Mark Tredinnick - The Little Red Writing Book-University of New South Wales Press (2006)

‘The end of all method’, said Zeno, ‘is to seem to have no
method at all’.
Here are some of Mr Lopez’s careful sentences:
If I were to now visit another country, I would ask my local
companion, before I saw any museum or library, any factory or fabled
town, to walk me in the country of his or her youth, to tell me the
names of things and how, traditionally, they have been fitted together
in a community. I would ask for the stories, the voice of memory over
the land. I would ask to taste the wild nuts and fruits, to see their
fishing lures, their bouquets, their fences. I would ask about the
history of storms there, the age of the trees, the winter color of the
hills. Only then would I ask to see the museums. I would want first
the sense of a real place, to know that I was not inhabiting an idea.
—Barry Lopez, ‘The American Geographies’, About This Life
TRY THIS
Here are some failed sentences of my acquaintance. Note how
awkward, arid and inelegant they sound; how they fall apart
structurally; how they could have done with another draft or
five. See if you can improve them. See if you can even understand
them.
1 The focus of the study is on the identification of the
benefits for the Nation of combining the four disparate
railway infrastructures.
2 Snacking, in addition to breakfast, morning and afternoon
tea, lunch and dinner, is bound to put on excess weight.
3 Whether your looking to spend hours luxuriating on a
remote beach, or keen for aquatic adventures that will step
up your heart rate, the Florida Quays is guaranteed to stand
and deliver.
4 Relax by the pool with a retractable roof.
5 The Environment Protection Authority is seeking to
Lore 19