Visage – Spring/Summer 2023

INSIGHT
reject to rebirth
My name is Seraphim, I’m 21 and every day I thank God for love and
my life. When I was 14 only seven years ago I could not have written
these words. Back then my life seemed like hell, now my life looks
promising, not perfect but going up.
II I entered the
care system
when I was six,
as my mum
went in and
out of rehab
and my dad
refused to take
responsibility.
Seraphim Luongo
I was brought up by my mother who
was at that time, a heroin addict and
a prostitute. She had spent years in
a violent relationship with my father.
Shortly after they met, my father introduced
her to heroin. Soon after that he
left her for another woman and started
another family. My mother struggled to
love and care for me despite her addiction.
My earliest memories with her are
desperate; there wasn’t much to eat and
I remember that my clothes were dirty
and, yes, I did smell! I witnessed my
mum being attacked and at one time we
had nowhere to live, I often slept on the
floor of my aunt’s house.
Eventually I entered the care system
when I was six, as my mum went in and
out of rehab and my dad refused to take
responsibility. I know it’s called social
care but it didn’t seem very caring and
I remember being really scared on most
days. I had four placements in one year
and struggled to settle, I just wanted
to be loved. Eventually I came to hate
my foster parents – and I had many. My
lengthiest placement was with a loving
family in Hemel Hempstead, I was nine
years old. It was there that I found a love
for books. I attended a good school and
had amazing friends. I would pretend
to them that my life was indulgent, like
theirs and I picked up the language of
abundance. I dreamed of one day driving
a car and running my own business. I
talked about my dreams like they were
actual but my reality was so different. I
was a foster child, which meant that no
one really cared – I was unwanted. Eventually
I became detached and angry.
Most of my foster parents treated me
fairly but I always felt like I was additional
and inauthentic. One family use
to take me to church and there was this
bible reading about Shadrach, Meshach
and Abednego. These guys were in a bad
place and their identity was changed;
names, religion and foods. I could feel what
they felt. I hated my father for leaving my
mother and despised my mother for being
helpless; I wanted to be her saviour.
After a violent outburst, I managed to
sabotage my placement and was sent to
London; I remember thinking that maybe
now I could get closer to my mum – I was
now twelve years old. They placed me in a
care home in east London, at this stage, I
was considered too aggressive and too ‘old’
to be matched with another foster family.
A year later my mum died. I was angry
and fearful and even more aggressive
towards adults. I spent a year in my room;
refusing to come out to eat or socialise. I
didn’t have friends, I spent most days idolising
the Kardashians and quickly became
a school refuser. Anxiety ruled my day and
fear dominated my world.
Then I met Ray Lewis and Ms Carol, the
leaders of EYLA. I was introduced to Eastside
by the head of social care; he had worked
with Mr Lewis in the past and seemed to be
convinced that, if anyone can help, Eastside
can. I did not trust adults, and I certainly had
no intention of making it easy for new adults
to access me. What I didn’t know was that
Mr Lewis and Ms Murraine were equally wild
and would not budge or back away.
I began my first day with a list of my
demands, which included: a regular ‘lie in’
then a late start, weekly equine lessons,
daily McDonalds and loads of attention.
What I got was a timetable, tough talk, a
daily wake up visit at 7:30am and tons of
work. It felt like a daily disaster but something
about this rigour felt to me like, I had
no choice. Mr Lewis never spoke much, he
explained that he was like Moses coming
down the mountain carrying the commandments
not suggestions. Ms Carol was a
great talker but her voice carried weight –
either way it was a rock or a hard place.
Seven years on my Eastside experience
14