BLOct23ToWeb

The Column
By Chuck Van Riper
Xyxrl
(Part 1)
Xyxrl was from a planet on the other side of the galaxy.
During his many explorations, he had made quite a
few stops to Earth to study humans and their culture. We
first met quite a few years ago while I was camping in
the Olympic mountains in Washington state. Back then,
his inter-galactic translator was used to communicate, although
to me it seemed more to be telepathic. Over the
years, he had learned the basics of the English language
and was able to communicate simple thoughts quite well.
Somehow, he always knew how to contact me and where
I was. (Xyxrl - writer’s tip: if you’re writing about aliens,
always give them a name that starts with the letter “X” and
has no vowels in it.) Last month, he paid me a visit and
I decided to take him down to the beach and see how he
liked it, pondering whether his grey, leathery skin could
handle the sun. It went something like this:
“Well, Xyxrl, get in the car and I’ll take you to the beach.”
“What is a “beach?” he asked. “You know, that place
where the ocean meets the land.” “Oh, that sounds exciting!”
he replied his usual inquisitive manner. I said, “Ok,
we’ll stop and get some iced tea so we have something to
drink when we get there,” We pull into the Publix on the
way. We walk in and people see Xyxrl and start crowding
around. “It’s just a Halloween costume!” I say. I quickly
grab some iced tea and head to the register. “What are you
doing now?” he asks. I explain, “Well, we have to pay for
this.” He acts surprised. “You have to pay for sustenance
here?” “Of course,” I say. “How do you get those little
pieces of paper that you use to pay?” “Well, you go to
work, make money so you can pay for food and drinks
and many other things.” “I’ll never understand Humans!
Where I come from, sustenance is provided for the good
of the people.” “Yea, well, it’s a long story”.
We finally make it to the beach. Xyxrl’s eye slits open
wide. “Wow this is beautiful! But what are those humans
doing laying motionless in the dirt?” “That’s not dirt, it’s
sand. It’s much finer than dirt. And all those people are
“Sunbathing”. “What does that mean?” he asked very
puzzled. “Well, you lay on the beach so you can get a
20 - Brevard Live October 2023