Gay&Night November 2016

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224 / INTERVIEW Photo: Scott Hoover up with those guys because I think they are cute. So it’s two pretty shallow, equally valid reasons to have sex. I don’t get too caught up in it. It’s like picking the low hanging fruit. If someone recognizes me from YouTube and wants to have sex, I’m not against that [laughs].” What is off-limits for you when you create your content? “A lot of people make YouTube videos about their relationships and even create channels together. I just think there are a lot of things in the world that are more deserving of time and attention than my relationships. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, but we were dating for two-and-a-half years, and he was in only one of my videos. It was like separation of church and state. What I did talk about is how my relationship was an open one.” Why did you feel that was important to discuss? “When I was growing up I’m sure there were people around me in open relationships, but they were very secretive about it. It wasn’t until I was much older that I realized this is an equally valid relationship option. You can have a healthy, loving relationship with someone while having sex with other people. As someone who has a certain level of visibility, I thought it was important to be open about that, so that people realize that relationships aren’t this ‘one size ts all’ thing. If anyone should get that, it’s queer people, because by default our relationships are outside the box. We didn’t sign up for the white picket fence, 2.3 kids type of thing anyway.” Did you get criticized for it? “Yeah, people ask me why I don’t want to be committed to my partner, but I feel that I am. Sexual exclusivity isn’t the only currency of commitment. I show my commitment by listening to my partner, being there for him, being honest with him and communicating. When we had sex with other people, we would bring that sexual energy back to each other. As an experiment we once tried what monogamy would be like for us. During that period I was less creative, I was bitchy, I felt a contraction of my energy. It just wasn’t working for me. But who knows, maybe one day I’ll meet someone where monogamy feels like a great t. I don’t want to get too attached to one sort of relationship denition. It behooves us to have an open mind.” Do people generally think you represent a onesided part of the LGBT-community? that ts a certain mold. And that’s authentically me. I recognize that that’s not everyone, and that everyone has different experiences. I do think, as someone who creates content that reaches a lot of people, it’s part of my responsibility to show more than my personal experiences as a cisgender, white, gay man. There’s more to the LGBTcommunity than that. A disproportionate amount of time and attention has been spent depicting experiences like mine and other white cisgender, gay men. With my content I also try to share some of those other experiences. Recently we interviewed a gay Syrian refugee, who has a story I think is important for my audience to hear.” Do you get called out for not showing enough diversity in your content? “Last summer I was at a YouTube conference in Los Angeles, and someone in the audience asked the panel, which mostly consisted of people that look like me: ‘What are you guys up there doing to make sure our voices get heard?’. The room was full of other LGBT content creators, and they didn’t look like the people on the panel. The honest answer is: probably not enough. After that conference I talked to this multi-channel network I’m signed to, and I started a program called Rising Rainbows, which gives money to creators that are from underrepresented communities, so they can buy equipment and get visibility through creating videos for my own YouTube channel. Because when they have something to say, their message needs to be heard.” Who benets from that program? “The rst scholarship we awarded was to a queer Native American, albino, blind guy, who was making incredible content. He didn’t have a lot of resources, but his message was really powerful. That’s a story that needs to be told. I think it’s important to use my platform to elevate some of those other voices.” But are your subscribers even interested in that? “Well, based on the content I’ve created in the past, I’ve groomed a very specic type of audience. When I deviate, it’s a little bit harder to get the same amount of eyeballs and attention. That’s something I always struggle with. Will the video with the gay Syrian refugee get as many views as the video I did with Bel Ami? Probably not. But maybe it will.” Has that ever backred? “When I portray my life, it’s accurate. This is who I am: I was a cheerleader in college, I’m a gay guy “An example: when you go to a club, you might see some teenager being grossed out when an older 014
Interview / Davey Wavey “Sexual exclusivity isn’t the only currency of commitment” guy walks in. But people from his generation fought, marched, rallied so that you can have the rights that you have today. So I once made a video talking about how younger gay people need to appreciate and respect the older generation. And I got criticized. People asked, if I said something like that, why there aren’t people in my own videos that are older and don’t look like me. So later I made this awesome video featuring elders, giving advice to the younger generation. It was awesome, but it never got a million views, it kind of just got buried because that content just doesn’t get featured on sites like Queerty.” So people still have this impression you only make videos about guys that look like you. “I want to talk about full body orgams” “That’s because those are probably the only ones people have watched. I think as a community, we should have a conversation about why a YouTube video with a black guy in the thumbnail will most likely get fewer clicks than a video with a white guy in the thumbnail. I try to challenge that, for instance by making a video about preferences on Grindr and why guys write ‘no fats/no fems/no Asians/no blacks’ on their prole. I invite people from those communities to talk about what it’s like seeing that on Grindr.” What kind of effect do those, perhaps less popular, videos have? “At the Youtube conference I mentioned earlier, one person in the audience stood up and said: ‘Davey, I’m a big fan of your videos and I told myself that I was going to come here to tell you something I’ve never told anyone. I want to tell you in front of this whole room that I’m a transgender man.’ The whole room started thunderously applauding. Moments like those, and similar e-mails I get, connect the dots between concepts I think of, and the impact the end result might ultimately have. I’m not trying to make it sound like I cure cancer or anything, but if people can take something of value from my videos, great!” Where would you like it to go? “I don’t want to get stuck doing the same thing over and over again. What’s really interesting for me right now is talking about sex in a way that I haven’t yet. In the past I’ve treated sex as a very tongue-in-cheek topic, but I really want to talk about discovering your erotic body. Seeing yourself as sexy, digging into nudity, guilt, shame and pleasure. Talk about full body orgasms. Things that we just don’t talk about a lot, especially in the United States. There’s still a lot of shame involved.” Were you ashamed when your own nude pictures leaked? “I still remember the moment it happened. I checked my inbox and I had about two hundred messages. At rst I felt really betrayed and devastated. Then I ipped, and felt like it was my own fault, because I put them online for someone. I took the pictures, I posted them, so I felt I should take responsibility for it. I actually made a video where I said those things, after continually getting emails from people asking about them.” And then you changed your position about this responsibility, right? “That was when I became friends with lesbian YouTuber Chrissy. When she was dating a guy years earlier, her ex lmed himself having sex with her while she was drunk. He posted it to thirty different porn sites and put her full name in it. I don’t mean to compare my experience to hers, but neither of us consented to those images being shared with the public world. Chrissy explained that when I publicly claim responsibility for it in a video, I am not only further victimizing myself, but I’m also telling other people in that situation it’s their own fault. I came to realize that when someone shares your naked pictures without your consent, that should be a criminal offense. It shouldn’t be tolerated. So I ended up making a second video, talking about my conversation with Chrissy. I think it’s important to keep talking about these issues in my videos. And if there are more nude pictures of me, let them be consensual ones, that I myself have decided to post. Although I’m not ready to cross that bridge. Not yet. But stay tuned. [laughs]” Check out Davey’s main YouTube channel at youtube. com/wickydkewl and his second channel at youtube.com/ daveywaveyraw 224 015
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