schol haller - University of Kansas

LOVE
“A friend of mine in my
scholarship hall has been
crushing on a girl in a
neighboring hall. I’ve tried
several times to get her to
notice him, but nothing has
worked. My good intentions
appear to have many holes
in them. What can I do to
help my friend?”
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Submit love questions,
Crawford chatter and
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It can be very challenging and stressful
to hook someone up with one of
our friends. Sometimes we do not
quite know where the boundaries are
or how to best help out, and our intentions
can sometimes actually hurt the
chances for this relationship to blossom
and grow. One of the best strategies I
can advise for you is the “wingman”
model.
First, your friend should realize
that he needs to seize the reins and
take the lead on attracting this girl. His
best weapon is to be the one actively
engaging her and being assertive and
con�dent without being arrogant.
During your own interactions with
this girl, be sure to play up some of his
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Be a good wingman
positive attributes, without sounding
like you are trying to sell a piece of
meat. When you happen to be around
when your friend and his crush are
together, learn to read the terrain and
determine when you need to enter the
conversation and keep it going or when
to stay quiet and let things happen.
Along those same lines, make sure
you are not trying to be overly ambitious.
Well thought out plans to make
someone “look good” can sometimes
back�re horrendously. Women can be
really good at spotting “wingmen.” You
need to make sure that the spotlight is
on him, and keep his con�dence high.
Best of luck to you and your
friend.
The Schol Haller’s relationship advice columnist is not a professional.
Stretching it out
Photo courtesy of Heather Pierce
Men from K.K. Amini stretch out before competing in tug-of-war during the Schol-Hall Olympics earlier this year.