 

I was only about a 

quarter of the way finished 

with it. I finally finished the 

scarf in time for my 

brother’s birthday the following 

July. Even before 

any stretching occurred, it 

was closer to the original 

scarf’s 20 feet than my intended 

14 feet and was 

considerably wider than it 

should have been, as I 

didn’t have the best grasp 

of gauge at the time. I also 

didn’t have a very good 

technique for weaving in 

my ends yet, so there were 

little tails hanging out 

somewhere near each color 

change. 


32


the BBC many, many years ago. As the recipient was a 

smallish woman who didn’t live at the South Pole, I decided 

to make a half-size version which came in at 

seven feet by seven inches, rather than going with the 

official one foot by 14 feet version. I still used acrylic, 

but rather than the random cheap, scratchy stuff I 

bought the first time around, this time I used Lion’s 

Heartland line. In addition to being easy care and extremely 

soft, this yarn also has a very pretty heathered 

look and a beautiful sheen that gave the end product a 

much more modern look than the decidedly “disco” 

original made in 1974. Even though this scarf was updated, 

the end result was still very obviously The Doctor’s 

Scarf to those in the know. 

It has been well over 25 years and my brother still 

has his scarf, though he doesn’t wear it much because 

he’s not a crazy teenager anymore and it really doesn’t 

get cold enough here to justify wearing a 22 foot by 18 

inch scarf, especially one made of cheap acrylic yarn. 

He won’t brook any discussion on getting rid of it, however, 

as it has been one of his most treasured possessions 

for over half his life. 

In recent years, I have joined a few online crafting 

groups and found that I am far from alone in my claim 

that I learned to knit specifically to be able to make 

“The Fourth Doctor’s Scarf.” Especially in groups that include 

a love of things like sci-fi or fantasy, I have found 

a number of people who have a very similar story to 

mine that led to their not only creating the scarf they or 

a loved one longed for but also to their own lifelong 

love of knitting. 

One group that I belong to centers on the Harry 

Potter universe and last winter, we did a holiday gift exchange. 

I was thrilled to see that the person I drew to 

give a gift to had a cheap, woven knock-off of the famous 

scarf on her wishlist. I knew I could do much 

better than the cheap, $10 mass-manufactured version 

on Amazon so I checked into yarns and started planning. 

As I have a much better understanding of gauge 

than I did all those years ago, as well as yarn type and 

quality, I did some research before deciding which yarn 

and pattern to use. 

There are many patterns for The Fourth Doctor’s 

Scarf available on the internet these days, but I still 

stuck pretty close to the original pattern published by 

After I finished the gift scarf (in time to give as a 

completed item at Christmas, rather than six months 

later!) I decided I wanted one of my own. Since I am a 

very tall, broad-shouldered woman, I made myself a ¾- 

sized version which was nine inches wide and came in 

around 10 feet, including the tassels. I haven’t worn it 

much yet as I still live in the desert, but I do have to 

make sure I keep an eye on it as my brother is always 

eyeing it rather covetously. I may just have to make him 

another one for Christmas this year…or maybe for his 

next birthday instead. 

By Cézanne 


33


FOURTH 

DOCTOR 



17 sts x 27 rows = 4” x4” 

○ Full Size - 14” x 128” (without tassels) 

○ ¾ Size - 7” x 96” (without tassels) 

○ Half Size - 7” x 64” (without tassels) 

Yarn: 

Lion Brand Heartland Yarn (100% Premium Acrylic 5 

oz/142 g 251 yd/230 m) ¾ Length yarn total without tassels 

498 yds - Total with tassels 556 yds (all totals below 

are for 7” wide ¾ length scarf) 

Purple - Kobuk Valley 

Total Without Tassels 46 yds - with tassels 53 yds 

Camel - Grand Canyon 

Total without tassels 124 yds - with tassels 136 yds 

Bronze - Mammoth Cave 


Mustard - Canyonlands 


Rust - Yosemite 


Grey - Great Smoky Mountains 


Green - Rocky Mountains 


Needles: 

US Size 9 (5.5 mm) needles 

by Cézanne Pellett 

Pattern: 

CO 60 (30) sts. Knit every stitch, knitting the number of 

rows listed for each color. 

Notes: 

I did both the half and ¾-length scarves at half the 

width of the original pattern (7”). You can do it any width 

you want, but know that your yarn totals will be different. 

For best results, slip the first or last stitch of each row. 

To join each new color, knit the first stitch on the row with 

the old color. Tie the new yarn to the old one with a 

square knot that is loose enough to untie later and leave 

6” ends of each color. 

34


35

36 

Who Knits! Continued...

Affiliate Testers! 

Need Testers? These are volunteers, should they 

decline please respect their decision. 

Instagram User 

Knit 

Crochet 

Tunisian Crochet 

Tatting 

Quilting 

Amigurumi 

Brioche 

Cables 

Double Knitting 

Intarsia 

Fair Isle 

Lace 

Mosaic 

Baby Clothes 

Baby/Lap Blankets 

Larger Blankets 

Socks 

Gloves/Mittens 

Hats 

Cowl/Shawl/Scarf 

Sweater/Cardigan 

Toys

Although Blocked is free to read, it isn’t free to produce. 

Without the generosity of patrons, Blocked would not be possible. 

There are overheads that need to be met including subscriptions for software, the 

magazine online platform, a future website, and time. 

If you have enjoyed this issue, please consider becoming a patron. 

Patrons receive the magazine a week before general release, see exclusive content, 

get to vote on future content, and may receive exclusive offers. 

Each quarter patrons have a chance to win a $25 gift-card to spend at an indie-dyer’s store. 

More details available on the Patreon site linked below. 

Patron Checkout | Patreon 

www.patreon.com/join/BlockedMagazine 

Please email pattern submissions for consideration in the next issue to: 


We will notify you if you have been chosen to be featured in our next issue! 

CARTOON OF THE MONTH: 

If you are interested in supporting 

blocked via an advertisement 

Please contact: 


For advertising rates and information. 

All of the above published pages were produced 

by BS. Studio and are subject to 

Copyright ©2022BlockedMagazine. 

None of the above artwork or images may be sold 

or distributed without strict permission by 

Blocked Magazine publications or it’s affiliates. 

All artwork and contents included 

in this publication are the property 

of Blocked magazine. 

No BS. Just Design.

Fiction 

By Maria D Prokop 

Going Home 

The little dog held something in its tiny jaws, clutching it tightly and growling at me. The early 

evening sky hindered my vision. I couldn’t see the object clearly. The dog had a bad reputation for 

burying toys in the garden and uprooting the vegetables, so I followed him. 

“Toto! Release!” I demanded, attempting to sound more like the Wicked Witch than Dorothy. Ignoring 

me, he ran past the vegetable garden and down the dirt path between the cornfields. 

I stood on the edge of the field, by the southern property line of the farm where I had grown up. 

The diminutive dog growled at me, turned, and ran off. 

“Aw, come on, silly boy. What’s wrong with you?” Pop’s dog had been acting off-kilter ever since 

I arrived back home. Grumbling, I tracked the Yorkie’s small paw prints on the dirt trail through the 

shadowy cornfields. 

Dusk had started to fall. I caught glimpses of Toto whipping in and out of the dry cornstalks. If 

he hadn’t been my father’s oldest and most faithful companion, I wouldn’t have bothered. 

Pop had two settings, gentle and high-heat. A beacon of patience until pushed too far, the 

former boxing champ inside my mild-mannered father could emerge without warning. I feared facing 

the fighter inside if I lost Pop’s dog. 

When first I arrived at my father’s doorstep two days ago, Pop didn’t ask any questions. Never loquacious, 

this time his silence echoed the emptiness in my soul. I had failed—at life, at love, at everything—and 

had decided to leave the city and return to my childhood home, where I had felt safest. 

Eventually, words began to drop out of Pop’s mouth, such as, “Morning,” and “G’night.” 

“Toto! Come back! Bad boy!” 

I wished the sun would pause from setting for a few extra minutes. 

“Please help me find Pop’s dog,” I whispered to any entity willing to take on the challenge, even 

though the thought of a higher power actually heeding my cries, after years of screaming at the 

loud silence above, stirred up a wave of anger inside me. 

“Yap! Yap-yap-yap!” “Ah-ha! Found you!” 

Grudgingly, I tipped my head to the gracious—or bored—entity and approached the dog. 

He dropped the object he’d been carrying in his jaws, but stepped over it, guarding it with his 

petite, furry body. When I walked in his direction, he growled as fiercely as he could and leaned 

back on his hind legs in an instinctual attack mode, ready to spring from the ground into his opponent’s 

face. Into my face. 

“Hey, it’s me. I know it’s been a while since I’ve been home, but you like me, you silly dog! Now, 

move!” He growled louder at me as if I were a stranger, an enemy, or a threat. 

39

Fiction 


Of course Pop’s dog didn’t connect with me anymore. I’d changed. 

I left home three years ago. Technically, I ran away. Mom had been sent to another kind of farm— 

the funny farm—and I rebelled. My high school sweetheart, George, convinced me to get hitched. 

We drove two hours to get to the courthouse in the capital city of 

Harrisburg. Then we stayed in the city. George never let me go home. He barely let me leave the 

apartment. 

This year he fell in love with whiskey, thankfully offering my face short reprises from his fist when 

he would eventually pass out. Two days ago, while George was out cold, I decided to finally go 

home. 

“Yap-yap-yap-yap!” 

I suddenly realized where the dog had taken me. I stood in the woods behind the old dairy 

farm, in a Revolutionary War era graveyard with five crumbling stones circled by warped oak trees. 

Three of the gravestones belonged to children, their names barely legible after so many years of 

weathering and decay. An important looking historic marker described the place for tourists, but 

only a few kooky, grave-seeker weirdos ever visited this old site. 

“Yap-yappity-yap-yap-yap!” 

“Hey, you’re going to disturb the Creech family. Their ghosts will haunt you to death!” 

Haunt you to death? What are you talking about? 

Good grief—you’re talking to yourself in the third person—you’re 

insane. Yes, you are! 

“Yappity-yap!” the dog retorted. Quick as a ghost, I grasped the little bugger and held him tight. 

But he squirmed out of my hands, whimpering in fear. He bolted away from me out of the graveyard 

and back through the cornfields. Now I could finally see what he had been guarding. 

“No—it can’t be.” 

I leaned in to examine the object closer. 

“Damn!” 

In the thin grass was a human hand, slightly decomposed, with bluish flesh and dirty fingernails. 

The fingers were longer than my own, and one wore a gold band. 

Twisting the cheap band on my own left ring finger, I stumbled backward and landed on my 

rear. The recent frost should have meant a hard landing, but the ground under my bum actually 

cushioned my fall. I reached back to push my body up, my hand clutching the cold loose soil 

below. I rose, turned, and stared at a mound of dirt the length of a bicycle. 

Maybe someone had prepped the ground to plant a bush or shrub. “Fall is the perfect time for 

planting!” a billboard had proclaimed on my drive through town. But surely it was too late to plant 

anything now. Pop had baled hay today and at breakfast, I had seen his thermals sticking out from 

under his flannel shirt. 

Images of the recent frost, a severed hand, and the loose mound of dirt in the graveyard jumbled 

around in my mind and I panicked. There was no other explanation—the tilled earth was a shallow 

grave. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, heartbeats throbbing in my ear. 

40

Fiction 


*** 

The first time I ever felt this kind of paralyzing fear was at Girl Scout Camp when I first 

heard the gruesome tale of the Creech family graveyard. 

Our scout leader, wearing no make-up and crowned with pink sponge curlers, had animatedly 

explained to the troop what happened many, many long years ago: “Don’t believe 

what the history books tell you. That family didn’t die from smallpox - they were murdered! 

Some say they were slaughtered by Native American spirits seeking revenge on the bullying 

colonists who took their land and abused it. The spirits possessed a local Indian tribe. The Indians 

claimed they had no memory of the incident, but an ax with their tribe’s ceremonial 

feathers was found at the scene - just like this one!” 

At that point in the story, the scout leader waved a decorative ax at the girls sitting around 

the bonfire. Feathers flew as we ran screaming to our tents. 

*** 

That hand looks like it was cut off with an ax. 

How would you know that? 

I don’t know. Shouldn’t you call the police? 

No! If the Indian spirits did it, they could come after me next. 

You’re insane. 

Maybe. 

Dusk fell. The sky turned indigo blue. I stared at the long pillow of brown soil. I couldn’t resist 

the urge to discover the truth for myself. With a slate rock, I found close by, I began clearing 

away the mound of dirt. The midnight-blue sky would turn black in minutes. I hurried like 

a woman possessed, striving to discover the identity of the person in the shallow grave. 

I hit something soft. Cornflower blue fabric peeked through the dark earth. It was a woven 

blanket. Pealing the blanket up with my hands revealed a white shirt—cotton, ribbed. A wifebeater, 

it was called, like George wore. Like George was. 

The next steps were inevitable. Fear gripped me, but the urge to know was stronger than 

the fear. I dug more tenaciously. On the arm of the body, I found a tattoo of an eagle—like 

George’s. Around the neck hung a gold chain—like George’s. Then—a thin face—George! 

*** 

I remember the first time George met Pops, a year after the courthouse ceremony. 

George, a lightweight, stuttered as he attempted to compliment Pop on his row of bronze 

heavyweight boxing trophies decorating the fireplace mantel. 

“H-how many years did you get in the ring?” George asked. 

“What makes you think I ever left?” Pop answered. 

George hated the farm, he also hated my father. The feeling was mutual. Pop never said a 

word, but his eyes had narrowed at me at breakfast when the sun burst through the window 

and blasted a bright spotlight on the shiner over my left eye. 

*** 

41

Fiction 


Confused and desperate, I sprinted through the darkness. 

Did spirits take it upon themselves to murder George on my behalf? Or had a bored entity 

answered my prayers? Who cut off the hand that had struck me so many times? 

A light shone in the barn. Pop was probably finishing up for the night, having a smoke. Toto 

had retreated there already and he yapped at me viciously as I rounded the corner and faced 

my father. 

“Pop! Is it you?” 

“Who else would it be?” he replied. 

“You’re not going to believe this, Pop. T-there’s a body in the graveyard!” The thick muscles 

in his neck tightened. “That’s what graveyards are for.” 

“No, Pop, you don’t understand. It’s George! He’s dead! I found his body buried in the old 

Creech family graveyard.” 

Pop looked at me, his weathered face devoid of expression. It was as if I had just told him 

the sun was yellow. 

“Pop, someone killed George and buried him in a shallow grave. Don’t you understand?I 

need to call the cops!” 

Pop looked away from me and hung up his work gloves on the pegboard by the door, right 

beside his firewood ax. Clumps of dry dirt stuck to the handle. 

“No, no you don’t.” 

I gasped in realization. 

“You—you— No! Not you . . .“ 

Pop’s face faded as I collapsed onto the barn floor. 

*** 

I awoke to the sound of barking. Memories of the day I left Harrisburg, memories my mind 

had buried returned slowly and the horrible truth became clear as pictures from that day slowly 

developed in my mind. 

George passed out on the bed. My hands holding down a white pillow. A thin body 

wrapped in a blue blanket. The rusty gate of the truck. The sign for the Susquehanna River. 

Pop’s ax and shovel hanging in the empty barn. The lumpy blanket lying in a graveyard. A tattooed 

arm. Toto, the frosty ground, a shovel, an ax, and a severed hand. My old room. Dirty feminine 

hands. Pop holding a wet, knitted washcloth. Toto at the door. 

The officer clasped handcuffs around my wrists. Pop held his dog tight as I was led out of the 

room. The policeman guided me through the farmhouse. As we passed the fireplace mantel, I 

noticed a heavy layer of dust on Pop’s trophies. Before they put me in the police cruiser, I 

looked back. 

Pop’s muscular body crumbled onto the floor like a defeated champion alone in the ring 

after a fight, his head bowed and his shoulders slumped. 

I won’t be going home again for a long, long time. 

43

Acknowledgments 

BLOCKED has been made 

possible by the generosity and 

goodwill of far too many people to 

name individually. 

Thank you to all the designers, 

writers, photographers, artists, 

patrons, advertisers and, of 

course you the reader.

blocked_5

You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles

Delete template?

Save as template?