CATALYST | October 2022

SPB PARENTING TIPS 1
5 Tips for Raising a
Resilient Child With
Strong Coping Skills
By Nayanika Guha
Being able to face adversity and emerge
more resilient is something we all can
learn to do. Children too!
Our best bet is to equip our children with
healthy coping skills. Resilient children
can stand tall in the face of challenges
and use problem-solving skills to forge
ahead. They are confident, curious, and
independent. Here are some ways you
can foster resilience and build coping
skills in your child.
Strike a balance between supporting and
overprotecting
One of the most challenging things as a
parent is to see your child struggle with
something. How can we step back and let
children safely struggle? Struggling with
a problem stretches your child's mind,
creating new connections and helping
them develop solutions. It also nourishes
creativity and innovation in getting the
job done, one way or another. Try letting
your child do it themselves first.
Instead, tell your child they have to
try and finish the task without help.
Then, if they continue struggling, they
can ask for help. Even when you help,
say, "let's do it together," which signals
your support while still embracing selfsufficiency.
Being supportive shows
your child you have their back while
being overprotective hinders new skill
development.
Help your child identify emotions and
appropriate responses to emotions
Behind every behavior is an emotion.
Recognizing these emotions, labeling
them, and then working through them
helps children develop skills to deal with
similar situations in the future. Help
children learn various emotions with an
emotions chart — one popular version
uses emojis. Ask your child to identify
how a fictional character might be feeling
at any given moment, or give voice to
your feelings. Saying things like "I am
sad because I had a disagreement with
my friend" or "I am afraid of spiders"
allows your child to connect emotions
to behaviors. when to compromise,
when to keep out of the way and when
to present a united front. Knowing when
to take each approach takes practice
and depends on the issues at hand, your
parenting styles and your individual
values.
Ensure your child knows the appropriate ways to respond
to the emotions they feel. Instead of scolding your child
when they’re angry, guide them by helping them identify
their feelings to build resiliency. If a child is angry about
something, use a time-in. Be with your child in that difficult
moment and identify what you see. Never push a child to
talk; stay "in the moment" until they are in a stable place to
talk.
Encourage children to solve their problems
Our children face many daily issues, from our little ones
learning how to tie their shoelaces to our teens dealing with
a breakup. Replace rescuing with coping skill education to
help them learn to help themselves. Provide a coping skills
box with a list of activities or items to help soothe strong
emotions. Being able to solve their problems not only helps
build coping skills and resiliency, but also increases selfconfidence
and self-esteem.
Model the skills and behavior you want children to exhibit
Your child may not always listen to what you have to
say, but they are always observing and learning from
your actions. Observational learning refers to learning by
observing others, retaining the information, and replicating
later. We see this most often in toddlers. Think of how a
child imitates funny faces you make at them.
Show children how to sequence the emotional regulation
steps to ensure they embrace the emotion, label it,
and move forward appropriately. Co-regulation models
appropriate identification and response to emotions while
helping to maintain balance for your mental wellness.
Help children identify their threshold and set their
boundaries
If you sense your child becoming overly frustrated, identify
physical symptoms you are seeing and offer solutions
supporting their struggle. Ensure children are in a balanced
emotional state before being asked to complete a difficult
task independently. It’s essential to set up the environment
to embrace a healthy struggle so children feel a sense of
accompaniment even when they cannot find a solution
independently.
Children with strong emotional regulation skills can identify
coping skills to help them bring balance to their world. They
use activities that foster calm and balance. Parents who
co-regulate with their children promote independence in
problem-solving and in working through difficult moments.
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