CHAPTER What Is Conflict Resolution?

WHAT IS CONFLICT RESOLUTION? ➜
■ Take responsibility for solving the problem: “Next time
I .”
■ Apologize, if necessary: “I am so sorry I create this problem.”
“I apologize for inadvertently creating such reactions.”
Counterproductive Confl ict Beliefs
What comes fi rst, thoughts or feelings? The research on emotional
intelligence shows that thoughts come fi rst. Imagine how
it feels when someone you don’t like walks into your offi ce; you
have a feeling of dread or stress. If you track back to what you
were thinking when he or she walked in, you will realize that
you had a negative thought, such as “Oh no,” or “I don’t want
to deal with this right now.”
Our thoughts can be our own worst enemy during confl ict.
Some thoughts/beliefs that we have found to interfere with
resolving confl ict include:
■ ”It may resolve itself”—this creates a delay in resolving the
issue and may even build a bigger problem.
■ ”It is not important enough”—this thought minimizes the
person and the issue, which may come back to haunt you.
■ ”He or she will never understand”—this becomes a selffulfi
lling prophecy.
■ ”It is useless”—this is another self-fulfi lling prophecy.
■ ”It’s not me, it is my boss’s job to handle this”—this puts
the responsibility on someone else’s shoulders.
■ ”We can’t have that conversation here”—having that conversation
is just plain hard work and no one wants to do it.
15