August 2006 Ensign - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

20
MY HUSBAND’S
ADDICTION
When my husband became ensnared by pornography,
I found there were specific things I could do to help him.
When I discovered that my beloved eternal companion
had become ensnared by pornography,
I experienced the intense pain a wife in such a
situation suffers. It is a deep sense of soul sickness, betrayal,
and spiritual agony. It feels like the very roots of a precious
eternal marriage have been yanked out of the safety and protection
of gospel ground and, exposed to all the elements,
begin to wilt and die. There is a
sense of panic. The safety and peace
of the marriage relationship evaporate.
Trust, respect, honor, love,
priesthood—all are deeply injured.
For some months I had known
something was not right. My husband
and I had always been close,
and our marriage had been very
happy. But now there was an emotional
distance, a barrier of some
kind between us.
My husband loved the gospel
and had been strong and
faithful, but now he
seemed distant from
PHOTOGRAPHY BY JOHN LUKE, POSED BY MODELS
NAME WITHHELD
the Lord. He seemed to have lost his desire to participate
in the sacrament and to attend the temple. I rarely saw
him on his knees in personal prayer, and his heart did not
seem to be in our family prayers and scripture study.
There was a darkness about him, and he seemed deeply
unhappy, even angry inside.
I was so frightened—for him and for us—because I suspected
Internet pornography. He
had been spending a lot of time
on the Internet alone in his
office, especially late at night, and
he kept his computer passwordprotected.
I tried to talk to him
about this, though I hardly knew
how to go about it. He fiercely
denied having a problem,
attributing his behavior to workrelated
stress.
On occasion I would read a
quotation by the Brethren about
the evils of pornography, and my
husband would agree heartily with what was said, even
making perceptive comments. And he assured me that
he loved me. Yet I could not shake the feeling that there
was a serious problem. Although I
prayed for him and kept his