August 2006 Ensign - The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

62
BENDING
MY WILL
TO
I realized that
Hannah’s story
wasn’t about giving
up her son. She knew
Samuel already
belonged to God.
Hannah gave God
the only thing any
of us can give—
her heart.
H is BY
I’ve always loved the Old Testament
account of Hannah and her long-awaited
son, Samuel (see 1 Samuel 1–2). Hannah’s
courage to give up her child to the service
of God seemed a touching reminder of the
strength of women. When we were expecting
our first child, my husband and I decided
long before our baby was born to name him
Samuel. But it wasn’t until I almost had to
give my son back to God that I realized I had
Hannah’s story all wrong.
More than two months before my due
date, we were visiting relatives hours away
from home, and I began to hemorrhage at a
shopping mall. I hadn’t felt Samuel move all
day, and I feared the worst. On the way to the
emergency room, I burst into tears. Would I
be willing to give my son back to God as
Hannah had done? Her story had always
inspired me, but the lesson became more difficult
to accept when it applied to my own life.
Less than two hours later, Samuel was born
weighing three pounds and 14 ounces. He
couldn’t breathe or eat on his own. Looking
at his tiny body that night, I was still afraid he
wouldn’t make it. His chest quivered from the
ventilator. He couldn’t even cry because tubes
blocked his vocal cords.
The next few days and weeks only became
more difficult for me to handle. I was recovering
from the emergency delivery, and my
husband had to return home to finish the
semester at the university. One night,
during Samuel’s five-week hospital stay,
I was overcome with loneliness. I prayed and
ARIANNE
BAADSGAARD
COPE
asked God for blessing after blessing: “Please
let my son be OK. Please help my husband
with school. Please let us all be together soon.”
After I finished, I waited and wondered why
I didn’t feel anything. Then it hit me what I was
doing. If I asked to simply be handed everything
I wanted, then where was my faith? I stopped
focusing on my list of desired blessings, and a
comforting feeling of reassurance came over me.
I realized that everything I loved—my son, my
husband, my home—could be taken away from
me, but Heavenly Father would still be there.
I thought about Hannah. She wanted children
more than anything, and she probably
asked God for them many times. Perhaps she
recognized, like me, that simply asking and
waiting for blessings doesn’t help us grow.
I realized that Hannah’s story wasn’t about
giving up her son. She knew Samuel already
belonged to God, as did my son and my
husband. Hannah gave God the only thing
any of us can give—her heart.
That night I vowed to give the Lord anything
He asked of me. Instead of telling Him
what I needed and waiting for those blessings
to be fulfilled, I asked what He wanted me to
do. I felt reassurance that I should be patient
through my trial and trust in Him, that I
should let my loneliness strengthen me.
Fortunately, we were able to keep our son.
Samuel gets stronger every day and is a constant
reminder of what I learned from his birth.
I hope my little family will continue to grow as
Hannah’s did and, with my Heavenly Father’s
help, I’ll be able to keep them forever. ■
LEFT: DETAIL FROM HANNAH PRESENTING SAMUEL TO ELI, BY CLARK KELLEY PRICE; RIGHT: ILLUSTRATION BY ROBERT T. BARRETT