We Contain Multitudes

Contents
1. Herk & Dee's Trip To The Moon
by Evan Shanahan 1
2.Even-Odd
by Eimear Sheehan 17
3. Destined for Greatness
by Jack Leahy 27
4. Hounds of Love
by Adam Redican 41
5. Murder is a Dish Best served Cold
by Zoe O'Reilly Fleming 53
6. Rose
by Eve Swanton 65
7. This Conversation Never Happened
by Eva Garayalde 71
8. White Noise
by Sophie Eaton 81

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Herk & Dee's Trip To The Moon
By Evan Shanahan
SCENEt
We start in a windowless, dingy office lit up by a flickering harsh light. One cubicle
contains a sad looking, middle aged, chubby man with a receding hair line wearing a
bland white shirt and tie. The only bit of personality here is a few propaganda posters
for S.0.0.P. (Society of Otherworldly People), the organisation he works for, and the
space military (the military but in space, as one might guess - but just being safe).
Another employee who looks the exact same as our character HERI< comes into his
cubicle with a stack of paperwork. The soft sound of keyboard clacking is heard.
Eh?
HERK
EMPLOYEE
You've got more paperwork, I felt as if the stack of paperwork made that
obvious.
HERK
Right, right. What uh, what is the work?
EMPLOYEE
Oh, just the usual. Typing the written complaints given to HR into a file, then
deleting the file.
HERK
[Turns around on his chair] Hey, Worker 0076507?
Yes?
Have you ever gotten sick of this?
0076507
HERK
Worker 0076507
Yes, we are clones of the same person. I would be worried if how we felt about
work differed in any way.
WORKER 0076507 leaves the room. HERI< sighs. A slender man in a vintage air force
flight suit emerges from a complimentary plastic bin filled with scrunched up paper.
This is DEE, or Do7, or Soldier Do7.
1

Man, that guy was a downer.
DEE
HERK
That guy is a complete perfect clone of me and my personality.
DEE
To be honest, you can be a downer as well-but that's not my point! If I learnt
anything from all those clones in the space military, there are always tiny
differences.
Like?
HERK
DEE
I was hoping you WEREN'T gonna ask that! [laughs] Nothing really.
HERK looks disappointed and continues typing. DEE shuffles around awkwardly,
looking at a few military propaganda posters advertising the space military.
DEE
[Laughs] Good times. Good times. Anyways, you seem miserable.
Why would you say that?
HERK
DEE
I think that we should take a break from life. Breaking this whole work cycle
would be good for you.
Do I really look that miserable?
Yup. Now, where should we go ... ? Mars!
HERK
DEE
HERK
It's a tourist trap. Mars is for just tourists and the descendants of wealthy space
apes. It is boring. You know what's an underrated place to go nowadays? The
Earth's Moon! No one goes there.
DEE
For good reason, I went there for a day on parole. Turns out it is just a rock. A
big rock to be fair! But a boring old rock.
.._
L •
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1.,.,,1
I-,
2

Exactly! That's why it'll be quiet.
HERK
DEE
Even if we did go there, how? We don't have a ship. We've been on this giant
space hub for months because of your stupid gob.
HERK
First of all, it's called a 'job' and second, the Society of Otherworldly People
- also known as S.O.O.P - is one of the most important space exploration
organisations in the known universe, and if the only way I can get to exploring
space is HR?! [Takes deep breath] Then so help me.
Let's just steal a ship.
Wait, excuse me?
DEE
HERK
The lights cut off. Befuddled noises of HER1< can be heard before it is abruptly cut off
SCENE2
A British voiceover is playing over the stage.
VOICEOVER
Attention all security officers on deck; a small space shuttle off the East section
of the S.O.O.P. Hub has been stolen without permission, Oh no. They are leaving
the space hub. Please be on the lookout for Worker Clone 0896250 and a strange
slender male, who snuck onto the hub a few months ago, as some reported.
Thank you!
[The lights turn back on. The scenery is now one of a shotty space shuttle. There's
a rusty, dingy kitchen space as well. A gentle whirring, mechanical whirring can be
heard.]
[Groggy] Ugh .... what happened?
HERK
DEE
We're headed for the Moon; I knocked you out and I stole a ship. Not in that
order-
3

HERK
What?! What about packing? And telling my manager clone about my leave??
And about who,s driving?!
No one so far. Oh! That's bad!
DEE
HERK stumbles off the floor and climbs his way into the driver's seat of the shuttle.
HERK
You,ll kill me one day, you know that? [Sneezes] Ugh, what's that?
DEE looks a little nervous.
DEE
Listen, I might've brought someone else.
Who?
Not exactly a person, so!
HERK
DEE
HERK
[Laughs] Well it must be a cat then; my allergies are acting up.
Silence.
You brought a cat...?
HERK
DEE
Listen, that cat is a WAR HERO. He fought along my side when I was fighting the
Inter-Galactic War of ,73!
Eh?! Weren,t you twelve?!
STANDARD PRACTICE!
HERK
DEE
Before bickering could continue, a large meow can be heard from outside the shuttle.
GENERAL!
DEE
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4

BERK
Sorry, come again, the cat also fought in the­
DEE
-YES, HE FOUGHT IN THE INTER-GALATIC WAR. He saved my ass back in
Keplar -42D ... Anyways please, the cat > s out of the bag, or ship, help me.
No.
BERK
DEE
Fine. Spit on the veterans all you want; it won > t keep us down!
DEE walks off stage. Gas releasing and doors opening are heard from where DEE
walked off. DEE then re-enters the stage with a completely frozen cat.
DEE
Sir General Chonko will take a minute to defrost.
DEE walks to the grungy kitchen area and throws Sir General Chonko into a
microwave. HERK looks back with smug look, and exhales dramatically. The lights
go red, then cut out.
AGH! UGH! JESUS!
DEE
HERK
Sorry man, it's an asteroid field and you don't have a seatbelt. Also, my name
isn, t Jesus.
The lights come back on. DEEs is sprawled on the floor.
DEE
YOU,RE GIVING THE GENERAL FLASHBACKS!
HE'S AN ANIMAL!
HERK
DEE
[Take's out a keychain with a tiny toy gun on it] Say that again. I dare you.
HERK
OooOOo I'm so scared. Pooping myself even. Smells like my office. [Turns around]
Hey, there > s Earth > s Moon!
5

A tiny green bolt of energy shoots out of the keychain gun. The glass of the windscreen
starts to crack. An alarm goes off. Red lights go off
DEE!
Alright, I'm genuinely sorry now.
HERK
DEE
The lights cut off HERK & DEE start screaming. DING!
DEE
[Stops screaming] Oh hey, the cat's done defrosting. [Continues screaming]
SCENE3
A large crash is heard. Smoke clears. HERK stands over DEE who is face flat on the
ground, while HERK is holding Chonko. They are now on the Moon.
HERK
[Concerned] DEE? D07? Soldier D07? Well, I hope you learnt a lesson, always­
[Burps] -Always what?
DEE
HERK
Well, I'll leave it to you to make a farce of death. Thankfully, we had the Dayus­
Ex Machine A-Class Emergency Spacesuits.
Silence. HERK looks around. He motions to DEE and General Chonko.
HERK
Well, everyone, I think that taking a vacation on a floating rock in space was a
bad idea.
It was your idea! [coughs]
DEE
HERK
Anyways, we might as well explore for a base ... [drops cat]
DEE
[Catches cat] What's the point in that? [gets up]
... -
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6

HERK
So I can get back to work. Oh hang on, I just remembered all that paperwork. The
other me clones have most likely given me MORE work. ...
HERK trails off as he wanders off stage. DEE looks at Chonko.
DEE
Imagine being as crazy as that guy Chonk. Man, I can't believe him. [pause] Ya
know General, it feels just like eight years ago when we were fighting back-toback
in the Inter-Galactic War of '73. I think it feels that way because-
-Meow.
CHONKO
DEE
Because it was eight years. It was. General, I can't stress this enough- you're
like a brother to me. No one appreciates what I did. Those damn Florbo-Glorbian
bastards .... I don't know why I was told to hate them, but it must've been a real
bad reason! I couldn't have done it without you buddy. Honestly -
The lights cut out. A British voice can be heard.
Many hours later!
BRITISH VOICE OVER
DEE is laying down on a therapist's couch, Chonko is sitting on a chair.
DEE
And honestly, I think that comes from a place of neglect and [sniffles] just not
being respected ...
HERK
[From a distance] HEY DEE! I FOUND SOMETHING!
We should clean up before-
HERK comes back on stage.
-What are you doing?
DEE
HERK
7

SCENE4
The lights cut out again. After a few seconds, they switch back on. They are now in a
military-esque, metallic space base with wooden craters all around. It reeks of rust
and stuffiness, no life whatsoever.
BERK
Something's off. There might be a reason that no one goes here.
One base? It's not that scary.
DEE
BERK
No, I think they were forced to leave here. And go to Mars --no one would go
there willingly.
A person with a futuristic gun and in heavy military gear walks on stage right. HERK
and DEE duck behind a wooden crate Another, similar looking soldier comes from
stage right.
I could've sworn I heard something.
SOLDIERt
SOLDIER2
Listen dude, people lost interest in the Earth's Moon when the internet was
only starting to become headset only--maybe even before! The President of
the Universe doesn't give us much info on the past, so I don't know.
What's a "past"?
SOLDERt
A scratchy pixelated voices comes on over the soldier's radios.
RADIO
HEY BOZOS! Get back to the production line. We need to produce another species
to fight a war against, or we're going to get fired. Oh, and think of another name.
We can't keep fighting the Florbo-Glorbians. People are eventually going to
figure out the THAT'S NOT A REAL SPECIES. Out.
Yeah, we probably should head back.
SOLDIER2
CHONKO jumps from DEE's arms to the soldiers.
On hello cat! What are -
SOLDERt
8
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I.J
l-1

SOLDIER2
-Hey! That cat was instrumental to faking the Inter-Galactic War of '73. Have
some respect.
CHONKO
[coughs] Ugh, thank you sir. Anyhow, I'd like to inform you of a break-in.
Knew it! -Knew ...
SOLDIER 1
CHONKO
-Quiet. The perpetrators are one Worker Clone and a fool who fought alongside
me in the year 3073. Who also dragged me here and when I attempted escape,
I was thrown into a prison of heat that smelt of popped corn kernels. And ....
they're behind [dramatic turn] THAT CRATE!
HERK and DEE are flabbergasted.
[Turns to second soldier] Told you.
Shut up. GRAB 'EM!
DEE, LET'S GO!
SOLDIER!
SOLDIER2
HERK
HERK grabs the stunned DEE by the arm and runs off stage left.
CHONKO
Actually, let them run. I have a suspicion that the soldier will do the job for us.
SCENES
HERI( and DEE are panicking in the space shuttle. HERI( is flicking switches, running
around the ship. DEE is curled up against the wall, frozen.
HERK
OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. WE GOTTA GO MAN.
What's a "GOD"?
DEE
9

SHUT UP!
HERK
While HERK is jumping around the barely held together shuttle, DEE slowly gets up
and heads over to the steering wheel of the ship. He pushes a button, and a British
voice is heard from the ship.
BRITISH VOICEOVER
Initiating self-destruct sequence. If this sequence does not work, contact the
number in your handbook. If it does, please congratulate us at the same number.
I'm sorry, Herk.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
DEE
HERK
DEE
Did. I'm sorry man, I can't live with that fact. General­
HERK
-I CAN! I suppose that is a bit hard to live with. I'm sorry. Wait, WHY IS THAT
YOUR RESPONSE?! DE-
-Listen, I'll explain myself-
DEE
BOOM! ! The space shuttle explodes into a million little, tiny pieces. Blasting HERK and
DEE off into the cold unmercifully vast depths of space. DEE is limp as HERK grabs
onto DEE's foot.
L-
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SCENE6
HERK and DEE are calm. They are adrift in a quiet, endless sea. There is thick, heavy
silence between the two, not including the fact that they're in space.
Hey, Herk?
[Pause] Yes?
DEE
HERK
:....;
.....
I-.;
'-'
10

DEE
When the whole ship kerfuffle was happening, you kept saying that one word.
Gawd? What > s that?
HERK
I don't know, it's just a phrase. But if I did know, it'd be illegal for me to share.
What would happen to you?
DEE
HERK
Incineration. And I, d get fired from my job.
DEE
Ah. I see. But we're in the middle of nowhere­
HERK
-One, no. Two, I'd like to remind everyone .... so us two, that that was your
doing. We will die, because of you.
DEE
SOOOO, what you're saying is that either way if you tell me the secret or not, we
be dead?
Silence.
HERK
[Inhale, exhale] Yes. And fine, I'll tell you what I know.
Fun! I really -
DEE
HERK
-DON'T. Don't talk over me. Now. From what i > ve been told, a God figure is or
was a figure of worship that you, d devote yourself to.
DEE
Like Sir General Silly Chonko Esquire the Fourth?
Silence.
11

HERK
No, DEE, not like Sire General Silly Chonko Esquire the Fourth. You see, these
figures date back to the earliest century I could get information on, the 21 st
Century. These Gods, of different types dependant on where you were from, all
created the universe. Sometimes together -mainly just separately all at the
same time though. Like there 1 s one, but everyone saw that one differently.
DEE
That 1 s ridiculous! Everyone knows that whoever the current President of the
Universe is, created the universe.
I am starting to believe the contrary.
HERK
Silence. HERK looks away from DEE, taking deep breathes.
Are you mad-
DEE
DEE is cut off as a barrage of white beams of light dance around DEE and HERK,
lighting up the immediate area for a second, before leaving.
Oh God.
What?
HERK
DEE
HERK
DEE, I don 1 t want you to panic, but these beams of light? Those are ships going
at hyper speed. We are in an active hyper speed dogfight.
DEE
Pm a war veteran! ... Well, Pm not so sure about that anymore. Feels fake, what I
went through. But still --why would I be afraid? I -
The ships are back, not firing blasts at each other, red lights everywhere,fatality after
fatality, yet they still go on as fast as ever. HERK and DEE caught up in all of this, are
propelled in the vast dark void, the intense red lights fade further and further away.
Before a new problem arises.
DEE
[Looks around] Hoo boy. You're going to HATE me for this.
L_.
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'--'
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12

What now? What now DEE?
HERK
DEE
Funny story! We're headed towards a black hole.
HERK
DEE? If we die --which we will --I want the last thing I tell you to be, I
hate you.
SCENE7
The stage is pitch black. The light then changes to a navy tone, so the stage is barely
visible. The two can be seen sitting down on the ground facing each other.
Rude.
I'm justified in what I said.
DEE
HERK
DEE
But I'm sorry. Listen, I don't know what's happening, I thought I was a war hero
a couple of minutes ago. Now I feel like a fool.
Pause.
HERK
You're not the fool here. You are a child [inhale]. You are .... allowed to make
mistakes. Although this mistake is pretty bad, I must admit! [cough] Sorry.
Silence.
So, do you wanna play cards, or ....
I left my cards in the ship.
But do you still want to?
Yeah!
HERK
DEE
HERK
DEE
13

BERK
That 1 s too bad, I left mine in the ship also.
A spotlight shines down in the middle of the stage between HERK and DEE. We can
hear a voice from the light. The light glows gently while HERK and DEE sit down,
unphased. Silence.
No screaming? Alright.
VOICE
BERK
Today has been too eventful for us to care. Who are you by the way?
A Higher being with a lot of power.
God?
VOICE
DEE
VOICE
No. I don 1 t create universes. Not every disembodied voice you meet in a black -
hole is a God. Jesus.
What 1 s Jesus?
Don 1 t get into it.
DEE
BERK
VOICE
Well anyway, I will send you back This is the equivalent of someone breaking
into my home and I give you a gift instead of smiting you.
BERK
Well, I'll ignore the smiting bit and ask, what's the gift?
VOICE
A wish, one per person. Choose wisely, as your wish alters reality forever. Make
it, and leave. Please leave afterwards, I beg.
Anyways, I guess that I wish ...
Silence.
DEE
14
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DEE
I wish to turn the S.0.0.P. Headquarters into a comedically large bowl of SOUP.
You are welcome.
HERK
Oh! I get the joke now. Soup sounds like S.0.0.P. Oh wow, that is disrespectful.
Not a fan.
And your wish?
VOICE
HERK
[Pause] I wish that when we are sent back, that DEE will have free therapist
lessons.
Aaaand you can't change it now!
Wait what?! No, I meant-
VOICE
HERK
VOICE
Too late! Bye! You'll get back in ten minutes.
[DEE begins to laugh. HERK has his head in his hands. The light fades away from the
stage.]
DEE
I appreciate it. Although my patient's health will deteriorate. By therapist
lessons you meant therapy sessions, right?
Yes.
HERK
DEE
Well, putting aside my sympathy for my future patients, I'd like to thank you.
So, thank you.
HERK pats himself down and finds a deck of cards in his trousers.
HERK
Never mind what I said before, I saved something!
END
15

91
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Even-Odd
By Eimear Sheehan
The scene opens in a quiet corner shop by the sea. It is a Tuesday morning in late
June and the owner - PETER, is training two girls to work in the shop. Peter is in his
mid forties and the girls are both sixteen.
When the curtain lifts up Peter is in the middle of showing AOIFE and MARIYA how
to work the ice cream machine.
PETER
Right now, this would be a small 99, ok? Make sure it's not too much bigger
than this.
He turns around to give it to AOIFE, she takes it and starts eating very loudly.
Now I'll show you the large 99, So­
PETER
MARIYA
What about medium?
What?
PETER
MARIYA
Medium, you did a small and now you're doing a large 99, how big should we
make the medium ones?
Oh yes, we don't do medium 99s.
PETER
MARIYA
How come?
AOIFE
Ok, maybe we could make this process go a little faster if we don't keep asking
questions.
AOIFE crunches down the last piece of her cone and then wipes her handles on her
t-shirt. MARIYA gives her a disgusted look. By this point Peter has finished off the
large 99 and handed it to MARIYA
No thank you.
MARIYA
17

Suit yourself, more for me.
PETER
He laughs and walks out of the shop and gives them the thumbs up. A little girl
about the age of eight walks into the shop.
GIRL
Can I please have a small 99 and a bag of penny sweets please.
AOIFE
Our 99 machine is broken at the moment, sorry.
Was that man not just eating a 99?
What man? No man walked out of here.
GIRL
AOIFE
MARIYA gave the girl the penny sweets and took her money. The lights dim and
when they come back up again, it's clear some time has passed.
Aoife?
MARIYA
Beat. AOIFE's voice can be heard from a bathroom off stage.
Yeah?
AOIFE
MARIYA
Are you alright in there? You've been in the toilet for the last half an hour.
Yeah? I'm fine, I'll be out in a minute.
AOIFE
The audience and MARIYA can hear AOIFE's voice talking on the phone, not
intended to be heard.
AOIFE
She is so fucking annoying; I cannot stand her.
Beat.
Yeah? that's her.
Beat.
AOIFE
18
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.._,
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I....

No, she can't hear you, I'm in the toilet. She is acting like such a bitch for no
reason, I just don't think she has ever made a friend before.
Beat
You can't say that, that's so mean ... (she laughs) Ok, I have to get back now, I'll
ring you after work.
She COMES back onto stage putting her phone back in her pocket. MARIYA is
sweeping the floor.
Were you just on the phone?
Did you hear me?
Very much so.
MARIYA
AOIFE
MARIYA
AOIFE
Ohh, you're probably thinking I was talking about you. I wasn't, don't worry.
Lucky me! (sarcastically)
MARIYA
Peter walks in the door and as the bell rings they both jump slightly.
PETER
I just have to talk to ye about something right, so we are a family owned
business and this is the first time we are hiring outside help, and now Pm
kinda not getting the sense that either of you have that kinda thing we are
looking for.
MARIYA
Well like to be fair how are we supposed to act like family if we hardly even
know each other?
PETER
No, that is exactly my point, you don't know each other. So- (He slaps his
hands together) Your shift is nearly over, but I have just picked up our weekly
restock for our sweets, so the two of you are going to take this evening to
restock the sweets and get to know one another.
AOIFE
What if we just get to know each other during work?
19

PETER
Well ... no, because the point is to know each other by the time you're actually
working. I can't make you stay but, I mean, I kinda don't want people working
in our shop that don't seem like family, or don't even seem civil towards each
other. I will also pay you time and a half. See you tomorrow girls.
He leaves, and the pair are left standing in the sweet shop with the giant boxes on
the floor.
The lights dim and when they brighten up again it is well into the evening.
AOIFE
I have to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute.
MARIYA
(She mutters under her breath) No you don't.
AOIFE
Excuse me? Do you have something you want to say to me?
MARIYA
You have been to the toilet like ten times today and every time to take for ever.
It's so obvious you just go on your phone and then I'm left doing all the work
by myself.
AOIFE
Well maybe I actually have stomach issues or something.
Beat.
AOIFE
Yeah? So I'd appreciate you didn't invade my privacy anymore.
AOIFE comes back toward MARIYA and continues unpacking the sweets without
saying anything.
Ok, so I have a proposition.
AOIFE
MARIYA
Ohh, were you gonna say that we should get matching friendship bracelets
because if you were, I really look better in gold.
AOIFE
Ok never mind then, forgive me for trying to fucking talk to you.
-
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1-.1
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L-1
20

Beat
Ok what's your proposition?
MARIYA
AOIFE
Well, you've finally decides to listen to what­
Shut up. Just what were you gonna say?
MARIYA
AOIFE
Ok, so I promise not to take any more extra-long bathroom breaks, if you do
me a favour.
Depends on what it is.
MARIYA
AOIFE
So like none of my friends know I have a job and I'd prefer if it stayed that way.
So anytime someone I know comes in, maybe you could manage on your own
until they leave.
MARIYA
Sure. Also, you don't need to say the word "friends,,, I know you just mean
Sophie.
AOIFE
Yeah? So what? Y'know people tend to like those who actually put an effort into
how they are perceived.
MARIYA
Well, like, no one cares if you have a job or not.
AOIFE
Well how would you know, you have no fucking friends.
Beat.
MARIYA
Is she even your friend? You just follow her around a lot.
AOIFE
That's not even true, anyway how would you even know, you're like hardly ever
in school.
21

Everyone knows it!
MARIYA
AOIFE
What do you mean everyone knows it? is it like the talk of the village that I just
follow around Sophie?
MARIYA
Well, like, she just uses you and Lucy as minions, it's pathetic.
AOIFE
Oh well is that what they're all saying now, is it? Well, it's not fucking true. We
are real friends, she visited me in hospital when I broke my wrist, and she would
never say anything bad about me.
MARIYA
Ok, whatever you want, I don't even care. I just thought you knew.
Whatever.
AOIFE
They continue unpacking and the lights dim again. When the lights come back on
more time has passed and they are both sitting on the floor each drinking a fizzy
drink from the fridge.
Do you know what I just remembered?
Beat. AOIFE glares at MARIYA
MARIYA
MARIYA
You came to my birthday party when I was seven.
AOIFE
Oh yeah? I remember that. And I got you one of those dolls, the princess ones,
which was it now?
Elsa, it was an Elsa doll.
Beat.
I still have the doll actually.
MARIYA
MARIYA
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lo...,
lo...,
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22

Hardly!
AOIFE
MARIYA
I mean I don't like keep it in a display case or something like that, I just have it
somewhere in the attic I think.
They both laugh.
I just remembered something.
What?
AOIFE
MARIYA
AOIFE
Ok well it's kinda embarrassing though, just like don't tell anyone.
I won't.
MARIYA
MARIYA crosses her heart in a sarcastic way.
AOIFE
I was really jealous of you when we were in primary school.
Piss off!
No, I was, I'm being dead serious.
Why?
MARIYA
AOIFE
MARIYA
AOIFE
You were really artistic and stuff and you just never cared what other people
thought of you.
(MARIYA rolls her eyes)
AOIFE
Ah not like that, like you were self assured that's all I mean.
23

MARIYA
Thanks.To be completely honest, I'm kinda jealous of you. You just have loads
of friends and find school really easy and stuff.
AOIFE
Well apparently, some of those aren't even real friends according to everyone
and-nevermind.
MARIYA
People say insane shit, like last week I overheard Ciara telling someone that her
maths teacher was one hundred percent pregnant.
She's, like, sixty.
AOIFE
MARIYA
Yeah?h, but people just say stuff for no reason and the fucked-up thing is that
we all believe it. I'm sure you and Sophie are very good friends.
'-
-
But that's not-
I,,.,
L.-
I......
We aren't.
What?
AOIFE
MARIYA
AOIFE
We aren't good friends, I'm just like one of her minions like you said.
MARIYA
AOIFE
No I know, but it's true. To be completely honest, she is such a bitch, I don't
even know why anyone likes- I don't even know why I like her.
Beat.
MARIYA gets up and reaches her hands out to pull AOIFE up.
MARIYA
Here, we have done enough "getting to know each other" for one day.
They both pick up their coats and walk out of the shop.
'--'
._
.._,
"-'
.....
.._..
24

l
L
L
L
L
L
L
L
L
I
L
Yeah? See you tomorrow.
Bye.
AOIFE
MARIYA
l..,
L
L
L
L..
L,
L
I
LJ
25

,......,
9Z

Destined for Greatness
By Jack Leahy
This play is set in a 19th century-esque boarding school, with industrial aesthetics.
It starts in a small room with a round window on the left wall, and a single bunk bed
with a desk beside it. The room is decorated with various different plants.
A youth is lying on the lower bunk, trying to avoid the morning rays of sunlight.
(Groggily) Ughhhh .... what time is it...
ATLAS
ATLAS blindly fumbles their hand across the desk, not wanting to open their eyes or
get up. They turn over and look at a pocket watch retrieved from the desk.
SHIT! NINE THIRTY?!
ATLAS
ATLAS rapidly sits up and rushes to grab a toothbrush, motioning with their free
hand to the plants around the room. Fibrous green lines glow from within the
plants, and they begin to grow. Tendrils of vegetation snake around the room,
grabbing a uniform discarded in a heap on the floor, and retrieving a school bag
stuffed with books and scrolls. ATLAS gets ready and rushes out the door, leaving the
plants to droop and wither.
They run through the crowded hallways, glancing outside at the view of a large
metal wall, beyond which is a crowded city.
They enter their classroom, and the students all turn to look.
PROFESSORl
Ah. There we are. The class was just going over the table of elemental
substances. Since your tardiness was no doubt a result of extra studying, would
you care to name the first ten Airs, Atlas?
ATLAS
Uh- there's, um ... Monogen ... Azote ... Helium? And-uh-the other one-and
the thing-
PROFESSOR 1
(Sarcastically) Mm hm. 'The thingy.' Well, take a seat. You're assigned in the
back row, beside Hesper- they're a new student, so make them feel welcome. If
that's too challenging for you, at least don't distract them.
(Atlas sheepishly goes to their seat as a few students snicker.)
27

HESPER
Yeah ...
ATLAS
ATLAS slumps forward, their head resting on their hand and their eyes half closed,
dark sleep shadows hanging underneath.
HESPER
Oh! (Whispering) Sorry I won't-I'll just-Wait, actually! So, uh, does everyone
here have, like, cool flashy magic?
ATLAS
Well ... yeah, it's- it's in the name. 'tHe hOhTeKaN iMpEriaL MiLiTaRy
aCaDeMy oF eLeMeNtAl mAgic' and all that stuff. Why?
HESPER
N-no reason! No reason at all! I love magic! And I- I can do it! Definitely one of
my favourite pastimes to do with my friends, which I have!
(HESPER turns away and hides their face with a hand, sighing with relief Nice!
Uh huh ... ohhhhkay.
ATLAS
Hi! I'm sometimes late to class too! It really sucks, and the periodic table! It's
like, needlessly complicated, right? Why are there even that many-
L.-
'--
"-
'--
-
---
"-
PROFESSOR 1 types something out on a telegram, sighs, and claps their hands,
getting the attention of the class.
PROFESSORt
Alright, everyone! Because of the shit way this school is run, Administration
has decided that there'll be a diagnostic test on your AMV Fields- that's
Ambient Magic Vibration, for those of you-
PROFESSOR 1 glares at the back row, specifically at ATLAS and HESPER.
-who didn't listen in Theory class. No, stop talking! This isn't recess. You'll
go down to Hall 5 in an orderly fashion, and get tested as normal. You all did this
when you were kids, and because your maturity really hasn't improved since
then, it should be a wholly familiar experience.
(The class get up and rush out the door, happy that the tedium of school has been
interrupted.)
'-'
......
'--'
L...;
28

HESPER
Ohhhhhhh no ... nonono ... hey, uh-Atlas, right? On a scale from beheading
to banishment, what would happen if I hypothetically couldn't technically
interact with the test?
ATLAS
Hm? Why're you so worried? Of course, you'll be able to take the test. They just
put those wires on your head and get you to go through the motions, you must
have done it before. It's not like you don't have magi-
(Beat. The two stare at each other.)
Oh.Oh.
ATLAS
HESPER
No, please don't tell anyone! It's really complicated and it's not like I don't-I
just need help, for this one thing!
ATLAS
(Looks around look around and whispers) So do you just not have- what would
that even feel like ...
HESPER
No, I- I do have a Field, it's just different. It's not the kind of one that'd show
up on one of these tests. I just need you to like- I don't know, do some magic
and break the machine or something! Or like, explode it, or send it to another
dimension? You guys do that kind of stuff, right?
ATLAS
Firstly, I'm not that kind of elementalist, and secondly- you know what, I'm
too tired to explain. I'll help you,just this one time, and afterwards you tell me
everything. Ok?
THANK YOU THANK YOU!
HESPER
(They attempt a hug but are pushed back by Atlas's hand on their face.)
ATLAS
(They sigh) Come on, we're probably already late.
ATLAS and HESPER arrive at the crowded hall, filled with teenagers of their age,
who are forming disorganised lines leading to various enclosed booths as instructed
by teachers.
29

Are you a life mage?
PROFESSOR2
(PROFESSOR 2 's expression becomes blank for a split second as they trail off)
Life mages? You' re in the booth to the left.
HESPER
Yup, that's me! Man I sure do love ... uh ... booths, and life.
ATLAS
Please shut up. It is genuinely a miracle that nobody's found you out yet.
ATLAS and HESPER step into the comparatively small line for the left booth.
HESPER
Yeahhhh. Subtlety isn't exactly my thing. But everyone has been strangely
chill! I like, accidentally walked into that classroom in the morning and the
teacher looked at me for a second, blinked, and started calling me the new
student. It was weird.
ATLAS
So, you just wandered into the Academy?
HESPER
Kinda ... but this man I met told me to do it ...
ATLAS
A random guy told you to walk into the big, walled, fortified location, and you
just did?
HESPER
Well, when you put it like that ... he was wearing this grey shirt and dark grey
pants, expensive-looking stuff with black and white embroidery. Not really
clothes you would wear in the part of the city I was in. He just walked out of this
dark alleyway into the light as I was passing by, and gave me one of those fancy
business cards, with this school's information and address on it. He told me to
go there, and there was just something about it all ...
ATLAS
Hm. Sounds kinda weird. If some fancy dude creepily walked out of an alleyway
and tried to give me something, I'd probably kick him in the balls and run
away. Eh, each to their own.
.....
--
---
-
-
_.
.__,
--
'-"
'--
.....
\-1
30

(Calling from the booth) Next!
Ohhhh fu- what do I do?!
INSPECTOR
HESPER
ATLAS
Just go in, I'll sneak around the back and try to get my Field on the device. The
walls are crappy and thin, it should be easy.
Al -alright.
HESPER
Hesper nervously steps through the plastic sheet covering the booth entrance while
Atlas goes around the back and puts their hand on the wall, rhythmically tapping it
with two fingers while concentrating.
INSPECTOR
So, this is just going to be a quick check up on your AM.V field, nothing major.
I'll attach a few reading wires to your head and hands to see how you're doing.
It might feel a bit cold for a second.
Yeah, that's- that's fine!
HESPER
ATLAS
Muttering from the other side of the wall) Damn, your heart is beating way too
fast.
Pause
INSPECTOR
Ok, there we go. The readings should show up just about­
(The INSPECTOR's voice grows dazed and sluggish.)
Yes ... that should be all.
Muttering; Wait ... what? I didn't ...
Uhhhhh ... I don't feel very ...
INSPECTOR
ATLAS
HESPER
31

Shit!
ATLAS
ATLAS rushes into the room and catches HESPER right as they fall off their chair,
half dragging HESPER as they dash out of the room.
Calling back; Sorry! I-
ATLAS:
They are cut short as they run right into a tall man wearing a tailored silk suit
embroidered with black and white designs, and are sent sprawling onto the floor.
Ugh ... f- sorry ...
There is no need for apologies.
ATLAS
SUITED MAN
He extends his hand to ATLAS, who pulls themself up and awkwardly lifts HESPER
up, their arm over ATLAS's shoulder.
Ah, what a coincidence. I was just looking for Hesperiad. Are they unconscious?
Y-yes.
ATLAS
SUITED MAN
That is ... disappointing. I was evidently too generous in my estimation of their
endurance. But not in their power, no...
What do you mean?
ATLAS
SUITED MAN
Would you help me bring Hesperiad to a medical bay for an assessment.
Oh- okay.
ATLAS
They begin walking to exit the large hall, ATLAS gracelessly half carrying, half
dragging HESPER.
SUITED MAN
Thank you. Ah, how rude of me, I don't think we've exchanged names. You are?
·-
-
'--
.. _
._.
---
'--'
.__,
-
'--
.....
i....i
'-'
32
I-A

I'm Atlas, 1st year here.
ATLAS
SUITED MAN
Hm ... I think that name rings a bell. You're a life mage, correct?
Yeah ...
ATLAS
SUITED MAN
I've heard good things. You have exceptional talent, if my memory serves me
correctly.
They arrive at a deserted medical bay, and ATLAS lays HESPER onto a bed.
Now, why don't you put that talent to use and bring Hesperiad back to
consciousness?
ATLAS
W- what? Isn't that- we're not supposed to
SUITED MAN
Then consider it a test, if you will, of your abilities.
(Nervously) Ok, ok, here goes.
ATLAS
ATLAS extends their hands over HESPER and makes subtle, precise movements with
their fingers. HESPER turns and writhes, before slowly regaining consciousness and
opening their eyes, blinking a few times.
Uhhhh .. .I'm tired ... where am ...
HESPER
SUITED MAN
Ah, there you are. I've been wanting to talk to you. What you did today was an
impressive feat. But as you can tell from your present state of incapacity ... you
bit off more than you could chew.
HESPER
What do you mean? I didn't do anything ...
SUITED MAN
Really? Did you notice that no guards stopped you when you came here? That
the teachers were strangely amicable?
33

HESPER
Are people not just friendly from time to time?
The SUITED MAN laughs softly.
SUITED MAN
No, Hesperiad. You have an exceptionally rare talent. I gave you that card as a
test, and I must say that I am impressed. Your control is lacking, but you have
potential.
I don't get it ... I wasn't... I'm not ...
HESPER
SUITED MAN
It can be confusing and strange at first. But all you need to know now is that
you have a choice. You stay in this academy, learn about the power you have,
hone your skills ... or continue to live out there. From what I know, you are an
orphan. You may have survived so far on luck and what little you know of your
abilities, but that just won't last much longer, will it?
I... um ...
HESPER
._,
,__.
._.
SUITED MAN
I trust that Atlas will accommodate you while we make arrangements for your
dorm, if you do so wish to enrol here. I hope you make the right choice. I can
tell that both of you have bright futures ahead.
Th-thanks?
ATLAS
SUITED MAN
Now, I have other matters to attend to currently, but I'll make sure to watch
your progress with great interest.
The SUITED MAN leaves the room and begins talking with someone standing
outside the medical bay door, as they both walk away.
HESPER
Huh ... I had this thought when I met him in the alley, but... well ... is it just me,
or did that guy kinda look like the Head Chairman Administrator of Hohteklan?
No ... that would be crazy ...
ATLAS
....i
.....
.....
"-"
.....
......
.....
Shut upppp ... no ... you're just tired ... shit.
34

HESPER
Oh yeah, his offer! Enrolling in this school? Learning magic? That sounds
awesome! You could, like, show me around, right?
ATLAS
(Turns away and try to hide a smile) No. Absolutely not.
Cut to ATLAS showing HESPER around the school. HESPER is looking about
enthusiastically like a kid in a sweetshop, while ATLAS is trying to seem
disinterested.
ATLAS
So this is the observatory, for looking at stars and faraway things and shit.
Barely anyone uses it, but it's been around for hundreds of years. r > m pretty
sure this is where people first discovered that stars are just distant suns. You
can also see the Rift from here with the telescope, if the weather is good.
Oooh!
HESPER
Hesper goes over to a large telescope apparatus and looks through it, trying to angle
it west.
ATLAS
Don't look straight at it! You'll get a headache!
HESPER
How do you know? Have you been there?
ATLAS
Hell no, I've just tried looking at it with the telescope.
Ooooh! Do you come here a lot?
Hmph. Sometimes.
Cool! Do you bring your friends?
I... um ... I don't have ...
HESPER
ATLAS
HESPER
ATLAS:
35

HESPER
(Still looking through the telescope) That's fine! I don't really either ... wait,
actually, do you want to be friends then?
ATLAS:
(Flustered) What?! N- why would you even want to, why would I­
It's fine, you don't have to!
No! I didn't say no!
Yay!
HESPER
ATLAS
HESPER
ATLAS
By the wayyyy ... What was that guy in the suit talking about, back there? All
that 'amicable' stuff?
HESPER, with great reluctance, removes their face from the telescope.
HESPER
Oh ... well I don't really know. I mean, I sometimes just kinda know what people
are thinking, and sometimes everyone will be strangely nice to me or agree
with what I say, within reason, but I get really tired afterwards so I try not to.
But it's not something I can just turn on and off. It's- it's not magic, it's just
normal, right?
ATLAS
Huh ... yeah, no. Influencing the thoughts of others doesn't sound like any
known magic type, except maybe if it's like a really, really weird subtype of Life
magic, but it is definitely not normal.
HESPER
Wait, really? I have magic?! So I can like mind control people? I'm not sure if I
like that...
ATLAS
I swear, if you've been mind-controlling me this whole time, you are dead.
HESPER
N-no! I promise I wasn't! Don't kill me!
-
1-......
.._,
..__
L-'
,__
'-J
.._,
.......
1-i
36

ATLAS
I'm only joking. Partially. But if you ever try ...
HESPER
I won't! Honestly, I'd hate to think that I'm controlling people against their
will ...
ATLAS
I'm just happy you're the one with this power ... I know that a lot of people
would be less selfless about it.
Thanks?
HESPER
ATLAS
Hey, it's ok. You're not the only one with morally questionable magic! I know
plenty of people that can melt flesh from bone, myself included.
Really?
Kinda. Maybe.
HESPER looks unimpressed.
HESPER
ATLAS
ATLAS
I would show you some cool stuff, but I wasted all of my energy waking you up!
HESPER
How is that a waste! Am I not an absolute joy to be around?
ATLAS
Uokingly) I liked you more while you were asleep.
Suuuuure.
HESPER
ATLAS
(They sigh exasperatedly) Fine. I don't... I don't totally hate you.
HESPER's face lights up.
ATLAS
Hey! Don't be getting all- I just find you slightly less annoying, ok?
37

HESPER
Awwwww.
ATLAS
Have I mentioned that you 1 re really irritating?
HESPER
Would now be a good time to tell you that I 1 m stealing your dorm?
WHAT!?
ATLAS
HESPER
(They grin) Yeah, technically suit man slash leader of the entire continent's
orders. I guess you'll have to either suffer being stuck with me for a few days or
get beheaded ... or something.
ATLAS
(Begrudgingly, they smile) I choose beheading.
Oh, come on!
HESPER
Cut to an ornate but stark room, dimly lit by a single fireplace. There is an antique
chair and a desk in the centre of the room. A man with an embroidered suit sits
in the chair, his hands together, his back facing the audience. Another, taller man
stands near him with his hands behind his back, facing away from the centre of the
room.
TALLMAN
Are you sure picking those two is the right choice? They're ... they 1 re young.
SUITED MAN
(He does not look up, but says nonchalantly) You spearheaded my military
campaigns to unite this continent. You struck down those that wished me, and
my dream, harm. You stood by me for all those years- I find it surprising that
you would ... doubt... me now.
TALLMAN
I - am sorry. I have never doubted you, and I never will. I just. ..
Go on. I value your opinion.
SUITED MAN
.._
-
..._.
-
-
"-'
.__
'--'
._.
38
.....

TALLMAN
I... I just don't know. They will have to carry the weight of the world on their
shoulders. Is that not too much responsibility to bear?
SUITED MAN
You are correct. Under the weight of the world, they will break. However,
stopping that is not our concern. Preventing it until after they fulfill the dream
is.
The TALL MAN silently nods, as the SUITED MAN makes a subtle gesture with his
hand, extinguishing the fireplace and darkening the stage completely.
39

--,
Ot

Hounds of Love
By Adam Redican
SCENE 1: The Start
1987. Day of the debs. Christine is 18 and has a girlfriend called Lisel.
Lisel: 18, 4 '11, has dark skin with vitiligo patches all around her body, black curly hair
put up in pig tails, is wearing a yellow frilly midi dress, a white leather jacket, white
leather boots, tiny white leather handbag, a star necklace and star stickers on her
face. She's a ray of joy.
Eoghan: 17, 5'11, white, combed light brown hair, green eyes, brown suit with white
shirt.
7p.m. CHRISTINE is dressed in a white suit, brown swede shoes and a red turtleneck.
He hears a knock on the door but doesn't answer. He pulls out a video camera and
props it up on a stack of books. He turns the camera to face him, and presses play.
CHRISTINE
(Waving at camera.) Hello! I don't want to say this is like 'a video diary' or
something 'cuz it's weird but I got this camcorder for a birthday present, and
I haven't used it yet and if I don't use it, I'll feel insanely guilty SO HERE WE
ARE! I'm planning to make a video maybe every time something big happens
just so I can just kinda see if my life has gotten better or worse! That sounds
grim. Anyways, I'm just about to head out for the debs with Lisel. It's going to be
atrocious, but I like her a lot and I don't want to make her-
CHRISTINE is interrupted by a knock at the door.
SHIT!
CHRISTINE
CHRISTINE scuttles around and turns off the camera before gliding to the door and
opening it.
Chris!
Lis!
You all set?
Almost, just one thing.
LISEL
CHRISTINE
LISEL
CHRISTINE
41

CHRISTINE goes into his kitchen. He goes into the kitchen and gets a 2 litre bottle of
club orange. He empties some of it out and pours in a bottle of vodka. This'll go well,
I'm sure.
Smiling. 'Kay, let's go!
CHRISTINE
SCENE 2: A Good Time
CHRISTINE and LISEL stand outside the school where the debs are being held.
CHRISTINE is holding the vodka-orange bottle like a teddy bear. Lisel is sat on the
floor adjusting her shoes.
LISEL
(Dramatically shaking boot.) I can't get this fucking stone out! I wonder if it's in
my sock .. Why would it be in my sock? That's stupid! Anyways I can't dance with
stones in my shoes! That's like one of those medieval torture devices ...
(Zoned out.) Uh huh.
CHRISTINE
LISEL
Dismantling shoe I wonder if it's like ... Lodged in the sole ...
(Staring at building)
Mhm.
CHRISTINE
LISEL
(Puts boot back on, stands) Hey, you alright?
CHRISTINE
(Looks at Lisel) Yeah, I'm grand. It's just kind of loud is all-
CHRISTINE is interrupted by EOGHAN, local douchebag, smacking the back of his
head and laughing as he's passing.
LISEL
Are you afraid that Eoghan, s gonna beat ye?
CHRISTINE
A little bit? It's scarier that I don't know why he hates me. It's weird.
........
---
.._.
.....
1,-,
i..J
42

LISEL
He's an adult with a 7-year-old brain. Anyway! He'll probably be occupied trying
to hit on some poor girl and embarrassing himself so ...
CHRISTINE chugs some vodka-orange and closes the lid.
That's absolutely VILE! So, what?
CHRISTINE
LISEL
(Shitty medieval English accent) I hereby sentence you ... To making tedious
conversation, having burst eardrums and sore feet until dawn! Also, thine must
go through many o' migraines in thy dewy morn past.
CHRISTINE
(Shittier medieval English accent) Oh no! The fearsome Countess Lisel Mbaye
of The Pale! She spares nobody from thine terrible trials of punishment and ...
Passion? ... Mayhaps, will she spare thine secret-but-not-very-secret-sinceyour-parents-know
LOVER?
LISEL grabs CHRISTINE's hand and grins.
LISEL
(Maniacal English accent) HAHAHAA! NEVER!!!!!!!!
LISEL drags CHRISTINE inside.
They enter the PE hall that's filled with DEFINITELY NOT INEBRIATED 17 and
18-year-olds. The hall is decorated with tacky banners, way too many disco balls and
neon lights.
Very ... Suave?
The word is "sensory nightmare."
Suave.
LISEL
CHRISTINE
LISEL
CHRISTINE chugs almost three quarters of the vodka-orange.
Hey! Take it easy ... Save some for me ...
LISEL
43

LISEL chugs the rest of the vodka-orange.
They both unanimously burp loud as fuck.
CHRISTINE
(Giggling) We're disgusting!
EOGHAN
(Passing) Yeah, ye are.
CHRISTINE
Looks at LISEL, concerned.
LISEL
C'mon let's go. Have a fun time, promise?
CHRISTINE
(Pause) Promise. I guess.
They enter the PE hall.
._
.__
L •
......
SCENE 3: Slow Dance Talk
All the students are lined up on either side of the wall. Girls on one side, boys on the
other. It's the final dance of the night. 'Little Lies' by Fleetwood Mac starts playing
on the speakers and the students go on the dance floor.
LISEL
(Dancing with CHRISTINE) This isn't that bad you think?
CHRISTINE
(Dancing with LISEL) I mean, it's not horrendous.
I can't believe I've never asked you this.
Ask me what?
Well, why's your name Christine?
Why's your name Lisel?
LISEL
CHRISTINE
LISEL
CHRISTINE
44
._,
--
1-z

CHRISTINE
It > s mainly because my parents wanted me to fit in more. Get on better with the
other kids.
So, they gave you a girl's name?
LISEL
CHRISTINE
(Playful) Well, they didn't know that did they? I'm getting there!
Go on!
LISEL
CHRISTINE
So, they thought 'Oh yeah! Christine sounds like Christian! The Irish love
Christians! '
LISEL
(Laughing) They could have just named you Christian!
CHRISTINE
But they didn't though, did they? You're just stating the obvious!
LISEL
Do you know what they were going to name you if they didn't name you for the
sake of fitting in?
CHRISTINE
Haimona. It's a Maori name. My granddad had the same.
LISEL
(Shitty NZ accent) Huh. Haimona Muriwai. Lots of syllables. I like it!
I dunno. Isn't that great.
Did you ever consider changing it back?
CHRISTINE
LISEL
CHRISTINE
Not really. Doesn't sound like me I'm kind of dizzy, can we uhm. Can we go?
Yeah, of course.
LISEL
45

SCENE 4: Uh-Oh
11:00pm. CHRISTINE and LISEL are sitting on the concrete stairs outside the school.
CHRISTINE is hunched over, head in his hands.
LISEL
(Hand on his back) I told you not to drink that much!
(Drawl) You never ... (Hiccup) Said that!
CHRISTINE
LISEL
You need to know your limits, man! Jesus.
(Drawl) I need to uhm. Go home.
CHRISTINE
CHRISTINE gets up from the stairs and walks a few steps before vomiting on
someone's shoes. He looks up and sees Eoghan.
CHRISTINE
(Giggling drawl) Oh. Sorry lad. Did you, uhm .... Did youuuuu uhhhhh bring spare
shoes?
Nah.
Hey! Hey, I wanna ask you somethin'.
(Sarcastic) Go ahead! I'm all ears!
EOGHAN
CHRISTINE
EOGHAN
CHRISTINE
(Wiping vomit from mouth) Why do you hate me?
Sorry?
EOGHAN
CHRISTINE
(Pointing at EOGHAN) I SAID! Why do you ... Hate me?
L
'--
.__
'--
.__
'--
._,
1.-J
'-'
L...,j
._,.
46
,.._,

EOGHAN
(Grinning) Man, look at yourself. You're a fucking fairy, first off. Second, you're
dating a queer who has fuckin' AIDS. And I don't even know what the fuck YOU
are!
EOGHAN pokes CHRISTINE in the chest.
CHRISTINE
(Still very much drunk, giggling) Last time I checked me, and my girlfriend
weren't like ... Fully gay. I am a uhm. (Hiccup) KIWI for YOUR INFORMATION!
Also, that's not even what AIDS looks like man! It's like ... Little brown moles.
What's tha' on your face?
CHRISTINE points at a mole on the side of EOGHAN'S face.
EOGHAN
(Quiet) You don't belong here. So, you better watch your fucking step.
CHRISTINE
OH, GIVE IT A REST! NOBODY CARES WHO THE FUCK I AM! ONLY YOU! CAUSE
YOU'RE FUCKIN' GAY FOR ME!
CHRISTINE pushes EOG HAN. EOG HAN punches CHRISTINE in the face.
CHRISTINE
(Holding nose, muffled) YOU BROKE MY NOSE! YOU BROKE MY NOSE!
CHRISTINE kicks at EOGHAN and misses, tripping over. LISEL runs over and kicks
EOGHAN in the balls. He falls to the ground.
LISEL
YOU HAVE SOME FUCKING AUDACITY TOUCHING MY BOYFRIEND, YOU SHITE
BAG!
LISEL spits on EOGHAN and helps CHRISTINE up, holds his hand and runs. They keep
running until they reach the bridge, cars passing by. CHRISTINE lets go of LISEL 's
hand. LISEL keeps running before looking back and seeing CHRISTINE sitting on the
floor, rocking back and forth and covering their ears. LISEL jogs back to CHRISTINE
and sits on the floor in front of him.
(Quiet) Hey, hey, hey, are you okay?
No response.
LISEL
47

LISEL
(Quiet) I don't think your nose is broken. I mean, it's not crooked or anything.
No response.
I think I have something for you.
LISEL:
She roots inside her bag and pulls out a walkman.
Ta-da!
LISEL
CHRISTINE
(mumbling) Why'd you bring a walkman?
Cause I have a present for you!
LISEL
LISEL pulls out a tape titled "CHRIZ - LIZ TAZTY MIZZ" and puts it in CHRISTINE'S
hands. There's a pause.
The title doesn't make any sense-
Just listen to it, fuck's sake!
CHRISTINE
LISEL
CHRISTINE puts the tape in the walkman and puts it on. 'Take Me to the Bridge'
plays out of the headphones. He smiles and begins to dance to the music, even though
he probably looks like a big dumb idiot since nobody else can hear the music. He
continues to dance, oblivious of his surroundings. He sees two bright lights come
hurdling towards him. Push comes to shove and he's on the ground after getting hit
by a semi-truck.
'Take Me to the Bridge' continues to play, muffled, while blue and red lights flash
on stage.
Faint hubbub is heard. Cut to black.
SCENE 5: A Clean Break
1 and a half months after the crash. CHRISTINE'S arm is in a cast and his head is in a
tourniquet. Sunny day, outside. LISEL and CHRISTINE are face to face, holding hands
and staring at each other.
..
._
'--'
... ,
......
"-'
'--
._.
1.-.1
.....
48

CHRISTINE
Lisel, I'm breaking up with you.
LISEL
Oh ... Why?
CHRISTINE
I'm-
LISEL
Is it because of the car crash thing?
CHRISTINE
No, that isn't even your fault. I'm gonna be a priest.
LISEL
(frowning) Cool, why, though?
CHRISTINE
(frowning) Because of the car crash thing.
Beat.
LISEL lets go of his hands.
LISEL
(looking at ground) So, it is my fault.
CHRISTINE
You weren't driving the car, were you?
A silence.
CHRISTINE
You didn't get me drunk.
A silence.
LISEL
I support you, but this isn't going to last.
LISEL gives him a kiss on the cheek and leaves.
49

SCENE 6: Randomised Length of Gaps Between Big Events
CHRISTINE, decked out in priest attire, with not a scratch or blemish on him, enters
the stage.
CHRISTINE
Hello! It's been a year since my last video entry. As you may be able to see by
my outfit, I'm a proper priest! I'm almost 20, I should be at college but I'm
here instead! It's been fun so far. Very uhm- Holy.
CHRISTINE exits the stage and re-enters in the same attire as before.
CHRISTINE
Hello! It's been 6 months since my last video entry. I'm 20 now. I made a
friend! His name's Michael and I feel like I can just tell him everything that's
on my mind. God bless!
CHRISTINE exits and enters the stage in the same attire but this time his hair is greyer
and shorter, he's covered in blood, his roman collar is missing, outfit is ripped apart
and he is without shoes.
CHRISTINE
22 YEARS SINCE LAST VIDEO ENTRY. GOD IS NOT REAL. A GlN CALLED BELL
BOTTOMS GAVE ME A CONCUSSION. IT WAS KIND OF HOT. HE WAS KIND OF
HOT. I THINK I'M BISEXUAL.
CHRISTINE exits, limping. He enters in an all-grey tracksuit and grippy socks.
CHRISTINE
Hi. 5 years since the last video entry. I think this is my last day at the ward. Lisel
visited me, she has a girlfriend. Pretty cool. The side of her head is shaved. I
think she visited me out of pity, which was annoying, but it's nice to see her. I
told her about the guy who kicked my head in. She laughed and called me 'sad.' I
mean I'm obviously sad, that's why I'm fucking here in the first place.
CHRISTINE exits and enters, his hair grey and long, in casual attire and glasses.
CHRISTINE
Hi! It's been 10 years since my last video entry. I forgot this existed. Bell
Bottoms came back. The man who kicked my head in is now my boyfriend. That
sounds really, really, bad.
'--
-
......
.
......
......
'-'
.....
1-,j
._,
50
._,

Epilogue
Present day, CHRISTINE is at his computer and filling out a deed poll to change his
name.
He thinks for a moment.
He types out Haimona Muriwai.
THEEND
51

ZS
,..,
--,

Murder is a Dish Best served Cold
By Zoe O'Reilly Fleming
SCENE 1: Restaurant
A group of 4 walk into restaurant with a table in the middle. One of the characters
(named JOHN) glances around the restaurant with a slight sneer. Another character
(JOHN's wife named OLWIA) speaks to him in an almost pleading tone.
JOHN,SWIFE
See, this place isn't so bad. It's one of the better places on the area.
JOHN
(sighs) let's just hope I don't get food poisoning or something ... (he snarls)
JOHN's wife looks disappointed. JOHN's business associate, KAYDEN, walks up to
her.
KAYDEN
Let's just get this over with, ok? (He says with a smile)
Right ...
OLMA
They all sit down. The WAITER walks over.
Hello, what would everyone here like?
I'll have a-
We'll all have a biscuit de chocolate.
WAITER
OLIVIA
JOHN
The fourth figure at the table (JOHN's cousin GEORGE) just rolls his eyes. No one at
the table objects. After an awkward pause the WAITER responds.
Ok, coming right up!
I swear, they better be quick!
WAITER
JOHN
53

GEORGE
Yeah, I'd kill for some food around here.
Loud music que goes off and everyone at the table looks at the audience.
..
SCENE 2: Station
A person ( GLORIA) is already sitting at a desk of to the side of the stage on a computer.
The DETECTWE walks in being led by another person (SERGEANT).
SERGEANT
On behalf of the county of Kildare, we welcome you to our police department.
This is junior DETECTIVE GLORIA Diaz. ( GLORIA stands up, DETECTWE shakes
her hand). She will be your number 2 for the majority of your cases here. She is
incredibly intelligent and will an amazing asset for your time here.
Hello, my name is Cleo.
DETECTIVE
GLORIA
Cleo Hart, I know. I heard about your cases in America. Catching the minute
murderer. Impressive. I look forward to hearing more about it.
DETECTIVE
Oh, thank you. (Awkwardly trying to make a joke) It's always nice to meet a fan?
GLORIA
Eh- always nice to meet an innovator. (laughing)
SERGEANT
Now that you're both acquainted, we have to finish off your paperwork.
SERGEANT leads the DETECTWE off to the side. GLORIA goes back to her desk and
sits down. The DETECTNE starts to walk of stage, but the SERGEANT call her back.
Ms. Hart, can you talk for a minute?
Sure, what is it?
SERGEANT
DETECTIVE
SERGEANT leads DETECTNE to the front of the stage. SERGEANT looks behind him
to check if GLORIA is eavesdropping.
._
._
.._
-
._.
._.
I._.I
'-'
.....
'--'
54
,-j

SERGEANT
I want you to keep a close eye on GLORIA.
Oh?·
DETECTIVE
SERGEANT
Her last Detective, your predecessor, was recently killed in a car accident.
Apparently, an old ex-convict he had arrested cut his brakes and, unfortunately,
he crashed into a river. This was only 2 weeks ago and I, just concerned for her. I
know she is a capable DETECTIVE but she and him were close. I just want you to
make sure she's ok, ok?
DETECTIVE
Poor GLORIA ... don't worry, I'll keep an out.
SERGEANT Right... anyway I wasn't kidding about the paperwork. (Hands the
DETECTWE a massive stack of papers). Now get to it!
Phone rings. GLORIA answers.
GLORIA
Ok. .. ok. .. where is it? Ok we'll be right there. A person has died at the local
bistro down the road.
SERGEANT
Ok, you and Ms. Hart head down there now. The paperwork can wait. Ms. Hart
you're in for an interesting first day here.
SCENE 3: Restaraunt
JOHN
AH! This is taking forever!
The WAITER comes out with 4 plates of food.
WAITER
So sorry for the wait! Here are your meals.
OLIVIA
Thank you-
JOHN
Took you long enough!
55

GEORGE
( whispers to KAYDEN) took him long enough to make everyone here sick of him.
What did you say!?
Can we all just eat ... please?
Yes, let's just eat.
JOHN
OLIVIA
KAYDEN
All start eating. JOHN starts violently coughing. Everyone at the table just looks at
each other. Light fade to red as JOHN's coughing increases intense music starts. JOHN
collapses and OLIVIA violently gasps. Everyone stands up.
Are you alright John?! JOHN?!
Somebody call 911!
Lights cut to black, and the music stops.
OLIVIA
GEORGE
....
.....
SCENE 4: Restaraunt
DETECTWE and DETECTWE's assistant (GLORIA) walks in.
Well, well, well. What do we have here ...
DETECTIVE
GLORIA
The victim, John Miller, was found dead. We are unsure of what happened as
we are still waiting on an autopsy. John Miller was dining here with his family,
his wife, Olivia Miller, and his cousin, George Miller who, like John, all live
in Germany. He was also here with his business partner, Kayden Davis. The
witnesses say the John started eating his food, violently coughing, then he
collapsed to the ground.
DETECTIVE
(While walking around the crime's scene) Business partner you say?
56
._,
---
-
.,
--.I
......
'-'
.....
.....

GLORIA
Yes, John and Kayden were both co-owner of a multimillion-Euro paper
company named Paper Prime. They've worked together for many years and are
apparently good friends.
Was Kayden the only co-owner?
DETECTIVE
GLORIA
Yes. As far as we know, now that Mr. Miller is gone, Kayden is now the sole owner.
DETECTIVE
Hmm, interesting. (Starts looking at JOHN'S food and then suddenly pulls on his
gloves) hey, what's this?
(confused) What's what, ma'am?
GLORIA
DETECTIVE
(Using tweezers pulls out a piece of paper from Johns' food) There's a piece paper
in John's food and (sniffs the paper) and I would say it very distinctly smells like
almonds.
(Gasp) Cyanide ...
GLORIA
DETECTIVE
I think it's fair to assume this was no ordinary choking. John was ... poisoned. It's
time we check with the suspects after all this, don't you think?
GLORIA nods. Lights cut to black.
SCENE 5: Interview
The suspects (including the WAITER) are in a semi-circle of chair with the DETECTWE
and GLORIA in the middle.
DETECTIVE
Hello, my name is Detective Cleo Hart, and this is my junior Detective, Ms. Gloria
Diaz. We just want to find out what happened here.
OLMA
We don't know what happened! We just got food and JOHN just started ...
choking.
57

GEORGE
Yeah, we all got the same thing, a biscuit de chocolate. John only took a few bites
before he started choking. He keeled over before we knew what was happening
and by the time, we did it was too late to do the Heimlich as he was already ...
(OLIVIA starts crying).
DETECTIVE
We noticed that you 1 re not from around here. Was there any particular reason
you decided to come here?
OLIVIA
I convinced John to go on a trip with his family and his close friend. We decided
to go on a weekend trip to Kildare. We decided to eat out for dinner and then.
(OLIVIA starts crying louder now, KAYDEN runs over to her.)
KAYDEN
Hey, hey ... it's going to be ok. (KAYDEN stands up) Do you have any more
questions?
DETECTIVE
Just one more. Did anyone here have any reason to want John dead?
(Everyone looks shocked at the question.)
What kind of a question is that?!
Why? Do you think he was ... murdered?
GEORGE
KAYDEN
DETECTIVE
It 1 s too early in the investigation to tell, but ...
But what?
OLIVIA
DETECTIVE
We did find a piece of paper laced with cyanide inside his meal. Do any of you
know anything about that?
GEORGE
·-
What! No-
L.-
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......
.......
._.
-
._.
58

DETECTIVE
Was there any point during the dinner where John's meal could have been
tampered with?
KAYDEN
I don't think so, John started eating the meal as soon as it got to the table. Now
can you leave us alone ... please?
Of course.
DETECTIVE
DETECTWE and GLORIA talking aside at the front of the stage to the right. The
WAITER moves to the front of the stage to the left.
DETECTIVE
I think we should we stop questioning them for now. Can you take their
statements, I still have to talk to the Waiter.
GLORIA
Ok, I'll start that now. (Starts to walk away but is stopped by the DETECTWE).
DETECTIVE
Hey, I know that this might be difficult for you, having to deal with all this
death, so if you need to take a minute just let me know, ok?
GLORIA
Ah, so the SERGEANT told you about Steven. (DETECTWE nods) Well no matter
what he thinks, I'll be fine. I do miss him, but I have a job to do. I'll start the
witness statements. See you in a while.
GLORIA walks over to the suspects behind her. The DETECTWE looks taken aback for
a minute but then walks over to the WAITER.
DETECTIVE
Hello sir, I understand that you served the table today?
Yes, I don't know who else would do it!
(DETECTWE looks confused)
WAITER
I'm also the owner. This place is relatively new. I used to have a couple of college
students as waiters, but they've gone for their Erasmus, so I'm quite short
staffed.
59

Do you have anyone helping you at all?
DETECTIVE
WAITER
I have a few chefs in the kitchen but that's about it, hopefully I'll get some more
people in here soon. It's way too hectic doing this by myself.
DETECTIVE
Interesting ... oh, what is your name by the way?
William. William Brone.
Had you met anyone here before today?
WAITER
DETECTIVE
WAITER
Nope, this is the first time I'd met any of them. The closest I had to contact
with them was Mrs. Miller booking the table.
DETECTIVE
Ok, let me know if you have any more information. Also, we have to ask you not
to interact with the crime scene. We already have the area blocked off but just
so you know.
WAITER
That's fine, please let me know if there was anything else I can help with!
DETECTIVE
That's fine for now. Please let us know if you find any more information.
Can do!
WAITER
WAITER walks off stage. GLORIA walks back to the DETECTNE.
So, find anything useful?
DETECTIVE
GLORIA
Nothing in particular ... but George didn't seem all to bothered about his
cousin's passing. He seemed more annoyed for taking up his time. Anything
significant from the WAITER?
60
\.. .
.._.
._.
_,
.._
'-'
.......
.....
._,
......
.__,

DETECTIVE
No, I did get him to secure the scene and to get him to let us know if any more
information arises. That's the most we can do for now. Oh, and that OLIVIA
booked the restaurant.
GLORIA
*pause* Do you think the Waiter might have been responsible in some way? He
is one of the few people who had access to the food before it got to the victim.
DETECTIVE
That's true but the Waiter had never met any of the party before they got here
today. If we think it really is a murder, I think we should focus on those who
came with Mr. Miller today.
DETECTWE steps forward into centre stage. A spotlight falls on her and the rest of
the stage is completely dark as the stage crew change the set for the next scene.
DETECTIVE
So, to recap; we have our victim, a Mr.John Miller, who ate a biscuit de chocolate
and collapsed to the ground. He was accompanied with his wife Olivia, who had
booked the restaurant; his business partner who now gets the rest of his multimillion-euro
company; and his cousin who doesn't seem that affected by his
cousins sudden passing. We learned that John had been poisoned with a lethal
dose of cyanide in his food, which an autopsy will confirm. Three suspects, one
victim, one hell of a case. Now, I say that we first interview Kayden. So far, he has
the most significant motive. Let's head there right away.
SCENE 6: Kayden's House
The DETECTWE and GLORIA walk in and stand across from KAYDEN who is sitting
in a chair.
KAYDEN
Ah, Detectives! What do you want? (Friendly tone).
He beckons them to sit on the chairs in front of him. The DETECTIVE sits down but
GLORIA just leans on the back of hers.
DETECTIVE
We just wanted to ask you a few questions.
I'm happy to oblige.
KAYDEN
61

DETECTIVE
We found out that you inherit Mr. Miller's multimillion Euro company now
that he's gone. Did you know that?
(happy tone falls flat) Yeah, so?
KAYDEN
GLORIA
Well, we noticed a multimillion-euro company is a pretty good motive for
murder.
KAYDEN
(increasingly annoyed) So?! (Stands up) what's your point? (No response) What's.
Your. Point?! You think I'd kill him over that, don't you? Don't make me
laugh ... (sits down)
I've seen people kill for less.
DETECTIVE
KAYDEN
I don't care about the money! I've got more important things to care about ...
besides, John was my best friend. We always had been. That's why we decided to
make the business together. I wouldn't throw that all away for a little extra cash.
Now can you please leave me alone?
L-
.._
.....
... .
.....
._,
._.
'-'
62
._,I

£9
1
1
1
1
1
.,
.,
7
7
7
7
1
'7
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t9
....
--,
-,

Rose
By Eve Swanton
SCENEt
Two girls are sitting in a bedroom. One girl, ALICE, sits on the bed, looking anxious.
The other, ROSE, sits somewhat smugly on top of the desk.
ROSE
Nice room you got here. Could use a bit of colour though.
ALICE
Nope. Not talking to you. You're not there.
ROSE
Aw, rude! You know, you always seemed like a really nice person to me, this is a
big shock.
ALICE
Jeez, did Lottie put some drugs in that cake!? No, she wouldn't. .. Maybe it was
Sarah ...
ROSE
No, she was too busy texting her boyfriend. I saw her. He's a bit of a douchebag,
you should keep an eye on him.
ALICE
Okay ... But... I have to be tripping or something, you ... You're dead!!
ROSE
Yeah. I'm a ghost. I feel like you should be smart enough to realise that by now.
Ghosts aren't real.
ALICE
ROSE
Ouch! That really hurt my feelings, Al. You know, you should work on being a
smidge-bit more sensitive. You're probably gonna be a ghost someday, you
know.
What do you mean, "probably?!"
ALICE
65

ROSE
Well, I'm not exactly used to being freaking dead, I don't know how it works.
Well ... Fair enough.
Pause.
ALICE
ALICE
Are you sure you're not a hallucination?
ROSE
Yeah, I don't really know what being a hallucination feels like. You know,
maybe I am!
ALICE
You know what? I'm done with all this snarky shit. You're clearly just trying to
freak me out on purpose.
You just realised?
No! I just... ugh.
Listen, Alex.
Alice.
ROSE
ALICE
ROSE
ALICE
ROSE
Alice, I get that this is upsetting. I'd be pretty freaked out too if the ghost of the
girl who died three days ago in your school just popped up out of nowhere and
is now following you around. It's tough. But imagine how I feel! Dying is bad
enough, and now I'm haunting the most haughty person in all of Ireland!
Ha ha, very funny. Good one.
Thank you.
Pause.
ALICE
ROSE
.__
._
I.-
.._
.__
__,
......
._,
,_.
:_.
66

ROSE
I'm sorry, actually. You're not the worst person to be stuck with for possibly
an eternity. That's probably Sarah's boyfriend, now that I think of it. He's
probably the one that shoved me.
I'm sorry, shoved you?
Yeah, down that flight of stairs.
But ... we all thought you fell!
ALICE
ROSE
ALICE
ROSE
You did? Huh. The cops are dumber than I thought.
Well, what else is there to assume?
ALICE
ROSE
Listen Al, I made a lot of enemies in my three years in that shithole of a school.
And I felt the hands on my back. I have my theories, but... yeah, I don't know.
Do you?
ALICE
ROSE
Well, of course there's Sarah's arsebag boyfriend 'cause he's a prick, then
there's Lewis because I sold him an essay and he failed the class. I did that on
purpose, I thought it would be funny. Then there's Grace, but only because
she's a legendary bitch-
This is just gossip!
ALICE
ROSE puts on a horrendous American accent.
ROSE
Well, what kind of dead best friend would I be if I didn't state all the facts?
ALICE
Rose O'Flynn. You were flipping murdered, we don't know who the killer is, they
are still out there, and you're just going to sit here and quote Heathers at me?
67

ROSE
Yeah. I am. May as well have a bit of fun.
I don't know how to talk to you.
There is a knock on the door.
Al? Who are you talking to?
I'm on a call with Lottie!
ALICE
ALICE'S DAD
ALICE
ALICE'S DAD comes into the room. ROSE walks over, smirking.
Well, you're off school.
What?
ALICE'S DAD
ALICE
ROSE begins poking ALICE'S DAD on the cheek.
ALICE'S DAD
Well, the autopsy came back for Rose O'Flynn. Apparently, there's evidence that
someone pushed her.
ROSE makes a fake surprised face.
Really?
ALICE
ALICE'S DAD
Yeah, the Gardai are involved now, so you have the rest of the week off.
Oh my God ...
I know ... just ...
He sighs.
Be careful, okay?
ALICE
ALICE'S DAD
ALICE'S DAD
L
L.
--
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......
'-'
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'--'
68

I will.
ALICE
ALICE'S DAD leaves the room. ALICE whispers to ROSE.
You 1 re not lying.
I know, right? Impossible!
This isn 1 t a drug trip, is it?
You think?
Oh my God ...
ALICE
ROSE
ALICE
ROSE
ALICE
ALICE curls up. ROSE has a look of sympathy in her eyes, and crawls into the bed
next to her.
ROSE
Okay, err ... r > m not very good at comforting people, but hey, look on the bright
side! No school!
ALICE stays curled up.
ROSE
Listen, you'll be fine. Whoever killed me probably had a reason, and in my many
years of hearing people gossip, you 1 ve never come up. Other than some people
calling you a swat, but way more people get murdered for being a bitch than
being a swat.
Beat. ROSE pats ALICE on the back, somewhat nervously.
It 1 1l be okay.
ROSE
69

Ol
-,
...,
-,
...,

This Conversation Never Happened
By Eva Garayalde
SCENEt
A nearly-empty and remarkably grimy fish 'n chip shop, on grey, rainy October
afternoon. DANNY, a tall, lanky person (agender) in their mid-twenties with choppy
short green hair in messy and ineffectual pigtails and tanned skin, sits alone at a
grubby table eating a portion of chips with a manic air. They are wearing cargo
trousers, a creased shirt, jumper, black overcoat and Docs. Enter- RUTH. Of a similar
build to DANNY, a little shorter, with medium -length pink hair. She is DANNY's sister,
seventeen years old. She wears a pink tulle dress, Ugg boots and a large white jacket.
RUTH approaches DANNY, who is too engrossed in their chips tonotice her.
Dan. Danny. Earth calling Danny. Hello.
Mmmph? Ruth?
RUTH
DANNY
RUTH flops dramatically onto the chair beside DANNY.
The one and only.
I thought you had school today.
It > s half four. What planet are you on?
Point taken.
RUTH steals a few of DANNY's chips.
0., 1.
(Innocently, mouth full of chips): What?
RUTH
DANNY
RUTH
DANNY
DANNY
RUTH
DANNY
If you' re going to be the most annoying little sister in the world-
71

I take offence to that statement.
If you're going to be annoying, don't.
RUTH
DANNY
RUTH
Alright then, I won't tell you about the phone call I got from Thalia Penrose this
morning.
DANNY abruptly stops eating and makes eye contact with RUTH.
You what?
DANNY
RUTH
(Taking more chips whilst DANNY is distracted) Thalia Penrose phoned me.
The youngest Penrose kid?
She's my age, but yeah.
What did she want?
DANNY
RUTH
DANNY
RUTH:
She wanted to get in touch with you. Her sister's gone missing. Might be
supernatural.
Hm. Which one?
Mallory.
DANNY laughs, short and harsh.
What's the joke?
DANNY
RUTH
RUTH
DANNY
Oh, it's just- Mal Penrose? Going missing? Unlikely.
72
.......
.....
......
'--'
1.....1
,_.,
l,...J
l,...J
.....
.....
1-1

How so?
Have you met her?
RUTH
DANNY
RUTH
Not recently. Maybe when I was little, I'm not sure.
DANNY
Mallory Penrose is a certified genius with a history of going AWOL for the fun of
it. I won't be able to find her if she doesn't want to be found.
RUTH
Yeah, well, Thalia said she'll pay you, and Ceridwen wouldn't be happy if she
knew you'd turned a job down.
DANNY
Look, Ru, I don't want you getting mixed up with the Penroses. They're
powerful. Too powerful.
Thalia's cool.
RUTH
DANNY
Thalia's got no clue what her family gets up to.
That's not her fault.
RUTH
DANNY
No, and I'll take the job. But you're not to do any investigating of your own, got
"t"? I .
RUTH scowls.
Why not?
RUTH
There is a long pause as DANNY slurps half of their milkshake in one breath.
73

DANNY
Well, the Penroses have their fair share of skeletons in the closet, so to speak.
Overall, a pretty heartless bunch. Thalia might be the exception- I 1 ve not met
her since she was, like, ten or something. Seemed like a sweet kid. She didn 1 t
seem to know about her family's, er, role in supernatural history.
RUTH
About these skeletons in the closet, would they happen to be­
DANNY
(abruptly) Alright, chat's over. You've got homework to do.
No, I don't.
RUTH
DANNY
Take a bloody hint, will you? You've got homework. I need to go kill a monster or
two. This conversation never happened.
I can't believe you sometimes, Danny.
RUTH
DANNY
Can't believe me either. Don 1 t tell Nan you've been chatting with a Penrose.
DANNY stands and makes for the door.
Dan, wait-
RUTH
The door swings closed with an obnoxious shriek as DANNY leaves. RUTH sighs and
rests her head on her hands wearily, with an air of exasperation.
Oh my god.
RUTH
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74

SCENE2
RUTH and THALIA stand at opposite ends of the stage, in separate "rooms." They
are talking on the phone. RUTH appears as described in Scene 1, although she now
has the hood of her puffer jacket up. THALIA is sixteen years old, alarmingly pale,
short and stocky. She has brown hair in a short bob, big rectangular glasses and
visible acne. THALIA wears jeans, an oversized blue jumper and a pair of plain black
Converse. RUTH is in a telephone box. It is considerably darker outside but still raining
heavily. THALIA stands in a warmly lit corridor of a large, fancy house(the Penrose
house). The telephone she is using sits on a small white table with gold floral patterns
sprawling across it. The wooden parquet floor is adorned with a long dark red rug,
which THALIA is scuffing her shoes on as she speaks on the phone.
So Danny said-
RUTH
THALIA
You talked to them already? Don't you have, I don't know, homework to do?
RUTH
Homework is subjective, Thalia. Anyway, I had a nice chat with Danny and they
told me they'll take the job.
Hm. How much convincing did it take?
THALIA
RUTH
Not much to get them to do it, but they're not happy that I've been talking to
you. Apparently your lot have a lot of "skeletons in the closet."
What's that supposed to mean?
THALIA
RUTH
That the Penroses are more active in supernatural circles than you think they
are.
THALIA
How could I not have noticed? Mal's my sister. What is she playing at?
RUTH
I mean, we don't know for sure that's why she's even missing. Maybe it's just
your parents and your grandmother who're involved in ... whatever it was Danny
was talking about.
75

THALIA
No, I can't see her just...not noticing. I'm the oblivious one in this family.
RUTH
What about Jasmine? She's Mallory's twin, maybe­
THALIA
God, no. They've been arguing non-stop for months. Mal wouldn't tell her
anything important, and Jas is barely home now anyway.
Hmm.
What?
RUTH
THALIA
RUTH
Oh, it's just-was Mallory acting .. .! don't know, weird, before she disappeared?
THALIA
I mean, it's Mal. She's hardly warm and cuddly at the best of times. I didn't
notice anything, aside from .. .I don't know. It might be nothing.
Go on.
RUTH
THALIA
She was having nightmares. Bad ones. She was barely sleeping, and when she
did it ... wasn't good.
RUTH
Did she say what the nightmares were of?
THALIA
Mm, something to do with shipwrecks. And blood. Lots of blood, apparently.
(sarcastically) Lovely.
RUTH
THALIA
I can't really see how it relates to her going missing.
----
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76
'-'

RUTH
Well, if she was on edge, maybe that's what made her leave. And if they were
prophetic-
THALIA
Mal is always "on edge." And she can't see the future.
Especially on edge, then.
I guess that's a fair point.
RUTH
THALIA
RUTH
Yeah. So that's all I've got for you right now, but I'll call you if I hear anything
else.
THALIA
Look, I wanted to ask- is it okay if I ask you something?
Sure.
RUTH
THALIA
What's it like, knowing Danny is in danger all the time? With their job, I mean.
They must've made a lot of enemies.
RUTH
I mean, I wouldn't call 'monster-hunting gun-for-hire' a job. More of a cross
between an intense hobby and a mild psychopathic streak.
Point taken.
THALIA
RUTH
I guess I never had to think about it. Nan did the same as Danny back in the 6os
and 70s, and her father before her. They survived. And Dan's got Ceridwen too.
There's not much that can get through a witch as powerful as her.
Mal's on her own out there.
It'll be okay, I promise.
THALIA
RUTH
77

Yeah. Goodnight, Ruth.
THALIA
THALIA puts the phone down and walks offstage. RUTH remains in the telephone
box.
RUTH
(To herself): Where are you, Mallory Penrose?
SCENE3
A young woman, around the same age as DANNY, with long brown hair and shadows
beneath her eyes, wearing a black dress, sits on a bench on a beach promenade. She
is looking out to sea. This is MALLORY. A cat briefly makes its way past. It is a sunny
afternoon, several days having passed since Scene 1 and Scene 2.
DANNY enters.
Mallory?
DANNY
MALLORY smiles but does not turn to look at DANNY. DANNY sits on the bench beside
her.
Thought I might find you here.
DANNY
MALLORY
Don't do yourself down, Loredo. You know exactly what you're doing here. You
wouldn't show up on a hunch.
DANNY
Oh, we're using surnames, then? Well, Penrose, why are you here? Hiding out in
a shitty seaside town on the other side of the country instead of your family's big
mansion. Or whatever it is. I don't understand architecture.
MALLORY
You know why I'm not at Penrose House.
Doi?
Don't make me say it.
DANNY
MALLORY
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78

DANNY
So it's easier to hear from someone else.
Damn. I guess ... well, it is.
MALLORY
DANNY
Your family want you to do something dangerous. Something you don't want to
do. You've been having nightmares-
MALLORY
-since before they explained. The dreams- I would be standing in a ... a
shipyard, I suppose. Surrounded by all these half-destroyed old wooden ships.
And then the place starts flooding, with blood.
Oh, that's not subtle.
DANNY
MALLORY
Not really, no. And then my grandparents explained that I needed to, to-
DANNY
To finish what your ancestors started. They messed with something they
shouldn't have. Made a deal with something they didn't understand. And you're
paying the price. You, re the other end of the deal.
Yes. I won't do it.
Even if it meant other people dying?
MALLORY
DANNY
MALLORY
I wouldn't sacrifice myself, even if it would stop the world from ending.
END.
79

08

White Noise
By Sophie Eaton
SCENE 1:
The scene opens on a therapist's office. It's quite messy, and there are potted plants
dotted around the place. At the desk, there is a comfortable chair and a visibly less
comfortable chair. A woman, JACQUELINE, sits at the desk in the comfortable chair,
writing something in a notebook. SAWYER walks in, visibly nervous.
Ah, hello there. Please, take a seat.
JACQUELINE
SAWYER sits down in the uncomfortable chair.
JACQUELINE
So, this is your first time in this office, correct?
Uh, yeah.
SAWYER
JACQUELINE
Well, I'm Dr Jacqueline Hunt, but I don't believe in my clients being so formal
with me. If you like, you can just call me Jackie.
I'm calling you Jacqueline.
JACQUELINE tries not to look upset.
And your name is?
Sawyer Ray.
Of course, I have it on the file here.
Then why ask?
And what made you consider therapy?
SAWYER
JACQUELINE
SAWYER
JACQUELINE
SAWYER
JACQUELINE
81

SAWYER
My work thought me being so depressed was bringing down the work ethic of
everyone else, so sent me here.
JACQUELINE
Ah. Well, that's a good conversation starter, at least. Why do you think your
work sees you as so upset?
Because I have a dead husband.
SAWYER
JACQUELINE
Oh, well ... I'm sorry to hear that, Sawyer.
SAWYER shrugs.
's whatever. Happened ages ago.
When did he pass?
SAWYER
JACQUELINE
SAWYER
Two years ago now, I think We were stationed together in war, then he got
shot.
I'm really sorry to hear that.
JACQUELINE
SAWYER
You keep saying that like you were the one to shoot him.
JACQUELINE laughs.
JACQUELINE
I assure you, I've never left this therapist's office.
You were born here?
SAWYER
JACQUELINE
Yeah, let's go with that. I haven't left this chair for twenty-nine years.
Damn.
SAWYER
82
,._
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......
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L....J

JACQUELINE
Enough about me. What are you like? What do you like to do?
SAWYER
Uh. I'm an accountant. I like maths.
JACQUELINE waits expectantly. There's a moment of silence.
SAWYER
That's it. I don't do much other than that. I just like maths.
No other hobbies?
I cry a lot.
I don't think that's a hobby, Sawyer ...
JACQUELINE
SAWYER
JACQUELINE
SAWYER
It is to me. I'm always either doing maths or crying. I really don't know what
else to tell you.
JACQUELINE
I see ... Well, maybe that's something to work on. Researchers have found that
people with many hobbies tend to be a lot happier. Did you do anything in school
you particularly liked?
Ma-
Other than maths.
Well, shit.
SAWYER thinks for a moment.
I liked woodwork.
SAWYER
JACQUELINE
SAWYER
SAWYER
83

JACQUELINE
Well, there you go! Is there any way you could get back into woodworking now?
L
SAWYER
I mean, maybe. There's a class near me, but ...
JACQUELINE
But?
SAWYER
I don't know if I'm ready to be near people again.
.__..
,._
.__
.._.
Can you elaborate?
JACQUELINE
No. No I can't.
Oh, well ... That's fair enough, then ...
There's another moment of silence.
SAWYER
JACQUELINE
JACQUELINE
Sawyer, if this therapy is going to work, you will have to speak to me about your
issues-
SAWYER
I know how therapy works. I'm not stupid.
......
·-
.__
._.
L...,j
JACQUELINE
I never said you were. All I'm saying is if this is work mandated, then you need to
show at least a small bit of progress before you can stop coming here. It's clear
you don't want to be here - I promise I'm not taking it to heart - so please, just
cooperate so we can get you out of here as soon as possible.
SAWYER sighs.
Fine ... fine. What do you wanna know?
SAWYER
84
L-'
l_,j
._.

JACQUELINE
Well, let's start with why you feel like you're not ready to be around people
again.
SAWYER
I'm too depressing to be around. That's what everyone tells me. After my
husband died, all my friends dropped me because I wouldn't stop fucking crying
for two seconds to hold a conversation.
JACQUELINE
Have you considered that maybe they weren't your friends in the
first place if they were so ready to drop you over something like that?
SAWYER goes quiet for a minute.
SAWYER
Well, no shit. They were kinda assholes anyway. I've already figured that out.
Better off without them.
JACQUELINE
Why don't you go to that class and find new friends, then?
No.
Why?
SAWYER
JACQUELINE
SAWYER
They'll end up dropping me too. All my friends do eventually. It's either
because I'm an asshole or I'm too depressed to be fun to be around. That's just
how it is. I've gotten over it.
JACQUELINE
If it's any consolation, I don't think you're too much of an asshole.
SAWYER
I don't wanna hear that from my therapist. You legally have to tell me that.
I'm trying to be nice.
JACQUELINE
85

Please. Just be my therapist.
JACQUELINE sighs.
Fine. If that's what you want.
SAWYER looks regretful.
SAWYER
JACQUELINE
SAWYER
See, this is what I mean. I'm an asshole. I just make everyone else feel worse. It
doesn't matter what I do. Ever since he died, I've just been a huge dickhead. I
can't change that now, it's what everyone expects from me.
Sawyer, no-
JACQUELINE
SAWYER
Forget it. It's been an hour. See you next week or whatever.
L •
.__
._.
SAWYER gets up and leaves. JACQUELINE sighs and writes in her notebook. A cat
comes onto the stage and walks around the office a bit, before jumping up onto the
desk.
Hello, Silly Chonko.
She pets SILLY CHONKO, who meows.
JACQUELINE
JACQUELINE
I know. That wasn't really the best session I've ever had with a client, huh?
SILLYCHONKO hops onto her lap and starts purring.
JACQUELINE
Yeah, maybe I'll start making more progress as the weeks go on. Who's a good
boy? Who's a cute little kitty?
,_,
......
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L...,
i....,
1..,,1
86

SCENE2
The scene opens on the living room of an apartment. It's a mess, like nobody's
bothered to clean it in a few months. There are empty takeout boxes on the table in
front of the couch. On the mantelpiece, there are pictures of SAWYER and his husband.
SAWYER walks in and sits down on the couch, burying his face in his hands.
God, I'm the worst.
SAWYER
SAWYER looks at the photos on the mantelpiece, sighing.
SAWYER
It'd be better if you were still here, Noah ...
It's as if he expects the photo to speak back. And when it doesn't, he looks away with
a frown.
SAWYER
Yeah, I know. You're gone. I should just get over it already.
A moment of silence.
SAWYER
Through tears. But it's so hard without you.
SAWYER laughs bitterly.
SAWYER
Remember the family we were planning? We would move out of this tiny
apartment and adopt a kid and a few dogs and live happily ever after. I was really
looking forward to that when we were discharged from the war. How far away
were we from being discharged when you died? Two fucking weeks.
SAWYER sighs.
SAWYER
I'm gonna go to bed. I have work in the morning. Pm not even hungry.
SAWYER leaves, leaving the apartment in silence.
87

I"'"'!
r-,
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7
7
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