1986-1987 Rothberg Yearbook

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I have ש מי ר ה (guard duty) this Saturday night. I’m not necessarily looking forward to it. But then again, it is a
cheap way to spend a Saturday night. Of course, I could spend Saturday night in a relatively cheap manner by watching
Cosby while eating a soya-burger at Club 11. I suppose I’ll feel a greater sense of accomplishment by sitting in an
aluminum box for four hours making sure that only students, their friends and family watch Cosby and eat soyaburgers.
Maybe I’m wrong, but is Resnick truly worth guarding on a Saturday night?
My roomate-emetitus, Gerald, and I were handed this form to describe ש מי ר ה in simple, down-to-earth terms. It
begins w ith an announcement slipped under you door and generally ends in utter boredom. It’s basically a simple
procedure. At the assigned tim e you meet the duty clerk, get the assignment (if you’re an American girl you probably get
whichever station you want), then, armed with a flashlight, walkie-talkie, and electric heater, you trudge off w ith you
faithful companion to the box. There you finish your Hebrew homework, w rite letters, make yarmulkes (scalp-sized
domes under which males of the Hebrewite persuation walk the earth), and above all, pretend to feel important.
Do you remember the first tim e you found the note under the door?! That chill up and down your spine, th at feeling
th at the safety of some 4000 people will soon lay in your hands, the idea floating in your mind that when you get home
you can freak out your friends when you tell them that you were a guard in Israel! Then you find out th at you’re supposed
to be securing the area w ith a flashlight, a walkie-talkie, and an electric heater. W hat a let down! No Uzi?
W hat are you supposed to be doing on ש מי ר ה ? It depends. In Resnick there are four different responsibilities - box
#1, box #2, box # 3 (take the curtain), and patrol. Box number two (Lower Resnick) is a sleeper and not worth
discussing. I think a terrorist would have trouble finding Lower Resnick. Most of us in Upper Resnick aren’t quite sure \ 1
where it is. Box number one (near the basketball court) is the car checkpoint. It’s very sim ilar to box number two in that \
the number of cars which come in there is close to the number of people who come by number two. The difference is that ?
at two the people don’t roll down their windows for you to check their IDs. The only excitement there is when the head
of security drives by in a Mutual-of-Omaha’a-W ild- Kingdomesque vehicle to make sure that everything is OK. Box
number three (near building 11) is the social hot spot of guarddom. You get all kinds of benefits when you’re assigned to
Resnick three. I guess you’d call them Social Security Benefits. (Sorry!) For example, you’re right near Club 11, so you can
slip out and get a snack before the מו ק ד find out. (Gerald called him מו ת ק for four hours).
Finally, there are some rules which may interest the prospective ש מי ר ה ^ ^ There’s a rule that if you don’t show up
for ש מי ר ה once you have to do it two more times. Go find the logic in that! If you’re irresponsible enough not to show up
for it, why would they w ant you to do it again, let alone twice more? (I tried that argument when I came back from
Eilat. It didn’t work.) If you don’t show up twice they kick you out of the dorms. Think about it. If this rule has ever
been put into effect, there are students walking the streets holding a grudge against the dorm adm inistration. That
certainly adds to my sense of security. (By the way, is anyone else missing toilet seats on their floor? Hmm.)
Let’s face it - ש מי ר ה just isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. 1
See you Saturday night!
Testing the water for sharks
w ith verrrrry long sticks,
Seth and Gerald
J