Welcome to the inaugural issue of KOL KAMERS, the newsletter that ...

BS”D
December 31, 2004 Parashas Shemos Volume I: Issue 10
Hadlokas Neiros: Lakewood: 4:23, Monsey: 4:20, Baltimore: 4:35, Los Angeles: 4:36,
St. Louis: 4:32, Yerushalayim: 4:06 www.thekramers.org
Welcome to the tenth issue of KOL KRAMERS, the newsletter that helps all current,
former, & honorary Kramers, stay even more in touch with each other than we do already.
(Submitted this week by
Yisrael Meir of the Mir:)
Parshas Shemos
The Midrash in Parshas Shemos tells us that before HaShem appointed Moshe as the leader
of Klall Yisrael, He tested him through the flocks of Tzon which Moshe shepherded for his
father-in-law Yisro. HaShem caused one little lamb to run away from the flock. Moshe
followed the lamb and finally found it drinking water from a stream. Moshe then picked up
the lamb to carry it back, reasoning: “If the lamb was thirsty, it probably was weary as well.”
The Midrash tells us that HaShem was then satisfied that if Moshe took such tender care of a
little lamb that belonged to a flesh and blood master, he could certainly be entrusted with
leading G-d’s own Chosen People.
This might, at first glance, seem not to be such an appropriate test for Moshe’s fitness as a
leader of the Jewish People. There are many qualities needed by someone who would be
suitable as a leader of a great nation. Why was it that Moshe’s concern for the least of the
animals in his care proved to be the ultimate proof of his suitability as Manhig of Klall
Yisrael?
The obvious answer is:
HaShem didn’t need evidence of Moshe Rabeinu’s great leadership qualities. Those qualities
were already in evidence. But when a leader can also be depended upon to take the time to
care for the seemingly insignificant members of his “flock”, then indeed he has the potential
to be a truly great leader. After this test, HaShem was satisfied that Moshe would take the
time to care and worry about the least important and smallest members of his people.
An illustration of this quality of leadership can be found in the following story about Rav
Schach, zt”l: A certain Rosh Yeshiva was consulting with Rav Schach prior to the Pesach
Bein HaZmanim. He sadly mentioned that one of his talmidim was leaving the yeshiva and
planned to join the army, having given up on himself as a Ben Torah.
KOL KRAMERS Page 1 12/31/2004

Rav Schach tried to convince the Rosh Yeshiva to work harder trying to talk the bochur out
of this plan. The Rosh Yeshiva explained to Rav Schach that he had tried to talk to the boy,
but now he simply had too many other pressures upon his time, and couldn’t devote any
more of his efforts on this one bochur.
After Pesach, when the Zman resumed, the Rosh Yeshiva was quite surprised to see that the
boy in question had returned to yeshiva and to learning. He asked the bochur what had
happened to cause him to change his mind. The boy explained that during Pesach, his family
was visited by none other than Rav Schach himself, who had succeeded in convincing the
boy and his parents that he had great potential, and should not give up on himself as a Ben
Torah! ###
Since last we published:
Mazal Tov to Klony and Gitty Kellner, upon
acquiring a beautiful new dinette set! The
chairs are woven; the decorative metal legs
support a GLASS TOP. Now Klony is trying
to figure out how to toivel his table top!
Mazal Tov to Shammai and Miriam Esther Weiner and family, upon the birth
of a baby boy on Motzoei Shabbos, December 25th. (Born at 6:12PM he weighed
6-14.) Mazal Tov to grandparents, Dr. and Mrs. David Luchins as well! (Ed.
Note: and a Mazal Tov also to “honorary Grandmother”, Mommy, since she
made Miriam Esther and Shammai’s shidduch!)
Congratulations to
Adina, who pulled
off another terrific
surprise Birthday
Party for BJ, at
Chananya’s office
this past Motzei
Shabbos!
Mazal Tov to Rabbi and Mrs. Eli Lapa of Shalom upon the engagement of
their daughter Sara to Mordechai Rosenthal!
Mazal Tov to Chanan and Lebe Gordon, upon the Bris of Eliyahu Chaim. May
they be zocheh to raise him L’Torah, L’ Chupah, U’L’Maasim Tovim!
Mazal Tov to Rabbi and Mrs. Boruch
Yehudah Gradon who celebrated the
engagement of their daughter Elisheva, to
Gedaliah Schorr of Brooklyn, at a vort at the
Los Angeles Kollel on Wednesday evening!
KOL KRAMERS Page 2 12/31/2004

Mazal Tov to Sadie Lieberman and to her parents Cousins Dave and
Lauren, upon reaching the milestone of eating rice cereal!
And may Dave and Lauren’s diligence in keeping KOL KRAMERS
informed of every important Sadie development serve as a model to
all our other subscribers!
(Ed. Note: You know who you are!)
On a sadder note, KOL KRAMERS offers our sincerest
condolences to the families of Zvi and Goldie Bloom,
on the recent loss of Goldie’s mother. May we share
simchas with the extended Bloom/Lazar families in the future.
Travels with Tatty: Every family has its
stories…
Since I mentioned the Leningrad Shul in a previous Tatty
Files edition, I thought perhaps you’d enjoy a bit more about this
interesting place. As you can see from the picture, the shul is an
imposing structure, grand and monumental in the Moorish style. It
was built in the late 1800’s – completed and dedicated in 1893. It
seats over 1200 people, making it, I believe, the second largest in Europe after the Doheny
Synagogue in Budapest. Over the past century, the interior had been haphazardly reconfigured
numerous times to accommodate the changing political fortunes of the Jews.
When I saw it, the interior was lighted with garish neon, the
woodwork scarred, the marble
stained and dull – and various
temporary partitions were erected
here and there. I understand that
extensive refurbishment has been
recently completed to restore this
beautiful shul to its former glory.
What struck me as most interesting,
however, is the front gate.
Surrounding the shul grounds is a fence and the iron gate you
can see in the picture below. Over the gate, in wrought iron, is
the pasuk “somcheinu k’mos innisanu, shnos rainu ra’a” –
[Ha’Shem] grant us happiness equivalent to our suffering - we
have seen evil years.
KOL KRAMERS Page 3 12/31/2004

Now remember that the shul was built under the rule of Czar Alexander III, completed in
1893 a year before his death. None of the Czars were known for their kindness towards the
Jews and Alexander III was particularly ruthless and brutish – known as the Peasant Czar, he
ruled with an iron fist. I don’t know why he allowed the Jews to construct such a magnificent
house of worship, but it is interesting to note that his son, Nicholas who was to become the
last Czar of Russia in 1894 and be murdered by the Bolsheviks in 1918, immediately upon
his ascension, ordered the closing of all other Jewish establishments so that all the Jews of St.
Petersburg could enjoy this beautiful edifice. Hence, the ongoing, periodic reconfigurations
began.
As to our gate… The Czars obviously spoke
no Hebrew and likely some Jewish aide
translated the message as “May the Czar live
long and prosper” or something like that.
Otherwise, it is hard to imagine how such an
inscription would be tolerated by the Czarist
regime. I asked one of the older men at the
shul if perhaps the gate had been added after
the Czars in a nod to the Bolsheviks. He did
not believe so. In fact, he thought the shul was
closed for a period by the Bolsheviks and that
the gate was there – silent witness to even
more evil years.
###
COAST TO COAST KRAMERS: Mommy’s Report:
The Weather in Los Angeles has been Delightful:
As usual.
Every single day.
Almost.
Except on Tuesday night, when a mini-tornado, limited to
Poinsettia Place
and Alta Vista
Ave., managed
to rip some trees
right out of the
ground! The Gindis on Alta Vista lost a large tree,
and one tree on our block was upended, and another
split in half! But the corner of Oakwood and
Poinsettia emerged unscathed, b”H. Yes, that’s
right folks;
the 3 little
Ginkgos out
front are
just fine.
We’re sure everyone is breathing a sigh of relief…
KOL KRAMERS Page 4
12/31/2004

This past Shabbos the “new” Kramers in Kehilas Yaakov (shades of Yonkers!) who live on
Fuller Street, made a bris in shul. Mommy happily collected Mazal Tovs from many friends
who just assumed it was yet another “Kramer” ainekel, keyn yirbu! (Are those “new
Kramers” going to someday buy the Los Angeles house, just like the “other Kramers”
bought 29 Fanshaw in Yonkers?)
For Shabbos lunch, Harriet and Nochum Wisnicki and Tzipora, plus the adult Lebovics,
(Elie stood us up again!) ate at Chez Kramer. Dr. Irving was giving the ladies’ shiur at
3:30, so the womenfolk hung around the family room …not much point in napping. (That’s
what the ladies’ shiur is for…)
On Motzei Shabbos, Tatty puttered with his pictures, putting the finishing touches on the
present he plans to bring to Tyra and Moish, (No fair giving them any hints, Susan and
Stuart!), while Mommy finally did her prep for the Sunday Maalot Mentor Program
meeting. Before Shabbos, Mommy received the gift that Tatty
had mailed her from Sorrento, Italy last month. A beautiful
marquetry tray, which MLJ and her kids know all about, after
seeing the pictures from the woodworking exhibit at the Getty.
Later, Tatty and Mommy enjoyed the relaxing in the spa and the
“this-week-only” heated pool. Well, Tatty enjoyed the pool…90
degrees is too darn cold in the winter to coax Mommy out of the
102 degree spa! Since we hadn’t seen Shirley and Irving in
over 24 hours, Mommy and Tatty went out to Nessims with
them for dinner on Sunday night. (The Lebovics are lifelong Angelinos, and they had never
been to Nessims!)
Monday morning brought the email notification from Chanan Gordon about his son’s
upcoming bris which included this nugget:
“Many of you have asked me whether we subscribe to the ancient South African
custom, dating back to the Shnorer Rebbe of Cape Town in the 18th century, to
give the Ba'al Simcha an envelope of $1,800 in cash before the actual bris as a
segula (an omen for good luck)! Please note that this is one of the South African
customs that we are very meticulous in!!!”
Monday afternoon, Tatty came back from his Dr. Geft appointment with the good news that
his cholesterol count was poster-boy perfect, b”H, ke”h. (Ed. Note: Yay, Lipitor!)
Monday night, after enjoying another moonlit swim (all right, not a swim, that was Dad…a
moonlit soak in the spa), Mommy pulled a classic pratfall, while tripping on the warm throw
she was trying to bring Tatty as he emerged from the swimming pool, into the frigid 60
degree night air. The only serious injury was to Mommy’s dignity, but the bang on her nose
is leading her to hope that perhaps (since she led with the right side of her nose this time, and
when her nose was broken in 3 rd grade she hit the left side), once all the aches and pains
subside, she will be left with a straighter nose! Do it yourself rhinoplasty!
On Wednesday, Tatty and Mommy braved the detritus of Tuesday night’s
rainstorm to get to shul on time for the Gordon Bris. (For Mommy this entailed
the additional hardship of waking up at 7 a. m.) Adorable baby, adorable Lebe,
adorable speech by Chanan, and adorable rubber-duckie-mommy-and-3-babyduckies
centerpieces, one of which, at Lebe’s insistence, is already in the “to be
packed” pile (mountain?) for taking to Yehuda Leib next week.
KOL KRAMERS Page 5 12/31/2004

Well, we couldn’t think of anything specific about This Week in Kramer History,
but a request from Kayla that Mommy re-teach her some of her favorite songs from her
childhood, sparked the following trip down Memory Lane:
Miss Seraphina Martha Newell
Was thought by some to be quite cruel,
and shall I tell you why?
On Saturday nights she used to bake
Those tasty cakes, those pasty cakes,
The pastry known as pie.
To watch her was a fearsome sight!
She beat the eggs, both yolk and white,
She whipped the cream with all her might,
And stoned the cherries with great delight!
And then she burned up all the fuel;
That’s why Miss Seraphina Newell
Was thought by some, was thought by some,
To be quite cruel!
CUTE KID QUOTES:
From Adina:
This morning, I asked Mikey more than
once to choose a cereal for breakfast.
Not wanting to tear himself away from
his morning play, he told me that I
should pick for him.
Exasperated, I said, "Fine, you're having
Cheerios for breakfast."
He responded, "No Mommy, you pick Life (cereal) for me for
breakfast, you pick Life..."
This past Shabbos Mikey had his first taste of Marshmallow Fluff. He confidently explained
that Marshmallow Fluff comes from squeezing marshmallows, just like orange juice is
squeezed from oranges!
From Gracie:
Rochel's latest quote: Whenever I refuse her request, she answers with
"Why, cuz?"
From Faige:
After I fell and cut my head, requiring calling the paramedics (all o.k. now,
b”H), Adina looked up at me gravely and said:
“Mommy, you were very brave.”
KOL KRAMERS Page 6 12/31/2004

From Faige:
This week’s Crème de la Krames
award goes to Tatty, who has
been using his newly honed
Photoshop skills to work on
creating a montage of all of
Mommy’s favorite things…
Pictures of people she loves,
wedding pictures, pictures of
pictures, a pictures of pictures of
pictures, etc…you get the idea.
Thanks go to R’ Moish and
Jennie Possick, who first put this
bug into Mommy’s brain, way
back when only two of the
Kramer kids were married.
Yaakov made these really cute penguins last week out of
modeling clay and colored them orange, black and white. We
took a picture and Yaakov wants everyone to know that this
was LAST WEEK’S project. (He doesn’t want anyone to be
misled that he made it this
week.) But he still wants
everyone to know that he
worked hard on it and he
wants his cousins to see
what he made. After all,
(with all the dramatics)
“How is Asher going to know what I am doing??!! He
for sure looks at the pictures in Kol Kramers!!” And we
know how important Yaakov and Asher are to each
other. We love it Yaak!!
KOL KRAMERS Page 7 12/31/2004

News from New Jersey:
Malka Leah writes:
Careful What You Wish For…
Ode to a family newsletter
“Let’s start a newsletter”, I innocently said,
“We could be like the Heymans” –
The bug was in my head.
I nudged and nudged our mother to keep us all in touch.
By putting out a weekly thing – “just some news, not all that much,
A chance to keep us posted on the goings on of all
Our siblings cross the country and in Israel who we call
Could now submit their stuff and we’d be aware of news-
Just key events, of course, for when we have no time to schmooze…”
Little did I know our mom, with talents so extreme,
Would dream up this “Kol Kramers” for the publication scene,
At twenty- some-odd pages every single wingle week,
It’s like a weekly treatise, geared but for the bold – not meek.
Entertaining though it is, and a welcome Shabbos read,
The pressure to submit each week makes sweat on my brow a-bead,
What with the Tatty Files, so full of raw emotion,
And Adina’s handy tips, like what’s the latest cleaning potion,
With BJ’s long tutorials filled with computer jargon,
And “Kramer Economics” uniquely justifying “bargains”,
With Faige writing pages full of quotes from each small kiddie,
And Diaries from Jerusalem in “Kay-and-Chum-speak” oh-so witty,
Even Gracie, sans computer, manages to send stuff in…
So what would my excuse be- not to write would be a sin!
Who cares about my family, job, and myriad of duties?
“Kol Kramers takes priority”, says mom, “you bet your booties!”
So here I sit on Thursday night, with Challahs over-rising,
Rhyming silly words to make mom’s deadline – not surprising…
‘Cuz we all know we MUST submit, be it dry, heartfelt or sappy –
For the “If” that we don’t want to face is: “Momma” - she “‘ain’t happy!”
Good Shabbos, ML
KOL KRAMERS Page 8 12/31/2004

Josephs kids enthusiastically digging into the first
snow fall of the season, on Monday morning, before
school!
“Small Creamer”
Chananya
reports:
The Indian woman who works at Dunkin
Doughnuts took such a liking to Shmuel
that she gave him a free munchkin. (photo). When
they got talking she asked him his name and he said
"Shmeulkramer". She said in her Indian accent
that
she will call him "Small Creamer". Perfect!
___
Nacham’s “Jumping Game”
with Hoodah Boodah
Looking for an inexpensive way to take Dovid &
Shmuel out on Sunday, I stopped at Barnes & Noble
and discovered they have a full Brio Train set to play
with.
So they play with wooden trains while their Tatty
types on his Treo about the boys playing with the
trains.
What a country!
KOL KRAMERS Page 9 12/31/2004

In Baltimore news, Faige reports:
Hi everyone! This past week has been very busy B”H. Here’s
what I wrote to my siblings (we write to each other a lot of
times in one week, so I have to write to my family and the
Kramers!) This time I decided to cheat a little and copy, so
here it is.
Hi everyone. Shabbos here was nice B”H. Last night Adina, (my sister in
law) threw a B-day party for BJ at Chan’s office since they were here in
Baltimore for Shabbos anyway. It was a lot of fun and Chananya was
able to be there because the party was in his office.
Today
(Sunday) was a slow day, but,
B”H, Adina, (my daughter)
had a lot of invitations
to go to different friends. She
chose two for today (morning
and afternoon) and I
arranged two for next Sunday
IY"H. I was so happy for her. She is similar to me in so many personality ways, that, B"H, I
was able to give her certain lessons that I needed when I was a kid, (that I learned the hard
way) as to how to make friends and keep them. She is smart enough, B”H, to remember
them. She was telling me today, "Ma, you know sometimes I almost start saying something,
then I remember, and then stop. But then I always have to think before I talk!!" It was so
cute.
Tomorrow (Monday) Tichyeh Schochet and family are coming for supper with all her 5
kids. They have off of school in Providence this whole week so she came to Baltimore
for a week. She will come tomorrow with
everyone at 5 PM and stay for supper and
playtime. Her oldest son will sleep here and
go to school with Yaakov on Tuesday
morning, IY"H. Then, Tichyeh told me
tonight when we were talking on the
telephone that she arranged for her little ones
to have a baby-sitter on Thursday morning.
This way we can spend the morning together
and just go somewhere and sit and schmooze.
I am so excited!! I do speak to her from time
to time and these past two weeks a lot,
because we were arranging her week.
KOL KRAMERS Page 10 12/31/2004

I was up a lot last night with the kids (every hour) and Dovid and Shmuel were up for the
day at 6:30 AM!! So not like them, but I will call it an early night.
Now it’s me again, live! Having Tichyeh and family was amazing. It’s like picking up where
we left off. We finish each others sentences, and it is too much! I showed her the Kol
Kramers and she said she would LOVE to get it and Raphie has email and this way she
could hear all the details of what’s going on!
She wanted to bring a gift or something for having all her kids and of course I told her she’s
crazy. She did anyway but she kept it to a minimum of 6 pieces of Viennese crunch!!! (Ok,
now THAT was really good.) I convinced her to leave some of her kids here to sleep and it
was a lot of fun. We have a date planned for tomorrow morning and I am excited.
Last night Dovid was up with a really high fever. (102 degrees) I took him to the
Dr. this morning, and he has bronchitis. When he was complaining that his stomach
hurt, he refused to say it was his stomach. He said it’s his “waist”. Then he said it’s
just his “pants”. Anyway, it’s been an exhausting day and B”H I got to speak to all
of you this week, which was a nice treat.
Nachman Lencz is making his first Bar Mitzvah this Shabbos. We were invited and we are
going Shabbos day. He lives at our corner and our kids are friends.
Have a great Shabbos everyone!
Mostly Monsey (and Manhattan too):
Musings on Lasagna and Bake Ziti…
Back in the good ol’ days, when
someone else was planning and cooking
nightly dinners (such a long, long time ago),
my mother served us kids typical children’s’
fare. Chicken nuggets and french fries,
spaghetti and meatballs, and macaroni and
cheese were dishes that frequented our supper
table. There was always a separate supper for
the kids, and one for Dad, who appreciated a
more “grown up” selection of cuisine. I don’t
think Dad ate much pasta, preferring to
consume more “manly” foods like chicken,
meat and potatoes. However, there was one
specific pasta dish he would happily eat for
dinner—my Mom’s lasagna.
Mom’s lasagna was way better than you’re thinking, and took a multi-step process to
prepare. She would sauté mushrooms, onions and peppers, pre-boil the noodles, and then
KOL KRAMERS Page 11 12/31/2004

layer it all with tomato sauce, tomato paste, spices, and only shredded mozzarella cheese.
The whole procedure would take quite a while but the results, mmm mmm, were delicious.
In our and Dad’s opinion, well worth the toil.
So it was basically due to my father’s appreciative enjoyment and my mother’s
willingness to do the work that I invariably surmised that a proper “manly” pasta dinner must
take a painstaking hour and a half to prepare.
And so I did.
For the past five (almost six!) years I have diligently prepared and served my own
version of Mom’s lasagna to Beej. I try to make the
finished product last a bit longer by making a large 9 x 13
pan and freezing the extra in individual portions. But, an
hour and a half of work (from start to cleanup) is still, yes
folks (Faige, double check my math here), an hour and a
half of work. Now please understand, I truly enjoy
cooking and making my husband smile with lasagna
pleasure. However, the birth of our son Ozzie this past
summer left me with a little less time on my hands.
During my recuperation, a dear friend arranged for us to
receive meals from other generous friends for two weeks.
Since it was the nine days and we could only eat dairy or
pareve meals we received a few versions of certain pasta dish – baked ziti.
I had the chance to sample the many varieties (Yes, I actually ate pasta. Beggars
can’t be choosers, but they can eat less …) and was impressed with the taste of one particular
version. I called the friend who prepared it for us and begged her for her “secret” baked ziti
recipe. When I discovered that the process took no longer than say, 20 minutes (if you’re
neat), my life was forever changed.
So, I am left with a burning question that I posed to Malka Leah some time ago.
WHY DIDN’T ANYONE, IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS, TELL ME ABOUT BAKED
ZITI?! Imagine the countless minutes I spent in the kitchen that I could have used to do
other things I enjoy like folding laundry, cleaning, exercising, or getting a manicure! Was it
a conspiracy to keep me crankin’ out the lasagnas? (Perhaps, because this skill has been put
to good use on Pesach? Gebroktz eaters, you know who you are…)
Alas, I have no choice but to answer this question on my own.
I not only got five wonderful years of making my husband very happy (by the way,
B.J. loves baked ziti and I can still add in sautéed veggies if I want), but I also unknowingly
prepped myself to learn the valuable lesson that “easy” does not mean “second rate.” Of
course, I am currently only applying this concept to pasta. Please excuse me, I have to go
iron my pillowcases…
KOL KRAMERS Page 12 12/31/2004

BJ’s Super-Secret Computer Speed-Up Tips Part II:
When I last left you, faithful reader, you were no doubt bristling with
anticipation to crack open the case of your PC and start tinkering
with the innards, now that you have become equipped to do so. Well,
not so fast, cowboy. In this article I will tell you why your PC is
slow, and what you can do about it intelligently.
There are three reasons why your computer may appear to be
functioning slowly:
1) something isn’t configured correctly (software problem)
2) what you’re doing is taxing a particular component of the
computer
3) the computer’s parts are working fine, but the whole thing is
just slow
Software misconfigurations are the most common reason a computer is slow. I use that term
broadly in this context; a virus- or spyware-infected computer is suffering from a ‘software
misconfiguration’. People are often amazed how much quicker their computer becomes when
I wipe it clean and re-install Windows from scratch. However, that process takes some time,
can be tricky to do correctly, and will erase all of your data if you’re not careful (again,
backup will be a topic of this column soon). Rather, if your computer is running slowly your
first steps should be to ensure your antivirus software is up to date, and then do a complete
system scan. Likewise, you should update your anti-spyware software (I currently
recommend Ad-Aware Personal Edition), and remove anything it finds. [Incidentally, never
pay for anti-spyware software. The best stuff is free anyway. But do beware – there are both
free and commercial anti-spyware packages that are actually ‘anti-competing-spyware’
programs, which selectively disable certain spyware programs, and install their own!]
Once you’ve done all that, you’ll need to determine if there are other legitimate programs
slowing your computer down. For that I recommend you visit http://www.mlin.net/ and
download “Startup Control Panel” and “Startup Monitor”. The former will let you examine
all of the software that’s auto-starting on your computer, and lets you disable the ones you
think you don’t need. The latter watches your computer and alerts you if any program gets
added to any of your computer’s auto-start locations. Alternatively, “Spybot Search &
Destroy”, another fine (and free) anti-spyware tool, has an integrated function to help clean
out your startup programs – it even links the found entries to an online database giving you a
description of what each program does. (You can access the list manually on the web at
http://www.sysinfo.org/ .)
If your computer is ‘clean’, and yet something is still slow, we need to examine the
hardware. First, let me stress this point: even the slowest (clean) computer can surf the web
with adequate speed if you have a high-speed internet connection (often called ‘broadband’,
even when it technically isn’t). Using dial-up access, even the fastest computer will surf
slowly. So let’s ignore ‘internet’ speed for now.
KOL KRAMERS Page 13 12/31/2004

Problem: Whenever I run a program or load a large file from the hard drive, my computer
seems to take far too long, and the hard drive light is flashing like crazy.
Solution: There are two possibilities here.
1) Your computer is out of memory, and is swapping to disk. As discussed last week,
your memory (RAM) is where your computer puts information it’s currently working
on. If all that memory gets used up, windows will perform ‘swapping’. Swapping is
when Windows frees up chunks of RAM my copying data from RAM to a special file
on the hard drive, and then freeing up that space in RAM for use by the program that
initially requested it. If another program needs data from the area that Windows
copied to the hard drive, it then has to swap out some other part of RAM, and put
back what it had originally copied to disk. This takes a very long time, because RAM
is something like 100 times faster than your hard drive, so any time data is swapped
to the hard drive, the system slows down. This will happen constantly on a machine
running Windows XP with less 256 MB of RAM, and will happen rarely-tofrequently
on machines with 256 MB, depending on what you do with your computer.
In order to ensure this doesn’t happen, get more RAM. Luckily, RAM is a pretty
cheap upgrade.
2) Your hard drive is badly fragmented. Hard drives generally have the data in a
particular file written to the drive in sequence, such that the next piece of data in a file
will physically be on the disk right next to the last one. When you delete a file, there’s
now a ‘hole’ in the drive where that file used to be. After a while, the hard drive has
data all over it, with various-sized gaps in between the files. If you then attempt to
write a large file to the hard drive, and there isn’t a single ‘hole’ large enough to hold
that whole file, the file gets split into chunks, and the data is plugged into various
‘holes’ around the hard drive. After heavy use, a hard drive’s files are often split into
hundreds or thousands of pieces, scattered all over the physical disk (of course,
there’s no normal way to detect this in Windows, which hides all these details from
the user). Because a hard drive can do sequential reads and writes much faster than it
can do them if it has to ‘seek’ all over the disk, this ‘fragmentation’ of your files has a
big impact on system performance. To ‘defragment’ your hard drive, right-click on
your hard drive in Windows Explorer, select Properties, then Tools, then ‘Defragment
Now’. This process shuffles the chunks of data around on the disk, so that each file’s
parts become contiguous again. This can take anywhere from a few minutes to a few
hours, and your computer will be VERY slow while it’s running. It’s best to let it run
undisturbed.
Problem: Whenever I’m playing the latest shoot-em-up 3D game, the image ‘stutters’, as
opposed to scrolling smoothly like it does on my Playstation.
Solution: Upgrade to a fancy graphics card with a ATI or NVidia chip, or better yet, use your
Playstation and don’t waste the money upgrading your PC to do things a gaming console can
do better for less money.
Problem: When I’m using Photoshop, or similar graphics editing programs, pictures draw
themselves slowly on screen.
Solution: While this can be caused by any kind of system slowness (especially lack of
RAM), it should be noted that computers with integrated video (as opposed to those with an
AGP or PCI-Express video card) do this kind of work poorly. Pretty much any decent
graphics card (you don’t need to spend more than $100) will help here; just ensure that your
computer has an appropriate slot for the card.
KOL KRAMERS Page 14 12/31/2004

Problem: My computer is slow when I’m crunching numbers in Excel, or when I’m
compressing DVDs into AVI files for illegal distribution on the internet, or when I’m
calculating the 346,354,632 th digit of π, or when I’m running a weather simulator, or when
my computer is playing chess against Kasparov, or when I’m cracking passwords to get into
the NSA supercomputer, or…
Solution: These are all activities that stress the computer’s CPU; they rely almost exclusively
on computational horsepower. While you can upgrade the CPU in almost any PC, it is no
longer generally cost-effective to do so, because a significant jump in CPU power will likely
also require a new motherboard, and probably RAM. At that point you might as well get a
new computer.
If you’ve gone through all the steps to clean out your computer, maybe even re-installed
Windows, and your computer is still slow, well, then it might be time to buy a new computer.
But I should point out that I have set up computers for friends and family running Windows
XP on very old hardware (stuff other people have thrown away!), and while these machines
are no speed demons, they were adequate for general use. The slowest such computer I’ve
had no problems with is a Pentium-II 400Mhz machine, with 256 MB RAM. If you want to
see if an old computer like that will work for you, do a clean install, install only the bare
necessities of software, make sure it stays ‘clean’, and try not to run too many programs at
once. You’ll be fine for web stuff, email, and basic Microsoft Office tasks.
If you do buy a new computer, don’t waste your money. Make sure the machine has 256 MB
RAM, a sufficiently-sized hard drive (unless you store digital video it is very unlikely you’ll
need more than 100 GB), and if you care about graphics work, make sure it doesn’t use
integrated video. But don’t bother buying the fastest processor, and don’t bother getting a
high-end video card. Unless you have special needs, you shouldn’t need to spend more that
$1,000 on the computer (without the monitor), and you can probably do fine for a few
hundred less than that.
One last thing: I’ve gotten some complaints from people who think they know everything
about computers that there’s something wrong with my weekly column. People who think
they know everything are very annoying to people like me, who really do. Anyway, I’d like
some feedback on my articles. Please, everybody, tell me what you like about these articles,
what you (hypothetically) don’t like, and what you’d like me to cover next. For example, you
can tell me “it’s wonderful, I love it!”, or alternatively, “it’s perfect, don’t change a thing!”,
or anywhere in between. In fact, one Kol-Kramers recipient described my articles as “you’ve
been asked ‘what time is it?’, and you’re telling them how to build a watch.” Well, you know
who you are, and I still love you anyway. In fact, I accept that comment with pride!
Really, please take one minute and send me a quick email about the future direction of this
column. I promise not to bite. Well, I’ll try my best not to, anyway.
###
KOL KRAMERS Page 15 12/31/2004

(Chemical Film Photo of BJ’s B-day Party)
Sara Chana, aka Gracie, who still uses (feh!)
*Chemical Film* to take pictures, offers this anecdote:
Eeta Berger was kindly picking up a roll of film which I
had dropped off for one hour developing at Giant, in order
to take the pix back to KOL ROM Multimedia to scan the
prints for KOL KRAMERS in time for this week’s
edition. Eeta told the clerk at the 1 hour photo booth that
she was picking up the developed film for a friend. The
lady behind the counter said: “Tell your friend to invest in a
digital camera; this is a waste of money!” (Ed. Note:
Couldn’t have said it better myself.)
Thank you so much Aunt Susan!
Kayla Bracha is really enjoying her
new Exersaucer. The picture at right
shows Chananya and Menachem
making “tired faces”, after working
hard following the directions and
putting together the Exersaucer all by
themselves!
Menachem Feder, with his look-alike sister Kayla Bracha.
KOL KRAMERS Page 16 12/31/2004

Ice Cream Cone Cupcakes:
Thank you Mrs. Krohn!
Your cupcake idea was a great hit at
Chananya’s Siyum.
(Mazal Tov to Chananya on finishing
Parshas Lech L'cha!)
(Ed. Note: Gracie tells us that she filled
the cake batter higher than one would for
cupcakes…she left merely a scant inch of
space above the batter for rising, since the top of the cone is much wider than the bottom.)
Better Late Than Never Department:
At left is the picture I took when Faige so ably moderated the
panel discussion at the Ner Israel Ladies’ Luncheon last week!
(Background for the following story: Tehillim, Perek 19, is said as a special
segula for a woman in labor.)
Yesterday I was babysitting for my neighbor's children while she was in the hospital soon to
be having a baby. While we anxiously awaited the news we were busy with all the regular
evening busyness of my family, and now of hers as well.
Amidst the busyness, I sat down to do homework with her oldest, a second grade girl. As part
of her homework, she had to practice Kriah by reading 5 lines of Tehillim. Atara opened her
Tehillim and began reading at the marked off place; Perek Yud Tes (19).
When I realized the significance of this perek, I joined in with her in a tefillah for her
mother’s, and soon-to-be new sibling's, welfare. I glanced at the clock. It was 5:45. About an
hour later we finally got the call. A healthy baby girl was born at 5:55, Baruch HaShem.
I told this to my friend later, and she was duly touched that her daughter was davening for
her at such an important time.
###
KOL KRAMERS Page 17 12/31/2004

Jerusalem Diaries
Kayla’s Column:
Hi everybody! I'm sending in my report early so I won’t
be zonked while I type. Shabbos at Gila and Tzvi Feuer
was really great- it rained the whole time, but since
they have a beautiful comfy house, who cares! We even
had our own separate big bear- style cottage- so cute.
Friday night we went to Jake and Barbara Vlidomlansky, friends of Eli Rabinowich’s and
enjoyed a scrumptious meal with lovely company and shnoozing. Yehuda had a fever for a
few hours-- is that normal? If any of you others out there wanna tell me what that's all about,
please do. We returned to the Feuers for late night shnoozing as JJ found a soul mate Frinight-Cholent
lover in Tzvi. As we ate Cholent and cookies, Tzvi told us all about his
Yeshiva that he opened this year in Ramat Beit Shemesh- Mesores Mordechai- in memory of
his grandfather Rav Gifter zt”l. It is amazing what he accomplished so far- we went to visit
the yeshiva after shabbos- it's beautiful! From the entrance plaque to the Beis Medrash to the
otzer seforim to the Aron Kodesh- it's really amazing. And from what we hear about the boys,
this Yeshiva is really going to be a success- If anybody knows a guy who’s looking for a
yeshiva to improve his skills- talk to Tzvi, or Shera Josephs who's the American contact.
Anyway, Motzei shabbos, we said good bye to Ralf and Shira who left back to Baltimore,
and headed to Brenda's (JJ's aunt) for a get together with some of Babie's cousins. As usual,
Brenda put out a beautiful spread and we wound up staying very late, listening to first hand
stories from Auschwitz, horrifying, emotional and inspiring.
Sunday, after an "I don’t know what’s flying" math class, we had our very own Reb Berel
and Zeke party when Gila Frank, her
mother, sister, and brother came for
supper. Shira Charles was chillin’ here
before they came and stayed, and all
were joined by Eli Altschuler and Esti
and Doniel Wolfson, who wanted to see
Gila. The group photo, -I have no idea
why it was taken, can only elicit the
Bernstien twins' favorite word--
random. But nice. Gila says hi to the
Kramers.
I spoke to Grandma, she sounds great,
I'm glad I got back into calling, it's great
speaking to her--- Grandma, we love
you!! The baby sends you a kiss!
Ok, so I took a break, and now it's almost 4 a.m. Thursday night and I AM zonked. I had so
much to do today, and Yehuda was being unusually kvetchy so I asked Shira Charles to
come help me out- she's da man! –so she took Yehuda for those crunch hours... new
meaning to "Charles is watching him"...
KOL KRAMERS Page 18 12/31/2004

I'm having Ashreinu guests from LA for shabbos (kiruv mission, J.A.M.) for both meals,
should be interesting. Motzei shabbos I get to pretend I’m back in
seminary- I’m going out with Gila and Estie - parteeeeee!! Sunday
night we have a play date with Judy and David thank-G-d- I’m -ayeshiva-boy
Leonard and on Tuesday I have a sociology clep test
for which I have studied for about as long as Mommy has spent
grading Maalot papers this term. And you know exactly how long
THAT is...
Cute kid quote from Yehuda Leib:
”gggghhhgggggghghghhggggggchchchchgggg”-- he learned how
to say the "g" sound, isn’t he smart?!?!?
luv,
KK
Chumie’s Chadashot:
(Ed. Note: Many, many thanks to honorary Kramer, Debbie Hantman of Los
Angeles, who typed the following dispatch as Chumie dictated it from
Yerushalayim. Chumie couldn’t get to school or to Kayla’s house to use
their computers by KOL KRAMERS deadline, so she fell back upon the time
honored tradition of imposing upon a good friend. Your humble editor hopes
that Debbie comes through often in this manner for Chumie, since this week’s
edition of Newlywed News didn’t require its usual extensive editing! Could
that have had something to do with Debbie, not Chumie, being the typist?)
Newlywed news:
Hi everyone. How's it going? Our week has been ravishing as usual, starting
with our Shabbos in Beit Shemesh. On Sunday, YM and I were both
under the weather (again) but with enough tea and vitamins I think we
pretty much fought it. Still freezing though. All the time. On Sunday
night I went over to Kayla's to say hi to Gila Frank and her fam- Shira
Charles walked me both ways (all 8 minutes of it)- thank you Shira. On
Wednesday morning I had the ooka-dooka-privilege of babysitting
Yehuda-smoochie so Kayla could go out and take care of some things;
when Kayla came to pick him up she dragged
me out with her to the store and we somehow
ended up, through forces unbeknownst to us, being pulled into
Nina's Café for an early lunch (I think Yehuda Leib really
needed a bagel). Ooooooh! On Tuesday our kitchen got
delivered. It looks great and now I'm really running out of
excuses as to why I haven't organized the kitchen and started
cooking. It was funny; because we ordered a certain piece to
come separately so we can have more counter space and the guy
messed up and brought a whole piece- limiting our space - so YM
KOL KRAMERS Page 19 12/31/2004

was explaining to him patiently that that's not what we ordered and in typical Israeli fashion
the worker responded by telling Yisrael Meir that it’s silly to have so much counter, in fact
counter space is evil...etc.
We made some sort of compromise and he seemed to walk off muttering about
stupid Americans. (At one point I told YM to offer him water because he had
been yelling so much and YM explained to me No, No, that wasn't him yelling,
that was him apologizing.) Along with the kitchen, our nightstands were
delivered- I felt one of them would serve more purpose if it stayed next to
the couch, where I have taken up semi-permanent residence, but I was overruled. My three
seminary friends are arriving in the middle of the night tonight so I'm looking forward to
seeing them tomorrow iy”H. We're going to YM's cousins in Ramot for Shabbos. And that's
a wrap for the week, good Shabbos!
Rabbi Kass Quote of the Week:
When a girl asked a question about Gan Eden and who ends up there..
"We can’t know much about the after life, but I imagine it will be much like roll call
in this place. People you expect to be there, just won’t show up."
And that concludes this week’s report from the Holy City
###
This picture isn’t from Chumie, it is For Chumie:
Chananya snapped a shot of Chumie’s best bud Rikki
Kroll last week with his camera-phone!
Separated at Birth?
Once again, Cousins Azariah
Kramer and Yehuda Leib
Rabinowich display an
uncanny similarity… (Check
out the open mouths and
flared nostrils…this can’t be
coincidence!
KOL KRAMERS Page 20 12/31/2004

Happy Birthday to Avrohom Boruch Pitter of Jerusalem, (Kayla
(Kellner) Pitter’s hubby) who turns 24 on December 31 st . (Way to go R’
Yerucham, an income tax deduction baby!)
Happy Birthday to Avi Frankel, Miri (Kellner) Frankel’s hubby, who
turns 26 on January 1 st ! (This is a great week for Kellner sons in law!)
Happy Birthday to Dena Weinreb who turns 4 on January 7 th !
Happy Birthday to Dovy (with a “Y”) King who turns 11 on January 6 th !
And a major Yaasher Koach and Thanks to his mom, Cousin Sori King,
who has been doing a bang-up job collecting Kellner Birthdays! We
knew you could do it, Sori!!
(Ed. Note to Lieberman Cousins: Nu…do we have all YOUR kids’
birthdays?
Bootsy: since Larky doesn’t do email, can we count on you to get us her
girls’ b-days?
I think we have Rosalie Kay’s but not Dove’s…)
Krispy Kramer Recipes:
Reese’s Pieces Salad
(Ok, this salad tastes nothing like peanut chocolate candies, but Larry Lerner took one look
at it in Yonkers long ago and decided it LOOKED like a Reese’s Pieces Salad!
Adapted from Judy Neuberger’s recipe…I think she got it from Nussie Lefkowitz…)
1 each Red and Yellow Holland peppers, cut into small square bits (about 1 cup total)
Sliced fresh mushrooms
Frozen peas
Cashew nuts
Italian dressing
Overnight, marinate the diced pepper and sliced mushrooms in Italian dressing.
1 hour before serving, add frozen peas (not defrosted!) and Cashew nuts.
(Amounts are to taste, but basically the amount of mushrooms, peas and cashews should each
be about the same as the amount of cut up peppers.)
This is a great Shabbos lunch salad, but don’t make too much, it isn’t so great after the
Cashew nuts get rubbery, so you only get to serve it once…
KOL KRAMERS Page 21 12/31/2004

Letters to KOL KRAMERS:
Shalom everyone from the cold, and thank G-d, rainy Haifa. Haifa, you know that northern
city... the bump on the map... not that far away from Jerusalem... Kayla and Chumie...there
is a road and the moat has dried up...
Our Cousin/Nephew Zach Shoulson, the marine, is off in Afghanistan. And as an Israeli I
don't know what to say in the Tephila for him; he isn't an Israeli soldier? Does anyone have
an idea? (Ed. Note: Zach is the son of Ira Shoulson, Aunt Jolene’s brother)
I would love to hear any opinions on my ph.d topic.
I am working on feminist aspects of:
The wizard of Oz, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, The first Harry Potter Book.
Yours, Rivka of the Haifa Kellner's. Rivkakellner@hotmail.com
To the Editor
On behalf of myself and many others I would like to express our appreciation of receiving
Kol Kramers weekly. Yet, owing to the fact that I am changing jobs, this e-mail account
will no longer be in service. My new e-mail is mrlieb@netvision.net.il.
By the way, Bentzi Epstein from Dallas is mishpacha. He is the son of Marshall Epstein,
formerly of Monsey, Brother of Maishy (how to you spell that?) esteemed brother in law of
Tyra Lieberman (nee Kellner) of Yerushalayim.
Love, N.o.N. (at least one of many)
M’Chaim
(Ed. Note: M’Chaim’s mom, Aunt Tyra, adds her own gloss to the Bentzi Epstein
connection:
“Bentzi Epstein and the Liebermans go back to delightful shared vacations in Copake,
along with his Uncle Maishie Epstein and family and his late Uncle Lenny Epstein and
family. There were so many of us that we had our own swimming hole in the creek, as the
remaining cottages were occupied by friends of the Boston Epsteins, and all the men knew
which part of the creek to stay away from.
(That's the same creek, by the way, that ML and Klony ran down to and sat beside in order
to escape the plague of stomach virus that had hit everyone else another time in Copake.
While you're on a Copake theme, why don't you put in a bit about the "dog" that ran in front
of your car, causing you to go up on and destroy the curb.)
For those of you who weren’t there, Mommy had a minor fender bender approaching
Copake, which left the curb at the turnaround even more damaged than the Kramer car
fender was. The nice Smokey Bear Park Ranger, in writing up his report, helpfully said,
“…so a dog ran in front of your car, and you swerved to avoid hitting him, right
Ma’am?” There was no dog, Mommy tried to tell him, but he was pretty insistent
that there was, so that was that, and no damaged was assessed for destroying the
Copake Town Square curb!
From Faige:
In BJ’s article about Motherboards of a computer he claimed no knowledge of why the Mac
one is called a "Planar". I would like to offer an explanation.
In Geometry, points that are on the same plane are called coplanar. Three points no matter
where they are located are necessarily coplanar. Think about a line and a point not on the
line, a flat paper, or plane can be put containing all 3. However, once you put a fourth point
into the picture,(no pun intended) this is no NECESSARILY coplanar. A computer box is
definitely non-coplanar. However, a motherboard is! With all its components on one plane.
SO if they wanted to come up with a clever name Planar made so much sense to me!!
For all other math questions, you can reach me at faige@thekramers.org .
KOL KRAMERS Page 22 12/31/2004