Our Divine Bambino Boy

SARMATIAN DE CASPIANYA « BEZZARI – OUR DIVINE BAMBINO BOY »
violin case, we even looked into his violin which was still resting on the marble table where
Bambino left it before going out for the boat-ride with its tragical ending. We searched minutely,
nothing there.
Throwing ourself in the armchair, we gazed at the sofa – to find it empty, void.
"God moves in most mysterious ways, His wonders to perform," passed through our mind.
"Wonders!" we cried. "My God, we do not murmur; we find no fault; but why these repetitions of
sorrow that have no charms, that lead to nothing more than the self-same pain, varying merely
in colour. It's neither for better nor for worse. If this Episode is to shorten our days, if it is to be
for our speedy demise, why have we not succumbed in the days of babyhood? Why have we
not broken our neck instead of the horse, under whose weight our limbs were broken? Why
return to consciousness only to walk the valley of the shadow of death with mended limbs? Why
did not the sea swallow us when in the shipwreck? Why had a boat to be ready for us in the big
flood, and in the great conflagration, why had we to be saved, while all others perished? Why in
falling from a precipice, rally after many weeks? Why could not we have drowned when as a
mere child, we fell into the river? Why brought to the surface again the other day? Free from
desires, wants and wishes, what is there to hold us to a form that has not even a heart to keep
up normal action, but needs attention, and at moments of absolute resignation, instead of
opening the portals for the entity to escape, revives of its own accord, resuming its operations
that the fulness of sorrow may be ushered in with redoubled force? It is marvellous! But why
keep a state of terror that seems to lead to no solution, no purpose, no goal?"
Struggling for relief we had to speak out loud: "We have borne all these incidents from cradle to
childhood, boyhood, and youth in the belief that it was all within the designs; we submitted to it
all in silent resignation, ever thankful for all we miss. Never have we questioned the goodness of
it all. Even now we resign to fate, but why must our heart be tantalised, and a great soul meet a
disastrous end, just at a time of greatest need?"
"We shall not boast of our obedience; neither of our readiness in the performance of our duty.
Even at times of sacrifice, we have most humbly bowed in submission.
"Does not our heart beat in sympathy with all the Saints and Sages? Is not our heart grieved at
the sight of chained serfdom in the world? Direct and counsel us – we have no will of our own.
We do not think of ourself even at moments of danger. Our thought lives for others. We are
crushed at the thought that another should have been sacrificed for us, when our work is that of
being sacrificed for others. Take away from us memory; let us never recollect the days gone by;
as to the future we care not to know. If it is within the designs, we shall blindly follow whatever
the command may be. We are resigned."
The pride of self-control was broken.
Through our mind flitted the words of the poet, accompanied by the melody of the composer:
"Self-will once broken, falls afar,
Extinct, and like a shooting star;
Self-will once broken, dropping far,
Leaves neither record nor a trace.
Let God's will enter heart and mind,
The pure, reclaimed, and refined;
Life everlasting, Life everlasting,
Life everlasting to embrace."
Even under the most trying conditions we have been able to control nerve and muscle. We
knew what it was to be nervous and uneasy, but never would we allow a part of our body to
twitch. To suppress emotions was one of our accomplishments. However painful, we would
laugh it off; though a stray tear would at times force its way through the tear duct, we never
allowed it to roll off our cheeks. It was a training by determination, suppression, and the belief in
the power of God and His Will.
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