1998-1999 Rothberg Yearbook

T h e C@"@ p S w e e p
by Pamela Berkowitz
So, you haven't gone grocery shopping in two weeks.
You're out of pasta, cereal and peanut butter, and your pita is moldy. Know what time it is? Time for the
"Co-op Sweep." Ready? Set? Go!
You walk to French Hill, grab a cart, and let the nice man at the door check your backpack. You turn
right, and enter the produce section. You throw some veggies and fruits into a bag, and then it hits...
The Shuk Guilt! How can you pay 32 shekels for mushrooms when they only cost 10 at the shuk?
Forget Econ 101 and opportunity cost- you'll spend all day tomorrow at the shuk. Besides, vegetables
only rot anyway! So you turn the corner and enter the salad section. You grab a small container of
hummus- Wait, you better get the big one. Then you go to the dairy section. Get some chocolate milk,
chocolate yogurt, chocolate milkies, and then move on. Don't forget to stop by the freezer section.
What is life without shnitzel? OK, so now you walk down the cleaning aisle...there are cleaning supplies
in Israel? Who knew? You remember that you need eggs and milk. You start walking back to the
refrigerator section and then remember that only silly Americans refrigerate milk and eggs! Silly you,
they're right on the shelf next to the canned goods. You can't help but wonder why everything good in
Israel comes in a bag...milk, cake, Bissli, Bamba... kind of makes you think. Next comes the beverage
aisle, and with it the age old question- bottled or Brita? Well, you haven't changed your Brita filter
in...about...never. Basically, you'd better get bottled. Well, now that you got water, you better get some
beverages with flavor. Vodka and wine will do. You opt for quality this time and get the citrus flavored
12 shekel vodka...anything less would be a sin. Then the wine. White or red? Dry or sweet? Better get
one of each. Now it's time to approach the check-out. You knew that all the time you spent on amusement
park bumper cars as a kid would come in handy sometime. Do you dare try and wait in the express
line with 11 items in your cart? You finally get up to the cashier and pay your 200 shekels. But
there's more! The cashier informs you that you've gotten a free gift. What could it be? $1 million, a
new car, a free trip to Paris... Oh, it's a bottle of grape juice. Well, you take the grape juice and throw it
in some nice yellow Co-op bags and walk outside. You walk home
and put your food away. An hour later,
you feel your tummy growl. You walk to
the kitchen, open the refrigerator and
$ISL/
cupboards and realize that you have
nothing to eat...better go out for dinner.
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