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IS MY SPANISHMY LATINIDAD?BY DAISY QUIÑONESI wish I could speak with my grandma.She’s not dead—though she always talks about how we’ll miss her “cuando regrese a Dios.” She’s notthat far from me—when she’s not in México, she’s only a 25 minute drive away in South Central.I just can’t hold a conversation in Spanish. I’m a “no sabo,” a term that makes fun of peoplewith imperfect Spanish. While “no sabo” is meant to label those that can’t speak anySpanish, it’s also used as an insult any time someone makes just one, trivial error.Simply using the wrong gender can provoke it. It’s usually a joke, but there’s nodenying that it has exclusionary tones to it.I’m not entirely clueless. I can read, write, and occasionally hold aconversation. After all, Spanish was my first language. It brought metogether with my community. Most importantly, it meant that when mygrandma spoke to me, I could respond.I don’t know exactly when all of that stopped. I know that whenI got a little older,my parents thought that having daughters thathad perfect English would mean that they’d get into goodcolleges and secure better futures. So, there was lessSpanish from them. We also started attending predominantlywhite schools, where I was teased for having an accentwhen saying words like “tortilla,”or for correcting thepronunciation of my last name to teachers. I quicklylearned to water down my accent, to pronounce words thesame way that the white girls next to me would. Becausemy Spanish was already slipping, I’d do whatever I could toavoid talking to my grandparents. I did this especially withmy grandma, who barely knows English. That sounds awful,I know. But it’s embarrassing when your tíos, primos, andeven your parents tease you for talking slower as you trythinking of the translations for simple sentences. Theycriticize instead of offering to help. So I grew anxious when itcame to speaking. And that anxiety lead to dread.Looking back, it happened so quickly. One moment, I waspraying with my grandma in her dining room. The next, she wouldtry telling me how proud she was of my grades, or try sneaking in ajoke about my dad—and all I could respond with was a blank stare,a broken heart, and the feeling that I was growing further from her,my family, and my culture.For the longest time, I thought that my weak Spanish was why I didn’tbelong, and that I wasn’t Mexican or Latina enough. But that’s because Iperceived Spanish as my only connection with others. There’s such a strongemphasis within Latine culture (at least in the U.S.) on Spanish being ourLatinidad, that it often overshadows the other ways that we connect with one another.16Visual by Melissa Morales
What makes us Latine is the way we extend ourselves to one another. It’s the generosity we give to those we’ve justmet. The way we share the best restaurants around us that sell the foods from our countries. How we’ll say “quevaya con Dios” because, even if we’re not all Catholic, it’s the way we show that we care for each other’s well being.My obsession with my Spanish made it so easy to forget these ways that we connect, and even the ways that Iconnect with my grandma. We connect through the way she compliments my curls every time I wear my hair down:“¡Mira el pelo chino! ¡Ay, mi hermosa nieta!” And in the way that she steals flowers from her neighbor’s rose bushand gives them to me with a smile and nothing more. We connect every time she patiently waits for me to get out asentence in Spanish. And when I make a mistake, she’ll be the only one not to laugh. Instead, she jumps in to helpme with the words I’m struggling with. She’ll even try saying a few words in her broken English, just to remind methat she gets the struggle.My grandma has shown me that Spanish isn’t what makes us Latine. Our Latinidad is in the constant efforts wemake to build that bridge with one another.It’s because of her that I’ve been relearningSpanish. It’s no longer that I see it as my way of proving my Latinidad. Rather, I see it as me creating one morebridge to connect with my grandma.LA GENTE RADIO STAFF PRESENTSRespuestaSTHE PLAYLISTListen to songs curated by our radio staffby scanning the Spotify link or QR code!This playlist evokes the feelings thatRespuestas goes though, includingself-reflection, growth, discovery and muchmore. From all artists of a variety of genres!17
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