2008 - Glendale Community College

and into flickering darkness. I accepted
his challenge without hesitation.
We agreed to split up the lips, five
for each yard. Then KLJ 873 and I lugged
the box of flamingos to the driveway where
FLMINGO began dispersing the birds to
us. I added two to my lips, KLJ 873 took
two, and then FLMINGO took two. Out of
nowhere, she dropped her second bird. I
suspect it was done on purpose.
I have excellent reflexes. I’m confident
that had I not had my hands full of
tropical avians and massive puckers,
catching the bird would have been simple.
Alas, I could only cringe and wait for
what would surely be a noise loud enough
to wake whatever mastiffs the castle
denizens had on hand.
The sound never came. As I peered
through the night, I saw that KLJ 873 had
managed to catch the flamingo with his
left foot. He stood perfectly balanced
with three appendages filled with birds.
Under usual circumstances, I might have
merely been reminded of a hippo waiting
for his teeth to be cleaned. Instead, I
knew I was in trouble.
46
KLJ 873 was a Ninja.
FLMINGO was clearly impressed. She
thanked KLJ 873 with a series of handsigns
that ended with a thumbs-up. In the
Agent business, that means approval.
I stalked toward the backyard,
determined to answer his move. My only
option at this point was creativity. You
can send a message with your flock, the
way in which you arrange it, the emotions
it engenders in the target. An Agent must
be a man of vision in addition to being a
man of clinical intelligence, or a ninja.
I decided my motif would be: “Your castle
just got peppered with Flamingos and
Giant Lips,” and my emotion: “Surprise!”
I placed some of the lips down in
the side yard, hoping to avoid my own
droptastrophe, then passed through
the gazebo. The gaslight flames teased
the shadows into a constant dance. My
footsteps were silent on the grassy
terrain. When I spied the pair of Great
Danes sleeping about four feet away from
me I almost crapped my pants.
They didn’t immediately stir and devour
me, giving me a moment to think. They had
to be chained, otherwise they could just
wander out on a whim. Unless… I could
have crossed one of those invisible,
electronic thresholds. Either way, I was
probably in mauling range.
I could abandon my position, but that
would be admitting failure. KLJ 873’s
skills with Ninjitsu and sitcoms would
allow him to sneak past the dogs. Or at
least neutralize them with some sort of
hilarious physical comedy. No, I had to
continue if I truly wanted to become an
Agent. I crouched low, keeping close to
the fence separating the castle grounds
from the neighborhood peasants. If alarms
were raised I could leap to safety.
I glanced again at the pair of dogs,
still no motion. I pressed the first metal
flamingo-spike into the ground. It slid
in with little noise. No movement yet.
A creeping step and a pair of lips were
added. Nothing. Two more steps, another
flamingo. Did I see an ear flick? Please
keep dreaming pooch. Mutton, foxes,
illegal immigrants; about whatever your
master feeds you. I crept away to the
side yard.
KLJ 873 was already working on his
second group. FLMINGO asked me to only
do four more flamingos and the rest of
my lips in the backyard. As that area
couldn’t be seen from the street it
was considered sub-par real estate and
unworthy of extended attentions.
Once I sortied back, I saw the Danes
had yet to stir. Good, good. This time
I went even more slowly, knowing I’d be
taken closer to the beasts and further
from the fence of safety should my
location be compromised. I chose my
route and began reinsertion. Things were
fine until a ripple of movement in my
peripheral vision drew my attention to
the ramparts beyond the dogs. Two figures
stood half-concealed in the darkness.
I’d been set up.
I immediately dropped to the ground
behind a dwarf palm tree. Still loyal
to the mission, I situated my remaining
flamingo into the earth. Squinting, I
tried to make out the enemies across the
way. They weren’t moving. I was confident
that even if they had seen me, I was now
safely enshrouded in darkness and lawn
ornaments.
Our motionless face-off continued until
action under the gazebo drew my attention.
One of my fellow Agents was coming to
check up on me. I needn’t tell you this
is far outside standard protocol. I could
only assume FLMINGO had finally snapped
and become a danger to even the training
missions. That, or KLJ 873 was here for
sabotage.
KLJ 873 stopped just this side of
the gazebo. I saw him fiddling with some
sort of instrument, then, a ray of mag-
Lite erupted from his hands. He began
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