Visage – Spring/Summer 2023

might as well face it –
you’re addicted!
The Amazon delivery guy was coming to our house almost
every day during lockdown. In fact these deliveries were the
highlight of the day. We would bet on whether or not it was
an order for mum or dad or my older sister Jennifer. I reckon
60% of the time it was something for dad and I’m kind of glad
it was because his orders were more fun (mum would say
unnecessary). It was never something for me!
Andrew Mensah
Stuff would arrive almost every day.
We now have an air fryer, home pod,
Jasmine candles, face masks, box files,
shelving units, A4 plastic wallets, a
chrome square trivet and much more.
This year, however, the Amazon ‘guy’
has hardly been, I asked mum why
and she said “Ask your dad!”; I did and
Dad said “It’s the cost of living crisis
– we need to cut back!” Mum agreed
“Everything has gone up except my
pay.” She says this so often I’m wondering
if she’s talking us into a bleaker
future!
According to mum we all need
to cut back; “Turn off the light!” she
bellows every day. In our flat, baths
are now banned (just showers – we
still wash!), we walk to school more
often and we have even changed to
another supermarket.
Now, sit back and understand,
the weekly shop in our household is
a very big deal. It’s as important as
going to church, yes I mean it. The
change is massive – it’s like changing
‘religion’, going from Saint Paul’s
Cathedral to fellowship at a disused
cinema. This shopping decision was
made by mum on her own; no conversation,
no consultation. The first I
knew was the sudden appearance of
cornflakes with an unpronounceable
name!
This change of ‘religion’ started
in the middle of November; it
started small, things like milk
and fruit juice. On November
30th 2022 came the big
bang. I remember the date
because it was my sister’s
birthday (and mum
bought a cake from the
German church supermarket).
The second
reason I remember it was because it
was my first experience of mum and
dad really arguing!
The argument started quite calm.
My dad loves cream crackers but
what I didn’t know (although I’m sure
mum must have) was that the crackers
MUST be Jacob’s. Mum bought
another, cheaper brand. Nothing
about the packaging indicated anything
was wrong and as dad opened
the packet and spread the SunPat
peanut butter, he didn’t notice – until
the first bite. From his reaction the
cracker fell well short of his expectations.
Mum was summoned and the
argument began. Twenty minutes
later and they were still at it, later
it spread to include baked beans,
tomato sauce, toilet paper and jam.
I learned that day that my dad is a
brand addict. Cost of living crisis or
not he refuses to change (lower his
standards). He said “I would rather
starve than eat that!”. He may have to
because mum is on a mission!
In our house austerity came face to
face with tradition; Muhammad and
the mountain – something’s got to
give – I think it may be the marriage!
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